reclusiveness

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 6:16 pm

i was always extremely gregarious and known for my sense of humor. but recently i want to be left to my own devices. i find myself not answering my phone, and turning down invitations. i have some really nice long-time friends on the sheriff dept., and many of them call and write and ask me to lunch or dinner or to their homes. i don't really know why, but i always find a way to opt out. i am so lucky in these friends, so why do i avoid going out and weasel out of invitations? do you ever just 'vant to be alone' a la greta garbo?

Mookey1229 · Post by **Mookey1229** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 6:20 pm

I'm like that too lady. As I get older I like the quiet. Its my time away from everyone and everythng. It seems like life goes by so fast these days you don't have time to catch your breath. Either that or we are snobs. But my first explanation sounds alot better don't you think?:wah:

Lil~Basco · Post by **Lil~Basco** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 6:23 pm

Absolutely understand where you're coming from!

When I get home from work, I just don't want my "free time" invaded by phone calls and knocks at the door.

Want to unwind and do my own thing.....and play at FG!

The Red One · Post by **The Red One** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 6:29 pm

Could it be depression LC? I was diagnosed with it years ago took meds for it finished them didn't get anymore and put back on an antidepressent again yesterday. Don't want to talk on the phone, don't want to go anywhere, don't want to hardly talk to anyone, always in a BLAH mood. There's more to it than that. I was sleeping for hours and woke up and spent the whole day tired, I am in a fowl mood a majority of the time, get mad easily, cry easily...etc etc etc.

Ask your doc about it.

SOJOURNER · Post by **SOJOURNER** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 6:34 pm

lady cop wrote: i was always extremely gregarious and known for my sense of humor. but recently i want to be left to my own devices. i find myself not answering my phone, and turning down invitations. i have some really nice long-time friends on the sheriff dept., and many of them call and write and ask me to lunch or dinner or to their homes. i don't really know why, but i always find a way to opt out. i am so lucky in these friends, so why do i avoid going out and weasel out of invitations? do you ever just 'vant to be alone' a la greta garbo?

Some of us are loners. But some of us, and I would guess you for one, are not. When there is a big change in personality like this, you have to suspect depression. See your doctor. He may be able to kick start you out of this.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 6:35 pm

i guess i have to consider the possibility.

SOJOURNER · Post by **SOJOURNER** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 6:39 pm

lady cop wrote: i guess i have to consider the possibility.
Yes. In the mean time, here's a friend for your signature dolphin.

SOJOURNER · Post by **SOJOURNER** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 6:44 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: Its making me dizzy.

Then my work is done!

SOJOURNER · Post by **SOJOURNER** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 6:45 pm

Clancy wrote: ditto

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 7:50 pm

you're always wise Far! OK, i'll try, once a week. (you may have to kick me out the door)

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 7:56 pm

I think Far's advice is wise.

I really don't want to go out much, hate to leave my husband and ask the kids an extra time to stay home. But I make myself go out at least once a month-you need to get out too LC, it is good for you.

:-4

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 8:03 pm

ah Chonsi, at least, sadly, you have a reason. Bothwell knows a few of my friends and gets on my case about this too. i am blessed with people who keep calling and never give up on me, i need to appreciate that.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 8:10 pm

They all love you and want to see you go out and have some fun, and they miss you. It's nice to get out of the house for awhile. (listen to your dear Bothwell)

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 10:12 pm

LC ask yourself are you alone, or lonely. Are you happy to be reclusive, or do you pine and worry? If the answers are negative yes go seek Dr's advise. Depression is as others have said like what you discribed. But on the other hand being alone isn't so bad, it can be rejuvinating. Just don't cut yourself off completely forever, then you will grow lonely, and unhappy.

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 10:22 pm

I read once that the internet does have benifits it has in fact reduced anti social habits. Even if it means we sit on our fannies and spend hours typing our thoughts, but we are becoming a more social society.

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 5:06 am

I agree with Minks and Far, most of us in here seem like pretty well adjusted individuals (most of the time.) Its time to worry when you spend your internet hours doing something unhealthy, like stalking children in internet chat rooms, or looking at all the various forms of pornography until your eyes blur. LC hon, you spend your time with us, being social. Call me biased, but that's not a bad thing.

I agree as well. I really look forward to coming on here but you must have a life as well. What I mean by that is going out and about and doing things with people.

