The English Language

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Fri Jan 06, 2006 11:47 am

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to

present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't

sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it

an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by

ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Jan 06, 2006 12:04 pm

How many ways can you spell the sound "sir"

Circle

Surface

Certain

Sir

Service

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Jan 06, 2006 12:05 pm

I will read what he read yesterday.

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Jan 06, 2006 2:51 pm

Clipper wrote: Yabutt it's still better than learning.....french!:D

HAHAHAHAHA 3 years mandatory French in Canadian schools and I can say, Bonjour, and Chat. (isn't Chat past tense for a BM?) ahahahahaha

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Fri Jan 06, 2006 3:07 pm

Bonjour FG, Ola !!!

Ich kann auch Deutsch sprechen

agus Gaelige

et Francais

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Jan 06, 2006 3:15 pm

jennyswan wrote: Bonjour FG, Ola !!!

Ich kann auch Deutsch sprechen

agus Gaelige

et Francais

shhhh you lost me hehehehe

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Fri Jan 06, 2006 3:16 pm

ig-pay atin-lay.............................:wah:

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Jan 06, 2006 3:27 pm

chonsigirl wrote: ig-pay atin-lay.............................:wah:
esyay Iay eakspay igpay atinlay

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Jan 06, 2006 3:28 pm

Clipper wrote: I could say several things in several foreign languages....and any one of them would get my face slapped!:D

well then Clipper you know what's best hehehehehehe

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Fri Jan 06, 2006 3:32 pm

He's fresh in all the latest languages!

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Fri Jan 06, 2006 3:34 pm

He's got lovely dipthongs

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Fri Jan 06, 2006 3:38 pm

He's got lovely dipthongs

Prove it! :sneaky:

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Fri Jan 06, 2006 3:41 pm

Is there an iota of truth in that?

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 3:49 am

Awaiting verification

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 7:00 am

Are you being rude AGAIN?;)

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 7:01 am

I've always thought my uvula was exceptionally attractive.

Oh! I'm sorry... that really has nothing to do with the topic, does it?

:yh_dance :yh_dance

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 7:11 am

SnoozeControl wrote: But you love me, don't you... you want to ogle my uvula.

Of course I do, but expect a caution from the Anagram Police

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 7:20 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Ooooh, you're just too clever for your own use, aren't you?

Not quite an anagram....but I had you worried

StupidCowboyTricks · Post by **StupidCowboyTricks** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 8:02 am

ArnoldLayne wrote: Wouldnt be difficult, I bet. Most women have theirs on show, pretty much most of the time

Do they yell at you all the time Arnold?:-3

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 8:10 am

Oh, we would never yawn at dapper looking Arnold..................

The algorithm of anagrams.......................

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 8:35 am

uvula

I had to check to see what it is

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 8:36 am

minks wrote: esyay Iay eakspay igpay atinlay
that looks like a real pain to ype-tay:wah: