Sticky Situation!

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:27 am

Ok, I seem to have gotten myself into a really akward situation with a male co-worker. I work at an Animal Emergency Hospital, on the weekends, I work third shift. The doc usually goes to bed and that leaves me and my co-worker alone for a good eight hours. I didn't think a thing of it when I agreed to work the shift, I am eight years older than him and he has a fiance.

It seems, what I thought was innocent flirtling, I mean just joking around, he has taken to heart. He calls me three times a day and wants to leave his fiance for me. I'm just flaberghasted! He is a sweet guy, and I have tried to explain to him that we are purely co-workers, that's ALL!

He already has three kids, yeah, so I really don't want to cause a big stink over this and have him loose his job, but at some point I have to think about myself, right? I am a single woman, I can't loose my job, it's the only income I have.

I stay in a different room from him and stay as busy as I can with the animals. But last night as I was typing in patient notes, he comes up and lays on me and says he will do anything and wait forever for me to fall in love with him! OMG!! Of course I jumped three feet in the air and asked him had he lost his mind???

What do you guys think? Is it time to talk with admin? I was thinking of talking it over with the Doc first, but that will probably surely mean he looses his job??

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:34 am

I think talking it over with the doc first is a good idea.

Is it feasible for you to ask for a change in shifts, to be away from him?

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:36 am

Pinky wrote: I think if you've explained to him that you don't and never will feel that way about him, and he still hasn't started being normal around you, then maybe you need to tell someone.

Most people flirt for a bit of a laugh, and most people are able to distinguish that's all it is...sounds like this guy got the wrong end of the stick!

Have you had a chat with him about it? That's what I would do, and if he still keeps coming out with the things that he does, then let someone know.

Surely they could just swap shifts so you don't have to work with each other?

Oh, all along I have made it clear that I have no interest in him. He's only 25 years old and has three children by two women, and he want's more! I believe you sre right when you say he is on the wrong side of the stick! (I like that one). I'm 33 and have no children and I explained to him that to me, he is a child as well!

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:38 am

CSquared,

I like Pinky's and Chonsi's suggestion of changed shifts. That way everyone gets to keep their job.

What do you think of that?

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:41 am

chonsigirl wrote: I think talking it over with the doc first is a good idea.

Is it feasible for you to ask for a change in shifts, to be away from him?

Yep, the more I think of it I am going to discuss this with the Doc, and request Changing to First shift. Maybe Doc can talk some sense into him, man to man.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:43 am

CSquared

I'm glad you've found a potential solution that would work for all involved.

Let us know what transpires :-6

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:50 am

Pinky wrote: Yeah, that sounds like a good idea!

Thanks for letting me vent, it just seems like it's always something these days! But if this is the worst thing that I've got on my plate, for the moment, I be should be very thankful.

I could just always give a swift kick, ya know? He's a skinny little bugger, I could take him! :sneaky:

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:56 am

Pinky wrote: Give him a clip round the ear - that'll bring him down to earth!

I was thinking of a little further south

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:24 am

Pinky wrote: I thought a clip round the ear might remind him of his mum, that would certainly cool him off!

:wah: Maybe i should just make him stand the corner!

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:25 am

Well, take out one of your cranky pateints that has sharp teeth...................

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:36 am

Just do all this carefully, and if you get a shift change and it all turns out for the better that is great.

If a shift change fails, document everything you possibly can, and charge his silly self with harassment, it's criminal that you have to make the changes when he is clearly in the wrong.

Please also be careful as to not put yourself into any kind of situation where he could twist it all around to look like it is your fault.

I don't mean to come off sounding all complex, but do take the harassment seriously.... play safe I always say.

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:44 am

minks wrote: Just do all this carefully, and if you get a shift change and it all turns out for the better that is great.

If a shift change fails, document everything you possibly can, and charge his silly self with harassment, it's criminal that you have to make the changes when he is clearly in the wrong.

Please also be careful as to not put yourself into any kind of situation where he could twist it all around to look like it is your fault.

I don't mean to come off sounding all complex, but do take the harassment seriously.... play safe I always say.

