Forgive someone today....

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 7:31 am

I did and it felt nice, so go on we don't need stories if you don't want to share but in your heart go on and forgive someone today. It just seems like a good way to end the week.

theia · Post by **theia** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 7:38 am

That's weird, Minks, I've been reading about forgiveness today...

then, a bit earlier I was having a load of negative thoughts about someone... I had sent them something via Amazon and when I tracked its progress, it had been delivered on Tuesday...but no call to say, hey that's great. Then I stopped and thought, oh sod it, I don't want to take that route and I let the whole thing go. It's maybe not forgiveness as such but I felt better not grumbling into my beard about it and instead I thought, I'm glad I sent them that pressie.

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 7:40 am

theia wrote: That's weird, Minks, I've been reading about forgiveness today...

then, a bit earlier I was having a load of negative thoughts about someone... I had sent them something via Amazon and when I tracked its progress, it had been delivered on Tuesday...but no call to say, hey that's great. Then I stopped and thought, oh sod it, I don't want to take that route and I let the whole thing go. It's maybe not forgiveness as such but I felt better not grumbling into my beard about it and instead I thought, I'm glad I sent them that pressie.

Sometimes we just have to do that don't we

Kind of stems back to don't sweat the small stuff.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 7:41 am

Oh, that is a good thought, Minks.

We appreciate you presence with us everyday, Theia.:-4

I am going to think on this....................

theia · Post by **theia** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 7:54 am

Chonsi and Minks...:yh_hugs

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:06 am

minks wrote: I did and it felt nice, so go on we don't need stories if you don't want to share but in your heart go on and forgive someone today. It just seems like a good way to end the week.
Okay.....what did I do??:-3

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:33 am

Zapata and I were just chatting about her "BUBBLE" method...perhaps she'll come in & tell how she does it.

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:41 am

Raven wrote: Okay.....what did I do??:-3

Ahahaha no you my dear, you could do no wrong in my eyes

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:43 am

Funny how you can get all twisted up about people and walk away then after time goes by you have to think, gee it's a lot nicer to forgive them than hold the grudge. I have a few more to work on and perhaps one day my last couple will be out of my mind for good

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:44 am

minks wrote: Ahahaha no you my dear, you could do no wrong in my eyes

Funny that! I was just thinking the same thing about you!:-6

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:45 am

Raven wrote: Funny that! I was just thinking the same thing about you!:-6

Awww big squeezie huggs... but no tears

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:55 am

minks wrote: Awww big squeezie huggs... but no tears

:yh_hugs

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 9:09 am

Minks, I'm wondering....what's the difference between forgiving and forgetting?

A good example happened to me, just before I came here. Someone I thought was a dear friend did something which constitutes betrayal of our friendship. I can "forgive" her, because I understand why she did what she did.

But I can't "forget," because I understand she's not the friend I believed her to be. I'm not angry...but I can't "forget."

Does that negate the "forgive" part?

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 9:13 am

theia wrote: That's weird, Minks, I've been reading about forgiveness today...

then, a bit earlier I was having a load of negative thoughts about someone... I had sent them something via Amazon and when I tracked its progress, it had been delivered on Tuesday...but no call to say, hey that's great. Then I stopped and thought, oh sod it, I don't want to take that route and I let the whole thing go. It's maybe not forgiveness as such but I felt better not grumbling into my beard about it and instead I thought, I'm glad I sent them that pressie.

THat happened to a friend of mine. Kind of rude isnt it? But Im glad you let it go so it doesnt make you have all that negative energy.

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 9:26 am

Lulu2 wrote: Minks, I'm wondering....what's the difference between forgiving and forgetting?

A good example happened to me, just before I came here. Someone I thought was a dear friend did something which constitutes betrayal of our friendship. I can "forgive" her, because I understand why she did what she did.

But I can't "forget," because I understand she's not the friend I believed her to be. I'm not angry...but I can't "forget."

Does that negate the "forgive" part?

Maybe yes, forgive to me means the person admited they were wrong, to forget to me means likely the person will never see they did you wrong but it's just something I would have to ... forget and move on with.

ZAP · Post by **ZAP** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 9:42 am

I just saw this and I'm having a very hard time forgiving the trash collector for not picking up my trash. I was on a 2 week vacation and when I got back Sunday there was a discontinue notice waiting for me. I pay ALL bills when I get them, so I couldn't understand it. I wrote out a check and put it in the mailbox for pickup & delivery in this same town. So 4 days later they skipped my trash. I called the company and got the usual run around and was told I have to pay a disrupted charge of $15.00. Even though they got my check 2 days ago.

Anyway, here's how the bubble works. Take whatever's bugging you, imagine that you place it in a bubble and blow it away. And don't let it bother you again.

If that doesn't work, get out a big sheet of bubble wrap. Enclose yourself in it and roll around on the floor, listening to all the bubbles pop. This is a particular favorite of Lulu's.

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 9:56 am

Zapata wrote: I just saw this and I'm having a very hard time forgiving the trash collector for not picking up my trash. I was on a 2 week vacation and when I got back Sunday there was a discontinue notice waiting for me. I pay ALL bills when I get them, so I couldn't understand it. I wrote out a check and put it in the mailbox for pickup & delivery in this same town. So 4 days later they skipped my trash. I called the company and got the usual run around and was told I have to pay a disrupted charge of $15.00. Even though they got my check 2 days ago.

Anyway, here's how the bubble works. Take whatever's bugging you, imagine that you place it in a bubble and blow it away. And don't let it bother you again.

