I have six children. As Bill Cosby once said,"the reason I have six children is because I didn't want seven." My wife wanted a large family and loved babies. She never had any fertility problems and there have been times that I wish she had. But she was one of those women that all she had to do was hang her pants on the bedpost and we were back in the Pampers and the carseat business. Then my wife passed away suddenly and turned the reins over to me. Captain Von Trapp had Julie Andrews to help him, whereas I found myself flying by the seat of my pants.
My wife was an expert and I took over without any sort of real orientation period. But fortunately, I learn fast. Mostly simple stuff. Lego toys strewn on the stairs really hurt at night when you step on them in the dark. Make the offending child stay up until midnight, if necessary, to pick them up. They'll only it do it once. Or torch them in the fireplace, do it, don't just threaten.
Someone is always going to wake you on a Sunday morning with a sticky hand and say,"Daaaa-ad, I spilled the orange juice." Usually they don't just spill a half gallon of Minute Maid, they pull the whole refrigerator rack out and dump everything off onto the floor.
When one of the othe kids farts in the back seat, lean forward. I failed to do this once and I heard, "oh, God, Dad, his fart STINKS sooo much I think that I'm going to barf!" Then an eight year old hurled down the back of my shirt, right down my neck.
If you find it necessary to smack a twelve year old in the backseat when they're mouthing off, tap the brakes. That brings them into position so that you don't have to turn around to smack the offending offspring, so as not to drive off the road and kill everybody else in the car.
It was providence that I went into emergency medicine. I wasn't a neglectful parent, but s**t just happens when you got a s**tload of kids. Never hang moose horns above a sofa that's good for jumping on when Dad's outside cleaning the rain gutters. If two kids jump on the sofa simultaneously, one flies up higher on the other kid's downward motion, just like on a trampoline. Invariably you will hear wailing. One kid knocked the moose horns off the wall and effectively speared his brother in the head. One must learn to drive one-handed while holding a diseased tee-shirt on the child's scalp. The other child cannot be counted upon to help hold pressure on the wound, even though he's the perpetrator.
Water balloons placed in the freezer long enough become solid objects and if they thrown out of an upstairs window, they act like cannon balls and knock younger siblings unconscious.
My youngest son, Erik, now 19, the apple of my eye, the baby, usually does the dumbest things. Last winter he threw big party at my house while I was in Florida. My mistake for thinking that I could leave my sons safely ensconced at their colleges. No. They know where the spare key is and they invited two dozen of their friends and had a big party at my house. My sister called to tell me that the cops raided my house. They puked in my car and they rented out the bedrooms apparently. Now I know to change the locks. I'm waiting for some irate parents to call and threaten me with litigation. I was incredibly angry with Erik.
If the ignitor switch is mysteriously missing out of your gas barbeuce grill, know that one of your sons has assembled a potato gun out of PVC pipe. Along with a shot of AquaNet airspray in the firing chambver, potatoes or onions fired out of homemade potato launcher become deadly projectiles, especially when fired at another fraternity house. This is, indeed, an arrestable offense.
Last winter this same son attended a big frat party. Apparently one of the girls in attendance decided to remove Erik's shoes and toss them out a window as a joke. Naturally, the most logical thing to do would be to borrow someone else's shoes to get home. Did my son with the 150 I.Q. decide to do this? Of course not. Once he was out on the roof in the middle of a snowstorm one of his buddies decided to lock the window. He stood out on the roof for awhile in the cold in a t-shirt, pair of sweatpants and his socks until hypothermia began to set in. He crawled up over the ridge cap and almost made it down to the porch roof below, but then slipped and slid all the way down and landed on the central air unit below. His fraternity brothers presented him to me at the hospital and while I applied an immobilizer to his severly sprained right ankle, now twice its normal size and looked at all his friends and said, "Erik, remember the time you stuck an empty Pepsi bottle on your weenie and Grandma had to bring you to the ER so that I could get it off for you?" If looks could kill, my children would have been orphans that night.
I still have two more children at home and I'm hoping that I can maintain my sanity for a few more years.
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
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bigdumbswede
- Posts: 59
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LilacDragon
- Posts: 1382
- Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 4:23 am
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
WELCOME TO THE GARDEN!!
See - this is one of those threads you can't judge by it's title. I came in expecting to hear some deadbeat dad whine about his lot in life and instead - I met a man who has a clue and writes about it so eloquently as to make me spew coffee all over my keyboard for the first time in a week!!
Please - more stories about your boys!
See - this is one of those threads you can't judge by it's title. I came in expecting to hear some deadbeat dad whine about his lot in life and instead - I met a man who has a clue and writes about it so eloquently as to make me spew coffee all over my keyboard for the first time in a week!!
Please - more stories about your boys!
Sandi
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Adam Zapple
- Posts: 977
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2005 3:13 am
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
For all fathers: Musings of a Good Father on a Bad Day
There is nothing sadder than the childless couple. It breaks your heart to see them stretched out, relaxing around swimming pools in Florida, and California, suntanned and miserable on the decks of boats, trotting off to enjoy Europe like fools - with money to spend, time to enjoy themselves and nothing to worry about.
Childless couples become so selfish and wrapped up in their own concern that you feel sorry for them. they don't fight over the kids' discipline. They miss the fun of "doing without" for the child's sake. It's a pathetic sight.
Everyone should have children. No one should be allowed to escape the wonderful experiences attached to each stage in the development of the young. The happy memories of those early years - saturated mattresses, waiting for sitters who don't show up, midnight asthma attacks, rushing to the emergency room of the hospital to get the kid's head stitched up.
Then comes the payoff - when the child grows from a little acorn into a real nut. What can equal the warm smile of a small lad with the sun glittering on $1,500 worth of braces - ruined by peanut brittle - or the frolicking, carefree voices of 20 hysterical savages running amok at a birthday party?
Children are worth every moment of anxiety, every sacrifice. You know it the first time you take your son hunting. He didn't mean to shoot you in the leg. Remember how he cried? How sorry he was? so disappointed you weren't a deer. Those are the memories a man treasures.
Think back to that night of romantic adventure, when your budding, beautiful daughter eloped with the village idiot. What childless couple ever shares in such a wonderful growing experience? Could a woman without children equal the strength and heroism of your wife when she tried to fling herself out the bedroom window? Only a father could have the courage to stand by ready to jump after her.
