Repeat Divorces

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 5:36 am

Painting a room gives one time to think. It may be a dangerous thing.

I've never experienced divorce, primarily because I've conned the greatest woman in the world into believing I'm a keeper. I heard somewhere that of the people that remarry after a divorce, something over 60% of them will divorce again.

Why?

Is it because they make the same mistake again?

They're gunshy, and jump at the first sign of disharmony?

Divorce just isn't as scary as they thought, having experienced it once?

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 6:13 am

ArnoldLayne wrote: Some people just like wedding cake

I hate it!

I can't see me getting married again, but then again I guess you should never say 'never'.

It would have to be a pretty special person to get me down the aisle again...................hang on I didn't walk down the aisle the first time! :wah:

Divorce hasn't been easy, it's been messy, nasty, and damned expensive too!

theia · Post by **theia** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 6:28 am

I've been divorced twice.

I know deep down that marriage isn't really for me, though I sometimes think, I wish...

but if I'm honest with myself, I know that I need to be able to live happily with myself and then...well, who knows, maybe I'll find it easier to share my life?

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 7:27 am

well I'm only doing it one time

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 7:33 am

theia wrote: I've been divorced twice.

I know deep down that marriage isn't really for me, though I sometimes think, I wish...

but if I'm honest with myself, I know that I need to be able to live happily with myself and then...well, who knows, maybe I'll find it easier to share my life?

Theia my friend

Interesting thoughts here.

I'm been divorced once. It was quite amicable but still emotionally devastating. The 'failure' concept was hard to accept -- for me anyway.

I waited about seven years between marriages. I think quick remarriages are dangerous; you've really got to get to know yourself and what you want. The fear of being alone is often a terrible basis for remarriage.

When I left my first marriage, it wasn't because it was a horrible or dangerous situation. I just was not 'in love'. We had been married only a couple of years when I realized, "If I stay married to this man, ten years and two kids from now I will be in a very complacent marriage." I wanted *more* for myself. I also wanted my husband to have someone who truly loved him. I feel that everyone deserves that in life.

I decided that I'd rather be alone than stay in a complacent situation.

I always felt I made the right choice for me. :-6

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 7:38 am

sunny104 wrote: well I'm only doing it one time

LOL I remember saying that. I'm on marriage #2.

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 7:39 am

I think with younger people, they see marriage as not permanent. Things don't work out, Oh well..split up and you get a do-over.

But Rick was divorced twice before we met. And both of my brothers divorced. So who knows what goes on.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 7:48 am

Peg wrote: LOL I remember saying that. I'm on marriage #2.

Peg

I hear you honey!!:)

venus · Post by **venus** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 8:18 am

Well l only want to do it once..

My mums on number 3! and my dad just never bothered again..but he is a loner..

I say to each their own and just hope that there are not kids in hte mix gettting dragged around from marrainge to marraige.

911 · Post by **911** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 9:43 am

Accountable wrote: Painting a room gives one time to think. It may be a dangerous thing.

I've never experienced divorce, primarily because I've conned the greatest woman in the world into believing I'm a keeper. I heard somewhere that of the people that remarry after a divorce, something over 60% of them will divorce again.

[

But don't they say that 50% of first time marriages fail? So,. . . .it seems to me the more you marry the less you divorce! :wah:

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 10:00 am

Guess it depends on whom your talking with. My brother has gone through 4 divorces and he blames everyone of his ex's. And me, and my sis, and my dad, and mom...............................get my drift ?

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 1:06 pm

sunny104 wrote: well I'm only doing it one time

Same here, Sunny. I waited till I was 35 to get married, and I don't regret it for a second. I had been asked before, but knew instantly that it was not what I wanted. Or, more accurately, who I wanted. When I knew the right man had come along, I had no qualms accepting his marriage proposal, and I don't see me ever being unhappy with my husband. I just love him too much!! :-4

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 1:09 pm

BabyRider wrote: I don't see me ever being unhappy with my husband. I just love him too much!! :-4

And equally as important, you like him as well.

