This year started off well enough for me and looked very promising. In January, I joined up with the NHS Stop Smoking group. There was a preliminary 6 weekly attendance and then we were on our own other than the monthly support group. In the second week we all quit. Surprisingly, I found it a breeze.
I was already quite cocky with myself at the beginning of the year. Full of confidence and so on. In February, for Valentines, I invited my betrothed to a restaurant we both knew that laid on a superlative eastern style buffet. But it also allows smoking.
No problem, I was unaffected. I didn't smoke anyway! I encouraged Ann, my betrothed, to smoke if she wished without thought for me. She didn't. That is to say, she didn't smoke without thought for me. We had a great evening finished off with a romantic night falling aslumber in each other's arms.
Financially, things were mediocre. There wasn't a lot of work about but I'd managed to secure a contract with a new company the same week I stopped smoking. The basic rate wasn't fantastic, but, unusually, they paid an overtime rate and that made all the difference.
So, everything was going well. My daily routine included T'ai Chi and various irregular dance exercises which I indulged every day to a conundrum of various styles of music. And, boy, did I feel good. Nothing could have disturbed me.
The second weekend in March came and I fancied a beer or two. But neither Ann or my long time friend, John, were able to accompany me. So, I took myself off to my local, The Swan where they serve a desireable Eagle IPA.
At the Swan, the landlord was away and a mate of his, Simon, was looking after the place. As I am not a regular pub goer, Simon had not seen me about before and he obviously decided to get to know me. In the process, we both got very drunk and I finally rolled home in the wee tiny hours of the morning.
Several hours later, but the morning nonetheless, I awoke with a resounding hangover but pleased with myself anyway because I had not given way to smoking and still did not desire a fag. However, by the end of the day, my fortunes were to turn.
In the afternoon while in the middle of cleaning my flat (so to speak), my friend called to see if I still wanted to go for a beer. I assured him that I had sated my desire in that regard and we chatted for an hour.
However, by some unknown uncanniness, Ann texted me directly after the phone call. The texts started off well but rapidly declined into what I thought was a slagging session where I was being slated for going out for a beer.
Bear in mind here that I had a steaming hangover. Perhaps it would have been better if she'd phoned me, I don't know. I don't want to go into specific details, but by the end of the text session, we were both numb and raw.
However, the next morning, Monday, I awoke and my thoughts immediately went to the text arguments we'd had the day before and I had to reach for the GTN. For the uninitiated, GTN (glyceryl trinitrate) is a chemical designed to lower the blood pressure and thereby minimise the effect of a heart attack. On this ocasion, I am glad to say that it worked (pretty obviously really). Nonetheless, during the panic, I subconsciously made the decision that I could no longer continue the relationship with my Ann.
That day, unkown to Ann, I went to Sheffield to conduct an installation for my employers. On the following Wednesday, still in Sheffield, Ann sent me a text telling me that it was over and she didn't want me to contact her again. I responded simply by telling her that she could contact me anytime that she wanted. She said that she wouldn't and that was that.
That evening, while we (my fellow workers) waited for our evening meal, I bought a pack of fags and had a few extra beers.
The following Monday, I was booked in for an ECG. This was because I'd had two heart attacks in the October and November of 2004. The ECG revealed that my upper left ventricle was dead and that I had a huge blood clot in my heart.
So, I was sent to the Haemotology department to sort out the blood clot. At first, when I told them that I would be in Sheffield the next day, there was no problem and they started organising a way for me to check in at the Sheffield hospital. Then they discovered how I was going to get there - which was by car. All hell let loose. I had not been given a sick certificate by the doctor and so I told them that I could not just not go to work. I explained to them that I was not a regular employee and that the employer would not accept my word alone. They said that I could not drive because of the danger of a stroke. Eventually, I did manage to pursuade the haemotologist to provide me with a letter for my employer. The doctor had long since been and gone. But I got a certificate from my own GP.
I then spent five weeks out of work. Five weeks with no money coming in.