That's very good advice, I am taking this seriously. I have phone calls and e-mails documented. Text messages..etc.. This whole thing started when my car had to go into the shop and he gave me a ride to work. When our shift was over I made some kind of crack that we were going to run away together. He took that and ran with it! I should know better and to watch what I say, people are nuts these days!

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:51 am

Documentation is very good, but I guess if it were me I'd try first

to have a serious talk with him. Tell him you'll have to go to the

higher ups if he doesn't change his behavior.

Either that, or hire some nice hunky 6 footer to come in and tell him

lay off or pay the consequences!!

;)

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:59 am

CheshireCat wrote: Thanks for letting me vent, it just seems like it's always something these days! But if this is the worst thing that I've got on my plate, for the moment, I be should be very thankful.

I could just always give a swift kick, ya know? He's a skinny little bugger, I could take him! :sneaky:
Be careful. He may like it.

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:59 am

valerie wrote:

Either that, or hire some nice hunky 6 footer to come in and tell him

lay off or pay the consequences!!

;)

I like that suggestion! :-6

I wish I had the cojones to tell his fiance, what a creep. Maybe that's what I'll tell him. This whole situation makes me feel sophmoric, I'm so much better than this.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:59 am

CheshireCat wrote: That's very good advice, I am taking this seriously. I have phone calls and e-mails documented. Text messages..etc.. This whole thing started when my car had to go into the shop and he gave me a ride to work. When our shift was over I made some kind of crack that we were going to run away together. He took that and ran with it! I should know better and to watch what I say, people are nuts these days!

Don't blame your self, it sounds like you are doing the right thing.

Gawd it makes me mad when we start to think oops maybe I was to friendly.... what crap. Damit girls we should be able to be ourselves without having men take it the wrong way...imagine FG if that happened OMG the madness the madness... oh wait never mind it would be ok....

No seriously don't think you are in the wrong this guy needs to get a clue and smarten up.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 9:00 am

CheshireCat wrote: I like that suggestion! :-6

I wish I had the cojones to tell his fiance, what a creep. Maybe that's what I'll tell him. This whole situation makes me feel sophmoric, I'm so much better than this.

Keep it professional it works the best, maybe hint to the guy you plan to take it to the boss?

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 9:03 am

minks wrote: Keep it professional it works the best, maybe hint to the guy you plan to take it to the boss?

You're right, I'm just venting. :-2

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 9:10 am

CheshireCat wrote: You're right, I'm just venting. :-2

Vent away and if we toss out enough ideas, it will be easier for you to cope with it. Carry on we don't mind.

Having been a victim of SH many many years ago long before it was taken seriously and there were laws I had to quit my job because the "harasser"... vowed to make my life hell if I told anyone... he was very well thought of in the affluent Jewish community of this city. So I simply had to walk away. I wish now looking back I could have taken legal action because I wonder how many others went through the same thing after me.

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 9:25 am

I would talk with him and try to work it out before going to the doctor. It may turn out that once he realizes the predicament he has put you in, he may just back off..and maybe be a bit embarassed.

Hopefully then you can both just laugh it off and move on to just being friends and co workers.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 9:32 am

Marie5656 wrote: I would talk with him and try to work it out before going to the doctor. It may turn out that once he realizes the predicament he has put you in, he may just back off..and maybe be a bit embarassed.

Hopefully then you can both just laugh it off and move on to just being friends and co workers.
I would try that first too.

good luck with this guy!

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 9:47 am

I have to get somethings off my chest. I shouldn't have tried anything tonight. I was messed up. But the thing is, I really liked it. I really don't want to give you up. I came home tonight and thought about everything. Yes, I still have feelings for Amanda, I can't get over that that quick.I know that you still have feelings for Todd and you can't help that. But I don't know how to prove it to you, but I have told Amanda tthat I'm not happy and that I think that we should split up. But I can't help the way I feel about you. I do care alot about you. You have been the only person that I have ever met that understands and likes me for me. I want nothing more than to be happy...and you have made me happy. If I have to wait an eternity for you to fall in love with me then I will wait. But I admitt that I am very confused right now. BUT, I really don't want to loose you completely. I care too much about you for that. I did something stupid tonight....I came home and drank too much. I never drink, so it didn't take much to get me toasted. I am really sorry if I hurt you. Really. But I really don't want to loose you as a friend. Please forgive me. Please don't feel like you have to avoid me or not talk to me. Well I guess I have made a big enough ass of myself tonight....so I will let you go. Please call me when you get this....it doesn't matter what time it is. I don't care if you call or show up at 4 am....it's ok with me....I just want to know that you are alright. Call me when your ready....I will not bother you again until you call me....