The childless couple lives in a vacuum. They try to fill their lonely lives with dinner dates, theater, golf, tennis, swimming, civic affairs and trips all over the world. The emptiness of life without children is indescribable.
See what the years have done. He looks boyish, unlined and rested. She is slim, well-groomed and youthful. It isn't natural. If they had kids, they'd look like the rest of us - tired, gray, wrinkled and haggard. In other words, normal.
--Author Unknown
There is nothing sadder than the childless couple. It breaks your heart to see them stretched out, relaxing around swimming pools in Florida, and California, suntanned and miserable on the decks of boats, trotting off to enjoy Europe like fools - with money to spend, time to enjoy themselves and nothing to worry about.
Childless couples become so selfish and wrapped up in their own concern that you feel sorry for them. they don't fight over the kids' discipline. They miss the fun of "doing without" for the child's sake. It's a pathetic sight.
Everyone should have children. No one should be allowed to escape the wonderful experiences attached to each stage in the development of the young. The happy memories of those early years - saturated mattresses, waiting for sitters who don't show up, midnight asthma attacks, rushing to the emergency room of the hospital to get the kid's head stitched up.
Then comes the payoff - when the child grows from a little acorn into a real nut. What can equal the warm smile of a small lad with the sun glittering on $1,500 worth of braces - ruined by peanut brittle - or the frolicking, carefree voices of 20 hysterical savages running amok at a birthday party?
Children are worth every moment of anxiety, every sacrifice. You know it the first time you take your son hunting. He didn't mean to shoot you in the leg. Remember how he cried? How sorry he was? so disappointed you weren't a deer. Those are the memories a man treasures.
Think back to that night of romantic adventure, when your budding, beautiful daughter eloped with the village idiot. What childless couple ever shares in such a wonderful growing experience? Could a woman without children equal the strength and heroism of your wife when she tried to fling herself out the bedroom window? Only a father could have the courage to stand by ready to jump after her.
The childless couple lives in a vacuum. They try to fill their lonely lives with dinner dates, theater, golf, tennis, swimming, civic affairs and trips all over the world. The emptiness of life without children is indescribable.
See what the years have done. He looks boyish, unlined and rested. She is slim, well-groomed and youthful. It isn't natural. If they had kids, they'd look like the rest of us - tired, gray, wrinkled and haggard. In other words, normal.
--Author Unknown
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Adam Zapple
- Posts: 977
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2005 3:13 am
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
My youngest child was the lone ER holdout of our four. But on her 7th birthday two days ago, she took a bowl of boiling hot soup and tried carrying it to the table instead of waiting for help from Mom. Unfortunately, she spilled the soup all over her and has 2nd degree burns on her stomach and both legs. She was incredibly brave and once at the hospital she didn't cry at all while they were cleaning her wounds and cutting off her dead skin. Today we will celebrate her birthday a few days late. These things can be hard to take as a parent but she is a real trouper - a tough fighter.
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nvalleyvee
- Posts: 5191
- Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
I REALLY HATE YOUR TITLE.
I am very sorry for your lose. But guess what........you poked your wife and made those kids with her. They are your children. If you truely don't want them ---------give them up for adoption...........get the heck out of their lives --- so they may mave good lives with adoptive parents.
I am very sorry for your lose. But guess what........you poked your wife and made those kids with her. They are your children. If you truely don't want them ---------give them up for adoption...........get the heck out of their lives --- so they may mave good lives with adoptive parents.
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
nvalleyvee wrote: I REALLY HATE YOUR TITLE.
I am very sorry for your lose. But guess what........you poked your wife and made those kids with her. They are your children. If you truely don't want them ---------give them up for adoption...........get the heck out of their lives --- so they may mave good lives with adoptive parents.
BDS loves his kids....I read his post as a 'tongue in cheek' story of the 'joys' of fatherhood.... made me smile...
I am very sorry for your lose. But guess what........you poked your wife and made those kids with her. They are your children. If you truely don't want them ---------give them up for adoption...........get the heck out of their lives --- so they may mave good lives with adoptive parents.
BDS loves his kids....I read his post as a 'tongue in cheek' story of the 'joys' of fatherhood.... made me smile...
A smile is a window on your face to show your heart is home
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LilacDragon
- Posts: 1382
- Joined: Wed Sep 28, 2005 4:23 am
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
nvalleyvee wrote: I REALLY HATE YOUR TITLE.
I am very sorry for your lose. But guess what........you poked your wife and made those kids with her. They are your children. If you truely don't want them ---------give them up for adoption...........get the heck out of their lives --- so they may mave good lives with adoptive parents.
Gosh - I didn't read that at all. I hear a man who loves his children dearly, misses his wife immensely and has the same frustrations that every parent has.
I am very sorry for your lose. But guess what........you poked your wife and made those kids with her. They are your children. If you truely don't want them ---------give them up for adoption...........get the heck out of their lives --- so they may mave good lives with adoptive parents.
Gosh - I didn't read that at all. I hear a man who loves his children dearly, misses his wife immensely and has the same frustrations that every parent has.
Sandi
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
:wah: Welcome to the garden. I know where ya coming from with your story. Mine are only 6 and 2 and I have days where I'm ready to run screaming pulling my hair out.
I'm with Lilac though, more stories please.
I'm with Lilac though, more stories please.
"Girls are crazy! I'm not ever getting married, I can make my own sandwiches!"
my son
my son
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
Hi, BigS. Some great anecdotes there.
You've done well to manage this by yourself and keep your humour. You're a good man, BigS.:-6
You've done well to manage this by yourself and keep your humour. You're a good man, BigS.:-6
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
Hey BDS. Welcome to the garden. That has to be one of the best, well written threads I have read in a long time. How old are all the kids now? Any of them married? Any with kids of their own? Grandparenthood is wonderful! With any luck, you get to spoil them and then send them home.:wah:
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
That was very funny BigS, And I could relate also. Raising 2 alone, can be like raising 5 with two parents. I could have used an ER Physician in the house, A knitting needle thrown across the room by one child, hit the other one in the eye, tearing his retina. He man figures hung from the glass globe of a light fixture broke, and almost cut off his big toe. Chlorine tablets mixed in a bottle with bleach and shaken exploded in the face of a neighborhood friend. And what about my injuries? My foot getting caught in the spokes of a bike wheel, left at the bottom of the steps. My wrist going through the window in the living room banging on weak glass to stop one child from beating another on a city street. Glass in my a** left in the bottom of the bathtub from " something they broke? Seven? I couldnt imagine it in my wildest dreams. And you managed to complete medical school? Your wife gave you two incredible gifts. First and obviously the children. Then heart wretchingly when she left you alone... the opportunity to evolve into an incredible human being. Able not only to work and raise the children, but also to maintain an amazing sense of humor. How comforting it must have been for their mom to have the peace of knowing she was leaving her children in such capable hands. My hats off to you. Your stories are the "stuff" that books are made of.
