sleeping on the couch

norma · Post by **norma** » Fri Jan 27, 2006 9:18 pm

Just wondering what anyone would think of this. After only a few months together my boyfriend started sleeping on the couch most of the time. We've been together for two years and sleep seperately almost every night. We do have sex often and he's affectionate with me. We don't really fight but we do talk and work out problems we have. First he said he had to sleep on the couch because of heartburn then it was his work schedule and now it's because of his back. It really bothers me though because I hate sleeping alone. He says it has nothing to do with me and sometimes promises to come in there more often but it rarely ever happens. I find myself feeling alone and frustrated becuase I hate sleeping alone. Does anyone think I am being unfair in expecting us to be together. Do you think it could be the sign of a bigger problem. He doesn't think so but I have to wonder because I don't think it's normal. thanks

libertine · Post by **libertine** » Fri Jan 27, 2006 10:41 pm

I'd bet that HE likes to sleep alone. And it doesn't have anything to do with you. Just because two people are intimate doesn't mean they have to sleep together. It is NOT abnormal, especially if you're getting together at other times.

Maybe you can work out a compromise...sleep together one or two nights a week or something.

Remember HIS feelings are as important as yours in this matter.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Jan 27, 2006 11:24 pm

norma wrote: Just wondering what anyone would think of this. After only a few months together my boyfriend started sleeping on the couch most of the time. We've been together for two years and sleep seperately almost every night. We do have sex often and he's affectionate with me. We don't really fight but we do talk and work out problems we have. First he said he had to sleep on the couch because of heartburn then it was his work schedule and now it's because of his back. It really bothers me though because I hate sleeping alone. He says it has nothing to do with me and sometimes promises to come in there more often but it rarely ever happens. I find myself feeling alone and frustrated becuase I hate sleeping alone. Does anyone think I am being unfair in expecting us to be together. Do you think it could be the sign of a bigger problem. He doesn't think so but I have to wonder because I don't think it's normal. thanks

I have had two wives and did not sleep with either one. I just cannot go to sleep with someone next to me. I am very warm blooded and will toss cover to stay cool even in the coldest weather. I like one blanket or just a duvet. This was fine with both wives as they said that they slept better alone as well. They also liked the weight of several blankets (ugh). This hardly interferred with nocturnal visits for cuddling and other activities.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 1:51 am

I'm going to agree with the rest of the group here, Norma. If everything else is good then I wouldn't make a big deal out of this. Tell him how you told us, that you like to have your man to cuddle with on occassion, and that you'd like to make a compromise. If he won't budge, then get yourself a nice, big warm dog to curl up with at night! :yh_bigsmi

Skeeter · Post by **Skeeter** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 2:26 am

norma wrote: Just wondering what anyone would think of this. After only a few months together my boyfriend started sleeping on the couch most of the time. We've been together for two years and sleep seperately almost every night. We do have sex often and he's affectionate with me. We don't really fight but we do talk and work out problems we have. First he said he had to sleep on the couch because of heartburn then it was his work schedule and now it's because of his back. It really bothers me though because I hate sleeping alone. He says it has nothing to do with me and sometimes promises to come in there more often but it rarely ever happens. I find myself feeling alone and frustrated becuase I hate sleeping alone. Does anyone think I am being unfair in expecting us to be together. Do you think it could be the sign of a bigger problem. He doesn't think so but I have to wonder because I don't think it's normal. thanks

Sorry, I feel for him, I loved sleeping on the sofa...it fit my back and gave it support but was a constant irritant to my husband who would come in and wake me and ask me to come to bed because he couldn't sleep with me not there...we cuddled and made love before I escaped to the sofa to sleep....his snoring and restless leg syndrome left no rest or peace for me...and if I just stayed on the sofa. guess what...in a few moments I could hear him "snoring" peacefully in the bed he said he needed me in....don't let his sleeping on the sofa destroy an otherwise good relationship.........or....maybe you could join him on the sofa ? if you are cold and he is warm blooded it could be plain miserable for him to have you beside him while he sleeps.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 4:05 am

As we spend approximately a third of our lives there, one place you have to be happy is in bed. I don't see this as a problem if it is genuinely down to the fact that it is a sleeping preference and not an excuse. Like Lon, I found that it was like sleeping next to a hot water bottle and apart from the coldest winter night, fairly uncomfortable.

