Galbally's Advice Column for FG.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 12:27 pm

Galbally wrote: I am not sure as to the calorific qualities, or energy density of coal as opposed to reindeer excretia, I shall perform some experiements to determine an adequate answer.
Nevermind the calories, go by taste

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:25 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: Dr G,

The inhabitants of FGLand are getting unruly without your guidance. Please get your computer fixed and hurry back to us.

Sincerely,

Snooze

Clancey and Snooze, I have noted that what you said is quite accurate, these people do need a firm hand, well, the virus is now dead, and the PC is back on form. So, any questions?

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:29 pm

ArnoldLayne wrote: Dr Galbally. I feel I must complain. There is a thick black fug eminating from your chimney and it STINKS. You can buy an adequate smokeless fuel from your local retailer, failing that you could ask Snooze to knit you some gloves. I feel it is unecessary to warm your little hands by burning reindeer crap. Me and the neighbours have petitioned Father Christmas and he has agreed not to visit you on christmas day ( to be honest he needed no persuasion after a casual drive by your chimney ).

By the way , my christmas present request has been posted to you and is waiting your attention. Me and Arnold dont want much

Arnold, I'm sorry that you and Arnold feel this way, and that Santa has been swayed by your emotional blackmail. I feel that it is unfortunate that I must destroy yet another small piece of the environment, however, some questions must be answered and I do not think that our great-grandchildren will forgive us if it becomes apparent that we have missed out on the great opportunuites that reindeer crap may provide our species with.

Your present request has been noted and will be dealt with, swiftly.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:30 pm

ArnoldLayne wrote: What about the smell doc ?:p

You must try and see the bigger picture, science demands it.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:32 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: Glad you're back, doc.:-4

Thank you Miss Control, you affection is appreciated. I must now go to bed as I am tired from looking after a sick computer and post-operation woozy dog.

ELF · Post by **ELF** » Fri Dec 09, 2005 7:59 am

What is the best rum toddy?

Elves Rule, Grinches Drool!

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Dec 20, 2005 2:34 am

ELF wrote: What is the best rum toddy?

Elves Rule, Grinches Drool!

The best rum toddy contains jamacian rum, water, brown sugar, lemon, and cloves, heated to almost boiling and drank when lightly cooled. Not forgoing this advice, and toddy that contains the maximum amount of alcohol possible should always be considered an option.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Dec 20, 2005 2:37 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Professor Galbally,

Have you grown bored with us? Or have you found a lovely young Irish lass that's consuming your time and energy. Or possibly both.

Dear Snooze, I am sorry about my lack of diligence on the boards lately, unfortunatly I have been indisposed due to the tragic situation I discussed earlier in another board. I will try and get back to a regular advice service as soon as possible, as I miss my cyber patients, do not fear, I shall be on hand to deal with your problems as an when they arise. I must say that I enjoy your new cat animated signature, very charming.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Dec 20, 2005 2:39 am

JAB wrote: I'm still laughing at this one. Is that a problem?

Dear Jab, no this should not be a problem as long as you allow small breaks in the laughter of between 5 to ten minutes during which you can consume food and talk to your fellow human beings, also finding the right place to laugh should be a priority as people may display displeaure if you continue your uncontrollable laughter at your children's Christmas pantos, police traffic checkpoints, supermarket queues, etc etc.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Dec 29, 2005 7:07 pm

Okay, I have found enough time and patience to resume my practice, you problems are my opportunuties for a bit of fun, I have missed you people I must admit, anyway, you may fire when ready.

Lil~Basco · Post by **Lil~Basco** » Thu Dec 29, 2005 7:10 pm

Hey Galbally...nice to see you back! :-6

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Thu Dec 29, 2005 7:12 pm

Dear Doc:

Should I ring in the New Year at Times Square, or be a square and stay home?

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 12:19 am

Dear Dr Galbally,

Stockings or tights?;)

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 6:14 pm

Lil~Basco wrote: Hey Galbally...nice to see you back! :-6

Thank you, it is nice to be seen.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 6:17 pm

chonsigirl wrote: Dear Doc:

Should I ring in the New Year at Times Square, or be a square and stay home?

Depending on weather conditions, available cash, petrol supplies, and the current crime rate in urban New York, I would advise Times Sqaure, as you can use the new year as an opportunity to harrangue New Yorkers about their fabled lack of patience and fondness for obtuse politicians.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 6:19 pm

abbey wrote: Dear Dr Galbally,

Stockings or tights?;)

Dear abbey, I believe that stocking are always more appropriate if you intend getting "busy" over the new year period. If you would rather remain at home with the man, the cats, and a bottle of Jacobs Creek Merlot then tights are OK as long as they are a fine denier.

Lil~Basco · Post by **Lil~Basco** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 6:20 pm

Galbally...

I'm going to a honky tonk New Year's Eve party tomorrow night where there will be lots of men, booze, dancin' and laughter. How would be the graceful way to make an exit early so I could be home before midnight....alone?

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 6:23 pm

ArnoldLayne wrote: Oh you dont need the good doctor to answer THAT one.

Stockings, stockings, stockings. There , got that off me chest

Dear Mr Layne (A.K.A. "The Gov")

You seem to have developed a healthy interest in abbey's choice of undergaments, this is perfectly understandable as we all (well men) have probably done this on occasion. However, you must remember that it is always a womans right to choose, and of course be wrong at the same time. However, if it pleases you, I am in agreement with your choice in this matter.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Dec 31, 2005 7:15 pm

Lil~Basco wrote: Galbally...

I'm going to a honky tonk New Year's Eve party tomorrow night where there will be lots of men, booze, dancin' and laughter. How would be the graceful way to make an exit early so I could be home before midnight....alone?

This is simple, you must pretend to get as drunk as possible and start letting it slip to all and sundry that you are very broody and want to have a child as soon as possible, also pretend that you know a good paternity lawyer, you will have no trouble from the opposite sex. I can assure you of that.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Dec 31, 2005 7:17 pm

ArnoldLayne wrote: Dr , do you think we could keep my healthy interest in Abbeys undergarments between you and me. The problem is, my username might indicate a propensity for underwear collecting, whereas, the real me has no such special hobby.Well it wasnt proved anyway

I shall remain reticent on the subject of your underwear fetish as indeed it may cause unwarrented alarm amoungst our female compatriots, however, you yourself need have no fears, this is an entirely heathly and normal occurrence. But discretion is advisable.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Dec 31, 2005 7:17 pm

Happy New Year Galbally!:)

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Dec 31, 2005 7:18 pm

chonsigirl wrote: Happy New Year Galbally!:)

And many happy returns CG.

Lil~Basco · Post by **Lil~Basco** » Sun Jan 01, 2006 5:59 pm

Galbally wrote: This is simple, you must pretend to get as drunk as possible and start letting it slip to all and sundry that you are very broody and want to have a child as soon as possible, also pretend that you know a good paternity lawyer, you will have no trouble from the opposite sex. I can assure you of that.
Thanks for the advise Galbally. But...I didn't get home until 2am....and alone, as I hoped for! Whewww! :wah:

Hope you had a Happy New Year!

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 11:10 pm

Stone the bloody crows... I come in here - get all excited - only to find the handsome Irish agony uncle has shot through. This is a teriible loss, and I can hear angels weeping - but worse still, we are left bereft.

I shall forever now be haunted by the Claudian versus Ovid question. I shall be lying awake on my antipodean couch - counting kangaroos in vain.. meditating on the deeper meaning of life, the universe, everything - without hope of getting the single blonde neuron round any answers.

And then there's the place of uillean pipe music in the scheme of things? Does it lead to dancing like Michael Flatulence? Should one be allowed to carry a tin whistle on an aircraft? What's wrong with Jacob's creek red plonk? Should one reverse Beltaine and Samhain if one is in the better hemisphere? ( I mean dancing naked with flowers in one's hair on midsummer's eve could actually get you frostbitten if it's really midwinter's eve). See... we need you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm heading for the pub to crack a few cold tinnies and sulk.

TruthSeekerToo · Post by **TruthSeekerToo** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 11:23 pm

Sir Galbally,

How do we solve the childish squabble between those with thousands of posts and those that have recently joined? Can't we post together in harmony?

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Thu Jan 26, 2006 8:02 am

TruthSeekerToo wrote: Sir Galbally,

How do we solve the childish squabble between those with thousands of posts and those that have recently joined? Can't we post together in harmony?
I agree! We should focus on more mature squabbles between those who talk normal and those with funny north accents. Do they live so far north because they talk funny or talk funny because their teeth are clenched against the cold? :guitarist

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Thu Jan 26, 2006 11:53 am

I'm with you there, Accountable... being from the even Deeeeeper South!! We shall rise again, OK !!!

koan · Post by **koan** » Thu Jan 26, 2006 10:47 pm

Why do people think one can't have cake and eat it too?

Nibbles · Post by **Nibbles** » Thu Jan 26, 2006 11:18 pm

koan wrote: Why do people think one can't have cake and eat it too?

Or is it

"THEIR KATE AND EDITH TOO".............

LOL

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Jan 27, 2006 5:57 pm

If the sky is the limit, is space over the limit?

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 7:58 pm

ArnoldLayne wrote: Dear doctor ,On your return could you please settle a fierce arguement , raging between myself and Uncle Kram, concerning his obtuse choice of 5th century poet, ie Claudian, together with all his failed scribblings and my own choice, the elegant and sophisticated Ovid, he of exquisite taste and fruitful invention

We really are talking of Shakespeare versus squalid paperback.

I trust your fine upbringing and impecable breeding will bring this episode to a close, so that Uncle Kram can continue with his penny dreadfuls and disposable romantic comics

Firstly, I am sorry that I have become so sporadic in my appearances on this board, it appears that there has been some controversy about this and I'm sorry if this has annoyed people. It would amuse me to see for myself the fabled thread about my dissapearance and see what ideas people had going on about whatever that thread was actually about (which I still have no idea). As ffor being a semi-detached FG'er unfortunatly this is the situation as it stands due to outside circumstances, and it will remain so for the forseeable future, I will answer all PMs as quickly as possible, and all that, and I will attempt to catch up with everyone as best as I can.

As for Ovid and Claudian, well of course Ovid is the superior man, though being more of a Tacitus fan myself my interests in this subject (i.e. late era roman poets and writers) is small. Claudian is an interesting writer, but for all the wrong reasons, in the same way that mendelsson is an interesting composer, but not a particularly good one. I hope that is of assistance. I shall return to the board as soon as possible and answer all other queries.

SOJOURNER · Post by **SOJOURNER** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 8:20 pm

Hi there....... glad to see you have resurfaced. :-6

You've been missed by more people than you would have guessed........

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 8:21 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: Hi Galbally!:D

Run Galbally Run!!:wah:

By the way....Hi!

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:44 pm

Hello snooze, sojourner, and sheryl respectively, its nice to be missed.

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:47 pm

hope ya get the real life things sorted out so you can come back soon to play in the garden, dig a little dirt, fling a little mud and just have some fun.

Good to see ya however briefly it may be.

Cheers

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:50 pm

AussiePam wrote: Stone the bloody crows... I come in here - get all excited - only to find the handsome Irish agony uncle has shot through. This is a teriible loss, and I can hear angels weeping - but worse still, we are left bereft.

I shall forever now be haunted by the Claudian versus Ovid question. I shall be lying awake on my antipodean couch - counting kangaroos in vain.. meditating on the deeper meaning of life, the universe, everything - without hope of getting the single blonde neuron round any answers.

And then there's the place of uillean pipe music in the scheme of things? Does it lead to dancing like Michael Flatulence? Should one be allowed to carry a tin whistle on an aircraft? What's wrong with Jacob's creek red plonk? Should one reverse Beltaine and Samhain if one is in the better hemisphere? ( I mean dancing naked with flowers in one's hair on midsummer's eve could actually get you frostbitten if it's really midwinter's eve). See... we need you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm heading for the pub to crack a few cold tinnies and sulk.

Thank you aussie pam, that is all very flattering, rest yourself about the ovid/claudian question, Ovid is your man, every time. Uileann pipes can lead to problems, but not if played properly, I actually play trad music from time to time, and know some pipe players (rare) and I can vouch for most of them. Tin whistle's are necessary at all times as you never know when one will be needed to dispatch some reckless PLO hjacker, as to whether you should reverse the harvest festivals in oceania, that depends on how strong the celtic blood flows in the veins, in general I would advice any naked dancing activities in young women as such ideas are pleasing to me personally, but its your choice. Slan leat.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:52 pm

TruthSeekerToo wrote: Sir Galbally,

How do we solve the childish squabble between those with thousands of posts and those that have recently joined? Can't we post together in harmony?

I am unaware that their were such conflicts, my advice is that conflict is good for the soul and battle on regardless of the outcome as you are boud to learn something about yourself in the process.

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:52 pm

G'day Galbally. You'd gone when I first stumbled in here, I think. But I read the thread and missed you already. Come back soon .. agus

LÃƒ le Brid shona dhuit

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:53 pm

minks wrote: hope ya get the real life things sorted out so you can come back soon to play in the garden, dig a little dirt, fling a little mud and just have some fun.

Good to see ya however briefly it may be.

Cheers

I appreciate the sentiment minks, on occasion life takes you for a little ride and decides when and where to let you off. This has been my experience recently, anyway, no matter. Hope that you are well.