[FONT=Microsoft Sans Serif][/FONT]
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
Weeder wrote: Your stories are the "stuff" that books are made of.
Have you thought of writing a book BigS? I reckon it would be a sell-out. Now's the time to consider it at least.
Have you thought of writing a book BigS? I reckon it would be a sell-out. Now's the time to consider it at least.
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
flopstock wrote: Of course they then have to do something nuttier then ever, just to keep you grounded..
:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl
:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl
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Accountable
- Posts: 24818
- Joined: Mon May 30, 2005 8:33 am
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
nvalleyvee wrote: I REALLY HATE YOUR TITLE.
I am very sorry for your lose. NV, go back and read it. I almost never read long posts like that one but I laughed till I woke up the cat. :wah:
God bless ya, Swede, and your wife for getting them off to a good start for you.
I am very sorry for your lose. NV, go back and read it. I almost never read long posts like that one but I laughed till I woke up the cat. :wah:
God bless ya, Swede, and your wife for getting them off to a good start for you.
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Adam Zapple
- Posts: 977
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2005 3:13 am
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
helefra wrote: I'm sorry Adam but I disagree with your comment about childless couples.
That's something I once read in a Dear Abby or Ann Landers column. I thought it was funny and kept it. Big's post reminded me of that column and I wanted to share it in the spirit of his post. Both are tongue-in-cheek and should be read with the humorous joy a parent experiences in raising children.
That's something I once read in a Dear Abby or Ann Landers column. I thought it was funny and kept it. Big's post reminded me of that column and I wanted to share it in the spirit of his post. Both are tongue-in-cheek and should be read with the humorous joy a parent experiences in raising children.
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CheshireCat
- Posts: 1550
- Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2006 10:15 am
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
Loved it BDS!! You should submit to Reader's Digest!
Really good stuff!
Really good stuff!
"My body is the earth but my head is in the stars."
God Bless BR!!!
God Bless BR!!!
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cherandbuster
- Posts: 8594
- Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 11:33 am
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
I'm sure that BDS's comments and Adam Zapple's comments were all in good humor.
I just loved reading both of those posts! They were excellent! :-6
Give us more! :p
I just loved reading both of those posts! They were excellent! :-6
Give us more! :p
Live Life with
PASSION!:guitarist
PASSION!:guitarist
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bigdumbswede
- Posts: 59
- Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2006 6:36 pm
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
Just a few comments after this post.
Yes, everyone, I love my children with all my heart and soul. They are my passion and the reason for my existence. They are the reason why I go to work everyday and the reason why I face life with a sense of bravery and purpose each and everyday.
I am incredibly proud of my kids. I grieve that my wife isn't here to see how they have turned out in life. I lost her suddenly from a cerebral hemorrhage ten years ago. As a parent, I've done everything in my power to rise to the challenge of parenthood.
I want my children to be happy and successful. I've tried very hard to keep my life simple and uncomplicated in order to a stable homelife for the children.
It was a long post. I couldn't think of any way to shorten the story. And this story was my best effort to introduce myself as a human being and not as a faceless new member. I look forward to discovering the stories behind the names of the members of this forum. I am thrilled to find a forum filled with adults.
I lauged aloud when I read the post below mine. Yes, indeed, my only daughter did run off and marry the village idiot. What is more incredible, he fathered the most brilliant grandchild on the planet.
I think that childless couples simply choose an alternate existence for themselves. A childless life has it rewards, and so does a life for those of us who choose parenthood. I love kids and I wanted everyone of them. Not one of the kids was an accident. Sure, I jokingly blame their births on my wife as if I wasn't the least bit involved biologically. In truth, they were all my idea. I love kids and life would make no sense to me without them. There were times when I just felt that I could not go on. But then I would remind myself how much my children need me.
Yes, everyone, I love my children with all my heart and soul. They are my passion and the reason for my existence. They are the reason why I go to work everyday and the reason why I face life with a sense of bravery and purpose each and everyday.
I am incredibly proud of my kids. I grieve that my wife isn't here to see how they have turned out in life. I lost her suddenly from a cerebral hemorrhage ten years ago. As a parent, I've done everything in my power to rise to the challenge of parenthood.
I want my children to be happy and successful. I've tried very hard to keep my life simple and uncomplicated in order to a stable homelife for the children.
It was a long post. I couldn't think of any way to shorten the story. And this story was my best effort to introduce myself as a human being and not as a faceless new member. I look forward to discovering the stories behind the names of the members of this forum. I am thrilled to find a forum filled with adults.
I lauged aloud when I read the post below mine. Yes, indeed, my only daughter did run off and marry the village idiot. What is more incredible, he fathered the most brilliant grandchild on the planet.
I think that childless couples simply choose an alternate existence for themselves. A childless life has it rewards, and so does a life for those of us who choose parenthood. I love kids and I wanted everyone of them. Not one of the kids was an accident. Sure, I jokingly blame their births on my wife as if I wasn't the least bit involved biologically. In truth, they were all my idea. I love kids and life would make no sense to me without them. There were times when I just felt that I could not go on. But then I would remind myself how much my children need me.
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
Adam Zapple wrote: That's something I once read in a Dear Abby or Ann Landers column. I thought it was funny and kept it. Big's post reminded me of that column and I wanted to share it in the spirit of his post. Both are tongue-in-cheek and should be read with the humorous joy a parent experiences in raising children.
I agree! Both posts were tongue-in-cheek and totally hilarious!
I loved the comment: Lego toys strewn on the stairs really hurt at night when you step on them in the dark. Lego toys really hurt when you step on them! Period! I used to keep a dustpan and brush in my kids lego box that was only used for brushing up lego. It was the quickest way to pick it all up!
