Wife beaters who say sorry to go free

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 1:04 pm

sixyearsleft wrote: It's good to talk...

It's good to discuss these things, 6. But this is a highly emotive subject. Discussion in an informal environment such as this one demands tact. Insults are unhelpful at the best of times. In this thread, they are just going to provoke anger, particularly for those who have been abused.

I am aware of your background on this, but then I'd have thought that that would have made you more sensitive. Women are tough people, and abuse in unwarranted under any circumstances. But abuse within an environment that is meant to be trusting is the worst kind.

If the women here are able to give vent to their feelings, then a purpose is served. Your argument can also be presented here. But please don't go round accusing these people. The women that post here have some of the biggest hearts in the world. Have some respect for that.

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 1:31 pm

sixyearsleft wrote: Yes i really do have respect for them, I've been told my opinion is worthless and i've been called an *******:-6 , it doesn't matter, you have to be stronger in controlling your emotions, defeat anything that trys to interupt your calmness, true we all get angry, but nobodys perfect, some ppl deserve a second chance, but not according to others. I think thats wrong in a rational way, not an emotional one...

All you can do is state your view. No point in being angry. It's best to leave posting if you feel that way. The only thing I can suggest is that you compile the data, provide the source so it can be checked, and present your argument; University style. Tact is a wonderful skill to learn.

Stay cool.

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 2:13 pm

sixyearsleft wrote: Thanks for that openmind, i'll take it on board.

I hope we all stay friends.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 2:47 pm

sixyearsleft wrote: Yes i really do have respect for them, I've been told my opinion is worthless and i've been called an *******:-6 , it doesn't matter, you have to be stronger in controlling your emotions, defeat anything that trys to interupt your calmness, true we all get angry, but nobodys perfect, some ppl deserve a second chance, but not according to others. I think thats wrong in a rational way, not an emotional one...
Your "opinion" is misguided. I have years of experience both being abused and helping the abused. I have dealt with more wife beaters than you will ever know. As for you being as a$$hole, when you called Pants ignorant, that made you an a$$hole. And then you say you don't mean bad??? We are in here trying to enlighten this society that people who beat do NOT change. Take it from someone who has the experience, instead of your own "bleeding heart", sympathetic, "everyone deserves a second chance" bull$hit. You give a wife beater a second chance, you are, in essence, saying, "It's ok you did that, but just this one time." It's crap, and your attitude about it sucks. Rational? Try talking to a guy who's just put his wife in the hospital. Then come tell me about rational. Until then, I really strongly suggest AGAIN that you do some studying on the topic before you shoot your damn mouth off again.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 4:46 pm

sixyearsleft wrote: you talk about extream cases all the time becouse you claim it happened to you, some ppl deserve a second chance, just becouse of your bad experience all should suffer, your ignorent your abhorrence is pathetic, grow up and stop being the victim..

This seems way out of line. If hotpants that are on fire has been beaten by a man shes entitled to feel any which way she likes and she is a victim. You dont know what it is to walk in her shoes so show some f*cking respect here and if I were you Id send a heartfelt apology to her and just hope that she would accept it.

This isnt some trivial family matter, if a woman man child dog whatever is getting BEAT <----- thats a very serious deal !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 4:51 pm

Nomad wrote: This seems way out of line.
That's because it IS way out of line. I'm still riled up over this.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 4:55 pm

you know, ALL the bums say 'i'm sorry'. especially when a cop is cuffing their butt. all the people in jail are sorry...sorry they got caught. i know a LOT of these offenders, and MOST reoffend.

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 4:56 pm

BabyRider wrote: That's because it IS way out of line. I'm still riled up over this.

