This is a tough one. My fiance poked into his ex-wife's mail box a while back. The reason for this is he was trying to get a hold of one of his stepsons, and needed the email address. While he was in there, he saw an email from his own daughter to his ex-wife. It was not pretty. When he told me about it, I knew that he'd be going in there a lot more often, trying to see what other nasty things his daughter is saying to his ex.
I don't think "who has committed the greater offense" is the issue. You need to be up front with your girl, and tell her what you did, and why. If she was seriously concerned about keeping things from you, she could have easily changed her password, and you would not be feeling this way. Perhaps she knows you would go poking around and this is her way of telling you without having to tell you. All you are going to succeed in doing is making yourself nuts, when what you want is the truth. Ask her for it.
As for needing psychological help, I doubt you do. But I'm positive you will if you keep this bottled up and don't talk to her.
There's an old saying: "People who eavesdrop never hear anything good." Or something along those lines. It fits your scenario as well.
By the way...Welcome to FG, and stick around a while, you'll get lots of good advice from really great people. :yh_peace
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[FONT=Arial Black]I hope you cherish this sweet way of life, and I hope you know that it comes with a price.
~Darrel Worley~
[/FONT]
Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
~Darrel Worley~
[/FONT]
Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
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And speaking of good advice from nice people, BR had some good stuff there.
Presonally, I think it was rude of her to not be up front with you. "Leading someone on " is childish and immature, as well as rude. If she was serious about the guy, just say so. Better to hurt someone's feelings a little than to drag on a relationship that is meaningless.
So...yeah, I'd have to say she is more remiss than you. Unless, of course, you haven't been exactly dedicated to her, in which case you share some of the blame.
Give up on the mailbox, friend. You're just torturing yourself and it's bad for you. Probably depressing too. You've got to make a decision....Just how important is she to you?
If she is the love of your life, get out there and fight for her! Dredge up every romantic iota of your soul and pour it out. If you don't think it will work and she'll never come back...
Then it's time to get on with your own life. Somewhere out there is the right girl, one that won't leave you for another country. Write your "ex" (cause that's what she is now, even if you don't think so) and tell her goodbye....forever.
I once lived with a girl for 6 years, then I went into the Air Force. She was supposed to join me in Oklahoma, but she didn't. I went back to check on her and found her in bed with another guy. It took me almost a year to get over her, but thank the Good Lord I did!
Because if I hadn't I never would have met MRS.IVES! The perfect girl for me!
Presonally, I think it was rude of her to not be up front with you. "Leading someone on " is childish and immature, as well as rude. If she was serious about the guy, just say so. Better to hurt someone's feelings a little than to drag on a relationship that is meaningless.
So...yeah, I'd have to say she is more remiss than you. Unless, of course, you haven't been exactly dedicated to her, in which case you share some of the blame.
Give up on the mailbox, friend. You're just torturing yourself and it's bad for you. Probably depressing too. You've got to make a decision....Just how important is she to you?
If she is the love of your life, get out there and fight for her! Dredge up every romantic iota of your soul and pour it out. If you don't think it will work and she'll never come back...
Then it's time to get on with your own life. Somewhere out there is the right girl, one that won't leave you for another country. Write your "ex" (cause that's what she is now, even if you don't think so) and tell her goodbye....forever.
I once lived with a girl for 6 years, then I went into the Air Force. She was supposed to join me in Oklahoma, but she didn't. I went back to check on her and found her in bed with another guy. It took me almost a year to get over her, but thank the Good Lord I did!
Because if I hadn't I never would have met MRS.IVES! The perfect girl for me!
All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players...Shakespeare
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Hi troubleveryday and welcome to the garden. I think you know in your heart and your head what is actually going on here. Time to move on. I think she was hoping you would check her e mail because she is too spineless to tell you herself. You did nothing wrong in wanting to know what is going on since she wouldn't tell you. Tell her you know, tell her how you know, and tell her why you know, then tell her goodbye and move on.
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i'd like to welcome you to FG, and hope you don't have trouble every day! 
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I'd say the simple fact that she decided to up and move halfway across the world makes her a pretty darn strong person. Was there an understanding before she left that the two of you would not see other people? And the thing that sticks out in my mind is that you were together for 5 years, and you say "I really like her." Is there love? Do you even want to attempt to get the truth? I'm just not sensing much passion where this girl is concerned, and have to wonder...What do you want?
[FONT=Arial Black]I hope you cherish this sweet way of life, and I hope you know that it comes with a price.
~Darrel Worley~
[/FONT]
Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
~Darrel Worley~
[/FONT]
Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
-
capt_buzzard
- Posts: 5557
- Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2004 12:00 pm
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Troubleveryday wrote: I really appreciate you dropping in.
