premature mid-life crisis...any remedies?

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Jan 09, 2005 9:07 am

You sound fiesty! I love the gallery scene. It's hard to get drama like that in real life. He should probably thank you for adding some spice to his business like life.

Please do not redo your entire wardrobe while you are having a crisis.

I would suggest getting a couple of interesting pieces to liven up your look. Things that can be mixed and matched. It's all in how you put the clothes together and how you wear them. Look through some fashion magazines and pick out a style that you want to incorporate.

A few chunks of red streaked in your hair would suit your personality. Please get it professionally done. Placement of highlights and streaks makes or breaks the hairdo. If you get the whole colour changed keep in mind the roots will show up rather quickly and you will have to maintain it.

Bravo and don't apologize to the pragmatic jerk. He probably won't see that much excitement again for the next 20 years. His loss. Have a good laugh and love the b!tch in you.

gmc · Post by **gmc** » Sun Jan 09, 2005 10:05 am

posted by ericka1969

By the way, to make things even more humiliating, I actually have to swallow my pride and apologize to the man who broke up with me. We were at an art gallery a few weeks ago when he decided to break the news. I guess in my old age I've just lost my patience with insensitive men and I was just so annoyed by his business-like demeanor, and the fact that he had taken me to the gallery solely for the purpose of breaking up with me. The moment got the best of me and my frustration just took over. I sarcasticly thanked him for gracing me with his presence over the past 2 months, gave him a passionate goodbye kiss, and then I slapped him across the face and stormed out. In the subdued atmosphere of the art gallery, the resounding whack caught everyone's attention and undoubtedly caused him much embarrassment. I feel badly because I know it must have stung and left a red mark. I should have shown better self-restraint...I really need to get a grip don't I?

Why apologise? He didn't have the nerve to do it face to face but in a public place where (I assume) he thought you wouldn't make a scene. Apologise and he will think you want him back maybe. Sounds like the type that likes to be seen as someone that treats them rough. Obviously I don't know what he is like or you for that matter, but regret your action (if you have to) once and then forget it. Next time you see him be happy and cheerful speak to him as if nothing had happened, remember he is a passing rat's turd in the sewer of life and move on. Why waste time worrying about someone who doesn't care what you think? Speaking as a male maybe I shouldn't comment but you can waste so much worrying about what people think and whether they like you or not. Decide who's opinion matters and care about them ignore everybody else because worrying won't change their opinion and it's doubtful they worry about you.

Wednesday's Child · Post by **Wednesday's Child** » Sun Jan 09, 2005 10:21 am

Ericka

Are you hoping to have children and a family or does the single life suit (with accompanying love interest)....

Your natural nurturing instincts may be hammering away that you are "wasting time".... instead of allowing you to enjoy yourself by making friendships and finding good people to surround yourself with.

Take care of you first -

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Sun Jan 09, 2005 11:18 am

You are lovely!

Ericka, I totally get what you're saying. I will be 40 next month and I haven't accomplished my life goals yet. I'm depressed about it all, thinking I should be further than I am, should be happier than I am...should be something but I don't know what.

I've also had something happen recently to make these feelings even stronger. I have a car that didn't pass the environmental quality test, so it's undriveable by law. I took it to a mechanic to have it looked at. The repairs were estimated at $2000, the book value is $2,000 and I still owe $1,900 on it. So I decided it wasn't worth it to fix the car. That was sad enough, but...it gets worse.

I picked up my car from the mechanic to find that they had bashed in the hood of my car. They dropped something heavy on it - you can see the rectangular shape as plain as day. My car had been cosmetically sound, but now is ruined. They denied it and said I must've hit something...The man was so insulting asking didn't I notice when I did that to my car? Argh!!

And I think to myself....If I were wealthy, he wouldn't dare to damage my car and then deny it. He wouldn't dare to talk to me as if I am a blonde idiot incapable of driving a vehicle.

And then it comes back round to how I haven't accomplished anything yet, and how I should be further along at age 40.

ARGH!!!!!!!

I wish I had thought of slapping him...LOLOL.