Great post BigS! And if you ever find your house feels empty when all your kids are at college or left home - mine would love to come and stay! hehehe (I'll drop them off before I jet off somewhere nice! 
)
I agree! Both posts were tongue-in-cheek and totally hilarious!
I loved the comment: Lego toys strewn on the stairs really hurt at night when you step on them in the dark. Lego toys really hurt when you step on them! Period! I used to keep a dustpan and brush in my kids lego box that was only used for brushing up lego. It was the quickest way to pick it all up!
Great post BigS! And if you ever find your house feels empty when all your kids are at college or left home - mine would love to come and stay! hehehe
(I'll drop them off before I jet off somewhere nice! )-
cherandbuster
- Posts: 8594
- Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 11:33 am
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
I'm starting to develop a cyber crush on the Big Dumb Swede :-4
Any of you women with me on this one? :-6
Any of you women with me on this one? :-6
Live Life with
PASSION!:guitarist
PASSION!:guitarist
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
ADAM! How is your daughter? That injury must've scared the wheeze out of all of you...I know how much it hurts to see your child in pain! Update, please!
My candle's burning at both ends, it will not last the night. But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends--It gives a lovely light!--Edna St. Vincent Millay
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
cherandbuster wrote: I'm starting to develop a cyber crush on the Big Dumb Swede :-4
Any of you women with me on this one? :-6
Cher you crush on everyone hehehe you know your our resident love child
Bigs I see why you used Big in your name, you have a BIG job being a father.and Bless you for it.
What is it about youngest children. Mine was a walking hazard as well. Into emergancy for swallowing a dollar coin, a necklace, eating an entire african violet and lastly jumping on her bed then off right onto her arm.... I would have loved to see the arial on that one ... bus snapped her wrist.
Yes they are a handful but look at the stories we have now to share about the loves of our lives. Amazing huh.
As for those adults who remain childless that is cool too. I am sure your cats have created some cool adventures for you....
Seriously, couples...... the choice is yours and neither is right or wrong.
Cheers Minks
Any of you women with me on this one? :-6
Cher you crush on everyone hehehe you know your our resident love child
Bigs I see why you used Big in your name, you have a BIG job being a father.and Bless you for it.
What is it about youngest children. Mine was a walking hazard as well. Into emergancy for swallowing a dollar coin, a necklace, eating an entire african violet and lastly jumping on her bed then off right onto her arm.... I would have loved to see the arial on that one ... bus snapped her wrist.
Yes they are a handful but look at the stories we have now to share about the loves of our lives. Amazing huh.
As for those adults who remain childless that is cool too. I am sure your cats have created some cool adventures for you....
Seriously, couples...... the choice is yours and neither is right or wrong.
Cheers Minks
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
Yep...being a parent is the greatest thing on earth.....peanuts poked up the nose, sweets pushed in ears, broken limbs, brothers taking the 'action man' thing just a bit too far and ending up in A&E, 'running away' from home and hiding in the shed, 'borrowing' each others clothes.........
Hugs, kisses, lovely pictures of ???? "oh yes it looks just like mummy", handmade birthday cards etc, etc.
And then, all of a sudden they're grown up
And then......granchildren...joy of joys...how I love my 7 grandchildren........:-4
Hugs, kisses, lovely pictures of ???? "oh yes it looks just like mummy", handmade birthday cards etc, etc.
And then, all of a sudden they're grown up
And then......granchildren...joy of joys...how I love my 7 grandchildren........:-4
A smile is a window on your face to show your heart is home
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
bigdumbswede wrote: I have six children. As Bill Cosby once said,"the reason I have six children is because I didn't want seven." My wife wanted a large family and loved babies. She never had any fertility problems and there have been times that I wish she had. But she was one of those women that all she had to do was hang her pants on the bedpost and we were back in the Pampers and the carseat business. Then my wife passed away suddenly and turned the reins over to me. Captain Von Trapp had Julie Andrews to help him, whereas I found myself flying by the seat of my pants.
My wife was an expert and I took over without any sort of real orientation period. But fortunately, I learn fast. Mostly simple stuff. Lego toys strewn on the stairs really hurt at night when you step on them in the dark. Make the offending child stay up until midnight, if necessary, to pick them up. They'll only it do it once. Or torch them in the fireplace, do it, don't just threaten.
Someone is always going to wake you on a Sunday morning with a sticky hand and say,"Daaaa-ad, I spilled the orange juice." Usually they don't just spill a half gallon of Minute Maid, they pull the whole refrigerator rack out and dump everything off onto the floor.
When one of the othe kids farts in the back seat, lean forward. I failed to do this once and I heard, "oh, God, Dad, his fart STINKS sooo much I think that I'm going to barf!" Then an eight year old hurled down the back of my shirt, right down my neck.
If you find it necessary to smack a twelve year old in the backseat when they're mouthing off, tap the brakes. That brings them into position so that you don't have to turn around to smack the offending offspring, so as not to drive off the road and kill everybody else in the car.
It was providence that I went into emergency medicine. I wasn't a neglectful parent, but s**t just happens when you got a s**tload of kids. Never hang moose horns above a sofa that's good for jumping on when Dad's outside cleaning the rain gutters. If two kids jump on the sofa simultaneously, one flies up higher on the other kid's downward motion, just like on a trampoline. Invariably you will hear wailing. One kid knocked the moose horns off the wall and effectively speared his brother in the head. One must learn to drive one-handed while holding a diseased tee-shirt on the child's scalp. The other child cannot be counted upon to help hold pressure on the wound, even though he's the perpetrator.
Water balloons placed in the freezer long enough become solid objects and if they thrown out of an upstairs window, they act like cannon balls and knock younger siblings unconscious.
My youngest son, Erik, now 19, the apple of my eye, the baby, usually does the dumbest things. Last winter he threw big party at my house while I was in Florida. My mistake for thinking that I could leave my sons safely ensconced at their colleges. No. They know where the spare key is and they invited two dozen of their friends and had a big party at my house. My sister called to tell me that the cops raided my house. They puked in my car and they rented out the bedrooms apparently. Now I know to change the locks. I'm waiting for some irate parents to call and threaten me with litigation. I was incredibly angry with Erik.
If the ignitor switch is mysteriously missing out of your gas barbeuce grill, know that one of your sons has assembled a potato gun out of PVC pipe. Along with a shot of AquaNet airspray in the firing chambver, potatoes or onions fired out of homemade potato launcher become deadly projectiles, especially when fired at another fraternity house. This is, indeed, an arrestable offense.
