Hilarious pics and jokes here

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Mon Jan 02, 2006 3:14 pm

What about:

or

:guitarist :wah:

Lil~Basco · Post by **Lil~Basco** » Mon Jan 02, 2006 3:19 pm

:wah: :p

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Mon Jan 02, 2006 3:20 pm

JEN, Lucky for me I'm the only one in the building.. I was laughing out loud...:wah: :wah:

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Mon Jan 02, 2006 3:21 pm

:yh_rotfl

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Mon Jan 02, 2006 3:23 pm

JEN, Luck for me I'm the only one in the building.. I was laughing out loud...

It's one of those moments I can identity with. Maybe we should start a farting thread :sneaky:

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Mon Jan 02, 2006 3:32 pm

I can't post the MALE BRAIN.. !! IT WOULD GET DELETED BUT YOU CAN GUESS..

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Mon Jan 02, 2006 3:34 pm

Hi Carla

I think Nomad posted it it 'Skewed Humour' already

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 9:39 am

...

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jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 10:26 am

cars · Post by **cars** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 1:01 pm

Cats are funny!

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cars · Post by **cars** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 1:03 pm

Nature laughs last

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cars · Post by **cars** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 1:07 pm

Boss on line

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cars · Post by **cars** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 1:09 pm

Couple in bed

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cars · Post by **cars** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 1:11 pm

Men's Room

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CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 1:24 pm

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 1:26 pm

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl Snooze and Cars good stuff..!!

Don't fall for the "one eyed thingy" you will have to cold boot your pc..!! Not funny at all.:-5

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 2:26 pm

click on.............(graphic frog content XXXX) :rolleyes:

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CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 2:59 pm

:wah: :wah: OK I WAS OUTSIDE BEFORE I COULD READ THE EYE CHART.. WHAT DOES THAT TELL YA..!! :-3

Kermit you little devil frog you..!!

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 3:11 pm

The Old Man's Job Application
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas.

NAME: George Martin

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman, (or at least, one who'll cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM

LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no, on my breaks - yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb, sexy, blonde, supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Sagittarius Wal-Mart ended up hiring the old man because he was so funny.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 3:12 pm

lady cop wrote: click on.............(graphic frog content XXXX) :rolleyes: I cant stop watching!!

Does that make me weird?

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 3:17 pm

Two faced dog..

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 3:18 pm

abbey wrote: I cant stop watching!!

Does that make me weird?

Yes!! :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

Does that mean you have a frog fetish???

Do frogs have webbed toes - maybe thats the connection!!

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 3:25 pm

Betty Boop wrote: Yes!! :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

Does that mean you have a frog fetish???

Do frogs have webbed toes - maybe thats the connection!! We dont talk about webbed toes.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 3:25 pm

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 3:29 pm

:wah: :wah: :wah: ......LMAO Carla

cars · Post by **cars** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 3:31 pm

Dear IRS,

Enclosed is my 2004 tax return showing that I

owe $3,407.00 in taxes. Please note the attached

article from USA Today, wherein you will see the

Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA

has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.

I am enclosing four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029), bringing my total remitted to $3429.00. Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund" as noted on my return.

You can do this inexpensively by sending them one 1.5" Phillips Head screw (article from USA Today detailing

how HUD pays $22.00 each for 1.5" Phillips Head

Screws is enclosed for your convenience.)

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and

I look forward to paying it again next year.

Sincerely,

A Satisfied Taxpayer

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 3:35 pm

abbey wrote: We dont talk about webbed toes.

ok

:wah:

cars · Post by **cars** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 3:36 pm

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person at $18,000.00 a year for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions for $22, 000.00, and one person to do time studies for an additional $22,000.00 per year.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies for $31, 000.00 and one to write the reports for an additional $31,000.00 per year.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper for $35,000.00 annual salary, and a payroll officer for an additional $35,000.00, then hired two people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer at $155, 000.00 per year, Assistant Administrative Officer $125,000.00, and a Legal Secretary for an additional $100,000.00 per year.

Then Congress said, "We have had this operating for one year with a budget cost of $574, 000.00 and we are $18,000 over budget. We must cutback overall cost."

>

>

>

>

>

So they laid off the night watchman.

Lil~Basco · Post by **Lil~Basco** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:11 pm

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:14 pm

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:16 pm

cars · Post by **cars** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:18 pm

"Old Timer's Jokes"

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

His wife asks, "Where are you going?"

"To the kitchen" he replies.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you 'll forget it."

He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember i t! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?

Keep Reading

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married?"

"Yep!"

"Do I know her?"

"Nope!"

"This woman, is she good looking?"

"Not really."

"Is she a good cook?"

"Naw, she can't cook too well."

"Does she have lots of money?"

"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."

"Well then, is she good in bed?"

"I don't know."

"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"

"Because she can still drive!"

Keep Reading

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"

Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

Keep Reading

A man was telling his neighbour, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbour. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

Keep Reading

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc. 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"

Keep Reading

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "arthritis."

OK you can Stop Reading and go pee---- now !!

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:19 pm

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:21 pm

Brilliant Cars!! :wah: :wah:

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:22 pm

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:23 pm

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:24 pm

cars · Post by **cars** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:34 pm

Betty Boop wrote: Brilliant Cars!! :wah: :wah:

Glad you enjoyed them BB!:)

cars · Post by **cars** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:45 pm

Interesting Year 1981

1. Prince Charles got married

2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe

3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.

4. Pope Died

Interesting Year 2005

1. Prince Charles got married

2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe

3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament

4. Pope Died

Lesson Learned? - the next time Charles gets married, someone warn the

Pope. :rolleyes:

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:53 pm

Cars, great stuff.. boy we are on a roll now...!!

Grrrrrrr!!!

One way to out run him..!!

Can I get a little help here..

Wooo hooo!!

Lil~Basco · Post by **Lil~Basco** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 6:59 pm

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 7:33 pm

SNOOZE, This is for you..isn't this the cutest kitty you have ever seen..!!

cars · Post by **cars** » Sun Jan 22, 2006 2:30 pm

Hair transplant (naughty)

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jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sun Jan 22, 2006 2:53 pm