So, what do we do now? Heck if I know. I'll just keep plugging along at school until I graduate Oct 2006. My career is going along nicely, but will definitely be boosted once I earn that degree and can start studying for my professional license.

You've expressed an interest in changing your image. That's a cool idea! You have a beautiful figure, but unfortunately our fashion industry is not too interested in admitting that we women have curves.

Have you thought of learning to sew? You can make your own clothing for a fraction of the price, and can easily tailor them to fit you perfectly. The highest sign of fashion is a good fit. If you're not interested in sewing, then I'd bring my clothing to a tailor to have them fitted.

There is an awesome sense of accomplishment in making things yourself. I'm very picky, and rarely find ready-made clothes that suit my tastes. The color is wrong, or they put a stupid frill on it, or something I don't like.

Vogue has some great advice about fitting to our unique shapes. They have a website that's worth looking at. For some reason, I can't get the link to work today to give it to you.

I have little up top, but hips...I got the hip part covered. LOL! My shape looks best in clothing that resembles a triangle. Yours would be completely opposite. I wear short jackets with a dress that flares out near my hips. Clothes that flatter you would be loose clothing on top, like a long jacket and a shorter skirt.

Check this site out for more information:

http://www.geocities.com/bluegumtrees/image.html

Anyway, the midlife crisis thing....I am busy making lists of things I have accomplished, and how much better things are now than they used to be. It's helping a bit. Since I now have a psychotic distrust of mechanics (LOL), I'll just pay off my existing loan and then save cash for a new car. It'll take me a while, but 2 years ago it wouldn't have been possible. So that's progress, right? (I don't want a car loan because soon I'll have student loans to repay).

I'm also diving into my hobbies (knitting mainly) because it gives me time to think. I keep asking myself what is imperfect in my life, and how will I make it better? I can't answer that on a huge life-time scale. So I've brought it down to a more basic level...what will make today more perfect? I ask this every day, and try to find one thing that makes me feel good.

My answer du jour is to avoid taking my final exam. LOL. But, it would feel equally good to have it off my list of things to do. So, after this endless rambling post, I am off to get it done and outta my hair.

Popper · Post by **Popper** » Sun Jan 09, 2005 7:48 pm

Oh wow, I can't believe it when I read that you said you were busty and Asian!! You don't see many of us around. I thought I was the only one!! I can totally understand when it comes to finding clothes that fit.

As for slapping the ex-boyfriend, I wish I had thought about doing that when my ex and I broke up. Even though we only went out for 1.5 years, it still hurt and now I've discovered that he's getting engaged. I wasn't too upset when I found out because its been 2 years already and everytime I think about him, I realise what a jerk he was and am really happy that we broke up.

I think you should go out and meet other guys - just to make you feel better. Even if its just to go out for coffee or something and you have no romantic interest in them at all. (Probably a lot of people out there are thinking that this is the worse advice anyone can give - but I why not?.)

Changing your hair colour is probably a bit difficult (bleaching the hell out of it so that red or any other colour will show through) is probably a big step, but it made me feel better when I got my hair streaked red.

Good luck :p

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Sun Jan 09, 2005 9:56 pm

<--- is getting a warm fuzzy...

I love this place. Absolutely LOVE it. Where else can someone go and get this kind of No-strings support??? I ask you???? WHERE? You people are awesome. :yh_hugs

Ericka: If you apologize to this schmuck, I will personally come find you and give you a good shake. (After all, how many busty Asians can there be??? :yh_rotfl ) You gave him exactly what he deserved. Tightly wound, gracious-seeming, "aren't-you-lucky-to-be-with-me" types like this make me want to hurl. We're talking projectile hurling, here.

As Koan said, that is undoubtedly the most excitement he has ever seen and is likely TO see, for a long time to come. I applaud your reaction wholeheartedly! Please find the member here: Erinna1112. (I seem to be a fan of hers, lately.) All I want you to look at is her signature line. It's perfect. Read it, understand it, LIVE IT!

greydeadhead · Post by **greydeadhead** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 5:33 am

Okay.. I will be the first guy to jump in here.. ummmm.. buy a vette... no no .. just kidding.. But really do something just for yourself.. take a trip.. buy something that you really really want but have always put off for one reason or another. Take up a new sport.. after skiing for years I am learning to ride a snowboard this year.. but the point is do something for yourself. Professiionally.. start checking out the job market.. see if there is something out there that appeals to you.. that will allow you to feel a sense of accomplishment when you leave for the day.. go back to school if you have to..

