Tell it like it is

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 2:21 am

Are you one of those people who can tell someone the truth without fear of hurting feelings? Do you blurt out things that other people would never EVER say to someone else?

I call things as I see them. I know a few others in here that do as well, without fear of, well....without fear of anything, frankly. So. Can you tell it like it is, or do you sugar-coat and cushion things to people for fear of making them upset?

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 2:45 am

for me it all depends on who it is that i'm speaking to.

Dad and i dance around the conversation of a day or two and then get to it.

Mom.... right

Sis and i dive in head first.

theia · Post by **theia** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 3:32 am

I usually sugar coat, but like Wolvi, it depends on my relationship with that person and the context...maybe the most important thing is to be sure to preface what we say with "this is my opinion" because few things we say can be wholly objective but are coloured by our beliefs, our experiences and our mindset.

Azrayel · Post by **Azrayel** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 5:43 am

normally I have no problem telling it like it is, but it depends on what you have to say to that person. If they are a true friend it makes it harder, but a person you don't know makes it real easy.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 5:47 am

I first try to be nice about it. If that doesn't work, I just say it straight forward and bluntly.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 6:00 am

Having been on the receiving end of people who "call a spade a spade," I don't sugarcoat things but I do try to couch them in as much positive light as I can. I don't like to hurt feelings. Plus I have a tendency to be forthright and often this is taken as tactlessness so I have to be careful. There are exceptions though. If someone's beating their child or harming an animal or in rare cases, just being an absolute jackass then all bets are off.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 6:14 am

i do believe in tact. but when i've been abused or challenged i will step up to the plate. in my professional life i take absolutely no BS and have the weapons to demolish jerks verbally.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 6:59 am

My cyber-balls are far larger than my 3D ones, but I am normally the go-to guy to deliver bad news. That's probably because I'm so darn empathetic. My biggest problem is when my boss is running his own department (or business) into the dirt. I'm a team player to a fault & find it really hard to step out of that role and tell my leader how to lead. I usually take it for too long.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 7:13 am

I care about people so I consider their feelings, unless their a total ass in which case its their head my foot. But even then afterwards I have regrets. Its in my best interest to the best man I know how to be. Make sense ?

SOJOURNER · Post by **SOJOURNER** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 7:18 am

BabyRider wrote: Are you one of those people who can tell someone the truth without fear of hurting feelings? Do you blurt out things that other people would never EVER say to someone else?

I call things as I see them. I know a few others in here that do as well, without fear of, well....without fear of anything, frankly. So. Can you tell it like it is, or do you sugar-coat and cushion things to people for fear of making them upset?

No and no.

My lips are normally sealed. Whatever negative thoughts I have about someone I don't offer, because frankly, I think it is boring. People act how they do and will continue to be who 'they' are until 'they' decide 'they' want to change. I'm not upsetting myself over them. I'll stay away. Most of this stuff just doesn't amount to a hill of beans.

On the occassion when I am offended over what someone is doing or saying (which is rare), I will take action. For the most part I become involved. Example: I did not approve of the handling of the youth club funds by the youth advisor in our church. Guess who was voluteered to become the new youth advisor...........

It is not that I am wishy washy, I am far from that, I just pick my conflicts ( or rather the conflict picks me..............). Then I can do nothing else but come forward. I am on a mission!

I think, for me, it is the threshold of tolerance on the situation that generates my speaking out or my action. I am finding as I get older, I do expess my thoughts, which are usually different from most, but I express them to bring about change. Then I am very smug and quietly satisfied when this happens. I don't need anyone else to know.

StupidCowboyTricks · Post by **StupidCowboyTricks** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 10:06 am

Nomad wrote: I care about people so I consider their feelings, unless their a total ass in which case its their head my foot. But even then afterwards I have regrets. Its in my best interest to the best man I know how to be. Make sense ?
Yes. "Discretion is the better part of valor"

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 11:24 am

BabyRider wrote: Are you one of those people who can tell someone the truth without fear of hurting feelings? Do you blurt out things that other people would never EVER say to someone else?

I call things as I see them. I know a few others in here that do as well, without fear of, well....without fear of anything, frankly. So. Can you tell it like it is, or do you sugar-coat and cushion things to people for fear of making them upset?

Sugar coat and cushions for me ..... i have had to sack many people over the years...only one got nasty and they all speak to me if I meet them in the street.

