Taking a Shower ~ Women vs. Men

[Cass]

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN



Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to

lights and darks.





Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along

the way, cover up any exposed areas.





Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do

more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.





Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,

wide loofah and pumice stone.





Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added

vitamins.





Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with

grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed

apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.





Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.





Rinse conditioner off hair.





Shave armpits and legs.





Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold

spots with Tilex.





Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.





Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.





Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.





If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.







HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN



Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in

a pile.





Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener

at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.





Look at your manly physique in the mirror.





Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.





Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.





Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.





Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.





Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.





Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.





Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk. Pee.





Rinse off and get out of shower.





Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was

hanging out of tub the whole time.





Admire wiener size in mirror again.





Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.





Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off

towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.





Throw wet towel on bed.

[abbey]

"WOO-WOO" PLSL :wah: :wah:

[valerie]

That has to be THE funniest thing I've seen in a long, long time.

Thanks ever so much for the GREAT laugh.

[Cass]

Angie wrote: :wah: Thank you sooooo much for the BEST LAUGH I'VE HAD IN A LONG TIME!!!!!!!



OMG... THINK I JUST WET MYSELF LAUGHIN SO HARD, IT IS SOOO TRUE!!!!

:wah: Angie
Laughter is the best medicine Glad you had fun, I just found that on the net.. I didnt' write it or anything:-3

[Der Wulf]

Ok gals, you’ve had your yuk’s, I need however to point out that the male behavior is genetic and, well necessary !

Example:

Leaving clothes in pile: provides female with feelings of self worth and moral superiority.

Walking naked: provides male with feeling of self worth, necessary since evolving from having horns on head. [see “horny”]

Shaking and pointing “wiener”: staking out territory [evolved from, and preferable to, lifting leg] the more evolved males limit this behavior to the alpha female

Making “woo-woo” sound: carry over from “shaking and pointing” procedure prior to central heating.

Look at manly physique in mirror: equipment check, a maintenance procedure.

Admire wiener size: see above, technical part of procedure

Scratch butt: carry over from days of long hair, when grooming was necessary. [procedure best not visualized]

Blow nose in hands, rinse off: evolved from knowledge that Kleenex clogs drain.

Fart, admire sound: more maintenance [see fart lighting procedure]

Wash privates: this is the real purpose for the shower. Unrestrained by clothing, caressed

by the warm water, this is the equivalent of strolling through the long grass…….

Wash hair, make shampoo Mohawk: this is actually the last part of wash privates, then repeated on head. It is simply an artistic expression.

Pee: last maintenance procedure, also used to direct soap bubbles and small dirt particles to shower drain.

Leaving wet towels ect.: see “leaving clothes in pile”

[Suresh Gupta]

A very interesting narration made more interesting by Der Wulf.

[Cass]

Der Wulf ~ you are making me consider lesbianism with that insight into male behavior.

[Der Wulf]

>>^..^ Der Wulf ~ you are making me consider lesbianism with that insight into male behavior.
Careful now, don't force me to dissect female behavior ! :p

[Cass]

Der Wulf wrote: Careful now, don't force me to dissect female behavior ! :p
LOL ~ I would have no where to turn!

[BabyRider]

Der Wulf wrote: Careful now, don't force me to dissect female behavior ! :p
OH PLEASE DO!!!! I would LOVE to see your take on this!!! At the very least it would be good for another laugh!!!

pleezepleezepleeze!!! :yh_pray



And Cass, :yh_rotfl

[Cass]

BabyRider wrote:

And Cass, :yh_rotfl
LOL ~ I wouldn't laugh if I were you, if I am forced to become lesbian I'll be looking you up

[BabyRider]

>>^..^ LOL ~ I wouldn't laugh if I were you, if I am forced to become lesbian I'll be looking you up
:yh_nailbi

[Cass]

BabyRider wrote: :yh_nailbi

[BabyRider]

>>^..^
Shucks... :yh_blush

[capt_buzzard]

:wah: ScoupeSlave wrote: very funny yet all so true!!!



-SS :wah:

[Der Wulf]

BabyRider wrote: OH PLEASE DO!!!! I would LOVE to see your take on this!!! At the very least it would be good for another laugh!!!

pleezepleezepleeze!!! :yh_pray



And Cass, :yh_rotfl


Thinking about it, but don't want to force Cass into being a celebater.



(Paula dear, check your dictionary before coming after my body parts) :-3

[Paula]

I never realized washing up was such a BIG deal? we need to submit photos of our shower stalls to the forum. then we would wonder does the stall need cleaning more than the person?