My offer still stands and I will ask for this thread to be deleted if this is preferred. I am going to bed now, so if you'll all let me know, I'll pick it up tomorrow.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 4:57 pm

lady cop wrote: you know, ALL the bums say 'i'm sorry'. especially when a cop is cuffing their butt. all the people in jail are sorry...sorry they got caught. i know a LOT of these offenders, and MOST reoffend.
This is another case of "I've made up my mind, don't confuse me with facts." :-5

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 5:07 pm

OpenMind wrote: My offer still stands and I will ask for this thread to be deleted if this is preferred. I am going to bed now, so if you'll all let me know, I'll pick it up tomorrow.
Ummm....while I appreciate the sentiment, OM, why, exactly, would we want the thread deleted? We all know how to use the report button, and besides, deleting it would only serve to hide some much needed information. Erasing the thread will not erase the problem, nor my desire to make certain "bleeding hearts" see the light of day. And right from wrong.

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Fri Apr 21, 2006 2:31 am

I do think this thread should be kept until 6 apologise's anyway ...and i would like to say thankyou to Snoozie (my long lost twin) BR ,Open and Nomad ....

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Fri Apr 21, 2006 2:58 am

Looking back, my abuser said he was sorry almost every time. I believe he was sorry. Unfortunately, that was not enough to stop it from happening over and over again. Sharing my story does not mean I am still feeling like a victim. It means I want to help others so they can know there is a way out and they do NOT have to live like that.

I'm sure on a board this size, there's at least one person who abuses their spouse. Anyone dare step up to the plate and take this challenge? Explain to us why you feel you have the right to abuse your spouse.

How sad it is that if a man is outside kicking a dog, he will do more time than if he is outside kicking his wife?:(

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Fri Apr 21, 2006 3:01 am

Peg wrote: Looking back, my abuser said he was sorry almost every time. I believe he was sorry. Unfortunately, that was not enough to stop it from happening over and over again. Sharing my story does not mean I am still feeling like a victim. It means I want to help others so they can know there is a way out and they do NOT have to live like that.

I'm sure on a board this size, there's at least one person who abuses their spouse. Anyone dare step up to the plate and take this challenge? Explain to us why you feel you have the right to abuse your spouse.

How sad it is that if a man is outside kicking a dog, he will do more time than if he is outside kicking his wife?:(

:yh_clap :yh_clap :yh_clap

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Fri Apr 21, 2006 4:30 am

sixyearsleft wrote: I shall discontinue any further discussion on this post, you've all made your feelings perfectly clear, i will always believe that some ppl deserve a second chance, I have the right to be as angry as you are, i've been insulted also, so if you want to vent your anger on me please continue, if you read the main body of my posts, you'll see that i'm against any form of violence,

Goodbye.
Arrrrr quit feeling sorry for self there are thousands of women being hit beaten and adused EVERY HOUR OF EVERYDAY and you can't take another opinion...i didnt think you where man enough to say sorry to me and youve just proved me right !!!

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Fri Apr 21, 2006 4:33 am

I'm pretty sure you'll be back in here reading 6. All I have to say is this. Beat on me once and I'm sure as hell not staying around for a second time. You don't use the one you love as a punching bag.:-5

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Fri Apr 21, 2006 10:53 am

pantsonfire321@aol.com wrote: I do think this thread should be kept until 6 apologise's anyway ...and i would like to say thankyou to Snoozie (my long lost twin) BR ,Open and Nomad ....

You are more than welcome Pants. Take care of yourself.:-6

Tigerlily · Post by **Tigerlily** » Fri Apr 21, 2006 1:37 pm

My great friend was beaten by the horrible man she lived with. She just tried to pretend it wasn't happening. She would never have left him. Her well-wishers had to stop her begging him to come back to her when he eventually left her. now she can look back on it she says she doesn't know what went on in her brain.

I've noticed that women who are physically and mentally abused describe their man as 'sweet' when he condescends to be other than vile. As in 'he's being really sweet at the moment'. Until his other head grows back.

I felt so bad that I couldn't help my friend. For whatever reason she was complicit. He was never ever ever sorry. He was just a disgusting person. He kept well away from me when I was visiting because he knew that I knew and would call the police at the least twitch from him.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Fri Apr 21, 2006 6:06 pm

PsychoticDaisy wrote: I think that the majority of abusers are sociopaths, they defend their actions by blaming others...."it was your fault...you made me hit you!"

If they don't blame the victim....then they blame someone else...it's never their fault!

