I have a friend....
I have a friend....
Whooo I understand this. Im really tempted to post some of my brothers e mails. Im exhausted from trying to figure him out. Its just way beyond me fooper. I say save yourself. Im going to.
I AM AWESOME MAN
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chonsigirl
- Posts: 33633
- Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:28 am
I have a friend....
Wow Floppy, I do not know what to tell you. If their ups and downs are affecting you, tell your friend this and step back from the situation for awhile.
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chonsigirl
- Posts: 33633
- Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:28 am
I have a friend....
I think my reaction would be like yours, if people didn't want to hear my problems I never say another word about it.
Maybe your friend feels there is only you to unload on, about the personal problems going on. Maybe that is the best thing you can do for her then, is to let her vent during these times. As long as you can emtionally handle it, and I know you are one strong lady and can do that.
Maybe your friend feels there is only you to unload on, about the personal problems going on. Maybe that is the best thing you can do for her then, is to let her vent during these times. As long as you can emtionally handle it, and I know you are one strong lady and can do that.
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Accountable
- Posts: 24818
- Joined: Mon May 30, 2005 8:33 am
I have a friend....
Ask questions.
Don't give advice. Just ask questions.
When they tell you to tell them what to do. Refuse.
Just be there, and ask questions.
Make them verbalize what's wrong, what they're doing, what they want to do, and most important, who's responsible for it all.
Just questions......... and hugs.
Don't give advice. Just ask questions.
When they tell you to tell them what to do. Refuse.
Just be there, and ask questions.
Make them verbalize what's wrong, what they're doing, what they want to do, and most important, who's responsible for it all.
Just questions......... and hugs.
I have a friend....
Accountable wrote: Ask questions.
Don't give advice. Just ask questions.
When they tell you to tell them what to do. Refuse.
Just be there, and ask questions.
Make them verbalize what's wrong, what they're doing, what they want to do, and most important, who's responsible for it all.
Just questions......... and hugs.
I 100% agree with this ....it's the tactic I use with friends and family and MYSELF from time to time.
If people are depressed, there's no point in telling them to 'get over it', you have to hold their hand THROUGH it and this is where you have to decide if you are prepared to take the journey with that person....mmmm....hard one.....sometimes it works and sometimes you're hitting your head against a brick wall....onesided it definitely IS, for a time at least. It can be draining .... hope it all works out Flops....you seem to care very much for your friend
Don't give advice. Just ask questions.
When they tell you to tell them what to do. Refuse.
Just be there, and ask questions.
Make them verbalize what's wrong, what they're doing, what they want to do, and most important, who's responsible for it all.
Just questions......... and hugs.
I 100% agree with this ....it's the tactic I use with friends and family and MYSELF from time to time.
If people are depressed, there's no point in telling them to 'get over it', you have to hold their hand THROUGH it and this is where you have to decide if you are prepared to take the journey with that person....mmmm....hard one.....sometimes it works and sometimes you're hitting your head against a brick wall....onesided it definitely IS, for a time at least. It can be draining .... hope it all works out Flops....you seem to care very much for your friend
A smile is a window on your face to show your heart is home
I have a friend....
flopstock wrote: But what kind of friendship is it really, if I allow myself to back away when times are rough? Isn't this actually the moment that the depth of the friendship is being tested? I don't know how i'd feel if I were going through this instead of them.. and got told it was too much, ya know?
Actually I do know how i'd react... they'd never hear another word from me about my life and problems..
Like Nomad, I understand where you're coming from.
There's a great American expression which we are starting to use here a lot, it is "Enabling".
You are enabling your friend to dump on you all the time, which may help them but which thoroughly depresses you. It seems to me that it is very easy to become depressed in today's world and also that there are a lot of people who want to drag you down so you are as miserable as them.
The best way to help your friend would be to see them a little less or for shorter periods, so you are not always there to carry them. And when you see them, guide the conversation onto lighter happier topics, don't allow them to wallow in the mire as little things will become huge things to them, the more they think about them.