I had to apply to two separate departments for financial help. Both departments required the originals of specific documents which I did not have. I had copies, but they wanted originals. So, I had to wait for the originals. I complied with everything. I explained the reason for the delay and asked for time extensions. However, I ended up with nothing more than £46 for the entire five weeks on top of my measly Statutory Sick Pay which itself took a lot of wrangling from my umbrella company that is not geared up to this type of scenario. I withdrew £2000 from my credit card to finance myself.
The credit card withdrawal took me over what I could afford, and this is still on my plate now, nine months hence. I do not know if I have any means to have the whole thing repealed. At the time, I was so angry that I could not act intelligently (some say I can never act intelligently so why defer now). Fortunately, I was able to go back to work.
Since then, however, my spirit has slowly subsided. And with all honesty, The Forum Garden has been the only source of 'light' and the only thing that has kept me going in these last few months.
Thanks FG friends. To all of you. Thanks for your honesty, endearments, passion, and above all, for being there just when I needed someone.
I could be more specific and give names. And, if pushed to it, I will. But I think that my close Forum friends know who they are. The point here is that the Forum as a whole was here just when I needed it. Although my search for the Forum was for different reasons, this one, the Forum Garden, has really given me something I needed. Friendship, Love, Sincerity, and a sense of belonging to something special.
Now I'm going to go before I short out my monitor.
:-6 :-4 :guitarist
2005
2005
OM....what a torrid time you've had.....you've gone through the whole cycle of bad health, lost love and no money and I'm not surprised you're feeling down in the dumps. I guess a lot of us have been through or are going through similar. It will soon be 2006 ....the start of a new year and new opportunities and challenges. I can only say, stay strong, stay well and think positive and your life will improve. Lean on us at FG when things look bleak....there's always somone here to support, advise and/or make you laugh.
This time last year, I was at a really low ebb....it lasted a few months but hopefully I've turned things round.....I won't go into details here.
My one failure....packed up smoking from april to September....now smoking again .....planning my next quit programme at the moment.
Soooooo....hugs from me and any support you need.....:-6 ....oh yeah....keep warm and safe...I guess you've got loads of snow up there.
This time last year, I was at a really low ebb....it lasted a few months but hopefully I've turned things round.....I won't go into details here.
My one failure....packed up smoking from april to September....now smoking again .....planning my next quit programme at the moment.
Soooooo....hugs from me and any support you need.....:-6 ....oh yeah....keep warm and safe...I guess you've got loads of snow up there.
A smile is a window on your face to show your heart is home
2005
Thanks Bez. Unfortunately, not as much snow as I would have liked. In the past I have known the country to be at a stand still while little ole Bedfordshire has had a bit of rain.
I think it's to do with us being at the end of the Chiltern Hills.
I think it's to do with us being at the end of the Chiltern Hills.
2005
OM i can relate. 2005 was the worst year of my entire life. i have determined that the new year will be the denouement...it will either be a year of happiness or the year of my death. i am prepared to accept either scenario. i think we come to that point where acceptance gives peace. and do not forget the eloquent pm you sent me on life. i will qualify this by saying that even though 2005 was hell, i had love throughout. it sustained me. something sustains you.
2005
lady cop wrote: OM i can relate. 2005 was the worst year of my entire life. i have determined that the new year will be the denouement...it will either be a year of happiness or the year of my death. i am prepared to accept either scenario. i think we come to that point where acceptance gives peace. and do not forget the eloquent pm you sent me on life. i will qualify this by saying that even though 2005 was hell, i had love throughout. it sustained me. something sustains you.
I know LC. It's been one of those years where you feel just like a smoked kipper - with the life smoked out of you on the one hand and then split in two, eyes staring upwards.
Even as we speak, I am laying down the stones for improvements, not just for this year, but for the rest of them.
A while ago, in the early months of 2004, I came across an article that reckoned that the physical human body is designed to live at least 125 years. Nourishment was the argument in the article and I'll be damned if I can find that article now.
With hindsight though, I know that it takes more than nourishment. My heart attacks were not brought about by poor physical health (although I don't deny that I need to make improvements there), but by emotional stress.
I have learnt that spiritual health is equally important. The strength to believe in myself.