I must say LC it sounds like you might be suffering from depression (I know, been there, bought the T-shirt) and I would suggest going out a bit even if it's only once a week otherwise you will begin to avoid life in general. I think talk therapy works better than meds and has helped me loads. It's great to be able to unload all your problems onto someone paid to deal with them

Best of luck.

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 5:28 am

I guess it is getting the balance right LC. I think being ill and all the meds and stuff has knocked the stuffing out of you so to speak.

I like my own company, but unless I keep occupied, I can be consumed by dark, negative thoughts.....a very wise friend on FG told me on New Years eve, that "swimming in lake me" is a bad idea...which I knew already of course....I have kept this in my mind ever since. I have forced myself to go out for a couple of hours visiting on a couple of evenings which is a real effort after work....but it's been good.

I'm not an advocate of meds. but if they're needed then I guess it may be the answer.

I know you read a lot....read something amusing....you live in a beautiful place, can you get down to the ocean....very theraputic.

Accept at least one invitation...say every 2 weeks.....once accepted it's hard to back out without hurting peoples feelings.....

Seize the moment....everyone is precious

Loads of hugs for now...

SOJOURNER · Post by **SOJOURNER** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 6:09 am

I like my own company.

I very much like communicating on this form.

I have found that I have become more talkative with family and friends because the forum has given me an opportunity to evaluate what "I really think" about a lot of things.

Life has always been so busy; who had the time to think about what and why you believe what you do. Now I mull about a lot of different things throughout the day and in conversation, I will share my thoughts. This is new for me. And I like it a lot!

To all things there is a season. I am very happy in mine.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 6:23 am

Another Gardener didn't want to go to a New Year's party for dissimilar reasons, but she went & had a great time.

I agree with these other yahoos, but since they're yahoos you shouldn't listen to them, only to me. Accept an invitation once in awhile. Either you will find yourself in the company of friends and will have a great time, or you will find yourself in a group of idiots you can screw with for a couple of hours and have a great time.

It's all good. :yh_bigsmi

SOJOURNER · Post by **SOJOURNER** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 6:26 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Wow, I don't think I've ever been called a yahoo before. Thanks!:D

Isn't that a cowboy things?:-3

The Red One · Post by **The Red One** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 6:36 am

Outside of the Garden, I talk to a few people, my mother, sometimes my brother, the two ladies I babysit for, my cousin, and my hubby's aunt in law. I don't hardly go anywhere, I don't "feel up to it" and it's starting to have an impact on my life with my family. My hubby makes me get out of the house, and I bitch about it the whole time until an hour later and I'm having a great time.

You really need to get out and go somewhere with a friend. I get my alone time on Thursdays and Fridays, that's when Mike is at work and the kids are at school. When 3:15 pm gets here, my time alone ends, but I've had 8 hours and 15 min alone. I regret not going out much, it's not healthy. You all have heard/read more from my brain than my hubby has since the new year has started. Sad in a way, but atleast I like it, because I'm talking to more than him.

The Garden is very theraputic (?). You can get a lot off your chest and mind and always get great advice and opinions are always there be they good or down right weird, It's a great place to be. Take some advice if you want to and only you will know for sure if you did or not. No one else has to know you did or didn't.

I hope things get better for you LC, I really do, sleep deprevation (?) is horrible! Your body ends up running on instinct only, and with you being a cop, you NEED your sleep to be alert and take care of the idiots that causes problems. We wouldn't want you to misjudge something and mess up. Go to the Dr. LC. We care for you and wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you due to not enough sleep.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 8:28 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Mirriam-Webster Online:

Yahoo

1 capitalized : a member of a race of brutes in Swift's Gulliver's Travels who have the form and all the vices of humans

[...]

Okay, now I'm mad![smilie=1,33,2] Don't believe everything you read.

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 8:47 am

Far Rider wrote: Bez, this line is me too... when I run back over my life I see where Ive made mistakes.. some resulting in the hurt, pain and suffering, even the death of others. If I dwell long enough on those times I realize whats done is done and I can't change the past, if I dwell on them too long then it brings me down because I do see now where I could have prevented some of it by simple decisions.

I don't very often go off by myself anymore like I used to. I find my oldest Son's company now to be deeply rewarding as I tend to focus on passing lifes wisdom his direction and it helps me "correct" some of my past.

Sorry to stray from the main topic, but I had to get that off my chest.

This is like a gathering of lonely hearts, gosh look at us all. Well if nothing else at least we are capable of making great friends here. And easily as there is always someone here when you come in from the cold.