[Cass]

Der Wulf wrote: Thinking about it, but don't want to force Cass into being a celebater.
God forbid!

[Cass]

argonaut wrote: bring a dish or a desert
a desert is too dry... try a dessert instead

[valerie]

You know how my teacher taught me the difference between "desert" and

"dessert"? She told the class to think of it as you wanted second helpings...

that way you would know that one was 2 "s's"! Isn't that cute?

[Cass]

oh thats a good tip I will tell my daughter that

[Der Wulf]

Kat wrote: How so very TRUE! Hubby and I are going through one of his slob periods now. I hate it! Surely at this age he can clean up after himself, but no he thinks that is what I am for.


SHEESH The poor guy is working so hard to give you warm and tender feelings of self worth. That he does it often, just indicates what a sensitive guy he really is. :sneaky:

[Der Wulf]

Caveat: I approach this subject with fear and trepidation. I am fully aware of the power of the great female ‘cats. Sleek, beautiful, sensuous; purring, stretching to be petted one moment, snarling, spitting, all teeth and claws the next. I put myself in this jeopardy only for the sake of science. No cost has been spared for research and fact checking. If however anyone is offended, it should be brought to the attention of my executive editor Paula.



Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

We’ve already discussed the female need to prove self worth. It should be noted that the depth of psychosis is calculated by the amount of detail, and effort expended.



Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.,

When the cave man developed his “wiener walk”, the females decided to join the fun. Since they were blessed with two er “hanging appendages”, it seemed like a “one up” on the males. Problem was the dynamics were tricky, and the walk became a juggling (1) exercise with the “center of balance” shifting according to the mass distribution.

All went well until a “mature” lady of very generous proportion, and having exceeded the tensile strength of perky-ness, became over exuberant and lost her synchronicity.

A tragedy of epic proportion ensued. One breast went right, the other left. It is said that when they met in the back, the sound was loud enough to drown out the cave woman version of “I am woman, hear me roar”, that she had been singing.

On the return swing, the left one took out a small child, and the right struck a weiner being shaken. Broke it ! The lady herself was bruised, battered and traumatized.

At the subsequent cave meeting, the opinions were divided by gender. The cave guys were impressed by the green, blue, and pink “body art” (2) on the victim, and wanted repeat performances, suggesting that poles and other devices be used to enhance the show. (3)

The cave chicks opined that the guys were insensitive, and exploitive. They also realized that they had something special, assets. Being female, it didn’t take them long to realize that their assets(4) were valuable.

Upset with the male attitude, and realizing their assets would increase in value with less exposure, the female’s decided to form a union. They called it the “Persecute Men Society”

The first rule was that their assets must be kept hidden except for commercial ventures, and special occasions. The second rule was that for approx. 1 week of each month, they would persecute, terrorize, and make life a living hell for males. That society is still thriving today and membership is compulsory.

It is worth noting that O.P.E.C. in modern times has adopted this same strategy to preserve the value of their oil assets.

(1) The origin of the word “ jugs” to describe mammary glands. The term Mammary’s was developed in the American west. There are two versions to the story: a) The young son of a cowboy asked his father why he tipped his hat and said “maam” to only some of the people. The father waited until a lady passed by, pointed to her breasts and said “them’s maam er’s boy”. b) Older cowboy with a speech impediment and his very young grandson see a well endowed young lady pass by. The boy points to her breasts and sez “what’s them gramps, the old cowboy gets a dreamy look on his face and sez “ them’s mammary’s [memories] boy.



(2) The origin of the tattoo and body decorating

(3) The origin of strip tease

(4) Feminine assets have been designated as “soft assets” to differentiate them from the more common, (and much less attractive) financial assets, accounting terminology.



Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Asset evaluation



Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone

Asset management tools



Wash with cucumber and sage, with crushed apricot, with ginger nut and jaffa cake.

Condition with grapefruit mint

M’lady’s relationship with fruit and vegetables is long and somewhat mysterious. For example, the fruit favored by Eve in the original garden is disputed. Some claim it was an apple, others insist it was a banana.



A careful search of historical documents and archeological artifacts provide many examples of the relationship, but no documentation could be found to specifically describe how the fruits and veggies [fv] were actually used. One possible clue may be that the fv’s seem to be more prevalent among unmarried and separated lady’s.



