Monkey

General humor & jokes. Share funny photos and jokes. Must be "R" rated or below.
Post Reply
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Untwist your knickers from their contortion

No need to resort to threats and extortion

Monkey'll be glad

To be a dad

Geeeeezzzzzeeee you talk like he'd suggest an abortion.
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Miss Monkey is somewhat relieved,

She thought for sure he'd be peeved,

A daddy he'll be,

Just wait and see,

It looks like twins were conceived!

Attached files
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

That's a scrawny lookin' little lad

You sure monkey is the dad

Puney tyke

Nothin' like

All the rest that Ms. Monkey's had

Attached files
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

4rum wrote: That's a scrawny lookin' little lad

You sure monkey is the dad

Puney tyke

Nothin' like

All the rest that Ms. Monkey's had


Miss Monkey had always been chaste,

Until she wed Monkey in haste,

DNA doesn't lie,

So don't even try,

Miss Monkey will not be disgraced.
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Oh so you have DNA

Irrefutable proof you say

With Dr. shopping

And dollar dropping

Proof is bought every day
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Ms. Monkey has always been chaste?

I think you should have used "chased"

Thousands sought 'er

Hundreds caught 'er

Her knickers with LEGIONS are laced
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Miss Monkey's not feeling to well,

Her belly is starting to swell,

Each morning she's sick,

This sure ain't no trick,

To Monkey she says, "go to hell!"

:mad:
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

4rum wrote: Ms. Monkey has always been chaste?

I think you should have used "chased"

Thousands sought 'er

Hundreds caught 'er

Her knickers with LEGIONS are laced


Miss Monkey is SHOCKED at such slander,

She's nothing to do with this pander,

She's certainly sure,

Her' knickers are pure,

You must mean her sister Cassander!!
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Samantha wrote: Uh Ohhhhhhhh

Miss Monkey got drunk and went out,

She found a new monkey with clout,

She said of his willie,

"My, my, what a dillie!"

She's pleased with herself, no doubt.


Claims of chaste, pure and so demure

Seem to fly, dear Samantha, right out the door

Ms. Monkey's no cherry

She's often made merry

With hairy a$$ed ba$tards galore
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Ms. Monkey's doc was a ringer

But HER mistake was the zinger

Sign said GYM

She read GYN

Tip off should have been his finger
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Monkey is NOT very nice,

Results of the lab must suffice,

If it's no bother,

The kids need a father,

For now, put his sex life on ice.
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Monkey don't care much for labs

His visits to them have been bad

They burned his eyes

And labotomized

Poked, pricked and cut, he went mad
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

So Monkey's lust is for life

He never asked for a wife

He is what he is

Lives as he lives

In mischief and humor he's rife
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Dear 4Rum

Do you think they should get a divorce?

They were drunk when wed, of course,

What will folks say,

If it ends this way,

Miss Monkey will cry til she's hoarse.
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Horse, mongoose or pony

The girl is still a phoney

Claiming virtue

Will only hurt you

If your claim is baa-loney
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

4rum wrote: Horse, mongoose or pony

The girl is still a phoney

Claiming virtue

Will only hurt you

If your claim is baa-loney


Dear 4Rum.

So why would she tell me a lie?

She always tells me she's shy!

I try not to judge,

Lest I begrudge,

Dear 4Rum I need an ally!!

Sincerely,

Samantha
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Samantha wrote: Dear 4Rum.

So why would she tell me a lie?

She always tells me she's shy!

I try not to judge,

Lest I begrudge,

Dear 4Rum I need an ally!!

Sincerely,

Samantha


Dear Samantha;

Sorry your faith is so shaken

By Ms. Monkey's knickers forsaken

Not hard to figure

She's a gold digger

Looking for bling for the takin'
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Poor monkey sat on a widget

Caused his butt cheeks to fidget

Widget got stuck

Of all the luck

He removed it with a digit
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Monkey's checkin' for some action

Shuckin' jivin' satisfaction

Catch him quick

Suave an' slick

(Even slicker with some traction)
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Bring some liquor, bring some wine

Bring someone to bump and grind

A keg or two

Waits for you

Hop on board or get left behind
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

It sounds like Monkey is bored,

Seems like he's being ignored,

That widget was sticky,

And Monkey is ICKY!

Go glad that his butt is restored!

:wah:
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Samantha is fit to be tied,

To her, Miss Monkey has lied,

She feels so betrayed,

For having been played,

No more will she take things in stride!
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

The magic is monkeys is fun

They should not be overdone

Shoot 'em, stab 'em

Free 'em or nab 'em

(But only the make believe ones) :yh_monkey
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Miss Monkey's twins have been born,

She's tired and rather forlorn,

They each need a name,

Not anything lame,

But names that will proudly be worn.

:-2
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Samantha now needs a vacation,

Where she can relieve her frustration,

But where can she go?

With three monkey in tow?

She desperately needs relaxation!!
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Samantha wrote: Miss Monkey's twins have been born,

She's tired and rather forlorn,

They each need a name,

Not anything lame,

But names that will proudly be worn.

