Bi Polar Disorder

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 7:12 am

started from another thread...

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Originally Posted by DesignerGal:

My sisters and I are trying to convince my father he has sever bi-polar disorder. The relationship isnt pretty right now.

Originally Posted by cherandbuster:

Oh, DG, that must be very difficult.

How is it going?

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Not good. I dont think he speaking to me now, since I brought it up. He is manipulative and selfish.

My dad tore our family apart and none of us want a close relationship with him. But we find it hard because he manipulates us and makes us feel guilty and we are tired of it. I just opened the can of worms because this is what happened:

I called him to tell him about my upcoming surgery and how terrified I was to hear "surgery" and ovarian cancer" in one sentence. I go on to say that Alice (my sister) is going to come up here and maybe sit with me a couple of days. He asks me "When did you talk to her?" I say, "earlier today". He replies with "She never calls me back, and she calls you, what if something happened to me..." and so on and so on. We get into yet ANOTHER pissing contest over who ALice calls back first. She is in an accelrated nursing program (and getting her masters) so she is always studying or at school. My sister is an overachiever and never gets less than an A grade. She graduated Sum Cum Laude from a TOP school here in the US. Any thoughts on this matter, cher?

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 7:21 am

Oh DG, it sounds like you are in a no-win situation. It seems that everything you or your sisters say to your Dad goes through a 'negative filter' before it reaches him. And you have no control over it, either.

Is there any chance his doctor, or some trusted friend, could 'reach' him?

I'm so sorry you have to go through all this negativity -- something you surely don't need in your life right now.

((( hugs ))) to you at this difficult time from Buster 'n me.

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 7:24 am

cherandbuster wrote: Oh DG, it sounds like you are in a no-win situation. It seems that everything you or your sisters say to your Dad goes through a 'negative filter' before it reaches him. And you have no control over it, either.

Is there any chance his doctor, or some trusted friend, could 'reach' him?

I'm so sorry you have to go through all this negativity -- something you surely don't need in your life right now.

((( hugs ))) to you at this difficult time from Buster 'n me.

Thanks. I really wasnt going to say anything about it. BR and MOMINIOWA and a couple other peeps are going through some pretty cruel $h!t right now and my problems pale in comparison with theirs. So lets keep the focus on these guys. I'd appreciate it!

By the way, he has NO friends. I could get my uncle involved...I guess.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 7:27 am

DESIGNERGAL I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. But you are such a sweety. Now what is this bi-polar stuff?

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 7:27 am

DG, if you don't feel like getting into it, I understand completely.

But I'm sure even Mom and BR like to get outside their own heads every once in awhile. In fact, I'm sure they need to sometimes.

So . . . if you need to talk, we'll listen.

If not, that's cool too. :-6

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 7:30 am

cherandbuster wrote: DG, if you don't feel like getting into it, I understand completely.

But I'm sure even Mom and BR like to get outside their own heads every once in awhile. In fact, I'm sure they need to sometimes.

So . . . if you need to talk, we'll listen.

If not, that's cool too. :-6

Its not as big as it sounds, so, to keep everyone from being concerned, I got the bloodwork back that measures CA 125 (its levels tell you if a tumor/cyst are cancerous or not, I think) in the blood. They want you level to be less than 21 and mine was a4 so its GREAT news. Its just a fluid filled cyst that will be removed from my right ovary. Thats why the IUI cycle was put on hold.

BUT...we are starting the ADOPTION PROCESS in October....no back to my psycho father...

Does anyone know someone or suffer themselves from this? Ever had to deal with someone in such denial about it?

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 7:47 am

YZGI wrote: DESIGNERGAL I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.

??

??

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 7:55 am

DesignerGal wrote: BUT...we are starting the ADOPTION PROCESS in October....no back to my psycho father...

Does anyone know someone or suffer themselves from this? Ever had to deal with someone in such denial about it?

My 15-year-old niece suffers from bipolar disease, and it really does affect the whole family, as you can already see

It's been a lengthy road finding the right mix of medications to help her. This has been going on for a couple of years, and the doctors are still trying different combinations of drugs and therapy.

But dealing with a parent in denial about it -- that's a whole other issue. With a child, at least the parent can control things. In your case, DG, it seems much harder.

Anyone out there have experience with this?

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 7:59 am

We are exhausted trying to keep him happy and manic at this point. I emailed a long list of symptoms and meds for my sisters. I highlighted the ones I definetly see in him and posted some comments too, like examples. I am still waiting to see how they react.

He is going to jump our $hit the first chance he gets...

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 8:10 am

And the big question is: how will you get your Dad to actually listen to you about it?