Last winter this same son attended a big frat party. Apparently one of the girls in attendance decided to remove Erik's shoes and toss them out a window as a joke. Naturally, the most logical thing to do would be to borrow someone else's shoes to get home. Did my son with the 150 I.Q. decide to do this? Of course not. Once he was out on the roof in the middle of a snowstorm one of his buddies decided to lock the window. He stood out on the roof for awhile in the cold in a t-shirt, pair of sweatpants and his socks until hypothermia began to set in. He crawled up over the ridge cap and almost made it down to the porch roof below, but then slipped and slid all the way down and landed on the central air unit below. His fraternity brothers presented him to me at the hospital and while I applied an immobilizer to his severly sprained right ankle, now twice its normal size and looked at all his friends and said, "Erik, remember the time you stuck an empty Pepsi bottle on your weenie and Grandma had to bring you to the ER so that I could get it off for you?" If looks could kill, my children would have been orphans that night.
I still have two more children at home and I'm hoping that I can maintain my sanity for a few more years.
wow lm thinking the name should be ST sumink... because the flower bees would have looked mighty tempting..:wah:
not really but you sound like a dream and a good dad too
I bet they appreciate it..even if its not showing yet..:p
oh and hi welcome to the garden!!
My wife was an expert and I took over without any sort of real orientation period. But fortunately, I learn fast. Mostly simple stuff. Lego toys strewn on the stairs really hurt at night when you step on them in the dark. Make the offending child stay up until midnight, if necessary, to pick them up. They'll only it do it once. Or torch them in the fireplace, do it, don't just threaten.
Someone is always going to wake you on a Sunday morning with a sticky hand and say,"Daaaa-ad, I spilled the orange juice." Usually they don't just spill a half gallon of Minute Maid, they pull the whole refrigerator rack out and dump everything off onto the floor.
When one of the othe kids farts in the back seat, lean forward. I failed to do this once and I heard, "oh, God, Dad, his fart STINKS sooo much I think that I'm going to barf!" Then an eight year old hurled down the back of my shirt, right down my neck.
If you find it necessary to smack a twelve year old in the backseat when they're mouthing off, tap the brakes. That brings them into position so that you don't have to turn around to smack the offending offspring, so as not to drive off the road and kill everybody else in the car.
It was providence that I went into emergency medicine. I wasn't a neglectful parent, but s**t just happens when you got a s**tload of kids. Never hang moose horns above a sofa that's good for jumping on when Dad's outside cleaning the rain gutters. If two kids jump on the sofa simultaneously, one flies up higher on the other kid's downward motion, just like on a trampoline. Invariably you will hear wailing. One kid knocked the moose horns off the wall and effectively speared his brother in the head. One must learn to drive one-handed while holding a diseased tee-shirt on the child's scalp. The other child cannot be counted upon to help hold pressure on the wound, even though he's the perpetrator.
Water balloons placed in the freezer long enough become solid objects and if they thrown out of an upstairs window, they act like cannon balls and knock younger siblings unconscious.
My youngest son, Erik, now 19, the apple of my eye, the baby, usually does the dumbest things. Last winter he threw big party at my house while I was in Florida. My mistake for thinking that I could leave my sons safely ensconced at their colleges. No. They know where the spare key is and they invited two dozen of their friends and had a big party at my house. My sister called to tell me that the cops raided my house. They puked in my car and they rented out the bedrooms apparently. Now I know to change the locks. I'm waiting for some irate parents to call and threaten me with litigation. I was incredibly angry with Erik.
If the ignitor switch is mysteriously missing out of your gas barbeuce grill, know that one of your sons has assembled a potato gun out of PVC pipe. Along with a shot of AquaNet airspray in the firing chambver, potatoes or onions fired out of homemade potato launcher become deadly projectiles, especially when fired at another fraternity house. This is, indeed, an arrestable offense.
Last winter this same son attended a big frat party. Apparently one of the girls in attendance decided to remove Erik's shoes and toss them out a window as a joke. Naturally, the most logical thing to do would be to borrow someone else's shoes to get home. Did my son with the 150 I.Q. decide to do this? Of course not. Once he was out on the roof in the middle of a snowstorm one of his buddies decided to lock the window. He stood out on the roof for awhile in the cold in a t-shirt, pair of sweatpants and his socks until hypothermia began to set in. He crawled up over the ridge cap and almost made it down to the porch roof below, but then slipped and slid all the way down and landed on the central air unit below. His fraternity brothers presented him to me at the hospital and while I applied an immobilizer to his severly sprained right ankle, now twice its normal size and looked at all his friends and said, "Erik, remember the time you stuck an empty Pepsi bottle on your weenie and Grandma had to bring you to the ER so that I could get it off for you?" If looks could kill, my children would have been orphans that night.
I still have two more children at home and I'm hoping that I can maintain my sanity for a few more years.
wow lm thinking the name should be ST sumink... because the flower bees would have looked mighty tempting..:wah:
not really but you sound like a dream and a good dad too
I bet they appreciate it..even if its not showing yet..:p
oh and hi welcome to the garden!!
take a bite out of life it's there to be tasted!!
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
cherandbuster wrote: I'm starting to develop a cyber crush on the Big Dumb Swede :-4
Any of you women with me on this one? :-6
Oh yeah, me too!
What a sweetheart! :-4
Any of you women with me on this one? :-6
Oh yeah, me too!
What a sweetheart! :-4
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
Bez wrote: Yep...being a parent is the greatest thing on earth.....peanuts poked up the nose, sweets pushed in ears, broken limbs, brothers taking the 'action man' thing just a bit too far and ending up in A&E, 'running away' from home and hiding in the shed, 'borrowing' each others clothes.........
Hugs, kisses, lovely pictures of ???? "oh yes it looks just like mummy", handmade birthday cards etc, etc.
And then, all of a sudden they're grown up
And then......granchildren...joy of joys...how I love my 7 grandchildren........:-4
This is so lovely Bez! I can't bear the thought of mine growing up and leaving home! :-1
I won't feel so sad now that I have the thought of grandchildren to look forward to! Thanks hunny! :yh_hugs
Hugs, kisses, lovely pictures of ???? "oh yes it looks just like mummy", handmade birthday cards etc, etc.