It was originally thought that because the fv’s were often found on night stands that they were used for midnight snacks. Their consistent shape and the fact that some were dried and highly decorated however, seems to put the snack theory in dispute. Another interesting feature of the dried fv’s, is that many of them were hollowed out, some of these contained small trap doors, “breathing vents, and the larger ones often contained miniature “ferris wheels” or “ tread mills.



An Egyptian queen was found buried with two dried gourds, the larger one contained two small skeletons of what appeared to be gerbils, the smaller one contained a large winged beetle similar to a modern June bug.

More contemporaneous examples found by curious males in the 15th -17th centuries contained a variety of insects. Documents from this era contain reports of “loud buzzing” accompanied by feminine expressions ranging from soft sigh’s, to screams of delight emanating from m’lady’s bed chambers. This gave rise to the thought that these devices may have been used for musical or rhythmic entertainment by the ladys.



Most interesting is that modern facsimiles of these devices are still made, although the design’s, in metal, or plastic, seem more phallic then representative. The symbolism is however still carried by substituting vibrators for the insects, and batteries for the small rodents.

It is assumed that the various liquids, gells, and salves containing fv extracts are evocative of that primal relationship between females, other fruits, and vegetables.



Shave armpits and legs.



Collect dividends from assets. Save these dividends to cash in by using them to plug drains just prior to male using bathroom. NOTE: If this collection is performed during the “persecute male phase”, you must use the males shaver, then spray it with a thin soap film, and allow to congeal with all the shaved hairs intact.

Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold

spots with Tilex



This is simple reciprocity for the terrific job the male did while hosing off the shower floor area. It should be noted that there are no areas of mold on the hosed area.

Caveat: I approach this subject with fear and trepidation. I am fully aware of the power of the great female ‘cats. Sleek, beautiful, sensuous; purring, stretching to be petted one moment, snarling, spitting, all teeth and claws the next. I put myself in this jeopardy only for the sake of science. No cost has been spared for research and fact checking. If however anyone is offended, it should be brought to the attention of my executive editor Paula.



Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

We’ve already discussed the female need to prove self worth. It should be noted that the depth of psychosis is calculated by the amount of detail, and effort expended.



Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.,

When the cave man developed his “wiener walk”, the females decided to join the fun. Since they were blessed with two er “hanging appendages”, it seemed like a “one up” on the males. Problem was the dynamics were tricky, and the walk became a juggling (1) exercise with the “center of balance” shifting according to the mass distribution.

All went well until a “mature” lady of very generous proportion, and having exceeded the tensile strength of perky-ness, became over exuberant and lost her synchronicity.

A tragedy of epic proportion ensued. One breast went right, the other left. It is said that when they met in the back, the sound was loud enough to drown out the cave woman version of “I am woman, hear me roar”, that she had been singing.

On the return swing, the left one took out a small child, and the right struck a weiner being shaken. Broke it ! The lady herself was bruised, battered and traumatized.

At the subsequent cave meeting, the opinions were divided by gender. The cave guys were impressed by the green, blue, and pink “body art” (2) on the victim, and wanted repeat performances, suggesting that poles and other devices be used to enhance the show. (3)

The cave chicks opined that the guys were insensitive, and exploitive. They also realized that they had something special, assets. Being female, it didn’t take them long to realize that their assets(4) were valuable.

Upset with the male attitude, and realizing their assets would increase in value with less exposure, the female’s decided to form a union. They called it the “Persecute Men Society”

The first rule was that their assets must be kept hidden except for commercial ventures, and special occasions. The second rule was that for approx. 1 week of each month, they would persecute, terrorize, and make life a living hell for males. That society is still thriving today and membership is compulsory.

It is worth noting that O.P.E.C. in modern times has adopted this same strategy to preserve the value of their oil assets.

(1) The origin of the word “ jugs” to describe mammary glands. The term Mammary’s was developed in the American west. There are two versions to the story: a) The young son of a cowboy asked his father why he tipped his hat and said “maam” to only some of the people. The father waited until a lady passed by, pointed to her breasts and said “them’s maam er’s boy”. b) Older cowboy with a speech impediment and his very young grandson see a well endowed young lady pass by. The boy points to her breasts and sez “what’s them gramps, the old cowboy gets a dreamy look on his face and sez “ them’s mammary’s [memories] boy.



(2) The origin of the tattoo and body decorating

(3) The origin of strip tease

(4) Feminine assets have been designated as “soft assets” to differentiate them from the more common, (and much less attractive) financial assets, accounting terminology.



Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Asset evaluation



Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone

Asset management tools



Wash with cucumber and sage, with crushed apricot, with ginger nut and jaffa cake.