If he has a problem with his back, sleeping long-term on the couch may not be a wise move.

Maybe you could have two single beds in the same room

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 5:12 am

Everyone has different sleeping preferences, and since you miss him next to you in bed-tell him so. Work out some compromise so you sleep together the whole night several times during the week. If he has a physical reason for being uncomfortable during the night, he should see a doctor to alleviate the problem.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 8:06 am

I agree with everyone else too.

If everything else is good then I wouldn't worry about the sleeping situation too much!

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 8:11 am

Maybe you snore.

Shweet tatersalad · Post by **Shweet tatersalad** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 8:14 am

Hello Norma,Is this the same guy you speak of in the "I can't trust him thread"? If so then you need too rid yourself of him.If he is yet a "new" guy then you may other issues but in whole every one else makes sense.

themanbehindthemanbehindt · Sat Jan 28, 2006 9:59 am

I have terrible gas at night sometimes although my first wife did as well so we slept together with this. Could that be a factor in your case?

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 10:58 am

If prior to the two of you moving in together he slept alone it might just be that he cant sleep if your in the bed. He might be a light sleeper or maybe you snort or drool and it keeps him up. Maybe his movements are restricted because he doesnt want to bother you. Things dont sound too bad and sometimes you just have to compromise and make adsjustments.

Do you snort and drool ?

pina · Post by **pina** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 11:20 am

Nomad wrote:

Do you snort and drool ?

I snort and drool and kick and fight with the duvet, I'm surprised anyone is willing to sleep with me. :wah:

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 11:25 am

My BS detectors are full ON.

That's all I'm going to say.

Shweet tatersalad · Post by **Shweet tatersalad** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 11:32 am

valerie wrote: My BS detectors are full ON.

That's all I'm going to say.

R U saying Norma is tell'in storys for attention?

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 11:35 am

Hiya Norma and welcome to FG.

I suffer from a bad chest from time to time and because i cough & splutter all night long

i tend to come downstairs & sleep on the sofa where i tend to sleep peacefully

and i know it sounds strange but after a few nights like this i begin to loath going back to sleeping in bed.

Once i'm back to normal ( yea, yea Abbeynormal :p ) i'm fine.

Maybe that was the problem with your bf, i know its no consolation to you when all you want is to fall asleep in his arms,

maybe you could come to some sort of compromise

whereby you both go to bed that little bit earlier and he lies with you until you nod off.

Good luck to you both, i hope you manage to work through your problems xx

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 11:38 am

I don't know if I'd exactly say that... sumthin's rotten in Denmark, though.

With the baby and the BF and the porn watching and all... well... she seems

just to be one of those who wants to talk and not DO. If she just wanted

to rant and have us all listen, fine. But she seems to let people expend

energy on her and not take any advice to heart. And then here she is back

some time later, same old same old.

(Edited to add: this was in response to Shweet's post)

Shweet tatersalad · Post by **Shweet tatersalad** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 11:45 am

valerie wrote: I don't know if I'd exactly say that... sumthin's rotten in Denmark, though.

With the baby and the BF and the porn watching and all... well... she seems

just to be one of those who wants to talk and not DO. If she just wanted

to rant and have us all listen, fine. But she seems to let people expend

energy on her and not take any advice to heart. And then here she is back

some time later, same old same old.

(Edited to add: this was in response to Shweet's post)

Ok then,just wanted too know if anyone was get'in the vibe thats all.Lots of shrinks in my family,we are a phyco bunch.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 11:45 am

valerie wrote: I don't know if I'd exactly say that... sumthin's rotten in Denmark, though.

With the baby and the BF and the porn watching and all... well... she seems

just to be one of those who wants to talk and not DO. If she just wanted

to rant and have us all listen, fine. But she seems to let people expend

energy on her and not take any advice to heart. And then here she is back

some time later, same old same old.