I think the real fault lies in not stopping the pattern. My understanding is the abused often become the abuser. The circle has to be broken by someone. If a child grows up in the house from hell it become his/her responsibility to undo the damage, not perpetuate it by passing it on to his children by letting them see mom with black eyes and broken bones.

A wife beater is vile. No doubt in my mind that individual went through a hell of their own, but sometimes you have to stand up and just do the right thing, meaning get some help.

Tigerlily · Post by **Tigerlily** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 1:43 am

My colleague is mentally abused. She refers to her husband as 'sweet' when he's not sulking because she wants to go to our colleague's wedding and he hasn't been invited; not demanding sex in strange oufits, even when she's not well; not being insanely jealous; not resenting how well she does at her job and making a fuss if she has to travel; not ruining Christmas or her birthday - I could go on.

They have two boys. She manifests her unhappiness by vomiting.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 1:46 am

Diuretic wrote: Some definitions of dv include those behaviours.
ALL definitions of domestic violence include those behaviors. Domestic violence is not limited to physical abuse.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 2:25 am

Its good that I came in on this at the end. This is the situation... we have to back up way before discussing rehabilitation. Our society must stop using the label "WIFE"

Wife really does not exist(for the most part) anymore, and the label has connotations of subservitude, Any male who has been raised to believe that females are lesser human beings than males, will always raise their hands to punish, humiliate, or controll them. Like Dogs. Their behavior Will NEVER CHANGE. I for one have always resented being referred to as my "wife"

when introduced by the male in my life. And I have found that referring to me as wife was always a red flag indicator of feelings of superiority. I have never been physically abused. I have lived with years of psychlogical and emmotional abuse that twists your psyhke to the point of not knowing who you are anymore. And like many of you, if any male ever put his hands on me... he would be carrying his head in two pieces into the emergency room.It took me a lifetime to accept that learned behavior at a very young age cannott be changed. Lock these guys up, and throw away the key. The ball less sick wimps who hurt women... usually will eventually hurt children also. Or anyone who threatens their shaky egos. Dont ever ask ME for statistics... I dont trust statistics... I formulate my opinions from living and listening to others.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:33 am

weeder wrote: Its good that I came in on this at the end. This is the situation... we have to back up way before discussing rehabilitation. Our society must stop using the label "WIFE"

Wife really does not exist(for the most part) anymore, and the label has connotations of subservitude, Any male who has been raised to believe that females are lesser human beings than males, will always raise their hands to punish, humiliate, or controll them. Like Dogs. Their behavior Will NEVER CHANGE. I for one have always resented being referred to as my "wife"

We'll all use "spouse" soon. It's probably more common than husband or wife in the military already.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:58 am

Good... it is about time.. and a step in the right directions. The only problem that remains are those females who want to be referred to as wife. We older women have an on going obligation to encourage younger women to hold their self respect in high esteem. And to make sure that they understand that they are as valuable as men... so that they are not willing to accept abuse of any kind. Now, if church doctrine ( which still influences so much of so many peoples thinking) taught the same thing to impressionable females... we would have the battle 90% won.

I think Ill start my own church... Boy would I like to be a preacher! Ive got a few things to say about a few things.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:03 am

Many people seem to only pay attention to one side of the rules. The wife's supposed to support the husband, but the husband's supposed to place his wife on a pedestal as well. It's not the husband's place to force support; it's not the wife's place to nag "Where's my pedestal??"

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 5:09 am

It would be great if the balance was as you describe. And I have observed and been envious of relationships Ive seen that seem to have that healthy balance. I have never experienced having it work that way.

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 5:41 am

Accountable wrote: We'll all use "spouse" soon. It's probably more common than husband or wife in the military already.

I hate the word spouse....why not use PARTNER, after all that is what a realtionship should be ...a 50 / 50 sharing and caring during your time together. :-6

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 5:43 am

Bez wrote: I hate the word spouse....why not use PARTNER, after all that is what a realtionship should be ...a 50 / 50 sharing and caring during your time together. :-6
Over here partner has come to mean gay lover.

