Best Friend Woes...Please advise!

[KittylovingBlond]

I've been best friends with Lindsay since junior year of high school. I've gotten to know her distinct personality since then, and can say that we are almost polar opposites. She used to drive me to school every day, and would consistently make me late. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am for the most part always on time. She's very messy and doesn't take care of her things. I'm a neat freak and treasure my belongings. I've been working since I was old enough, and have my own house, car, full-time job, go to school, etc., while she lives with her parents and doesn't pay for anything (she's 23). Yes, yes, you get it - opposites.

The thing is, she recently got engaged to a guy she met while traveling abroad in Chile. She was there for a year (on her parent's dime) and came back in love. They decided to get engaged and have him move to the US, but it's apparently an extremely long and tedius process. So, while we waited for that to go through, I spent a lot of time with her before he came to the US.

During that time, and of course throughout her friendship, I have been very generous. My boyfriend and I would go out with her and always pay because for a long while she didn't have a job. She never bothered putting a collar on her blind dog, who has a tendancy to wander off, and wander off it did. She called me one day to ask if I could go to the Animal Control Center to pick up her dog. As her "best friend" I was happy to do that. It was a Sunday so the shelter was closed, so I had to convince 2 AC Officers to let me take her. After an hour of paperwork, pulling her rabies info, getting exact change cash to pay the fee (bank for cash, gas station for change), I finally got the dog out, and HAND DELIVERED it to Lindsay's house. A few months later, she had car trouble and called me to come pick her up. I wasn't in the area, so I called my dad to go pick her up. He went and fixed her car, and followed her home. Since she got engaged, I went with her for the dress fitting, bought her a wedding scrapbook, took pictures of her in the dress, and started putting together the scrapbook. I printed the pictures, and bought lots of stickers and what not for the book, which came out to over $50.

All of the things I have done for her, I didn't think twice about. I am her friend, and that's what friends do. However, I've recently noticed that the friendship is primarily one-sided. What sparked my realization was when, for the first time in years, I needed HER help. I asked her for a simple ride to the airport. She lives the closest (about 30 minutes) than anyone I know, so she was my first choice. When I asked her though, she said "oh...um...could I be your back up or something?" I paused to hear what she was doing that night which kept her from doing me this favor, but she didn't say anything more. She simply didn't "feel" like it. It seems really insignificant, and certainly not something to lose a friendship over....but ever since that happened, I can't stop thinking about everything I've done for her in the past. All those times I took her somewhere, bought her something, my boyfriend paid for her dinners, etc. I literally would bend over backwards because that's what friends do. Right? And now I feel like I've been very naiive.

How did I not see this before? The problem now, is that I can't stop the feeling of animosity towards her. Her fiance finally came over here, and I pretty much haven't heard from her since. I am her maid of honor, and I feel like I am expected to do all of those things that bridesmaids do, all the time and effort in the parties, planning, favors, etc. and I feel like I don't want to do anything else for her again!

To top it off, I had a really tough time emotionally a while back, and had sent her a really, really long email about it. She never even responded. I had to email her again and ask if she got it. She said that she had, but didn't have time to write back or call.

Is this friendship worth saving? How can I bury my feelings and still be a good maid of honor? Why are good friends SO HARD TO FIND???? :-5

[pina]

In answer to your question "is this friendship worth saving" I would say NO. I would also go so far as to tell her to find another bridesmaid.

Maybe I'm hard hearted but to me any relationship should be two way.

[KittylovingBlond]

Well...I'm her ONLY bridesmaid, so that might be tricky. I think I'll do the wedding thing and then phase myself out gradually. It shouldn't be hard considering we rarely communicate right now. Besides, she wants to move to Chile eventually so I probably will lose touch with her after that. Everytime she was there visiting, she didn't respond to emails and hardly ever called. So...this shouldn't be difficult.

Thanks for the advice!

Anyone else have any recommendations?

[KittylovingBlond]

Furthermore, it's been almost 3 weeks since I talked to her. She hardly ever calls, we never see each other, and she's been all but invisible since her fiance came to the states. I understand that they want some alone time after being separated for so long...but what happened to friends coming first?

Anyway I finally talked to her yesterday for less than 5 minutes. I've called her twice since then with no response. What the heck am I supposed to do? I don't even know if this wedding is going to happen or when! She's so flighty, it might just come up like the day beforehand "oh by the way we're getting married tomorrow, you need to come." Who knows?!

Any advice?

[papaboo951]

my.02

Judging bye your post, that was not as close of a friendship in her eyes. She has repeatedly shown you that. Now it's time to knock on her door and tell her face to face.

Lick your wounds, and move on.

Don't bother with the wedding, time for her to learn a lesson too.