Condition with grapefruit mint

M’lady’s relationship with fruit and vegetables is long and somewhat mysterious. For example, the fruit favored by Eve in the original garden is disputed. Some claim it was an apple, others insist it was a banana.



A careful search of historical documents and archeological artifacts provide many examples of the relationship, but no documentation could be found to specifically describe how the fruits and veggies [fv] were actually used. One possible clue may be that the fv’s seem to be more prevalent among unmarried and separated lady’s.



It was originally thought that because the fv’s were often found on night stands that they were used for midnight snacks. Their consistent shape and the fact that some were dried and highly decorated however, seems to put the snack theory in dispute. Another interesting feature of the dried fv’s, is that many of them were hollowed out, some of these contained small trap doors, “breathing vents, and the larger ones often contained miniature “ferris wheels” or “ tread mills.



An Egyptian queen was found buried with two dried gourds, the larger one contained two small skeletons of what appeared to be gerbils, the smaller one contained a large winged beetle similar to a modern June bug.

More contemporaneous examples found by curious males in the 15th -17th centuries contained a variety of insects. Documents from this era contain reports of “loud buzzing” accompanied by feminine expressions ranging from soft sigh’s, to screams of delight emanating from m’lady’s bed chambers. This gave rise to the thought that these devices may have been used for musical or rhythmic entertainment by the ladys.



Most interesting is that modern facsimiles of these devices are still made, although the design’s, in metal, or plastic, seem more phallic then representative. The symbolism is however still carried by substituting vibrators for the insects, and batteries for the small rodents.

It is assumed that the various liquids, gells, and salves containing fv extracts are evocative of that primal relationship between females, other fruits, and vegetables.



Shave armpits and legs.



Collect dividends from assets. Save these dividends to cash in by using them to plug drains just prior to male using bathroom. NOTE: If this collection is performed during the “persecute male phase”, you must use the males shaver, then spray it with a thin soap film, and allow to congeal with all the shaved hairs intact.

Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold

spots with Tilex



This is simple reciprocity for the terrific job the male did while hosing off the shower floor area. It should be noted that there are no areas of mold on the hosed area.

:sneaky: :-4

[Cass]

Der Wulf wrote: I am fully aware of the power of the great female ‘cats. Sleek, beautiful, sensuous; purring, stretching to be petted one moment, snarling, spitting, all teeth and claws the next.


You are so lucky I have been spayed and declawed.

[CARLA]

DER WULF,





I LIKE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR..!!

I would stay low, and watch your back..!! CASS IS QUICK IN THOSE HEELS OF HERS..!!

[Der Wulf]

CARLA wrote: DER WULF,





I LIKE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR..!!



I would stay low, and watch your back..!! CASS IS QUICK IN THOSE HEELS OF HERS..!! I have invested in a kevlar cup :-3 :-2

[capt_buzzard]

And what's for Afters Women? (as in fun and frolics) :yh_ooooo

[Cass]

Der Wulf wrote: I have invested in a kevlar cup :-3 :-2
LOL you really think thats enough protection?

[capt_buzzard]

Der Wulf wrote: I have invested in a kevlar cup :-3 :-2 We call them Male Bags :wah:

[Der Wulf]

>>^..^ LOL you really think thats enough protection?
Hey men, ya got my back,right? right? right? guys? HELP !!!

[CARLA]

DER WULF,

Maybe if you offer GIFTS you will be in her good graces again, can't hurt..

[Cass]

LOL Carla.. you left out the nylons & jewelry :wah:

[Der Wulf]

>>^..^ LOL Carla.. you left out the nylons & jewelry :wah:
I'm on my way over with net stockings, and a ruby for your naval. Naturally, I will carefully install them myself. :sneaky:

[Der Wulf]

Kat wrote: (Kat leaning back on the soft pillows with an adult beverage.)

"Oh good, I'm here just in time to watch Der Wulf be feed to the lions."

(Hmm thinks Kat, maybe not the lions, that was the other thread, but there seems to be more Cats in here, then lions over there!)



:D
Der Wulf is a sly, fast creature with many talents. He has thick Luxerious fur for kitty's to run their paws through, and a long, soft, soothing tongue. Keep them pillow's warm.

[jasmund]

Cass-

You just described my entire marriage.

I'm divorced, that wet towel thing on the bed, We are serious when we say I have had it. Ha. Ha.

[Nomad]

Ive never peed in the shower























welll almost never