And then, all of a sudden they're grown up
And then......granchildren...joy of joys...how I love my 7 grandchildren........:-4
This is so lovely Bez! I can't bear the thought of mine growing up and leaving home! :-1
I won't feel so sad now that I have the thought of grandchildren to look forward to! Thanks hunny! :yh_hugs
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daBunnyWendy7
- Posts: 457
- Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2006 5:55 pm
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
:-6 Please read this if you haven't W t heK,REread it .Everybody could use a HMONGO bellylaugh,I'd BET!Don' t know everything that's aFoote,ha,bUT know this will do a world of good.Read 1st post thus far.SERIOUSLY hyperVENTillating...THANKS you BRILLIANT hunko MAN>AND I mean that.POWERFUL WIT & HUMOR rolled up FAMILY TP rolled SZd.he heAND MY PUG'd EAT you.ha,too early.ps have asthma something fierce BUT this S the most GLORIOUS wheezing I've done in a LOOONG time.
Wendybunny
bigdumbswede wrote: I have six children. As Bill Cosby once said,"the reason I have six children is because I didn't want seven." My wife wanted a large family and loved babies. She never had any fertility problems and there have been times that I wish she had. But she was one of those women that all she had to do was hang her pants on the bedpost and we were back in the Pampers and the carseat business. Then my wife passed away suddenly and turned the reins over to me. Captain Von Trapp had Julie Andrews to help him, whereas I found myself flying by the seat of my pants.
My wife was an expert and I took over without any sort of real orientation period. But fortunately, I learn fast. Mostly simple stuff. Lego toys strewn on the stairs really hurt at night when you step on them in the dark. Make the offending child stay up until midnight, if necessary, to pick them up. They'll only it do it once. Or torch them in the fireplace, do it, don't just threaten.
Someone is always going to wake you on a Sunday morning with a sticky hand and say,"Daaaa-ad, I spilled the orange juice." Usually they don't just spill a half gallon of Minute Maid, they pull the whole refrigerator rack out and dump everything off onto the floor.
When one of the othe kids farts in the back seat, lean forward. I failed to do this once and I heard, "oh, God, Dad, his fart STINKS sooo much I think that I'm going to barf!" Then an eight year old hurled down the back of my shirt, right down my neck.
If you find it necessary to smack a twelve year old in the backseat when they're mouthing off, tap the brakes. That brings them into position so that you don't have to turn around to smack the offending offspring, so as not to drive off the road and kill everybody else in the car.
It was providence that I went into emergency medicine. I wasn't a neglectful parent, but s**t just happens when you got a s**tload of kids. Never hang moose horns above a sofa that's good for jumping on when Dad's outside cleaning the rain gutters. If two kids jump on the sofa simultaneously, one flies up higher on the other kid's downward motion, just like on a trampoline. Invariably you will hear wailing. One kid knocked the moose horns off the wall and effectively speared his brother in the head. One must learn to drive one-handed while holding a diseased tee-shirt on the child's scalp. The other child cannot be counted upon to help hold pressure on the wound, even though he's the perpetrator.
Water balloons placed in the freezer long enough become solid objects and if they thrown out of an upstairs window, they act like cannon balls and knock younger siblings unconscious.
My youngest son, Erik, now 19, the apple of my eye, the baby, usually does the dumbest things. Last winter he threw big party at my house while I was in Florida. My mistake for thinking that I could leave my sons safely ensconced at their colleges. No. They know where the spare key is and they invited two dozen of their friends and had a big party at my house. My sister called to tell me that the cops raided my house. They puked in my car and they rented out the bedrooms apparently. Now I know to change the locks. I'm waiting for some irate parents to call and threaten me with litigation. I was incredibly angry with Erik.
If the ignitor switch is mysteriously missing out of your gas barbeuce grill, know that one of your sons has assembled a potato gun out of PVC pipe. Along with a shot of AquaNet airspray in the firing chambver, potatoes or onions fired out of homemade potato launcher become deadly projectiles, especially when fired at another fraternity house. This is, indeed, an arrestable offense.
Last winter this same son attended a big frat party. Apparently one of the girls in attendance decided to remove Erik's shoes and toss them out a window as a joke. Naturally, the most logical thing to do would be to borrow someone else's shoes to get home. Did my son with the 150 I.Q. decide to do this? Of course not. Once he was out on the roof in the middle of a snowstorm one of his buddies decided to lock the window. He stood out on the roof for awhile in the cold in a t-shirt, pair of sweatpants and his socks until hypothermia began to set in. He crawled up over the ridge cap and almost made it down to the porch roof below, but then slipped and slid all the way down and landed on the central air unit below. His fraternity brothers presented him to me at the hospital and while I applied an immobilizer to his severly sprained right ankle, now twice its normal size and looked at all his friends and said, "Erik, remember the time you stuck an empty Pepsi bottle on your weenie and Grandma had to bring you to the ER so that I could get it off for you?" If looks could kill, my children would have been orphans that night.
I still have two more children at home and I'm hoping that I can maintain my sanity for a few more years.
Wendybunny
bigdumbswede wrote: I have six children. As Bill Cosby once said,"the reason I have six children is because I didn't want seven." My wife wanted a large family and loved babies. She never had any fertility problems and there have been times that I wish she had. But she was one of those women that all she had to do was hang her pants on the bedpost and we were back in the Pampers and the carseat business. Then my wife passed away suddenly and turned the reins over to me. Captain Von Trapp had Julie Andrews to help him, whereas I found myself flying by the seat of my pants.
My wife was an expert and I took over without any sort of real orientation period. But fortunately, I learn fast. Mostly simple stuff. Lego toys strewn on the stairs really hurt at night when you step on them in the dark. Make the offending child stay up until midnight, if necessary, to pick them up. They'll only it do it once. Or torch them in the fireplace, do it, don't just threaten.
Someone is always going to wake you on a Sunday morning with a sticky hand and say,"Daaaa-ad, I spilled the orange juice." Usually they don't just spill a half gallon of Minute Maid, they pull the whole refrigerator rack out and dump everything off onto the floor.
When one of the othe kids farts in the back seat, lean forward. I failed to do this once and I heard, "oh, God, Dad, his fart STINKS sooo much I think that I'm going to barf!" Then an eight year old hurled down the back of my shirt, right down my neck.