That's just how I feel about my hubby too :-6

annabelle · Post by **annabelle** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 5:12 pm

sunny104 wrote: well I'm only doing it one time

That's what I thought too ...

minks · Post by **minks** » Sun Jul 30, 2006 9:20 pm

I dunno maybe some folks just can't live the single life so settle for a non-perfect marriage over being alone? Or maybe second and third time around folks get very wrapped up in what they want or don't want and become too set in their ways and not so flexible specially if they were hurt the first time around?

Betty is right divorce is messy and costly.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Mon Jul 31, 2006 11:54 am

that's why I'm only doing it once. One husband, one father for my children. :-6

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Mon Jul 31, 2006 6:07 pm

sunny104 wrote: that's why I'm only doing it once. One husband, one father for my children. :-6Of which, you have one of each. Hmmm Freud might think you have something about singles. :yh_glasse :yh_think

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 3:05 am

Pinky wrote: I've been thinking about this.

You can never, ever tell what is going to happen in the future. When I said my vows, it was for life...I always said I would only marry the once.

We had major problems last year, and I left for quite a while. The thing that made me go back was knowing that I made those vows in the first place.

I can't say what will happen in the future, no-one can, but if at some point we decide we're doing each other's heads in, I wouldn't get married again.

My sentiments exactly.....for better or worse....once said, you try and live by it..however, when it is worse with a capital 'W' , for your own health, happiness and wellbeing, then I think you have to 'take stock'.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 4:23 am

Bez wrote: My sentiments exactly.....for better or worse....once said, you try and live by it..however, when it is worse with a capital 'W' , for your own health, happiness and wellbeing, then I think you have to 'take stock'.

Agreed, Bez. I think the vows are very meaningful, but putting up with crap 'just because I made these vows' wouldn't work for me. And as you pointed out, when your own well-being is compromised, then you've really got to stop and look within yourself.

Bez and Pinky, I admire your honesty in talking about your relationships. I think the key is this: you need to know the difference between what is a normal 'valley' in a relationship (all have their peaks and their valleys) and what is just plain *not right*.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 5:24 am

Accountable wrote: Painting a room gives one time to think. It may be a dangerous thing.

I've never experienced divorce, primarily because I've conned the greatest woman in the world into believing I'm a keeper. I heard somewhere that of the people that remarry after a divorce, something over 60% of them will divorce again.

Why?

Is it because they make the same mistake again?

They're gunshy, and jump at the first sign of disharmony?

Divorce just isn't as scary as they thought, having experienced it once?

I'd say most likely the last one Acc, possibly with a bit of the other 2 thrown in. After being on the wrong end of a 67/33% split, it is unlikely to be a path I will walk down in the future...but as they say, Never say Never

Post by **Betty Boop** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 5:34 am

Uncle Kram wrote: I'd say most likely the last one Acc, possibly with a bit of the other 2 thrown in. After being on the wrong end of a 67/33% split, it is unlikely to be a path I will walk down in the future...but as they say, Never say Never

Hey thats what I said! :p

I think I would be pretty quick to get a pre nup aggreement though, (if I ever did go down that road again) not that I have anything of any value anyway!

I walked away from my marriage with 50% of the house, didn't even take one piece of furniture, yet he'll have you believe I fleeced him. Wish I had taken him for every penny now then he would be justified in making me out to be a money grabbing cow. :rolleyes:

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 5:47 am

Betty Boop wrote: Hey thats what I said! :p

I think I would be pretty quick to get a pre nup aggreement though, (if I ever did go down that road again) not that I have anything of any value anyway!

I walked away from my marriage with 50% of the house, didn't even take one piece of furniture, yet he'll have you believe I fleeced him. Wish I had taken him for every penny now then he would be justified in making me out to be a money grabbing cow. :rolleyes:

We're going 50/50 on the house and taking what furniture etc we need. What's left is going to the kids if they want it, the Salvation~Army shop or the dump.

I'm going to try for a DIY divorce....looks easy ....we'll see. :-2

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 7:06 am

Bez wrote: I'm going to try for a DIY divorce....looks easy ....we'll see. :-2

Good luck, Bez. It sounds like this will be a fairly amicable split; am I right? If the two of you can reach an agreement together, you'll save money and anguish.