This is an e-mail I got from when i tried to have a rational talk. I even apealed to his common sense. I have just been split from my ex for four months. I tried to get him to see that this was just not going to happen, his response was to go home and get drunk!

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 10:25 am

Pinky wrote: I sometimes worry that I'm far too friendly to people, but then I start thinking why shouldn't I be, when the majority of people are ok?

My problem exactly, Pinkster and CSquared.

I still feel the benefits of being really friendly outweigh the drawbacks. :-6

Shweet tatersalad · Post by **Shweet tatersalad** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 10:25 am

Waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,woe is me,feel bad for me.No I will be OK ,really,don't worry about me:-1 I know I'm not good enough for you.No,I want bother you agian,...........................................Call me.

OK you get my drift,You should have a chat with Amanda and see what kind of pitch he gave her when he dumped the girl before her.

One of my best Friends is a shrink,I let her read the letter,This has all markings of a bad relationship on any level,this guy don't care who you are,just WHAT you are.someone new too feel sorry and take his Mommy's place.

Drop this loser as fast as you can,no phone calls,no chats,no eye contact at work.Then watch for his stalking,thats next.

Sorry If spoke out of line but I call'em Like see'em.Nut job in sheep's clothing.

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 10:29 am

Shweet tatersalad wrote: Waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,woe is me,feel bad for me.No I will be OK ,really,don't worry about me:-1 I know I'm not good enough for you.No,I want bother you agian,...........................................Call me.

OK you get my drift,You should have a chat with Amanda and see what kind of pitch he gave her when he dumped the girl before her.

One of my best Friends is a shrink,I let her read the letter,This has all markings of a bad relationship on any level,this guy don't care who you are,just WHAT you are.someone new too feel sorry and take his Mommy's place.

Drop this loser as fast as you can,no phone calls,no chats,no eye contact at work.Then watch for his stalking,thats next.

Sorry If spoke out of line but I call'em Like see'em.Nut job in sheep's clothing.

Oh no Tater, there is nothing to "dump" except maybe he gets dumped right out of a paycheck!

I appreciate the concern, though! :-6

Shweet tatersalad · Post by **Shweet tatersalad** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 10:40 am

Good for you

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 10:41 am

CC does this guy know where you live

I think he is beyond rational conversation, time to take it to the next level, tell him back off or you go to the boss.

Shweet tatersalad · Post by **Shweet tatersalad** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 10:49 am

minks wrote: CC does this guy know where you live

I think he is beyond rational conversation, time to take it to the next level, tell him back off or you go to the boss.

Good point,even if he backs off at work,He my not take rejection well,hint at a restraining order aswell,just too plant the seed.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 10:50 am

Shweet tatersalad wrote: Good point,even if he backs off at work,He my not take rejection well,hint at a restraining order aswell,just too plant the seed.

or direct him to this thread and I will speak with him!!!!

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 10:52 am

minks wrote: CC does this guy know where you live

I think he is beyond rational conversation, time to take it to the next level, tell him back off or you go to the boss.

Yes, unfortunately he does know where I live. He also lives about a block away. Yeah, I know.

My next door neighbor is a Sherrif's Deputy. I have a male roomate as well.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 11:31 am

CheshireCat wrote: Yes, unfortunately he does know where I live. He also lives about a block away. Yeah, I know.

My next door neighbor is a Sherrif's Deputy. I have a male roomate as well.

Ok I say divorce the co-worker quickly and watch your step.

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 12:03 pm

minks wrote: or direct him to this thread and I will speak with him!!!!