If you find it necessary to smack a twelve year old in the backseat when they're mouthing off, tap the brakes. That brings them into position so that you don't have to turn around to smack the offending offspring, so as not to drive off the road and kill everybody else in the car.
It was providence that I went into emergency medicine. I wasn't a neglectful parent, but s**t just happens when you got a s**tload of kids. Never hang moose horns above a sofa that's good for jumping on when Dad's outside cleaning the rain gutters. If two kids jump on the sofa simultaneously, one flies up higher on the other kid's downward motion, just like on a trampoline. Invariably you will hear wailing. One kid knocked the moose horns off the wall and effectively speared his brother in the head. One must learn to drive one-handed while holding a diseased tee-shirt on the child's scalp. The other child cannot be counted upon to help hold pressure on the wound, even though he's the perpetrator.
Water balloons placed in the freezer long enough become solid objects and if they thrown out of an upstairs window, they act like cannon balls and knock younger siblings unconscious.
My youngest son, Erik, now 19, the apple of my eye, the baby, usually does the dumbest things. Last winter he threw big party at my house while I was in Florida. My mistake for thinking that I could leave my sons safely ensconced at their colleges. No. They know where the spare key is and they invited two dozen of their friends and had a big party at my house. My sister called to tell me that the cops raided my house. They puked in my car and they rented out the bedrooms apparently. Now I know to change the locks. I'm waiting for some irate parents to call and threaten me with litigation. I was incredibly angry with Erik.
If the ignitor switch is mysteriously missing out of your gas barbeuce grill, know that one of your sons has assembled a potato gun out of PVC pipe. Along with a shot of AquaNet airspray in the firing chambver, potatoes or onions fired out of homemade potato launcher become deadly projectiles, especially when fired at another fraternity house. This is, indeed, an arrestable offense.
Last winter this same son attended a big frat party. Apparently one of the girls in attendance decided to remove Erik's shoes and toss them out a window as a joke. Naturally, the most logical thing to do would be to borrow someone else's shoes to get home. Did my son with the 150 I.Q. decide to do this? Of course not. Once he was out on the roof in the middle of a snowstorm one of his buddies decided to lock the window. He stood out on the roof for awhile in the cold in a t-shirt, pair of sweatpants and his socks until hypothermia began to set in. He crawled up over the ridge cap and almost made it down to the porch roof below, but then slipped and slid all the way down and landed on the central air unit below. His fraternity brothers presented him to me at the hospital and while I applied an immobilizer to his severly sprained right ankle, now twice its normal size and looked at all his friends and said, "Erik, remember the time you stuck an empty Pepsi bottle on your weenie and Grandma had to bring you to the ER so that I could get it off for you?" If looks could kill, my children would have been orphans that night.
I still have two more children at home and I'm hoping that I can maintain my sanity for a few more years.
Wendybunny
Everyone can make the world a better place!
Everyone can make the world a better place!
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
daBunny. Is there any reason why you use a large and bold type?
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daBunnyWendy7
- Posts: 457
- Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2006 5:55 pm
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
Thank you for saying welcome,very kind.
As I posted before fonts,colors,gifs,attachments,ect are options here as in any arena or group I am involved in.Creativity & selfexpression AS WELL as a desire to make the garden and nywhere I go more lovely & fun as a result of MY actions would be MY motivating factors.Since I have friends of varying walks of life I know there will be some who,for illustration, WEAR (or SHOULD wear)bifocals and the like.Considering those I preview ea post(sometimes MISSING typos ANYWAY since primary goal IS size for those other minorities.
Secondly I would add, this IS a forum; a place for sharing ideas,art,inspiration and good old plain FUN.I sure had the impression this WAS such a place.Setting up YOUR NON-rosecolored glasses as it were IS possible and SPOT's THE MAN for the job in terms of options in THAT regard.Thus far I hve enjoyed viewing artistic posts of gifs,avatars colorvariations AND the rarer,YET NOT extinct fonts.
Regarding filtering out ALL the options WE have (which it SEEMS you find?distracting?) refer to associated thread helpfully posted by Bill Sikes.It Sounds like he has completely filtered out fonts and colors.
Indeed I AM happy yhose of us with desire for a monochromatic and uniform ducks in a row complete whitewashing, per se, CAN achieve that for their own computer-viewing comfort.I AM ALL FOR the fuzzy bunny slippers f your choice.
My latest addition to the bunnyslipper collection is a pair of Vorpal bunnies w little"sticky-out" teeth and they are big and fluffy! Perhaps Your slippers are plaid or plain navy?. here ARE other options LOL I endeavor to be an entertaining and generous new friend which FOR me means sharing the fun and humor of varied fonts,sizing of posts AND images. Whaever the tension is here regarding free expression(of course,always considering rated R )I would like to end that personal discussion in terms of others following my posts for the sake of censuring my more femine, effusive,flowery communication Styles. I DO and WILL always consider others'NEEDS but WILL be Creative and flowery at time to the point of Your amusement, perhaps? If so,I am happy to make you chuckle.
Ever Yours in our Garden of Flowers , grass, insects, bees,ANd Rodentia.:rolleyes:
As I posted before fonts,colors,gifs,attachments,ect are options here as in any arena or group I am involved in.Creativity & selfexpression AS WELL as a desire to make the garden and nywhere I go more lovely & fun as a result of MY actions would be MY motivating factors.Since I have friends of varying walks of life I know there will be some who,for illustration, WEAR (or SHOULD wear)bifocals and the like.Considering those I preview ea post(sometimes MISSING typos ANYWAY since primary goal IS size for those other minorities.
Secondly I would add, this IS a forum; a place for sharing ideas,art,inspiration and good old plain FUN.I sure had the impression this WAS such a place.Setting up YOUR NON-rosecolored glasses as it were IS possible and SPOT's THE MAN for the job in terms of options in THAT regard.Thus far I hve enjoyed viewing artistic posts of gifs,avatars colorvariations AND the rarer,YET NOT extinct fonts.
Regarding filtering out ALL the options WE have (which it SEEMS you find?distracting?) refer to associated thread helpfully posted by Bill Sikes.It Sounds like he has completely filtered out fonts and colors.
Indeed I AM happy yhose of us with desire for a monochromatic and uniform ducks in a row complete whitewashing, per se, CAN achieve that for their own computer-viewing comfort.I AM ALL FOR the fuzzy bunny slippers f your choice.