Be well :-6

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 7:11 am

Bez wrote: We're going 50/50 on the house and taking what furniture etc we need. What's left is going to the kids if they want it, the Salvation~Army shop or the dump.

I'm going to try for a DIY divorce....looks easy ....we'll see. :-2

I wish you all the luck Bez it should be easier with all the kids gone and settled on their own. I hope it is a clean 50 50 split for you and your ex. I also really hope you guys can do 90% of the work without lawyers.

Myself after 17 years of marriage lost a house, minivan, trailer, 2 sea doos all to paying legal fees. I was also hit with a $**,*** fee to pay which was half of his tax debt. Not to mention I did not have to be employed for the last 5 years of the marriage so divorcing forced me into a $10.00/hour job at the age of 40+. I don't know what was more humiliating, the pitiful job, or the fact that his high paying lawyer bled my children and myself of a decent living because he kept me from going to court and pleading my case as a mother with full custody of 2 teens and no job.

I am happy to report mind you that after 3 very long years I have made it on my own and even though I may never have the standard of living I had in the past, I am proud of my accomplishments.

And I don't know if there will be a next time around.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 7:16 am

minks wrote: I am proud of my accomplishments.

YEAH Minxsy

I'm so glad you feel good about yourself.

You totally deserve to, my friend :-4

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 7:21 am

cherandbuster wrote: YEAH Minxsy

I'm so glad you feel good about yourself.

You totally deserve to, my friend :-4

thanks Cher,

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 7:27 am

Betty Boop wrote: I think I would be pretty quick to get a pre nup aggreement though, (if I ever did go down that road again) not that I have anything of any value anyway!

These things are currently not enforceable under UK law.

Betty Boop wrote: I walked away from my marriage with 50% of the house, didn't even take one piece of furniture, yet he'll have you believe I fleeced him. Wish I had taken him for every penny now then he would be justified in making me out to be a money grabbing cow.

Well, depending upon how long you were married, and whether you had

children, you got as much as you could (which is the law).

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 8:24 am

minks wrote: I wish you all the luck Bez it should be easier with all the kids gone and settled on their own. I hope it is a clean 50 50 split for you and your ex. I also really hope you guys can do 90% of the work without lawyers.

Myself after 17 years of marriage lost a house, minivan, trailer, 2 sea doos all to paying legal fees. I was also hit with a $**,*** fee to pay which was half of his tax debt. Not to mention I did not have to be employed for the last 5 years of the marriage so divorcing forced me into a $10.00/hour job at the age of 40+. I don't know what was more humiliating, the pitiful job, or the fact that his high paying lawyer bled my children and myself of a decent living because he kept me from going to court and pleading my case as a mother with full custody of 2 teens and no job.

I am happy to report mind you that after 3 very long years I have made it on my own and even though I may never have the standard of living I had in the past, I am proud of my accomplishments.

And I don't know if there will be a next time around.

Thanks for your support Minks....so far, apart from the stress of house selling and flat hunting and posession sorting etc, etc ....PHEW.......it has been fairly painless....however I might yet end up looking like the lady in you AV.

:-4

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 8:26 am

Bez wrote:

however I might yet end up looking like the lady in you AV.

Yeah

Your new Av, Minxsy, is quite interesting looking. How did Phyllis Diller ever get her hair to stand up so high? :rolleyes:

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 8:27 am

Pinky, Cher, Snooze and everyone else that is supporting me on this unknown journey....a BIG thank you... :-4

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 8:28 am

cherandbuster wrote: Yeah

Your new Av, Minxsy, is quite interesting looking. How did Phyllis Diller ever get her hair to stand up so high? :rolleyes:

Ah....Phyllis Diller .......I thought she looked familiar

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 8:29 am

Bez wrote: Pinky, Cher, Snooze and everyone else that is supporting me on this unknown journey....a BIG thank you... :-4

Bez

I have complete faith in you

And I just know that life will turn out wonderfully

You are already through most of the really tough stuff

And soon you will be shining oh so brightly :-6

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 8:30 am

cherandbuster wrote: Yeah

Your new Av, Minxsy, is quite interesting looking. How did Phyllis Diller ever get her hair to stand up so high? :rolleyes:

makes ya wonder eh, cause she was doing that to her hair before hair Gel was around.