If that doesn't work, get out a big sheet of bubble wrap. Enclose yourself in it and roll around on the floor, listening to all the bubbles pop. This is a particular favorite of Lulu's.

ahahahahaha I love it.... ok imagining ************** in a huge bubble bye bye

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 9:57 am

I don't hold grudges so I suppose I DO forgive.

Forgetting is harder because probably the 'forgivee' has hurt you but the hurt gets less as time goes by .... still can't forget though...I need to try 'the bubble' method

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 10:16 am

Bez wrote: I don't hold grudges so I suppose I DO forgive.

I'm the same way...nobody's perfect so it's not hard to let the little things go and move on....and if it's something really bad then that person wouldn't be a part of my life anymore anyway and I'd waste no further energy on them....

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 2:52 pm

I don't know why, but I tend to be able to forgive easier IRL than on the net.

theia · Post by **theia** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 4:44 pm

Having just spoken with a friend here on FG, I'm not sure that I really have let go of the issue I talked about earlier on this thread. I think I merely jumped in with something that I thought I'd "forgiven" but that I hadn't really. So sorry, folks, I'm finding the forgiveness far harder than I thought :-3

ZAP · Post by **ZAP** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 4:48 pm

I think there are some wrongs that can't be forgiven.

ZAP · Post by **ZAP** » Fri Aug 04, 2006 4:54 pm

Very profound Snooze. Hitler didn't deserve forgiveness, did he?

Jason McCarty · Post by **Jason McCarty** » Tue Aug 08, 2006 9:09 pm

Hi,

Forgiving people is seldom easy, especially when someone we care for very much has wronged us.

What I have found has helped me is to remember that I cannot hold others to the standard of perfection until I have met that standard myself. That's kind of a more personalized version of saying we all make mistakes. Ultimately, deciding not to forgive some is an act of arrogance, and it hurts us even more than the person who did the original wrong.

I also believe it's important to remember what forgiveness isn't: It isn't denying that what the other person did was wrong. What it is is a way of putting that wrong into perspective and not allowing it to continue to hurt either you or (to the extent within your power) the perpetrator. It is also a process, sometimes a slow one, not something that can be accomplished in an instant.

I don't know what all your religious backgrounds are, but I have found for myself that prayer is also an important component of forgiveness. Through prayer I can realize that God loves me despite all the mistakes I have made, and God also can provide the strength I need to forgive.

If I were to suggest two books that cover the subject of forgiveness, or at least two books I've read, I'd recommend the following two. Each of them points out how important it is to forgive, because only then can we truly live life as it was meant to be lived. I'll list these books according to their pages on Amazon.com; the first should also be available at almost any bookstore, while the second might have to be special-ordered.

Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters, by Phillip C. McGraw

Bonds That Make Us Free: Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves by C. Terry Warner

Since you may not be able to read a book and apply what you learn immediately, I'm going to also suggest a few web pages on the subject. Most of them I've listed here provide specific steps you can follow in the journey to forgiveness.

How to Forgive

"One of the most crippling attitudes in the human heart is the refusal to forgive. When we say, I cannot forgive,' we hurt no one more than ourselves. When we refuse to forgive, we allow unresolved anger, hatred and bitterness to sap our emotional, mental and spiritual energy."

How to Forgive

"Forgiving is letting go of your pain and anger. You have to first face it and feel it before you can let it go. Forgiving is a process, not an event. It takes time and effort."

Five Steps to Interpersonal Forgiveness

"Forgiving cannot begin until love has been re-extended to the offender. Love is possible when we see the other's value once more, recognize his preciousness, and choose to be understanding, even of what is beyond being understood."

Forgiveness as a Key to the Future

"Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is a release from the burden of anger and pain. When you choose to forgive, you choose to live in the present and the future instead of the past. It does not mean to forget but it does mean to release and go on. Forgiveness doesn't happen on its own, you must choose to forgive."

I hope you find this information helpful. Best wishes as you seek to heal the hurt within you.

Sincerely,

Jason

Jason McCarty · Post by **Jason McCarty** » Wed Aug 09, 2006 7:55 am

Interesting first post, Jason.

Thank you, Snooze.

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Wed Aug 09, 2006 7:58 pm

SNOOZE: "I was just thinking that some people don't deserve forgiveness. The best you can do is give it time so the memory of them doesn't hurt so much."

Wise! Some people don't deserve it, do they?

ZAP · Post by **ZAP** » Wed Aug 09, 2006 8:50 pm

Pinky wrote: I suppose I do forgive most people most things. Those that I don't just don't bother me, as I refuse to let them affect me; they cease being part of my life. That's in the very extreme though!

I think there's a lot of merit in that, Pinky.

minks · Post by **minks** » Sat Aug 12, 2006 12:44 pm

Pinky wrote: I suppose I do forgive most people most things. Those that I don't just don't bother me, as I refuse to let them affect me; they cease being part of my life. That's in the very extreme though!

I think some times our personalities get in the way of forgiving, I know being the stubborn old bat I can be, I think I am the better person for hanging on to the grudge longer than the other person. Then all of the sudden all that breaks down and I realize I can forgive them. Or maybe I am forgiving myself then for being an unreasonable old hag......and I need to do the asking for forgiveness.... mind you I also fear my asking for forgiveness as being tossed off and the other person continuing to be angry with me HAH

Perhaps that sums up why forgiving isn't always easy....

I think I just talked around in a circle :-5

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sat Aug 12, 2006 12:57 pm

minks wrote: I think I just talked around in a circle :-5

You're funny Minxsy

But I totally get what you're saying :-6

minks · Post by **minks** » Sat Aug 12, 2006 1:27 pm

cherandbuster wrote: You're funny Minxsy

But I totally get what you're saying :-6

good then I am going off to ask someone to forgive me now