Please, anybody, I need a good laugh

rachelg · Post by **rachelg** » Sun Feb 13, 2005 4:10 pm

Ok, I don't really know if this is true or not. My aunt is always sending me these kinds of stories so I hope you haven't already read it. (This is a true story)

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car,* found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.* She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of* the car!"* The four men didn't wait for a second invitation.* They got out and ran like mad.* The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat.

*She was so shaken* that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and* then it dawned on her why.* A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.* She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station.. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing.* He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were* reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less* than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.**

If you're going to have a Senior Moment, make it a memorable one! :-6

rachelg · Post by **rachelg** » Sun Feb 13, 2005 4:12 pm

One more, I think my aunt sent this too. Do you know why married women are often heavier than single women? The single woman comes home, checks what is in the refrigerator and sighs, goes to bed. The married woman comes home, checks what is in the bed, sighs and goes to the refrigerator :wah:

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sun Feb 13, 2005 4:22 pm

:wah: Good one Rachelg.

Godiva girl cant promise you a funny cos i'm crap at telling jokes so instead i'll send you something i think you'll like xxx

Attached files

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sun Feb 13, 2005 6:51 pm

A middle-aged man and woman met, fell in love and got married.

On their wedding night they settled into the bridal suite and the wife said to her new husband, "Please promise to be gentle. I'm still a virgin."

"But how can that be?" the startled husband said. "You've been married three times before."

"Well," she explained, "my first husband was a psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it.

My second husband was a gynecologist, and all he ever wanted to do was look at it.

And my third husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was.... God, I miss him!"

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Sun Feb 13, 2005 10:03 pm

How about a really old blond joke? (I'm blond so hopefully I can get

away with telling one hmmm?)

Why can't blondes make frozen orange juice?

'Cause the can says "concentrate"!

:yh_rotfl

jahamaa · Post by **jahamaa** » Mon Feb 14, 2005 12:46 pm

rachelg wrote: One more, I think my aunt sent this too. Do you know why married women are often heavier than single women? The single woman comes home, checks what is in the refrigerator and sighs, goes to bed. The married woman comes home, checks what is in the bed, sighs and goes to the refrigerator :wah:

Hey, in the words of that great American philosopher Curly Howard I resemble that remark. :wah:

Godiva there's nothing wrong with feeling like your in a slump happens to everybody.

Hear about the three preachers traveling together on a train trip.

The first said "Fellas I have a confession to make. I kind of enjoy a little nip a wine every now and then, so I've been known to tie one on once in a while.

The second said ok I've been known to take a peek at the ladies once in awhile myself. I just can't stop taking a look at the pretty young girls in my congregation.

They looked at their friend and said how about you any vices. Well yes said the third. I have to admit I'm a little bit of a gossip. AND I can't wait to get off this train.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Mon Feb 14, 2005 1:33 pm

Two little old ladies are sitting through a lengthy church service. One lady turns to the other and whispers: "My butt fell asleep." The second lady leans in and says "I know. I heard it snore three times."

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Mon Feb 14, 2005 1:42 pm

Godiva Girl wrote: I have been in a terrible slump all weekend and to top it off the Hallmark holiday I dispise the most is coming up tomorrow. I injured myself a couple of months ago so I have had to be home and on pain killers all winter and going to physical therapy. I'm bored out of my mind and I can't take it anymore, red roses are my favorite flower and the only way I get them is if I buy them myself. Usually for valentines day I go buy a bigbox of Godiva milk chocolates, a nice satin or silk nightgown and have a dozen red roses delivered to myself. For some reason that is just not going to lift my spirits this year. I had a dream last night that I was swimming in the beautiful carribbean sea, the water was beautiful and I was so at peace, I have never been to the carribbean and want to go. So when I woke up this morning I decided to just book a flight and hotel for the carribbean. Then I remembered that I did not have enough money in my acct. since my disability checks have not started yet and I'm too injured to swim. To top it off my monthly friend is due in 2 days so part of this is probably pms related. I don't want to sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself but I really to be cheered up

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha---------wooweeee---ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!

Is that good enough?

mazza · Post by **mazza** » Tue Feb 15, 2005 12:18 pm

thought this was quite funny, no offence intended!!

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Post by **kensloft** » Tue Feb 15, 2005 12:39 pm

rachelg wrote: One more, I think my aunt sent this too. Do you know why married women are often heavier than single women? The single woman comes home, checks what is in the refrigerator and sighs, goes to bed. The married woman comes home, checks what is in the bed, sighs and goes to the refrigerator :wah:

Wow! Talk about a sexist joke. I thought us dudes were bad but we can't hold a candle to that type of humour.

Post by **kensloft** » Tue Feb 15, 2005 12:44 pm

abbey wrote: :wah: Good one Rachelg.

Godiva girl cant promise you a funny cos i'm crap at telling jokes so instead i'll send you something i think you'll like xxx

Boy. Oh. Boy. I think it is funny but I must ask? What is she looking at?

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Wed Feb 16, 2005 2:01 am

kensloft wrote: Boy. Oh. Boy. I think it is funny but I must ask? What is she looking at?
His shorts, what else??? :wah:

Post by **kensloft** » Wed Feb 16, 2005 2:16 am

abbey wrote: His shorts, what else??? :wah:
Oh?