I don't know what businessmen say now. :wah:

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 5:44 am

SnoozeControl wrote: I've avoided this thread (except the time I was defending a friend) but I'd like to mention the mental abusers. I've never been hit, but my second ex was a real champ at name calling and belittling. Verbal abuse scars too.

I can relate to that..it can do untold long term damage to the victim...even drive them to suicide.

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 5:47 am

Accountable wrote: Over here partner has come to mean gay lover.

I don't know what businessmen say now. :wah:

Over here it tends to be used for any relationship 'outside' of marriage. Can't comment on the businessmen thing...don't they have multiple partners sometimes ?

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 5:49 am

Bez wrote: Over here it tends to be used for any relationship 'outside' of marriage. Can't comment on the businessmen thing...don't they have multiple partners sometimes ?

:wah: Just think of all the tangents to the thread available from this juncture!

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 6:04 am

Accountable wrote: :wah: Just think of all the tangents to the thread available from this juncture!

Be my guest...did you eat a dictionary for breakfast ?:D :-4

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 6:07 am

weeder wrote: Good... it is about time.. and a step in the right directions. The only problem that remains are those females who want to be referred to as wife. We older women have an on going obligation to encourage younger women to hold their self respect in high esteem. And to make sure that they understand that they are as valuable as men... so that they are not willing to accept abuse of any kind. Now, if church doctrine ( which still influences so much of so many peoples thinking) taught the same thing to impressionable females... we would have the battle 90% won.

I think Ill start my own church... Boy would I like to be a preacher! Ive got a few things to say about a few things.

Dear Weeder....you've got LOTS of things to say about LOTS of things and we're all the better for it. :-4

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 7:48 am

Thats it then.... I am definately starting the church.. No, not a church... That gives me chills. I will advertise myself as a motivational speaker. Voice of the frightened, the confused, the penis whipped.. ( Am I allowed to say penis)? Holden Caufield ( Catcher in The Rye) said " Oh God, PENIS? It sounds like something you pick up with a tweezer for crissake.

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 8:05 am

weeder wrote: Thats it then.... I am definately starting the church.. No, not a church... That gives me chills. I will advertise myself as a motivational speaker. Voice of the frightened, the confused, the penis whipped.. ( Am I allowed to say penis)? Holden Caufield ( Catcher in The Rye) said " Oh God, PENIS? It sounds like something you pick up with a tweezer for crissake.

You crack me up. But I love your idea.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 8:17 am

Diuretic wrote: I was thinking of the legal definitions BR, I may have clarified that point in the subsequent post I hope.
Maybe where you're from. Here, any form of abuse, physical, mental, emotional, psychological, is a form of domestic violence and can be pressed in a court of law.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 8:58 am

Diuretic wrote: That's good. Here there is the ability to get a restraining order but sometimes that's not too useful although better than when we had nothing at all but common assault to use. The definition of "assault" has been expanded in case law but the legislators haven't yet taken the hint so it's an uphill battle to apply some of the cases to some situations. Sounds like your area has done it well though.
Getting a restraining order or PPO (personal protection order) is laughably simple. Unfortunately, it does little to protect the person, and in my experience only serves to p!ss off the abuser more. And the only action the cops can take, even WITH a PPO, is AFTER the psycho has done something to the victim, and too often that something is to kill her/him.

Our definition of assault is even if you feel threatened, or in harm's way because of the actions of another person you have been assaulted.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Apr 22, 2006 10:14 am

Sheryl wrote: You crack me up. But I love your idea.
Sheryl... Since your enthusiastic about my seminars. Would you like to send me 1,000.oo for the first ten session course taking place this winter in Beautiful Ardvark Arkansa. Make checks payable to Weeders view on "Women on the Move... Penis free, and loving it.

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Sat Apr 22, 2006 10:47 am

It's a shame 6 is sulking i would of been interested to know not only why he think's offender's should be given a second chance but what degree of violence he would class as forgivable .Is a kick ,slap,black eye forgivable or should you only send someone to prison if they say rape,stab, or murder you . Abuse is abuse however you try to package it up and tie a little ribbon around it .