By all acounts the dude sounds like he needed to be smacked.. and yep.. you prolly did embarass the hell outta him pretty good.. and I am sure you felt better after doing it.. but did that make you any better than him.. admittedly he was and probably still is an idiot.. but.. did smacking him in public make you a better person than him.. that is all I am asking..

Okay ladies.. wadda ya think...

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 5:50 am

Popper wrote: Changing your hair colour is probably a bit difficult (bleaching the hell out of it so that red or any other colour will show through) is probably a big step, but it made me feel better when I got my hair streaked red.

Erm, it doesn't work well with your sort of hair - the only thing you can do is apply a strong pre-lightener (which will make it go orangy) and then colour. Unfortunately this would make it brittle and harsh to the touch. Why change it if it's nice? However, much better than getting a tattoo!

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 6:18 am

Ericka1969 wrote: Well here's my situation. I'm 35 and seem to be having a premature mid-life crisis

I just feel very much unfulfilled in both my personal and professional life.

Pursue your "professional life", but IMO personal stuff just "happens". If you actively chase it, you'll be chasing a rainbow. Just lever a bit here & there.

Ericka1969 wrote: I slapped him across the face

Oooh!

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 7:52 am

greydeadhead wrote: Okay.. I will be the first guy to jump in here.. ummmm.. buy a vette...
What kind of advice is that? She should get a Jaguar!

Welcome back from holiday - good to see you, grey.

LottomagicZ4941 · Post by **LottomagicZ4941** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 5:09 pm

A GTO is a better value then a Jag or a Vet.

I'm going to try and hold out till 50 on my mid life crisis so as I make it to 100.

koan · Post by **koan** » Mon Jan 10, 2005 8:03 pm

Why not a Hummer?

greydeadhead · Post by **greydeadhead** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 4:39 am

Actually after taking Ericka's fiesty nature into consideration, I would think a Mustang.. and not one of those fou fou new ones.. we are talking 1966 or 1967 fastback.. true muscle car with class..

Popper · Post by **Popper** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 3:38 pm

Bill Sikes wrote: Erm, it doesn't work well with your sort of hair - the only thing you can do is apply a strong pre-lightener (which will make it go orangy) and then colour. Unfortunately this would make it brittle and harsh to the touch. Why change it if it's nice? However, much better than getting a tattoo!

Yes definately better than getting a tattoo!! Look what happened to Johnny Depp - now instead of having Winona, he has a fish instead.

greydeadhead · Post by **greydeadhead** » Tue Jan 11, 2005 5:35 pm

Okay.. you guys gotta explain something to me here.. Perhaps I am old and feeble minded but I don't see anything wrong with getting a tat... they can be very personal reminders and great expressions of personality. Of course I would always warn the person that if they have even the slightest doubt to not get one.. but getting one to mark significant points or events in ones life is fine as far as I' m concerned... and yes.. before you ask I have four of them... and each one is significant to me..

honest voice · Post by **honest voice** » Fri Sep 23, 2005 1:45 pm

Know what you mean Ericka. I'm 35 and still looking for answers. Go beyond you're comfort zone into doing and meeting as many people as possible. What can we do? We just haven't met the right person yet they are there.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Fri Sep 23, 2005 3:12 pm

In this day and age, 35 is still young. You still have alot to look forward to. You sure are a lovely young woman. If you need a change, go for it. Take a vacation to a place you've never been before. Change your hairstyle; a braid or a twist. Get some pretty blouses to accentuate your terrific figure.

As for the "slap" incident, don't regret that for one second. That was cool! He deserved it. The jerk. My ex-husband had the nerve to turn on the TV in our living room, sit down on his comfy chair, and tell me he was having an affair. Note--he is my EX-HUSBAND.