I am glad the av has made anyone smile today

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 8:31 am

Minxsy

Your Noel Coward siggy line also makes me laugh :p

Post by **Betty Boop** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 8:33 am

Bill Sikes wrote: These things are currently not enforceable under UK law.

Well, depending upon how long you were married, and whether you had

children, you got as much as you could (which is the law).

No, I was due more, I have the children therefore I was actually entitled to 60%, and any other normal 'loving' father would at least have made sure his children had beds to sleep in.

ZAP · Post by **ZAP** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 8:39 am

I've been divorced twice. First time was sad because I had 3 kids but it was a self-preservation thing. He was sharpening his hunting knife one night at midnight, when he was drunk and then he hid it in the clothes hamper. I figured it was time to go. I took the kids with me.

The 2nd one was two years ago because I just wasn't getting any respect or appreciation. But I did the divorce myself, without a lawyer, so it cost me $60.00 'Course I had to give him a lot so he wouldn't contest it.:-1 Oh, well, you know what they say about "..a fool and his money..." wait "...he who is his own lawyer..." well, what do they say?

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 8:57 am

cherandbuster wrote: Minxsy

Your Noel Coward siggy line also makes me laugh :p

well then my job here is done hehehehe

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 9:00 am

Betty Boop wrote: No, I was due more (than 50% of marital assets) , I have the children therefore I was actually entitled to 60%, and any other normal 'loving' father would at least have made sure his children had beds to sleep in.

That's why I said "depending" and "whether"! Your situation seems the reverse of mine (or perhaps a mirror).

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 9:24 am

Accountable wrote: Of which, you have one of each. Hmmm Freud might think you have something about singles. :yh_glasse :yh_think
eek!

I'm not posting in this thread anymore.....

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 10:04 am

Zapata wrote: I've been divorced twice. First time was sad because I had 3 kids but it was a self-preservation thing. He was sharpening his hunting knife one night at midnight, when he was drunk and then he hid it in the clothes hamper. I figured it was time to go. I took the kids with me.

The 2nd one was two years ago because I just wasn't getting any respect or appreciation. But I did the divorce myself, without a lawyer, so it cost me $60.00 'Course I had to give him a lot so he wouldn't contest it.:-1 Oh, well, you know what they say about "..a fool and his money..." wait "...he who is his own lawyer..." well, what do they say?

Good post, well written

Sooo . . . are you sour on men or on marriage? It's probably hard not to be somewhat, as we are the sum of our experiences.

I hope you can remain hopeful and optimistic. It's nicer to live with yourself that way. :-6

ZAP · Post by **ZAP** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 12:33 pm

cherandbuster wrote: Good post, well written

Sooo . . . are you sour on men or on marriage? It's probably hard not to be somewhat, as we are the sum of our experiences.

I hope you can remain hopeful and optimistic. It's nicer to live with yourself that way. :-6

No, cher, I'm not any more soured on men than I always was.

LOL

Sometimes ya gotta laugh to keep from crying. I always felt it was good to laugh at yourself and life.

LilacDragon · Post by **LilacDragon** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 12:41 pm

I was married for 11 years before my first divorce.

I lived with my dh for 10 years before we got married.

If something happens and I get divorced again - I will get another dog.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 12:46 pm

LilacDragon wrote: If something happens and I get divorced again - I will get another dog.

Good one Sandi!

Besides, dogs don't make you split up all of your belongings, do they?

And they don't break your heart either.

LilacDragon · Post by **LilacDragon** » Tue Aug 01, 2006 12:49 pm

Oh, they will break your heart, alright.

BUT .....

they are trainable

they don't leave the toilet seat up

they rarely argue - and if they do, you will still win

and they love you no matter what bonehead thing you have done.