911 · Post by **911** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 1:40 pm

LC, could it be as simple as post Christmas blues or lonely lover blues?

Everyone keeps talking about your illness or injury and I am ashamed to say I don't know what they are talking about. I haven't been here that long and it is a huge task to read all the old posts (although, I am wading through them as much as I can), but I know that even when you are feeling better your mind goes to that dark place and wonders why it happened at all.

Reach up and grab the light before it's too late. Do what everyone suggests and latch hold of a friend and go out and forget about those sunless niches in your mind. If your friends want to talk about why you haven't been going out lately, tell them never mind and just concentrate on the night without bringing up any sad stuff.

If you need to talk to someone face on, then invite a friend to your house. Have a few drinks, pour out your heart and go to bed. Hopefully, you'll feel better the next day. Fresh as a daisy.

In our line of work, we see and hear things we never thought could happen, things that don't make it in the papers or TV. Sometimes, it's like dipping a candle in wax over and over again until the wick can no longer support it. Then you have to ditch it somewhere and start all over again until you know precisely when to stop dipping and just release.

Everyone has such wonderful advise for you and I hope you take it, even if it means meds to get you jump started again.

Best of luck and I hope you feel better real soon. Kisses!!

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 2:25 pm

Thankyou 911 and everyone! without dwelling on it, i had a heart attack, and i think that has a profound psychological effect. and you're right, i miss Bothwell terribly! Christmas was difficult for both of us. i must force myself to rejoin the living, that's apparent. thankyou. :-4 ....and Far, i don't mind 'straying from topic', that's what conversations do!

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 3:20 pm

Mover...these guys here are my friends....full stop....if we sat in a pub, cafe or wherever, I would feel the same for them, hug them, help them, lean on them, respect them, learn from them, trust them etc. etc....This is REAL believe me.

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 3:32 pm

lady cop wrote: i was always extremely gregarious and known for my sense of humor. but recently i want to be left to my own devices. i find myself not answering my phone, and turning down invitations. i have some really nice long-time friends on the sheriff dept., and many of them call and write and ask me to lunch or dinner or to their homes. i don't really know why, but i always find a way to opt out. i am so lucky in these friends, so why do i avoid going out and weasel out of invitations? do you ever just 'vant to be alone' a la greta garbo?

Life is all about "stages" and that's just another one, LC! Don't take it too seriously!

When I was a bachelor (for 34 years!) I was much the same way. I had friends come over occasionally, but mostly, I just worked, came home, played with the animals and watched TV. I found it very relaxing and enjoyable!

Eventually, as I knew they would, someone came along and changed my life. That's just the way things are and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Besides, I'll bet with all the stress you've had lately with your medical problems, the last thing you need is more complications and stress from visitors!

When I was a fighter pilot, I was too darned tired to entertain after work. When I was a corporate chef, I moved around too much to make too many close friends, and when I was a rock star, the LAST thing I wanted in my home were the groupies, drunks, and tweakers!

Nowadays, though, my wife loves to entertain, and so I have people over all the time. As a matter of fact, we just purchased a pool table and installed a jacuzzi and a deck last summer just for that reason. Tonight, my wife's boss and his wife ar coming over and we're all going to eat dinner then see "King Kong" together.

Life changes all the time!

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 4:00 pm

LC,

Do what I did start volunteering at an organization that is totally the other direction from what you did.. I applied for Dog Walker at the local SPCA.. would have gotten it but they looked at my medical history as said no. But I gave it a shot. Then I applied to the YMCA and places that I thought it would be fun to volunteer. I came to the Alzheimer's Association through a friend.. Now I'm employeed here.. It's not even close to what I did before but who care is a pay check..!! and it got me back in the grove and feeling better about myself..

You can do it to sweetie..:-4

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 4:34 pm

I can connect with a lot of comments in this thread. In fact I likened myself to Howard Hughes to a friend today . (The reclusiveness, not the bank balance).

I did ask myself over the Christmas break why I was holed up with a city of 1million people on my doorstep, but I couldn't get into the seasonal spirit. Friends were phoning and saying we should get together, but I was downhearted, tired, and burned out from a hectic run-in at work, and not in the mood. I did however make the effort for a good friend who came over from Spain but that was only one day.

I have always enjoyed my own company and spent time alone, but this holiday was the first time I can recall feeling that I may have dipped below a level I felt comfortable with

Still, on a positive note, my mates wanna see me, my daughters here tomorrow and also my son's back from Norway.

And there's you guys of course

Hey, I'm over it already !