Who do you blame

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Mon May 15, 2006 2:06 am

As I continue to live, there is an outlook that I have adopted. We come into this world as babies... we leave the same way. Bigger bodies fertilized minds, but children just the same. Blank canvases splatterd with paint.. the final piece of art determined by the choice of colors applied, brush strokes used. Do you take full responsibility for who you are? Did you paint your own picture? Or do you believe that you are the product of the artists who worked on your canvas? Are mom and dad the reason you are weak or strong... independant or needy? Generous or stingy? Deceitful or honest?

What are the factors that contribute to who we are? Genetics? Upbringing?

Life experiences? We can spend our whole lives blaming others for how we live our lives. In my case..... 40 years ago.. I said " GIVE ME THAT BRUSH"

and I proceeded and continue, to paint my own picture. There are many people who do not enjoy visiting my gallery.... but the responsibility is mine. I pay the rent for this body. So, are you someone who continues to evaluate the past contributors? Or do you plow through the forest, with a machete..... cutting your own path???? I am considered an alien by my family. They are amused, but not totally comfortable with me. Do you fit in?

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Mon May 15, 2006 2:08 am

Laura, once again, you pose some great questions. I've got some answers but I have to think on this one a while. I'll be back when I've got it sorted out in my head. This thread is going to get a lot of attention, I think. Great post, Weeder.

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Mon May 15, 2006 2:15 am

I think we are the result of all who lived before us. We carry the genes of our ancestors. Makes for an interesting mix, if you ask me!

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Mon May 15, 2006 2:52 am

I believe in taking full responsibility for all of my action's and have no patience at all for anyone who like's to lay the blame on any body else for the f***up's they have made of their life's.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Mon May 15, 2006 3:20 am

weeder wrote: As I continue to live, there is an outlook that I have adopted. We come into this world as babies... we leave the same way. Bigger bodies fertilized minds, but children just the same. Blank canvases splatterd with paint.. the final piece of art determined by the choice of colors applied, brush strokes used. Do you take full responsibility for who you are? Did you paint your own picture? Or do you believe that you are the product of the artists who worked on your canvas? Are mom and dad the reason you are weak or strong... independant or needy? Generous or stingy? Deceitful or honest?

What are the factors that contribute to who we are? Genetics? Upbringing?

Life experiences? We can spend our whole lives blaming others for how we live our lives. In my case..... 40 years ago.. I said " GIVE ME THAT BRUSH"

and I proceeded and continue, to paint my own picture. There are many people who do not enjoy visiting my gallery.... but the responsibility is mine. I pay the rent for this body. So, are you someone who continues to evaluate the past contributors? Or do you plow through the forest, with a machete..... cutting your own path???? I am considered an alien by my family. They are amused, but not totally comfortable with me. Do you fit in?
Excellent thread! I believe we are the artists of our own canvas. My parents gave me the colors, brushes, strokes to work with, and I chose what ones to use, what to do with what they gave me to work with. Going through life, each experience gave me more colors, more brushes, more strokes to work with and I chose which ones to use and which ones to throw in a drawer never to be used. Angry, bitter people are only angry and bitter because they choose to be. That's the colors, brushes, and strokes they choose.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon May 15, 2006 3:42 am

Blame, hmmm can't say as I blame anyone, I think my parents, peers and environment has all had influence on me. As for blame, I blame me for my errors and mistakes. And by taking responsibility for me, I learn and there again is part of what influences me.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Mon May 15, 2006 7:25 am

I blame no one, I take life as it comes and try to make the best of it!

I've had to take care of myself from the age of 5 so I'm pretty good at it!

I live life with the thought that I want to end up sitting in my rocking chair at the nursing home with a smile on my face! :-6

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Mon May 15, 2006 7:34 am

I'll take the credit. I had another personality when I was 14, but I decided I didn't like that one. It got pushed around too much. So I completely rewroted my psyche. Tastes, interests, dress code, reactions, voice, appearance, everything.