The thread title may seem obscure - but i think it has helped me to ruin my life; at least, a little bit of my life that was once quite important to me.
I had been seeing my girlfriend for about 5 years when she moved to the other side of the world with work. I know you think you know what's coming, but stick with me...this isn't Razzle.
It was tough for me but I liked her a lot and it was important to her, so she went.
Anyway, a couple of weeks went by and I'd heard nothing; the place she was going to was poor, but although she had to abandon her mobile she still had email.
After a while i - this is where it gets tricky for me - after a while i decided i would check that the emails i had sent her had got through.
Honestly, nothing more than that. Genuinely just thought i'd check there wasn't some filter stopping them.
We'd been going out a while and have each others passwords- its the 21st century equivalent of having the other's doorkey now no-one can afford houses.
So... I clicked into her email.
And found to my surprise that the account had been pretty active,
Lots of emails to her friends...
With titles like 'Rockin' email...'
or 'Blimey!'
And contents like...
'Can't believe you met someone in 6 days!!!'
And I realised she'd met someone
And begun sleeepng with him in less than a week.
Now, since then I have heard from her. She occasionally refers to this guy as a new friend, among others.
I write back just letting her know about my life in general; not letting her know i know.
So... having shared all that i have some questions.
1) who has committed the greater offence
2) how do i cure my addiction to going to her inbox 5 times a day, reading her emails, and clicking on [mark as unread]
3) what other possible function could the [mark as unread] button have than helping you spy on someone
4) Do i need psychiatric help
5) Or just to move on?
Be grateful for thoughts, comments, my friends think i am crazy to even worry about my, hmm, transgression .... but i would welcome the views of unbiased strangers.
ThanksHello London
The thread title may seem obscure - but i think it has helped me to ruin my life; at least, a little bit of my life that was once quite important to me.
I had been seeing my girlfriend for about 5 years when she moved to the other side of the world with work. I know you think you know what's coming, but stick with me...this isn't Razzle.
It was tough for me but I liked her a lot and it was important to her, so she went.
Anyway, a couple of weeks went by and I'd heard nothing; the place she was going to was poor, but although she had to abandon her mobile she still had email.
After a while i - this is where it gets tricky for me - after a while i decided i would check that the emails i had sent her had got through.
Honestly, nothing more than that. Genuinely just thought i'd check there wasn't some filter stopping them.
We'd been going out a while and have each others passwords- its the 21st century equivalent of having the other's doorkey now no-one can afford houses.
So... I clicked into her email.
And found to my surprise that the account had been pretty active,
Lots of emails to her friends...
With titles like 'Rockin' email...'
or 'Blimey!'
And contents like...
'Can't believe you met someone in 6 days!!!'
And I realised she'd met someone
And begun sleeepng with him in less than a week.
Now, since then I have heard from her. She occasionally refers to this guy as a new friend, among others.
I write back just letting her know about my life in general; not letting her know i know.
So... having shared all that i have some questions.
1) who has committed the greater offence
2) how do i cure my addiction to going to her inbox 5 times a day, reading her emails, and clicking on [mark as unread]
3) what other possible function could the [mark as unread] button have than helping you spy on someone
4) Do i need psychiatric help
5) Or just to move on?
Be grateful for thoughts, comments, my friends think i am crazy to even worry about my, hmm, transgression .... but i would welcome the views of unbiased strangers.
ThanksHello London
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Hate to throw a moneky wrench in here but is there any possibility she moved to this place to be with someone she already "made friends" with??
Sorry had to ask.
And everyone else gave you excellent advise and believe me there is no privacy offence when it comes to email. If you get into the email because you had the pass word that is even less offensive. I say tell her your disappointed in what has happened and what you have read and wish her luck in the future and since she is moving on you ought to also.
Sorry had to ask.
And everyone else gave you excellent advise and believe me there is no privacy offence when it comes to email. If you get into the email because you had the pass word that is even less offensive. I say tell her your disappointed in what has happened and what you have read and wish her luck in the future and since she is moving on you ought to also.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
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I would think it feels rather clever being a spy. Restores some of the power that you lost when you discovered she was cheating on you. If you want your power restored break off with her. If she loves you at all she will abandon her new flame and take you seriously. If she doesn't care you are both better off and you have the power to go out and seek the woman that truly loves you and that you deserve.
By continuing to spy you are meeting her on her level: deception. Make her rise to a higher standard. You set the bar.
By continuing to spy you are meeting her on her level: deception. Make her rise to a higher standard. You set the bar.