You mentioned your uncle -- is he someone Dad will 'hear'?

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 8:11 am

Cher it was a joke. Yelling at her then being nice= bi-polar. get it?

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 8:21 am

cherandbuster wrote: And the big question is: how will you get your Dad to actually listen to you about it?

You mentioned your uncle -- is he someone Dad will 'hear'?

Honestly, I dont think he will hear anyone. He is always "right", always "the victim" and let me add, he does have episodes of Paranoia. He feels like people look down on him, when they do not.

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 8:30 am

Why bi-polar? This is characterized by periods of mania followed by periods of depression? Have you considered other possibilities?

http://www.dbsalliance.org/info/bipolar.html

I've known a few bi-polar people. The mania is often worse than the depression.

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 8:56 am

koan wrote: Why bi-polar? This is characterized by periods of mania followed by periods of depression? Have you considered other possibilities?

http://www.dbsalliance.org/info/bipolar.html

I've known a few bi-polar people. The mania is often worse than the depression.

Right. His mania is worse than his depression. And thanks for the link. I looked that link up yesterday and emailed it to my sisters. Its his depressive mood that gets me the worst. His mania I can stand. I looked up just depression, schizophrenia and some others and it seems the bi-polar description describes him and his actions to a "T".

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 9:15 am

DG, first off, FG is a huge place with lots of shoulders and ears to lean on and bend. Just because we have other members with major problems, this is a major problem for YOU. And cher is 100% correct when she says we need to get out of our own heads sometimes, absolutely!!

When I read your opening post, you know what I thought? That your sister was frustrated with your father not facing what he doesn't want to face, so she's not going to waste her energy on someone who clearly does not want her advice. You, on the other hand, need her and are listening to her. So, that p!sses your father off. Just a thought, really, I have no basis for any real reasoning, it's just what came to my mind.

And I do feel the need to say that there are times when you have to think of yourself first, and cut your losses and take care of YOU.

I'm sorry you're going through this. My dad and I have always been more "buddies" than father and daughter and I can't imagine what this is doing to you inside.

I'm pulling for you, in all the ways you need pulling!!! :yh_bigsmi xo

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 9:23 am

YZGI wrote: Cher it was a joke. Yelling at her then being nice= bi-polar. get it?

Now I get it. Thanks Y:)

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 9:31 am

BabyRider wrote: DG, first off, FG is a huge place with lots of shoulders and ears to lean on and bend. Just because we have other members with major problems, this is a major problem for YOU. And cher is 100% correct when she says we need to get out of our own heads sometimes, absolutely!!

When I read your opening post, you know what I thought? That your sister was frustrated with your father not facing what he doesn't want to face, so she's not going to waste her energy on someone who clearly does not want her advice. You, on the other hand, need her and are listening to her. So, that p!sses your father off. Just a thought, really, I have no basis for any real reasoning, it's just what came to my mind.

And I do feel the need to say that there are times when you have to think of yourself first, and cut your losses and take care of YOU.

I'm sorry you're going through this. My dad and I have always been more "buddies" than father and daughter and I can't imagine what this is doing to you inside.

I'm pulling for you, in all the ways you need pulling!!! :yh_bigsmi xo

Ok, Ok, Ok, stop freaking yelling at me!;)

I'll post some more in a few minutes

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 9:35 am

DG, we're ready and waiting to help.

Or at least to listen

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 9:35 am

If he ever agreed to diagnosis and treatment it doesn't mean the problem is fixed. The medications only control the extremity of the swings and the length of them. They still occur. The biggest benefit of his going would be that he might become aware that the problem is his and not yours.

My way of dealing with the situation is to assert "you are having a manic episode", or "depressive" depending on the circumstance, followed by "I love you. Call me when you're feeling better."

There's not much else you can do.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 9:37 am

DesignerGal wrote: Ok, Ok, Ok, stop freaking yelling at me!;)

I'll post some more in a few minutes
You think THAT was yelling?? Sheesh. I wish Erinna was here to tell you how wrong you are!! :yh_rotfl

We're here for you, babe. You've been here for me, now I'm here for you.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Jun 23, 2006 9:41 am

koan wrote: If he ever agreed to diagnosis and treatment it doesn't mean the problem is fixed. The medications only control the extremity of the swings and the length of them. They still occur. The biggest benefit of his going would be that he might become aware that the problem is his and not yours.

My way of dealing with the situation is to assert "you are having a manic episode", or "depressive" depending on the circumstance, followed by "I love you. Call me when you're feeling better."

There's not much else you can do.

Koan, I like your advice. This way DG can 'separate' herself from her Dad's behavior and not take on the responsibility of it. I think that will be good for her psyche.