Can I trust him
Can I trust him
My boyfriend has always been really affectionate and let me know that he loved me. He always wanted us to do things together and we always had a good time. He seemed to totally accept me the way I am. Recently we had a child together and things have changed. We don't spend time together even when we're in the same room we don't seem to talk. He has several female friends and he doesn't seem to hide them at all but there is one that he talks to a lot and recently I read one of their text message conversations and he asked the girl if he could lay with her, and talked about them sleeping together. This is a girl that he admitted he hasn't told about our new baby. He says it was just a joke and meant nothing. He said a few conversations with her weren't worth hurting me and said he'd never talk to her again although I know she still sends him messages. He sleeps on the couch every night and has given me several reasons for needing to do this but the reasons keep changing and he knows that this is something that bothers me. Recently I've seen that he has been looking at porn alone while I'm asleep. Even this he told me about before I saw it but it still makes me feel like something strange is happening. We cant have sex for a few more weeks because of complications from the delivery of my baby but now he isn't as affectionate. He keeps telling me that all he wants is for us to be a family and that he would never do anything to risk that. He says he loves me but I'm too scared to trust him because of some of the things he does. I just want to know if anybody who can see more clearly can give me any insight or advice. I'm desperate because I love him and just had a baby and thought until recently that we were happy.
Can I trust him
You asked for advice, so I'll give it. I'm going to be really straightforward
and blunt.
Get out. Now. You and your child don't need this. Do you have any other
sort of support? Family, friends? You need to lean on them now.
You are really going to be setting yourself up for a world more of hurt if
you try and stay.
Get strong within yourself. You will be FINE. It's gonna hurt a lot to
start but you'll be better off. Okay?
Here's a little sunshine your way:
:-6 :-6
and blunt.
Get out. Now. You and your child don't need this. Do you have any other
sort of support? Family, friends? You need to lean on them now.
You are really going to be setting yourself up for a world more of hurt if
you try and stay.
Get strong within yourself. You will be FINE. It's gonna hurt a lot to
start but you'll be better off. Okay?
Here's a little sunshine your way:
:-6 :-6
Can I trust him
thank you
Can I trust him
it's very difficult to give an unknown person advice. we get this a lot. but i would say this...he's a liar, get out. sleeps on the couch? BYE.
Can I trust him
I would have to agree with all the advice you have received here so far. It won't change he is playing you big time.. !!
It ain't no joke about his conversations with this other girl. If he is talking like that his intention is to do something about it. Protect yourself and your sweet baby and get out while you can, there are good decent men in this world who are honest ... You don't need this ..

ALOHA!!
MOTTO TO LIVE BY:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.
WOO HOO!!, what a ride!!!"
MOTTO TO LIVE BY:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.
WOO HOO!!, what a ride!!!"
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- Posts: 1061
- Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2005 11:52 am
Can I trust him
lady cop has a good point with giving a stranger advice.But sometimes unbiased comments are the best window into the problem.So with that in mind,One of my closest Friends is a marriage counselor and has extensive education in psychology.And she happens too be having coffee with my wife and I right now.And she has this too say:
Men my at times view there spouse/partner as damaged goods after a child is born,doesn't mean they don't love them or the mother.Men may uncomfortable with "the changes" in there lives.this one may be immature and not ready too be responsible enough too be a good mate,i.e. Father/daddy/provider/husband/understanding loving partner.The fact that he does not make you and your child his number one priority is a big red flag.Women seem too fall into the "maybe he will change" syndrome and are disappointed far too often.And the relationship can take many different turns and twists just trying stay together,fights,abuse,emotional damage,all this be transfered too the child.While you are trying too "fix"your relationship with your b/f your child gets overlooked,attention is diverted from child too partner,as the child grows,he/she sees and learns that this is a "normal" relationship.Not fair too child.
There are alot of factors that come into play here and there is alot of info that needs too be considered.
age,how long together,why not married,jobs?,was the baby planned?,how did you both feel when you found out about the baby,girl or boy,is it your first(for both),Did the father claim responsibility for the child,I.E. sign the papers as the father,and give him/her his last name.
But just going on what is posted here,It seems that he does not what any part of being daddy or a loving caring partner in a family setting.But he needs too be responsible for his actions,if he has legal claim too the child then he must help you support it.
If he does not want too do this then he has taken step one too disowning it and you.
The fact that he even entertains the thought of another women at this juncture in your relationship says that he will,never put you and your child on his important list.YOU must rid yourself of him,Tough yes,easy no,But you must think of your child and keep all that is evil from it.Start today,plan what ever you have too do too make it.Find support,may even be programs around you some where that may help.But this guy is a low life piece of crap,flush him,and be done.
Parenthood is a job for life.All else takes a back seat,including girl friends.No excuse ever.
Men my at times view there spouse/partner as damaged goods after a child is born,doesn't mean they don't love them or the mother.Men may uncomfortable with "the changes" in there lives.this one may be immature and not ready too be responsible enough too be a good mate,i.e. Father/daddy/provider/husband/understanding loving partner.The fact that he does not make you and your child his number one priority is a big red flag.Women seem too fall into the "maybe he will change" syndrome and are disappointed far too often.And the relationship can take many different turns and twists just trying stay together,fights,abuse,emotional damage,all this be transfered too the child.While you are trying too "fix"your relationship with your b/f your child gets overlooked,attention is diverted from child too partner,as the child grows,he/she sees and learns that this is a "normal" relationship.Not fair too child.
There are alot of factors that come into play here and there is alot of info that needs too be considered.
age,how long together,why not married,jobs?,was the baby planned?,how did you both feel when you found out about the baby,girl or boy,is it your first(for both),Did the father claim responsibility for the child,I.E. sign the papers as the father,and give him/her his last name.
But just going on what is posted here,It seems that he does not what any part of being daddy or a loving caring partner in a family setting.But he needs too be responsible for his actions,if he has legal claim too the child then he must help you support it.
If he does not want too do this then he has taken step one too disowning it and you.
The fact that he even entertains the thought of another women at this juncture in your relationship says that he will,never put you and your child on his important list.YOU must rid yourself of him,Tough yes,easy no,But you must think of your child and keep all that is evil from it.Start today,plan what ever you have too do too make it.Find support,may even be programs around you some where that may help.But this guy is a low life piece of crap,flush him,and be done.
Parenthood is a job for life.All else takes a back seat,including girl friends.No excuse ever.
Can I trust him
Asking the question suggests that you don't trust him and are looking for support to act on your suspicions. Relationships between two people are very complex and other people can never tell you the best thing to do in your own unique situation. I've been in a similar situation (sans baby) though and here's my thoughts.
Of paramount importance is to draw up contingency plans. Before you confront him, which you must, have things sorted out so that you and your baby are secure and he loses out for his bad faith. Tell him your feelings and listen to his, you had a baby together so the love that was there can certainly be rekindled. Figure out if you want him! a lover who slips away often has reasons to belive their not wanted.
Its heartbreaking to read your post and I wish you all the best.
Of paramount importance is to draw up contingency plans. Before you confront him, which you must, have things sorted out so that you and your baby are secure and he loses out for his bad faith. Tell him your feelings and listen to his, you had a baby together so the love that was there can certainly be rekindled. Figure out if you want him! a lover who slips away often has reasons to belive their not wanted.
Its heartbreaking to read your post and I wish you all the best.