I hate confrontation and am paranoid about people not liking me...99.99999% of the time anyway. The 0.000001% are usually not worth worrying about.

My attitude is very similar to Nomads i think.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 12:11 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: Its a given in situations like that... but in something like "hon, your body odor is really distracting, you might consider bathing" Jeez! How do you approach that subject?erm

...Get a bath you smell like a draymans horse.

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 12:22 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: Its a given in situations like that... but in something like "hon, your body odor is really distracting, you might consider bathing" Jeez! How do you approach that subject?

On this occasion you have to go straight to the point.

"we've got a problem here...frankly you smell" ...after all the tears etc...." what advice can I give you...how can i help..." etc etc

I've done this a few times.....say the bad stuff quick and get it over with and move on and spend time with the help and advice.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 12:28 pm

Bez wrote: On this occasion you have to go straight to the point.

"we've got a problem here...frankly you smell" ...after all the tears etc...." what advice can I give you...how can i help..." etc etc

I've done this a few times.....say the bad stuff quick and get it over with and move on and spend time with the help and advice.Bez's way works just as well.

cars · Post by **cars** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 12:32 pm

I hate confrontation as much as possible. So I always try to be as "diplomatic" as can be, & try to use non-inflamatory words. Is that considered "sugar-coating" the situation? Even sometimes, I come out of a bad situation by making a new friend, not always, but sometimes. There is always more than one way to phrase a sentence, one can be inflamatory, one can be diplomatic, I choose diplomatic.

cars · Post by **cars** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 12:51 pm

Bez wrote: On this occasion you have to go straight to the point.

"we've got a problem here...frankly you smell" ...after all the tears etc...." what advice can I give you...how can i help..." etc etc

I've done this a few times.....say the bad stuff quick and get it over with and move on and spend time with the help and advice.

It can be possible to also get straight to the point diplomatically. By starting off saying something like: someone (diplomatically not naming names) mentioned they were told that their anti-perpersant was not working for them all the time, isn't that embarrising? Mine is such & such, what kind do you use? Hopefully they will pick up on it, & if they say I don't use any, then that's the perfect time to say we all should use it, why take chances and have somebody talking about us?

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 1:20 pm

Works for me..!! but it can be done with tact for sure..

Which goes along with "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.." Good way to stay out of trouble.. Most people can read between the lines...:-3 Nothing is ever gained by hurting someones feelings..

Most people can be worked around if you just look at them and their body language you can figure out how to approach them at a different angle, thinking about what your going to say before speaking works.. :-3 You learn alot when your in management. I had 75 people under me at one time. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't scratch my head at one of them and wonder how the hell do they get through the day..!! Worlds full of different people ... we got to try and get along, what's the alternative.. !!

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

Mark Twain

Lil~Basco · Post by **Lil~Basco** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 1:33 pm

BabyRider wrote: Are you one of those people who can tell someone the truth without fear of hurting feelings? Do you blurt out things that other people would never EVER say to someone else?

I call things as I see them. I know a few others in here that do as well, without fear of, well....without fear of anything, frankly. So. Can you tell it like it is, or do you sugar-coat and cushion things to people for fear of making them upset?
If a person involves me in their conversation about a problem they are having and does ask for my opinion, I say it how it is....I won't sugar coat my opinion or how I feel about it. They were just looking for free advise and/or a solution to their problem. Most people look for someone they can just vent to...to get things off their chest. Most of the time I am a empathetic and a compassionate person given the situation and with whom I'm dealing with.

No, I don't blurt things out unless I'm feeling threatened or under attack. And, it depends on the person. I weigh the options...do I feel it's worth my aggrievation to butt heads with this person or not waste my breath on them at all.

Think before you speak, is a good rule of thumb.

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 1:35 pm

cars wrote: It can be possible to also get straight to the point diplomatically. By starting off saying something like: someone (diplomatically not naming names) mentioned they were told that their anti-perpersant was not working for them all the time, isn't that embarrising? Mine is such & such, what kind do you use? Hopefully they will pick up on it, & if they say I don't use any, then that's the perfect time to say we all should use it, why take chances and have somebody talking about us?

I've tried all sort of tactics Cars...I am definitely NOT a nasty person, and i don't set out to hurt people. My philosophy has always been get the bad stuff over as quickly as possible and then spend as long as it takes on the positive, giving advice, even going to the shop with them etc.

