first time here and i have a big concern

samanthaguy · Post by **samanthaguy** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 9:44 am

I KNOW BEING A MOM YOU ARE CONCERNED BUT YOUR DAUGHTER SEEMS TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE WITH HER CONDITION. IM SURE ALL SHE WANTS IS TO BE NORMAL.21 IS THE SEXUAL PEAK AGE ( IM 22) THE BEST THING TO DO IS TALK TO HER ABOUT PROTECTION AND TELL HER SHES SMART AND YOU TRUST SHE WILL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISIONS. SHE SOUNDS LIKE SHE MAY BE TRYING TO PROVE TO YOU TAHT SHE IS NORMAL, AND ALOT OF YOUNG GIRLS THINK THET SEX IS THE WAY TO A MANS HEART YOU SHOULD TELL HER THATS NOT TRUE , TELL HER EVERY ONE HAS THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE AND SHE WILL FIND HIM SOME DAY.. YOU SHOULD JUST SIT HER DOWN AND TALK IT MIGHT BE HARD TO BEGIN WITH BUT THERES NO GREATER BOND THAN A MOTHER AND A DAUGHTER YOULL BE GLAD YOU DID... :rolleyes:

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 11:30 am

samanthaguy wrote: 21 IS THE SEXUAL PEAK AGE

I disagree with this, I'd put it about 15 years later.

samanthaguy wrote: ALOT OF YOUNG GIRLS THINK THET SEX IS THE WAY TO A MANS HEART YOU SHOULD TELL HER THATS NOT TRUE

Yup. Depends on the shallowness of the bloke's heart, though.

BTW, YOUR CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON!!!!

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 12:24 pm

It sounds to me like a very protective mom. Completely understandable, considering her ailment, but she is 21, and this disease does not affect her mind, is that correct? If she has her full mental capacity, I'd say that you need to treat her sexual activity the way you would ANY child's: Give advice, teach them how to be safe, be supportive, and realize that, at 21, you no longer have control over their decisions and actions. But always be there for them. As I have no doubt you are. Good Luck!

Cass · Post by **Cass** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 1:35 pm

I am not a psychologist... so this is only my opinion from what I have read.

I think your daughter, due to her disabilities feels undesireable.

In her mind the only way to get a man, or attention from men or be popular is to speak sexually, have sex, flirt etc... and now with the webcam thing her behavior may escalate.

Unfortunately, the kinds of men she will attract probably won't care about her, they just want sex, the kind of men she may meet online and use her webcam with also may just be after the sex experience and not have any real feelings for her.

She may discover on her own after some bad experiences that what she is doing is just not a positive thing for her. Do you watch her for signs of depression?

She is an adult and I can understand her wanting the fullfillment of a sexual relationship, she is curious and looks at porn online ~ lots of people do.

I understand her denying things to you - how embarrassing for her to have her parents questioning her sexual desires, feelings, activities.

I wonder if there is someone more 'neutral' that she trusts and will confide in??

Good Luck and let us know how she is doing.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 2:08 pm

Another thought, Justmom: Have you looked for insight in the "Physically Challenged" forum in the garden?

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Jan 12, 2005 12:09 pm

If there were more moms and dads like you, this world would be a better place. In my opinion, you approached this just right, and look at the result! Open communication with your daughter. That's great!

The only thing I'd like to add is that your closing sounded like you wouldn't be around anymore. I hope that's not true! Please continue coming to the Garden, for insight, AND to share your input! I think you'll agree that it's a great place, right? So keep coming around, ok? And good luck to you and your family!

Bothwell · Post by **Bothwell** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 10:07 am

Outstanding Just Mom, as has been said earlier in the posts a great measured response and from the sound of it just waht you daughter wanted herself, good luck