This may sound strange coming from a sub-contractor such as myself. In fact, it was a hard struggle to reach the point where I was asked for by name by companies I have worked for. There are still companies, even to this day, that treat subbies as the scum of the earth. i was working for one such when I suffered my attacks.
Because of economical changes over the last decade or so, the rogue subbies have left. Today, the subbies in my field of work are highly qualified and need to adapt to the requirements of different companies. Every company has its own interpretation of the rules and the permanent staff know only their own companies' interpretation.
I can be proud of my achievement as a subby because I mostly work for companies where my qualifications are inappropriate. Nonetheless, my training gave me the knowledge to understand the work and I pick up from experience very quickly. I have a very wide skill base and this adds to the variety of work that I am called upon to do.
This last year, I have learnt a new skill. This skill is the ability to remain calm, breathe deeply, and let it all out in the appropriate place. I am very grateful for that skill. And, by God, if it weren't for this forum of worldwide friends, I may well have made a public fool of myself if I survived the year.
As it is, I feel that my dignity is intact while I have been able to vent my feelings. I am reshaping my perspectives, in other words, I am learning from my experiences and I hope it's not too late to hope for a long and fulfilled life.
Over to you LC.
I know LC. It's been one of those years where you feel just like a smoked kipper - with the life smoked out of you on the one hand and then split in two, eyes staring upwards.
Even as we speak, I am laying down the stones for improvements, not just for this year, but for the rest of them.
A while ago, in the early months of 2004, I came across an article that reckoned that the physical human body is designed to live at least 125 years. Nourishment was the argument in the article and I'll be damned if I can find that article now.
With hindsight though, I know that it takes more than nourishment. My heart attacks were not brought about by poor physical health (although I don't deny that I need to make improvements there), but by emotional stress.
I have learnt that spiritual health is equally important. The strength to believe in myself.
This may sound strange coming from a sub-contractor such as myself. In fact, it was a hard struggle to reach the point where I was asked for by name by companies I have worked for. There are still companies, even to this day, that treat subbies as the scum of the earth. i was working for one such when I suffered my attacks.
Because of economical changes over the last decade or so, the rogue subbies have left. Today, the subbies in my field of work are highly qualified and need to adapt to the requirements of different companies. Every company has its own interpretation of the rules and the permanent staff know only their own companies' interpretation.
I can be proud of my achievement as a subby because I mostly work for companies where my qualifications are inappropriate. Nonetheless, my training gave me the knowledge to understand the work and I pick up from experience very quickly. I have a very wide skill base and this adds to the variety of work that I am called upon to do.
This last year, I have learnt a new skill. This skill is the ability to remain calm, breathe deeply, and let it all out in the appropriate place. I am very grateful for that skill. And, by God, if it weren't for this forum of worldwide friends, I may well have made a public fool of myself if I survived the year.
As it is, I feel that my dignity is intact while I have been able to vent my feelings. I am reshaping my perspectives, in other words, I am learning from my experiences and I hope it's not too late to hope for a long and fulfilled life.
Over to you LC.
-
chonsigirl
- Posts: 33633
- Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:28 am
2005
*big hug for Open Mind*
May 2006 be a much better year in all the ways it can. You have only reached the middle of your life, and the best years are ahead! Let the good things begin to happen, and your ability now to relax yourself and deal with things more calmly will be a great help.
*I can say this, I'm a year older, so there!*
May 2006 be a much better year in all the ways it can. You have only reached the middle of your life, and the best years are ahead! Let the good things begin to happen, and your ability now to relax yourself and deal with things more calmly will be a great help.
*I can say this, I'm a year older, so there!*
2005
SnoozeControl wrote: I've been very fortunate so far, but I worry how I'd handle a difficult time in my life such as the one you've gone through this past year. You've obviously survived it with grace and humor. I hope the new year brings many MANY better things in your life.:yh_flower
You're not alone there Snooze. I wonder how I would survive the disasters that have happened in this world. My losses were gut wrenching, but there are worse things. But for the Grace of God and so on.
But you would find the strength to keep going somehow. And there's always the Garden. What led me to it is another story entirely, but having found it, I oft found myself smiling and chuckling over the words and antics in the various threads.
Thank you for your kind thoughts.