It's like buying boxes of chocolates for a diabetic friend because you feel sorry for her! You mean well, but you're making her sicker.
If your friend tries to talk to you, lead the conversation back to happier things and suggest they discuss it with their counsellor. And talk about where you see your life in 5 years then ask where she sees hers. Maybe she could go to college or change her job, get out of her rut and plan for the future.
I know this sounds unkind Floppy, but you are a LOVELY person and a LOVELY friend, but you are also carrying her and while she is being comfortably carried she won't make any changes to her life or choices about her future.
I hope that helps in some way Sweetie. :yh_hugs
Actually I do know how i'd react... they'd never hear another word from me about my life and problems..
Like Nomad, I understand where you're coming from.
There's a great American expression which we are starting to use here a lot, it is "Enabling".
You are enabling your friend to dump on you all the time, which may help them but which thoroughly depresses you. It seems to me that it is very easy to become depressed in today's world and also that there are a lot of people who want to drag you down so you are as miserable as them.
The best way to help your friend would be to see them a little less or for shorter periods, so you are not always there to carry them. And when you see them, guide the conversation onto lighter happier topics, don't allow them to wallow in the mire as little things will become huge things to them, the more they think about them.
It's like buying boxes of chocolates for a diabetic friend because you feel sorry for her! You mean well, but you're making her sicker.
If your friend tries to talk to you, lead the conversation back to happier things and suggest they discuss it with their counsellor. And talk about where you see your life in 5 years then ask where she sees hers. Maybe she could go to college or change her job, get out of her rut and plan for the future.
I know this sounds unkind Floppy, but you are a LOVELY person and a LOVELY friend, but you are also carrying her and while she is being comfortably carried she won't make any changes to her life or choices about her future.
I hope that helps in some way Sweetie. :yh_hugs
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CheshireCat
- Posts: 1550
- Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2006 10:15 am
I have a friend....
Accountable wrote: Ask questions.
Don't give advice. Just ask questions.
When they tell you to tell them what to do. Refuse.
Just be there, and ask questions.
Make them verbalize what's wrong, what they're doing, what they want to do, and most important, who's responsible for it all.
Just questions......... and hugs.
This is the best advice, by far.
I was in a simmilair situation, not too long ago, only I was in your friend's position. I was in a very unhealthy relationship and allowed myself to be, as you put it so well, emotionally annihilated on a daily basis. There was also physical abuse in my case, it was a living hell. And I carried on like he was the love of my life and I just couldn't live without him, it's some kind of psychological syndrome, I belive. It's sick! You don't see it until you are ready, no one can say anything or do anything, it has got to come from within yourself.
It was like a light switch for me, I woke up one morning and knew that I would not be sleeping there that night. I got my affairs in order and ended up moving 600 miles away from him.
It's like AC said, just be there, but don't make yourself crazy.
Don't give advice. Just ask questions.
When they tell you to tell them what to do. Refuse.
Just be there, and ask questions.
Make them verbalize what's wrong, what they're doing, what they want to do, and most important, who's responsible for it all.
Just questions......... and hugs.
This is the best advice, by far.
I was in a simmilair situation, not too long ago, only I was in your friend's position. I was in a very unhealthy relationship and allowed myself to be, as you put it so well, emotionally annihilated on a daily basis. There was also physical abuse in my case, it was a living hell. And I carried on like he was the love of my life and I just couldn't live without him, it's some kind of psychological syndrome, I belive. It's sick! You don't see it until you are ready, no one can say anything or do anything, it has got to come from within yourself.
It was like a light switch for me, I woke up one morning and knew that I would not be sleeping there that night. I got my affairs in order and ended up moving 600 miles away from him.
It's like AC said, just be there, but don't make yourself crazy.
"My body is the earth but my head is in the stars."
God Bless BR!!!
God Bless BR!!!