What you describe above is perfect from one friend or close colleague to another, but i was coming at it from a Managers /HR point of view when 6 people have made an official complaint about someones personal hygiene.

I have tried different tactics and of course one technique doesn't 'fit all' so to speak.

I recently had to deal with a 30 something woman who's whole body smelt. Her hair hadn't been washed in weeks, and she wore leggins that she hadn't changed for days.....the smell was really bad. She took on board all that i told her and was transformed. It took about 10 seconds to tell her what the problem was, and nearly and hour to discuss the solution in a sensitive way.

I think the way I described my tactics in my previous post may have sounded brutal....they'e not honest....I don't walk in the room with a can of air freshener and spray it all over them ....good lord...

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 1:39 pm

BEZ, So what had happened in her life that let this happen.. I'm sure she didn't spend her whole adult life with this problem..

What was the outcome.. good job..

I recently had to deal with a 30 something woman who's whole body smelt. Her hair hadn't been washed in weeks, and she wore leggins that she hadn't changed for days.....the smell was really bad. She took on board all that i told her and was transformed. It took about 10 seconds to tell her what the problem was, and nearly and hour to discuss the solution in a sensitive way.

Mookey1229 · Post by **Mookey1229** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 2:04 pm

I hate confrontation. I will sugar coat everything. I guess I inherited it from my daddy. Things don't usually bother me to much. I will let people sh_t on me over and over and not do anything about it. Anger upsets me more than the actual verbal abuse from someone. I am an "I don't care" person when it comes to anything. Whatever you want is fine with me. I have been the one to always try and make things better. I try to sit down and talk with the person and if they become irate, I will always say when your ready to talk, let me know and I get up and leave. My family is just the opposite. They all speak their mind, except my hubby. He's alot like me. I guess thats why we get along so well. I am a happy person and want to keep it that way.

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 2:05 pm

CARLA wrote: BEZ, So what had happened in her life that let this happen.. I'm sure she didn't spend her whole adult life with this problem..

What was the outcome.. good job..

She was a bit 'odd' Carla. She had lots of pets in her house in cages. I heard that she didn't clean them out very often. YUK.

She met her boyfriend at our works and got pregnant...her BF is a little odd too, but completely opposite in his hygeine habits, in fact he always looks pink and shiny.....well scrubbed.

I'm sure she knew that her cleanliness wasn't up to scratch, because when she was pregnant, she got the midwife to visit her at the boyfriends house.

Anyway...she had a beautiful little girl who always looks lovely, the girl still looks a bit 'suspect' though. I did hear that she was pregnant again. I see her occasionally although she didn't come back to work after the baby was born...she's always proud to show me the babe.

She used to talk about her Dad but never her Mum....maybe she wasn't around as a role model when she was most needed. I never pried into this side of her life.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 2:20 pm

Fascinating, I find people so interesting ... we all have a story to tell, if someone will listen, or ask..!! :-3

She was a bit 'odd' Carla. She had lots of pets in her house in cages. I heard that she didn't clean them out very often. YUK.

She met her boyfriend at our works and got pregnant...her BF is a little odd too, but completely opposite in his hygeine habits, in fact he always looks pink and shiny.....well scrubbed.

I'm sure she knew that her cleanliness wasn't up to scratch, because when she was pregnant, she got the midwife to visit her at the boyfriends house.

Anyway...she had a beautiful little girl who always looks lovely, the girl still looks a bit 'suspect' though. I did hear that she was pregnant again. I see her occasionally although she didn't come back to work after the baby was born...she's always proud to show me the babe.

She used to talk about her Dad but never her Mum....maybe she wasn't around as a role model when she was most needed. I never pried into this side of her life.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 3:19 pm

BabyRider wrote: Are you one of those people who can tell someone the truth without fear of hurting feelings? Do you blurt out things that other people would never EVER say to someone else?

I call things as I see them. I know a few others in here that do as well, without fear of, well....without fear of anything, frankly. So. Can you tell it like it is, or do you sugar-coat and cushion things to people for fear of making them upset?

I don't sugar coat anything that I say, but do use considerable tact. Being blunt with comments is like using a hammer to stop someone snoring.

telaquapacky · Post by **telaquapacky** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 9:23 pm

There's a middle road. A passive people pleaser who won't give you a needed heads-up is as much a pain as a loudmoutned, opinionated busybody.