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Perhaps she took the new job because she wanted to end the relationship but was unable to be upfront with you about it? Just a thought. Anyway, in my opinion it is very unfair to check someone else's email without their knowledge. My husband has done that before and it made me very angry. I believe you have to respect one another's privacy; not to say that her behavior is any better.
Hoping for the best.
Hoping for the best.
"A candle loses nothing of its light by lighting another candle." -James Keller
Say what you mean but don't say it mean. :yh_peace
Say what you mean but don't say it mean. :yh_peace
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greydeadhead
- Posts: 1045
- Joined: Fri Oct 15, 2004 8:52 am
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Well.. as far as who did the bigger transgression.. perhaps that is not the issue here. I mean you willingly exchanged passwords correct. So, knowing this why would the evidence still be in the inbox, especially knowing that it was an unsecure box so to speak.. It would be a simple matter to create a new secure account that you would not even know about.. maybe she meant for you to find them as a means of encouraging you to break it off. Kinda helping along the break up so to speak. Cowardly way to do it.. but the means accomplish the ends I guess. As far as dealing with it, I would tell her everything that you know.. be completely upfront and honest with her.. and end it. Sorry, but can you really trust her again with your heart..
Feed your spirit by living near it -- Magic Hat Brewery bottle cap
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Hi trouble,
The people on the forum have given you honest, good advise. I am not as n ice as my friends on the forum.
I beleive myself to be a man of the centruy, the 19th century. As such I beleive a man doesn't betray a friend and doesn't betray his mate/wife. If she has done this there is no forgetting, forgiving maybe but no forgetting, just walk away, find a new woman.
In some ways the old ways are best. If a person cannot be faithful to someone they have made a commitment of love to then they cannot be trusted even if it was "just a mistake". walk away.
The people on the forum have given you honest, good advise. I am not as n ice as my friends on the forum.
I beleive myself to be a man of the centruy, the 19th century. As such I beleive a man doesn't betray a friend and doesn't betray his mate/wife. If she has done this there is no forgetting, forgiving maybe but no forgetting, just walk away, find a new woman.
In some ways the old ways are best. If a person cannot be faithful to someone they have made a commitment of love to then they cannot be trusted even if it was "just a mistake". walk away.
GOD CREATED MAN AND SAM COLT MADE THEM EQUAL
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How many flings before you are forced to get the message? Is this the life that you have in store for yourself. The nice little man loving his mate that tries on some new stud every once in a while because the steak at home should be augmented with a little hamburger on the side.
Get real. Confront her and tell her the jig is up. It isn't easy and sitting here on the sidelines is easy but most here haven't always been sitting on the sidelines. Sometimes we were you. Get on with your life and stop the romantic approach. You can't be romantic with someone that is using you. If you want to be romantic be roamantic with someone that will return the romanticism that you may want or need in your life.
Who's to blame? Doesn't much matter does it. She broke the bond. You didn't finagle your way into the box. You were supposed to be there.
Get real. Confront her and tell her the jig is up. It isn't easy and sitting here on the sidelines is easy but most here haven't always been sitting on the sidelines. Sometimes we were you. Get on with your life and stop the romantic approach. You can't be romantic with someone that is using you. If you want to be romantic be roamantic with someone that will return the romanticism that you may want or need in your life.
Who's to blame? Doesn't much matter does it. She broke the bond. You didn't finagle your way into the box. You were supposed to be there.
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The thought of my BF reading my personal mail is spooky, of course your GF is out of order but then so are you and if you have enough about you you'll tell her what you've done before she realises & uses your prying as an excuse to kick you into touch.
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Cherrypie, i know my BF's password & he mine but have never been given permission to use it as he has'nt mine, and if i found he'd been reading my mail i'd end the relationship.
I'm not condoning what his other half has done, of course she's in the wrong, and yes of course she should tell him what she's been up to, i just think that he should use this to his advantage & jump in before she does.
I'm not condoning what his other half has done, of course she's in the wrong, and yes of course she should tell him what she's been up to, i just think that he should use this to his advantage & jump in before she does.
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cherrypie wrote: Right, I'm now going to sit down with a glass of wine and a Scarpetta novel so have a good night Abbey. Happy chatting.
You too Cherrypie, good health hon x
You too Cherrypie, good health hon x
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Nice post slushpuppy. Good sense there.
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slushpuppy wrote: Well that's me kensloft, always full of good advice except when it comes to my own life! Hee hee :wah:
Ain't that the way that it always works out. Someday we might listen to ourselves. Scary concept.
Ain't that the way that it always works out. Someday we might listen to ourselves. Scary concept.