Opposite-Sex Friendships...What's Bugging Me

BruiserKC · Post by **BruiserKC** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 7:48 pm

No stress, JAB...it's all good. And that's something I think I had been dealing with until now. And those that don't like it IMHO are either jealous or are unable to handle that type of friendship.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 9:59 pm

Far Rider wrote: what a wild thread!

ok..

some delving into the past life of the Far dude!

my first real close friend was a little girl (next farm over) I was under 10, knew her for two years, best friend I ever had as a kid, we were inseperable and I truly loved her she was my bud... her family moved away and I cried for three days!

my cousin and i grew up together he and I were best friends, to this day, Id consider him my closest friend.

i had many bud in the army, all male, rarely did I associate with women, unless it was church women or my wifes friends.

today, my best friends are all women, I have coffee with them, talk on line with them, call them, and write cards and letters.

i have a group of army buds that when present are probably the closest friends that a person can have. when not present, they are distant and cold.

I flirt here a lot, but im pretty sure everyone knows im just kidding around.

I had no Idea....

canuck_girl · Post by **canuck_girl** » Thu Jan 12, 2006 1:03 am

Lon wrote: I am 71 years of age and over the years up to the present, my best friends have always been female. A number have been extremely attractive and a couple are lesbians. These relationships with other women have always been aceptable to my spouses and neither ever felt jealous or threatened. I enjoy male companionship on a limited basis but detest the superficiality and macho bullshit of the vast majority of my sex. Men seem to like to keep a wall around their feelings and are reluctant to discuss health matters or any subject that might indicate that they are weak. I will talk business and sports with male friends but have really never had a close male friend that I would confide in.

Hi folks, I'm brand new here!

I saw this thread and was interested, so i signed up. It has always seemed to me that there are two schools of thought here. Those that think that platonic relationships are possible, and those that don't and feel there must be an ulterior motive to same. I have grappled with the concepts of both options.

In the final analysis, though, I think I agree with Lon. Some men do feel most comfortable discussing mostly superficial topics. The old slap-on-the-back "how's it goin' buddy?" scenario. They perceive women as conquests (or unsuitable for friendship if they're attached) because they perceive male-female relationships as sexual in nature.

I don't. I have many male friends, ( yet not those that subscribe to the above theory) and I'm married. We shoot the breeze about all kinds of stuff. And no, my husband is not threatened. I expect to be upfront with him about these friendships, and they in turn must respect and value my marriage. Once that's quickly established, it's lots of fun to hang with friends of the opposite sex. If they don't get it, they didn't really want to be your friend anyway, right?

In fact, I think it would be extremely boring and restrictive to feel that because you are attached, you couldn't associate with members of the opposite sex. As for the rumour mill, hell, they don't need fuel do they so who cares? What say you?!

P.S. I really like the diverse opinions expressed here.

Refreshing!

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Thu Jan 12, 2006 9:33 pm

Hey, CanGirl, you're gonna fit right in here!!

(The Great and Powerful Val has spoken!!)

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Jan 12, 2006 9:35 pm

valerie wrote: Hey, CanGirl, you're gonna fit right in here!!

(The Great and Powerful Val has spoken!!)

the one and only VAL actually.

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Thu Jan 12, 2006 9:37 pm

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

:yh_blush :yh_kiss

Hopalong · Post by **Hopalong** » Wed Jan 25, 2006 11:44 am

I have read through this thread and found some of the responses to be quite insightful . Certainly in some of the more realistic and honest appraisals. Particularly Flopstick , Lon and SnoozControl. As an ( I suspect) older observer with some experience in this subject I offer the following:

I believe you really enjoy and cherish the "relationships" with the three women.

However its possible you feel some nagging unease with this and are looking for some kind justification and approval from the group. Otherwise - why bother - you've got a good thing going -why do you even care ?

Over the years I found that friendships with women (outside marriage) have been far more enjoyable than with male friends . Men's friendships , while satisfying the need for male bonding (popular term today) can be rewarding , they are typically shallow in their emotional depth. Guys dont' usually talk to guys about a lot of stuff women do. Like relationships, love , pain and sex.

Bottom line though is this- I am hard pressed to believe that you never have thoughts or feelings toward one or more of them that are less than platonic.

I read somewhere that research indicated that on average, younger men think about sex many many times during a normal work day . Its just the way we are wired. I'm 62 and when in the company of women I still think about it more often that I perhaps should . So - please forgive me if I get the feeling that - "if it sounds too good to be true - it probably is"

My advice would be - enjoy it as long as you can.

Hopalong

juanita_ghy · Post by **juanita_ghy** » Sun Jan 29, 2006 7:33 am

hiya everybody...i am new here too. was just browsing through all the forums and just stumbled into this one. really some good comments by many of the people here. yeah both sides of the matter have to be looked into but ultimately it depends on what u think is right. i dont think one chooses a friend by his or her gender. for me a friend is a friend. i am a girl and i guess most of the friends i have are guys. but thats mainly cos i can relate to them much more than with many of the girls i know. like for example most of the girls i know can talk only about make-up and dresses and stuff like that. its ok to one point but i cant only be talking about that all the time. but with the guys i know....we talk about all kinda stuff...even have the same tastes in movies and music. if thats not all they are the only ones who help me out with any kind of trouble. for anything they do they never ask anything in return...but just my friendship. in fact i have to advice them many times when they have some problems with their girlfriends. i have a boyfriend too and he is cool about the fact that most of my friends are guys. my parents know all my friends too and dont object. so if i dont have a problem with my friends so why should i care what others think. its not like they are gonna come helping me when i am in trouble. so i just believe in doing the right think and not bother what others have to say about that.

juanita