You're not alone there Snooze. I wonder how I would survive the disasters that have happened in this world. My losses were gut wrenching, but there are worse things. But for the Grace of God and so on.
But you would find the strength to keep going somehow. And there's always the Garden. What led me to it is another story entirely, but having found it, I oft found myself smiling and chuckling over the words and antics in the various threads.
Thank you for your kind thoughts.
2005
*big hug for Open Mind*
A big hug back Chonsi. Thank you.
A big hug back Chonsi. Thank you.
2005
Wow OM as you can see, FG lends loads of support to our members. And amazingly many many of us here have been through some pretty substantial life crisis's. Dear man all I can say, is trust in the saying "time heals" The human body can live up to 125 years if we treat it kindly. Nurse your wounds, look after yourself, concentrate on the good things that come your way no matter how teeny. And slowly you will dig out of the muck and mire. Us humans were made to fight so go on out there and kick some ass (gosh I love that word) and come up fighting.
Huge Huggs to you OM, and many of us here are available to lend an ear, or shoulder or general hand up. Me included.
Huge Huggs to you OM, and many of us here are available to lend an ear, or shoulder or general hand up. Me included.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
2005
Thanks to Minks and Arnold. Everyone's been very kind and very very supportive.
Hope you manage ok Arnold.
Hope you manage ok Arnold.
2005
OM,2005 really has been a pretty dire year for you.
I'm sure that all of FG will raise a glass to you & wish you a very happy, successful 2006 X
I'm sure that all of FG will raise a glass to you & wish you a very happy, successful 2006 X
2005
I am truly humbled by everyone's kind words and support. I am pragmatic enough to get over these things. But it sure helps to be able to get it off my chest and clear the system.
I am now looking ahead to next year with my usual aplomb. So, thanks again and I hope to enjoy a long union with all the FG folks who are just about the best of the lot.
I am now looking ahead to next year with my usual aplomb. So, thanks again and I hope to enjoy a long union with all the FG folks who are just about the best of the lot.
2005
OM, You know I think the world of you.. You will have a great 2006 just make it so as they say..!!:-4
LOVE THE NEW SIG...!! :wah:
LOVE THE NEW SIG...!! :wah:
ALOHA!!
MOTTO TO LIVE BY:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.
WOO HOO!!, what a ride!!!"
MOTTO TO LIVE BY:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.
WOO HOO!!, what a ride!!!"
2005
CARLA wrote: OM, You know I think the world of you.. You will have a great 2006 just make it so as they say..!!:-4
LOVE THE NEW SIG...!! :wah:
Thanks Carla. The feeling is very mutual. Believe me, I'm working on next year.
Glad you like the sig.
LOVE THE NEW SIG...!! :wah:
Thanks Carla. The feeling is very mutual. Believe me, I'm working on next year.
Glad you like the sig.
2005
ArnoldLayne wrote: Great signature OM, If that aint my double , I dont know what is. (The farting too hahaha)
If that's the case Arnold, then we could be related. That would be a turn up for the manuscripts.
If that's the case Arnold, then we could be related. That would be a turn up for the manuscripts.
2005
Nomad wrote: I'm obviously not a deep thinker,
Dearest Sneezer
oh why bother:D
Come on Nomad, if you've something to say, let's all hear it.
Dearest Sneezer
oh why bother:D
Come on Nomad, if you've something to say, let's all hear it.
2005
OM, just trust that the dark days shall pass and all will be light and love again.
Wishing you a very happy, healthy and proserous New Year!
Wishing you a very happy, healthy and proserous New Year!
2005
SOJOURNER wrote: OM, just trust that the dark days shall pass and all will be light and love again.
Wishing you a very happy, healthy and proserous New Year!
I'll try really hard, Sojourner. Trouble is, that wasn't the whole story. There's more crap that I'm still sorting out at the moment. I'll leave that for next year's lament. Or, hopefully, it will be a song of triumph.
Wishing you a very happy, healthy and proserous New Year!
I'll try really hard, Sojourner. Trouble is, that wasn't the whole story. There's more crap that I'm still sorting out at the moment. I'll leave that for next year's lament. Or, hopefully, it will be a song of triumph.