Discrimination within the family

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 8:36 am

iyaikone wrote: In many families parents seem to have preferences for some kids (biologically related) over others regardless of their sex, age or behavior.

What's your understanding on this?
Dunno hon i've tried but i just cant understand the question!! (blonde moment) :-5

Paula · Post by **Paula** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 10:20 am

It is natural to love your own blood? I'd say, leave it alone, if thats my child, then thats my child? your point of discrimination is not understood? if you are a member of a family, but not blood realted, you will have to cope?

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 1:29 pm

The question makes perfect sense to me. I have a sister who's older, and growing up, it was SO obvious that my dad favored me. I was the "tomboy" my sister was the "brain". (She still is...friggin' genius) I played outside, climbed trees, played in the dirt, and didn't get punished NEARLY as often or severely as she did. My mom didn't play obvious favorites, but now that we're grown, my mom and my sister are closer than my mom and I are. My sister is into needlework, craft type things, just like my mom, and I am still the tomboy. I think because each of us were so similar to the other of our parents, they just tended to favor the one like them. Even today, there is a rift between my sister and my father. Does that help even a bit?

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 2:40 pm

Ahhh...now i get it!! iyaikone i just could'nt get my stupid head around your question, i must admit that i am my mums blue eyed angel, i dont have children so i suppose its difficult for me to answer this one, how is it possible to share your love equally between your children??

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 3:15 pm

Abbey...you're NOT stupid. Do you have siblings? If you don't and also since you have no kids, it makes sense that you would not get the question.

(My dad always bites my head off when I say I'm stupid...knee-jerk reaction for me to do the same.)

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 3:26 pm

This is a totally understandable situation in most every family. As a granfather, I love em all, but certainly have a favorite.

This subject of family discrimination can be carried through to the subject of inheritance as well. I see all to often, folks that wish to leave their estate equally to surviving children. Bad idea in my view. Treat children fairly, but not equally when it come to inheritance. Why? Different needs. Do you leave a doctor son who has no financial needs the same as his unemployed sister with breast cancer? Of course not.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 3:29 pm

Yes i had 6 brothers & sisters (now 5) and it was always me & my eldest brother (now sadly gone) that were the apple of my mums eye.

Suppose i just cant help being such a sweet angel!! :wah:

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koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 4:21 pm

I have read that mothers tend to favour their first born. I have not found this to be true by observation.

It is true of mother, though. My older brother could commit murder and she would justify it for him. Outside of weirdness (many people have asked what this is all about after they observe our family) I have another perspective: I have learned to see my family as a group of people I happen to be related to. I like or dislike them according to their personalities and actions not because I have to.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 6:52 pm

[QUOTE=koan]I have read that mothers tend to favour their first born. I have not found this to be true by observation.

" I have learned to see my family as a group of people I happen to be related to. I like or dislike them according to their personalities and actions not because I have to."

Great comment.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Jan 29, 2005 4:06 am

My sister (Younger sister is the favorite) with my mother. Like BR she and my mother are exactly the same. Shes an attorney.Very Smart. Leads a very materialistic life. We have absolutely nothing in common. My father favors my younger sister who is deceased now. He favors her because he is so sad that she died. I have two sons. I always was worried I would favor one over the other. I dont. Love them both equally.. each in different ways. I find you do tend to do more for the one who needs you more.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sun Jan 30, 2005 7:19 pm

Theres nothing wrong with you.. You might just be different too much for them to handle. Im different. Its difficult sometimes to me your own person. But for some of us it is unavoidable. Sometimes being left out hurts. But you make your own way. Find approval from other people. Its just the way of life.

libertine · Post by **libertine** » Sun Jan 30, 2005 11:54 pm

Speaking as a mother and one of seven siblings I must comment that there is a world o f difference between 'having a favorite' and 'loving one more'.

I know both my parents loved us all equally, but at any given time, someone was favored, and seldom ME (although I'm sure the sibs see it differently) With my own kids, all of whom are adults (for a long time) I would go to the ends of the earth for any and all of them, but I DO have a favorite. When they were little and used to ask'who is your favorite?" I'd say one because he's the oldest and sis because she's the only girl and middle because he has the bluest eyes and #4 because he's the youngest. It frustrated them a little, but made them aware that even if I DID have a favorite, they'd never know who or why.

Kids pick up on signals easily enough, as the foregoing posts reveal. But sometimes they are the wrong signals.