I am twenty years older than you and, when I look back on just those twenty years, I am amazed at what I have done in my life. Yes, I even had a baby during that time: he's 18 now.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Every day is a gift. Enjoy it!:-6

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Sep 24, 2005 7:01 pm

just FYI, this poster has not been here since jan. 2005. she's not listening.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Sun Sep 25, 2005 6:23 am

lady cop wrote: just FYI, this poster has not been here since jan. 2005. she's not listening.

Maybe some other reader got some helpful thought to ponder............:-6

LottomagicZ4941 · Post by **LottomagicZ4941** » Sun Sep 25, 2005 7:30 am

koan wrote: Why not a Hummer?

LOL considering todays gass prices

Lotto

http://www.forumgarden.com/forums/showt ... ht=divorce

MagicZ4941A

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Sun Sep 25, 2005 11:45 am

Ericka1969 wrote: Well here's my situation. I'm 35 and seem to be having a premature mid-life crisis

I just feel very much unfulfilled in both my personal and professional life. That's disheartening at this stage in life. I always thought that by 35 I would have everything together, yet in many ways I'm still searching. Have any of you experienced a period of reckoning like this? If so, how did you handle it?

I had the same problem...when I turned 34 I was in charge of the International Training Division of Fat Tuesday's Inc. I had 20,000 people under me and was pulling down about $80,000 a year....

And I absolutely hated my life. Every day nothing but corporate politics. I was on the road constantly. I had no permanent relationship. As a matter of fact, I wasn't even dating anyone and hadn't for years. I didn't have the time since I was on the road most of the year to other states and countries, training crews and setting up stores. It was an endless nightmare of people I didn't know, and places that I'd only be in for a few weeks.

Talk about a lack of meaning, my life was a capitalistic LSD trip.

So I stopped.

One day, unexpectedly, my Father died. I had to travel back home for the funeral arrangements. My poor mother was in her 70's and had no one to care for her. I decided that I had nothing to lose by quitting my job, as a matter of fact, I felt better than I had in a long time. I had plenty of money from living as a stingy bachelor for over a decade, so there was time to find a new life.

My mother saw that I had too much time on my hands and suggested I become a teacher. I got into the New Mexico Alternative Licensure program and took classes at night. I gained my third college degree and never looked back.

Now I am a respected teacher and I absolutely love my life. You want fulfillment? Try teaching. Every day you take precious young men and women and set their feet on the path to life and the future. The rewards are unbelieveable.

So you see...you can change your life. It's not easy, and change is always frightening, but it can be done. I did it.

By the way, to make things even more humiliating, I actually have to swallow my pride and apologize to the man who broke up with me.

Yes...and the sooner the better. That wound will fester if not taken care of immediately.

gave him a passionate goodbye kiss, and then I slapped him across the face and stormed out.

If a man had done that, he'd have been arrested on the spot for domestic violence. yet somehow, women seem to think it's OK for them to be violent towards a man. You should be ashamed of yourself and you have just gotten off on the wrong foot with me.

I have never hit a woman in my life and I never will. No one deserves physical violence, of ANY DEGREE, man or woman and the double standard you display does not do you credit.

I should have shown better self-restraint...I really need to get a grip don't I?

Yes, and the excuse that you were emotionally upset at the time doesn't wash with me. That's the time, above all, that you should control your emotions. Mature adults don't hit each other.

But there's hope. You recognized that you had behaved badly and made a plan to apologize. That bodes well for the future. Good luck on your quest for fulfillment. If you are willing to self-analyze, and have the courage to make the change, you will find a new life.

And here's a tip...if you don't like that life, CHANGE AGAIN!

I should state that I have had 187 jobs in my life and 3 careers. It took me 34 years to change my life to the one I always wanted, and believe me, life is better now than I could ever have imagined.

Here is me as a young man, and now, and the girl that I finally found. See those lines around my eyes? That's the result of the long search. But it was worth it.

Attached files

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Wed Sep 28, 2005 6:58 am

Ericka1969 wrote:

I never did apologize for the slap.

Too bad....I was hoping you'd mature.

The fact that he went about it in such a staged and calculated manner really infuriated me.

Yes, it would have been much better if he had broken up with you in an emotional and out-of-control manner. Sheesh!