I am now that person I envisioned being when I was 15.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Mon May 15, 2006 7:38 am

Excellent post Weeder, My experiece having lived over half my life already is we are products of genes, environment, the society around us and ourselves. Blame doesn't fall on anyone but me period. Past a certain age we, and only us are responsible for our actions period. Sometimes you can change things a bit, but for the most part you are what your are, and being comfortable in your own skin is necessary for survival.

jbbarker1947 · Post by **jbbarker1947** » Mon May 15, 2006 11:20 am

CARLA wrote: Excellent post Weeder, My experiece having lived over half my life already is we are products of genes, environment, the society around us and ourselves. Blame doesn't fall on anyone but me period. Past a certain age we, and only us are responsible for our actions period. Sometimes you can change things a bit, but for the most part you are what your are, and being comfortable in your own skin is necessary for survival.

Great answer.

Ditto

However, many of the mistakes I have made was the result of to much rum and not enough tonic. Most of those were minor navigational errors in the great sea of life.

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Mon May 15, 2006 1:02 pm

koochikoo wrote: I believe we are only a product of our own choices. Parents create your body, they do not create your mind. They can guide and influence, whether in the right direction or wrong, but in the end we're on our own. I have seen too many people blame their upbringing for their bad life choices when others who had the same upbringing lead completely different lives. Of course all our lives are influenced by something but we choose how to deal with those influences.

Yes, I take full responsibility for who I am. I used to allow others to tell me how I should paint then I decided to try my hand at doing it for myself and now I paint my own picture. It may be an unruly canvas of colourful splatters and streaks and it probably wouldn't appeal to most tastes, but its mine and I chose for it to be that way. Of course there have been a few black marks on the canvas but thats nobodys fault but my own, I put them there,and it only taught me to paint better next time.

Ok, thats enough metaphors for one night.

What of the old Jesuit maxim - Give me a child for seven years and I will give you the man?

There are occasions where a person's upbringing can dictate the path of their life - maybe not often, but it can happen.

Having said that, I believe that I am responsible for my own actions and anything that results. I also try to make allowances for others' backgrounds.

For some it takes time to grow enough to break out of their taught responses, for others there is no escape because they have been so broken in spirit they have not the strength and some are so conditioned that it cannot occur to them to try.

For the vast majority of people, it's just easier to blame someone else

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Mon May 15, 2006 1:28 pm

Weeder, there's actually several questions you ask in your post. I believe that everyone who touches our lives influence us in some way, be it a good way or a bad way. Your parents teach your THEIR values, and as you grow and learn you take those and mold them to your own experiences. Your family all influence tiny parts of you in some way. Your friends do too. Your co-workers, everyone you come into contact with for any length of time, leaves a bit of themself with you, and takes a bit of you with them. The question is not who is to "blame", the question is what you do with those influences. I know people who are bitter, hateful, spiteful wretched people, who I would trade lives with in an instant. I know happy, cheerful, always smiling people who have nothing and no one.

I choose to take everything in. Everything, all experiences, good, bad or indifferent. Then I kick them around in my head and decide how or if it applies to my life and how I choose to live it. I try to apply the good, and sometimes the negative affects me, but ultimately, it's up to us to decide how positive or negative our lives are.

Accountability is a must. You have heard me say it a hundred times. People are no longer held accountable for themselves. There is always someone else to blame for their stupidity or bad judgement. It's become standard operating procedure for us, and it's having a horrible influence on the generations that will follow us. Next thing you know, there will be a diagnosis and drug or pill to "cure" every type of behavior and an excuse to go along with it. That's something that needs to be changed, and in a hurry. It's one of the reasons I am pressing charges on the kid that whizzed on my bike. Did he cause any damage? No. But that's not the point. He needs to understand that there are repercussions for his actions. Here's one I can make understand that, hopefully.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Tue May 16, 2006 3:08 am

Without a doubt, Im a product of my environment. Good and bad. Well, at least I was and still partially am. It was beat into me and driven home. I dont blame anyone though, it just is. My parents had some pretty wicked demons of their own, and mom wasnt strong enough to beat them. She just couldnt do it. I dont think she wanted to be who she was, but she never recognized she had a choice. Dad just hid, thats how he coped.

I recognize that I can be anyone I want to be. If I find a trait desirable, I try to become that.