(Edited to add: this was in response to Shweet's post)Good job Supersleuth

I note that there is no mention of any of her previous posts in this thread! #1

Shweet tatersalad · Post by **Shweet tatersalad** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 11:48 am

abbey wrote: Good job Supersleuth

I note that there is no mention of any of her previous posts in this thread! #1

Thats what clued me in,the connection/but no connection.

Shweet tatersalad · Post by **Shweet tatersalad** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 11:52 am

Hey not too get off the subject,but antone ever put some thought into a live chat room on this site? I'm on a couple boards that have one and it works out good.

pina · Post by **pina** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 11:59 am

Shweet tatersalad wrote: Hey not too get off the subject,but antone ever put some thought into a live chat room on this site? I'm on a couple boards that have one and it works out good.

We have one, you will find it on the top left hand corner of the home page under site navigation.

Shweet tatersalad · Post by **Shweet tatersalad** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 11:59 am

Shweet tatersalad wrote: Hey not too get off the subject,but antone ever put some thought into a live chat room on this site? I'm on a couple boards that have one and it works out good.

Ok,my bad,I found it.So let me rephrase my question,How come no one ever Goes too the chat room.

pina · Post by **pina** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 12:01 pm

Shweet tatersalad wrote: Ok,my bad,I found it.So let me rephrase my question,How come no one ever Goes too the chat room.

I'm not sure why not, I tried it and got to know Scotty a lot better than if it was just through the posts, but nobody goes there.:-1

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 12:10 pm

Shweet tatersalad wrote: Ok,my bad,I found it.So let me rephrase my question,How come no one ever Goes too the chat room.My typing's too slow & folk get bored with waiting for replies & nod off! :wah:

pina · Post by **pina** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 12:27 pm

abbey wrote: My typing's too slow & folk get bored with waiting for replies & nod off! :wah:

I'll wait for you Abbey. :-4

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 1:34 pm

pina wrote: I'll wait for you Abbey. :-4No Pina what you mean is, i'll just nip off to play nibble my nuts in the arcade while i wait for her reply :wah:

pina · Post by **pina** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 1:41 pm

abbey wrote: No Pina what you mean is, i'll just nip off to play nibble my nuts in the arcade while i wait for her reply :wah:

I do that when I'm on MSN to my sister, she's so slow because she writes essays instead of sentences and always has to cross the T's and dot the I's. In fact I'm often talking to her while I'm on here. :wah:

Shweet tatersalad · Post by **Shweet tatersalad** » Sun Jan 29, 2006 11:14 am

I've gone there acouple times but all I get is this computer generated "mother of spirit" thing that sounds like a coke machine in rehab because of a pepsi habit gone bad.It,s too bad we can't all pick a time and get together real time.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sun Jan 29, 2006 11:30 am

Shweet tatersalad wrote: I've gone there acouple times but all I get is this computer generated "mother of spirit" thing that sounds like a coke machine in rehab because of a pepsi habit gone bad.It,s too bad we can't all pick a time and get together real time.Shweet, if you go in the garden you can also go into a chat area without mother of spirit.

Shweet tatersalad · Post by **Shweet tatersalad** » Sun Jan 29, 2006 11:42 am

abbey wrote: Shweet, if you go in the garden you can also go into a chat area without mother of spirit.

That one is emptyer than the head of the dude that could'nt get my change right at burger king yesterday.Ding fries are done.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sun Jan 29, 2006 12:07 pm

Shweet tatersalad wrote: That one is emptyer than the head of the dude that could'nt get my change right at burger king yesterday.D'ya mean me or M.O.Spirit? :wah:

Her daughter was brilliant, very quick she did'nt wait for you to speak, and she

was pretty funny with it.

Unfortuately some naughty members went and broke her.

Shweet tatersalad · Post by **Shweet tatersalad** » Sun Jan 29, 2006 12:10 pm

abbey wrote: D'ya mean me or M.O.Spirit? :wah:

Her daughter was brilliant, very quick she did'nt wait for you to speak, and she

was pretty funny with it.

Unfortuately some naughty members went and broke her.

I meant that no one is ever in that room either.