You're awesome Minks!

i have aranged to talk with the doc after I clock out today. He already know's what's up, though. He said "Ah, the youngin finally got on your nerves!" I said, "Yeah, thanks for all the help". So we are sitting down to discuss an arangement.

I may just alternate weekends now. I work a 40 hour week Days here, then come back in at 12AM - 7AM and then 12AM-12PM on the weekends. i may just cut that out. I was saving extra money, just because the hours are there doesn't mean I have to work them!

I just hate to leave my little sickly ones.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 12:04 pm

CheshireCat wrote: You're awesome Minks!

Awwwww

I've been sayin' that for months now :-4

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 12:17 pm

CheshireCat wrote: You're awesome Minks!

i have aranged to talk with the doc after I clock out today. He already know's what's up, though. He said "Ah, the youngin finally got on your nerves!" I said, "Yeah, thanks for all the help". So we are sitting down to discuss an arangement.

I may just alternate weekends now. I work a 40 hour week Days here, then come back in at 12AM - 7AM and then 12AM-12PM on the weekends. i may just cut that out. I was saving extra money, just because the hours are there doesn't mean I have to work them!

I just hate to leave my little sickly ones.

Aw shucks thanks....

well isn't it funny I was just talking with my boss and she was saying how she is having to deal with on of the engineers and how it makes her angry that he is the guy with the problem yet it is her who has to change her ways, CC I feel for ya, it sucks that you have done no wrong yet you have to give up or give in.

I think you are doing a wise thing who knows maybe others have made similar complaints or like your boss or the Dr, have seen what has gone one. I wish you much luck on this. Dr seems pretty in tune.

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 12:25 pm

minks wrote: Aw shucks thanks....

well isn't it funny I was just talking with my boss and she was saying how she is having to deal with on of the engineers and how it makes her angry that he is the guy with the problem yet it is her who has to change her ways, CC I feel for ya, it sucks that you have done no wrong yet you have to give up or give in.

I think you are doing a wise thing who knows maybe others have made similar complaints or like your boss or the Dr, have seen what has gone one. I wish you much luck on this. Dr seems pretty in tune.

It's such a double standard, If you don't take care of yourself, you're a cow! If you have respect for your health and appearance, well then you're hot and you're there for the amusemant of the man.

I'm not man bashing, I LOVE men, I just don't know how I could have this much trouble with a little boy!

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 12:27 pm

If the doc' already knows, it will be all right. Maybe they might even make him change his shift! You are so sweet to want to be with the poor little sick animals!:-4

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 12:33 pm

chonsigirl wrote: If the doc' already knows, it will be all right. Maybe they might even make him change his shift! You are so sweet to want to be with the poor little sick animals!:-4

It's what I do!

I'm a tech now, I would love to go back to school for DVM. Who, knows. I'm young.

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 12:57 pm

CC. Is your roommate aware of what's going on? This guy doesn't sound like an animal carer to me. Too wrapped up in himself.

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 1:07 pm

OpenMind wrote: CC. Is your roommate aware of what's going on? This guy doesn't sound like an animal carer to me. Too wrapped up in himself.

This guy is actually a CNA, he has no formal training in Veterinary Medicine. I am a CVT registered with the State of Tennessee and with NAVTA. I've been doing emergancy medicine for 5 years, before that I was a tech in a family practice for another 4 years. Clearly, I win, but you never know these days.

I let my room mate know a little of what's going on, he's a goof too, he said, "I warned you about those younger men", playing of course. He says "you can handle yourself"

If this guy was anywhere else but at my work, I'd knock his block. i eat and breathe that hospital!

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 1:11 pm

Ok, CC. I shall pray that this sorts itself out for you. God forbid that those animals should lose you because of him. Carry some pepper around with you.

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 1:16 pm

OpenMind wrote: Ok, CC. I shall pray that this sorts itself out for you. God forbid that those animals should lose you because of him. Carry some pepper around with you.

Thanks! It'll all work out, it usually does. I'm one of the good guys! :-6

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Mon Aug 14, 2006 1:19 pm

CheshireCat wrote: Thanks! It'll all work out, it usually does. I'm one of the good guys! :-6

That's the spirit.:-6