However that part of me that makes my life difficult is still in there, it creeps up from time to time. I know that aspect of myself and Im aware when it rises, and I try to beat it down. Its in my bones and all I can do is try to redirect my thinking, when I see it coming on. I desperately want to evolve into something that resembles peace and love. Im getting there but its going to be a lifetime effort.

I think thats ok though. We all grow at our own pace as a result of our experiences. Hopefully I can learn to be complete by the time my days are done. Im trying.

ilona17 · Post by **ilona17** » Tue May 16, 2006 3:30 am

You are your own person no matter what has influenced you. You make your decisions and do things with your own mind. People might make you needy or weak but i dont believe thats nature? its nurture the way that you've been brought up will make you that way. And therefore if its not inbuilt your able to change that. Sometimes when things get hard and we make huge mistakes it seems easy to blame others for the mistakes and choices we've made.

gmc · Post by **gmc** » Tue May 16, 2006 4:00 am

Genetics, upbringing, environment life experience all play a part in making you what you are. At some point everybody has to take responsibility for the type of person they are good or bad. Some people just never get there.

A long time ago I decided that what mattered wasn't what others did or said to me but how I was going to deal with it and do about it and that you cannot blame others for decisions you have made. Whatever the reasons were at the end of the day you decide no one else. Having made many mistakes in my time I do my best not to judge other people and not allow the opinions of others to sway my judgement. Nor do i let others tell me who my friends should be or what makes a good person or what to believe. I can never understansd those who follow blindly either a religon or a political creed and look to others to tell them what to do.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Thu May 18, 2006 3:35 am

My canvas is my own. Sure my parents made it, provided me with a basic set of paints, and even gave me some very basic art lessons; but leave no doubt that the picture you see is mine. This ain't paint-by-numbers!

My life's adventure started far earlier than it should have, so I picked up brush techniques and color-mixing on the fly - mostly from some pretty poor artists, but a few had flair.

It's my canvas. Sure, there's a tear or two, but I've mended most so you won't notice. Some of my paints spilled together to make colors not found in nature, but they give my background more interest, don't you think?

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Thu May 18, 2006 3:47 am

Accountable wrote: My canvas is my own. Sure my parents made it, provided me with a basic set of paints, and even gave me some very basic art lessons; but leave no doubt that the picture you see is mine. This ain't paint-by-numbers!

My life's adventure started far earlier than it should have, so I picked up brush techniques and color-mixing on the fly - mostly from some pretty poor artists, but a few had flair.

It's my canvas. Sure, there's a tear or two, but I've mended most so you won't notice. Some of my paints spilled together to make colors not found in nature, but they give my background more interest, don't you think?

Beautifully put......have you put pen to paper to record your life (or part of it) ....are you doing a 'journal' ?

nudge !

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Fri May 19, 2006 3:57 am

Bez wrote: Beautifully put......have you put pen to paper to record your life (or part of it) ....are you doing a 'journal' ?

nudge !

:yh_blush *quietly mixing paints in the corner*

Amie · Post by **Amie** » Fri May 19, 2006 4:46 am

I really don't think there is anything wrong to place blame. I guess once again, that makes me the oddball. :yh_doh

I don't consider myself a canvas, I consider myself the artist. I choose which brush to use, which colours to mix. I may go out of the lines every now and then, but it serves to create something truly unique that can only ever be called my own and will never ever be for sale.

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Fri May 19, 2006 4:55 am

Interesting questions. I feel we are a product of our environment. We get our tools by observing the people and places and sensory input around us. From there we use these tools to shape who we become. Product of parents upbringing? In a way, yes. In my case, I looked at my parents view on life, and thier world, and developed my own views based on thiers. My own views are much different than thiers, but I think they still helped me shape them. Funny, because in my older brother, I see my father all over again. We shape the direction our lives go based on where it has been. And new, here we are shaping the lives of others.

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Fri May 19, 2006 8:35 am

Wow, tough question. I wanna say that I don't blame others for the way I turned out, but it wouldn't be true. I'm still fighting demons of my past and trying to move forward. Sometimes I wish it was easy as the ol' saying 'pull yourself up by the bootstraps and keep going', but it's not.