:-2




Since you seem at the end of your rope

Could you use someone to help you cope

I was thinking maybe

You'd call the furbabies

Bright names like "Chuckles" and "Hope"

Attached files
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Samantha wrote: Samantha now needs a vacation,

Where she can relieve her frustration,

But where can she go?

With three monkey in tow?

She desperately needs relaxation!!


I have a possible solution for you

I made a call to San Diego's Zoo

Joan Embry is there

You know she cares

She'll care for mom and babies too
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Anybody remember Marlin Perkins... Wild Kingdom.... "Jim... grab hold of that waterbuffalo while I fly ahead in this helicopter and tell the hospital to be expecting you."

Monkey met Marlin once

Considered the man a dunce

Chased olligotter's

Into the water

They should have had Marlin for lunch
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Samantha's been out muddlin'

In the yard, all befuddlin'

I'll call her in

Make her grin

I think she needs some cuddlin'
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

4rum wrote: Samantha's been out muddlin'

In the yard, all befuddlin'

I'll call her in

Make her grin

I think she needs some cuddlin'


I was out in the yard all befuddled,

4Rum called me, to be cuddled,

He's great with a hug,

All snug as a bug,

He'll put an end to my muddle!!

:-4
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

4rum wrote: I have a possible solution for you

I made a call to San Diego's Zoo

Joan Embry is there

You know she cares

She'll care for mom and babies too


I had taken them all to the zoo,

To join the rest of Joan's crew,

They started a riot,

Cause it was too quiet,

Now all three are taboo!
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

The monkeys were then all sedated,

The zoo had been desecrated,

Joan called 911,

Poor girl was undone,

They never can be reinstated.

:sneaky:
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Well then I guess you are stuck

And I wish you the best of luck

You wrote 'em in

So you're next of kin

Us chickens don't give a cluck
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

4rum wrote: Well then I guess you are stuck

And I wish you the best of luck

You wrote 'em in

So you're next of kin

Us chickens don't give a cluck


:yh_cry
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

4rum wrote: Well then I guess you are stuck

And I wish you the best of luck

You wrote 'em in

So you're next of kin

Us chickens don't give a cluck


Dear Monkey:

I think you are totally vile,

Dirty and mean and hostile,

Miss Monkey is loose,

But what's YOUR excuse?

You've nothing to offer worthwhile.
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

4Rum. . . . 4Rum . . . . wherefore art thous 4Rum

Deny the monkeys and foreswear their names. . .

Whether tis nobler to ingore their games . . .

Or to run to the Meadow and ignore thum!!

:wah:
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Dear Samantha;

Hmmm... maybe it's time for a break

Lest ALL your senses you forsake

The Meadow sublime

If you have the time

Is a respite we should take.

4rum
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

And trials turn fleeting

With the smile of your greeting

Allowed to dream

By our tranquil stream

Such are the pleasures of meeting
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Languishing there for a time

Let go of reason or rhyme

Hear in your heart

Your worry depart

As we let our emotions climb
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Dear 4Rum:

I often ask myself how,

You know what to say to me now,

When I feel so stressed,

And so very duressed,

I'll give you a kiss on your brow.

Thanks Sweetie!
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

I'll take that endearing kiss

From you, my endearing miss

I'll keep it near

Hold it dear

And enjoy the endearing bliss
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

4rum wrote: I'll take that endearing kiss

From you, my endearing miss

I'll keep it near

Hold it dear

And enjoy the endearing bliss


You followed the kiss with a tryst,

You knew I could not resist.

Now we must stop,

I got called from a cop,

"It's those Monkeys" he said! (He's pissed.)
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Looks like the monkeys 'one-upped us'

I've never seen such a ruckus

The cop is pissed???

He didn't miss

A tryst from coitus-monkey'ruptus
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Dear 4Rum

With "mom" and the kids in their cage,

All three of them are in a rage,

While it is quiet,

Let's go to the Hyatt,

'Fore Monkey appears on the stage!!

Snuggles,

Samantha
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Dear Samantha.......

Let the beasties riot

Meet you at the Hyatt

I need a fix

Of Samanthas trix

Should you want to try-it

Nuzzles

4rum
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Chuckles and Hope are now walking,

They've taken a fondness to stalking,

They followed this man,

He's one of the "klan,"

He tied up their tails and they're squawking!
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

4rum wrote: Dear Samantha.......

Let the beasties riot

Meet you at the Hyatt

I need a fix

Of Samanthas trix

Should you want to try-it

Nuzzles

4rum


You're certainly full of surprises!

And I've seen quite a few sizes!

I need to be ready,

If we can go steady.

In case something else -- arises!
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

If it's any peace of mind

I 'firmly' stand behind

The culmination

Of your invitation

Once you're properly wined and dined
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

I drank too much wine and feel whoozy,

I think we should find a jacuzzi,

We'll sit and make merry,

So much for my cherry,

I've seen that you have quite a doozy!!
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

If I remember correctly my dear

It's been much less than a year

A "hotte tubbe" we were in

Before we could even begin

We were tossed out on our... uh... ear :wah:
Post Reply

Return to “Just For The Fun Of It”