My latest addition to the bunnyslipper collection is a pair of Vorpal bunnies w little"sticky-out" teeth and they are big and fluffy! Perhaps Your slippers are plaid or plain navy?. here ARE other options
LOL I endeavor to be an entertaining and generous new friend which FOR me means sharing the fun and humor of varied fonts,sizing of posts AND images. Whaever the tension is here regarding free expression(of course,always considering rated R )I would like to end that personal discussion in terms of others following my posts for the sake of censuring my more femine, effusive,flowery communication Styles. I DO and WILL always consider others'NEEDS but WILL be Creative and flowery at time to the point of Your amusement, perhaps? If so,I am happy to make you chuckle.Ever Yours in our Garden of Flowers , grass, insects, bees,ANd Rodentia.:rolleyes:
Wendybunny
Everyone can make the world a better place!
Everyone can make the world a better place!
-
Patsy Warnick
- Posts: 4567
- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:53 am
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
OK BIG GUY,
Love the story. I am one of 6 kids (4 girls 2 boys). I was having flash backs. I don't know how my parents handled it, we were always up to something.
We're at the dinner table and my younger sister rests her fork on her plate, when her arm hits the handle of the fork and macaroni & cheese goes flying into my mom's hairdo. Or I'm running from my brother and I jumped up on the kitchen table and the table breaks in half. That was I gotcha last game. We had apple trees in our back yard, and when I ate a apple I ate the core - seeds and all.
My older sister always said apples would grow out my ears. One morning my sister retrieved small apples and branches laid them next to me on my pillow. I woke up and freaked out I haven't had a apple core since. And of course someone was always at the hospital, whether it was my brother's sprained ankle from wearing his beetle boots and sliding down the hallways of school, to my sisters stitches on her forehead, always something.
I am one of those pathetic childless females who enjoys traveling. I mothered my nephews from the day they were born. Having Children just wasn't meant to be.
Thank you for sharing - Thank you for the flash backs
Patsy
Love the story. I am one of 6 kids (4 girls 2 boys). I was having flash backs. I don't know how my parents handled it, we were always up to something.
We're at the dinner table and my younger sister rests her fork on her plate, when her arm hits the handle of the fork and macaroni & cheese goes flying into my mom's hairdo. Or I'm running from my brother and I jumped up on the kitchen table and the table breaks in half. That was I gotcha last game. We had apple trees in our back yard, and when I ate a apple I ate the core - seeds and all.
My older sister always said apples would grow out my ears. One morning my sister retrieved small apples and branches laid them next to me on my pillow. I woke up and freaked out I haven't had a apple core since. And of course someone was always at the hospital, whether it was my brother's sprained ankle from wearing his beetle boots and sliding down the hallways of school, to my sisters stitches on her forehead, always something.
I am one of those pathetic childless females who enjoys traveling. I mothered my nephews from the day they were born. Having Children just wasn't meant to be.
Thank you for sharing - Thank you for the flash backs
Patsy
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
daBunnyWendy7 wrote: Thank you for saying welcome,very kind.
As I posted before fonts,colors,gifs,attachments,ect are options here as in any arena or group I am involved in.Creativity & selfexpression AS WELL as a desire to make the garden and nywhere I go more lovely & fun as a result of MY actions would be MY motivating factors.Since I have friends of varying walks of life I know there will be some who,for illustration, WEAR (or SHOULD wear)bifocals and the like.Considering those I preview ea post(sometimes MISSING typos ANYWAY since primary goal IS size for those other minorities.
Secondly I would add, this IS a forum; a place for sharing ideas,art,inspiration and good old plain FUN.I sure had the impression this WAS such a place.Setting up YOUR NON-rosecolored glasses as it were IS possible and SPOT's THE MAN for the job in terms of options in THAT regard.Thus far I hve enjoyed viewing artistic posts of gifs,avatars colorvariations AND the rarer,YET NOT extinct fonts.
Regarding filtering out ALL the options WE have (which it SEEMS you find?distracting?) refer to associated thread helpfully posted by Bill Sikes.It Sounds like he has completely filtered out fonts and colors.
Indeed I AM happy yhose of us with desire for a monochromatic and uniform ducks in a row complete whitewashing, per se, CAN achieve that for their own computer-viewing comfort.I AM ALL FOR the fuzzy bunny slippers f your choice.
My latest addition to the bunnyslipper collection is a pair of Vorpal bunnies w little"sticky-out" teeth and they are big and fluffy! Perhaps Your slippers are plaid or plain navy?. here ARE other options LOL I endeavor to be an entertaining and generous new friend which FOR me means sharing the fun and humor of varied fonts,sizing of posts AND images. Whaever the tension is here regarding free expression(of course,always considering rated R )I would like to end that personal discussion in terms of others following my posts for the sake of censuring my more femine, effusive,flowery communication Styles. I DO and WILL always consider others'NEEDS but WILL be Creative and flowery at time to the point of Your amusement, perhaps? If so,I am happy to make you chuckle.
Ever Yours in our Garden of Flowers , grass, insects, bees,ANd Rodentia.:rolleyes:
daBunny. Are you prejudging me? I only asked a question without any opinions attached. In fact, the large black bold type you use I find hard to read, especially when you string words together to make up a long word. That's all. I am not even offering criticism, just asking a question.
As I posted before fonts,colors,gifs,attachments,ect are options here as in any arena or group I am involved in.Creativity & selfexpression AS WELL as a desire to make the garden and nywhere I go more lovely & fun as a result of MY actions would be MY motivating factors.Since I have friends of varying walks of life I know there will be some who,for illustration, WEAR (or SHOULD wear)bifocals and the like.Considering those I preview ea post(sometimes MISSING typos ANYWAY since primary goal IS size for those other minorities.
Secondly I would add, this IS a forum; a place for sharing ideas,art,inspiration and good old plain FUN.I sure had the impression this WAS such a place.Setting up YOUR NON-rosecolored glasses as it were IS possible and SPOT's THE MAN for the job in terms of options in THAT regard.Thus far I hve enjoyed viewing artistic posts of gifs,avatars colorvariations AND the rarer,YET NOT extinct fonts.
Regarding filtering out ALL the options WE have (which it SEEMS you find?distracting?) refer to associated thread helpfully posted by Bill Sikes.It Sounds like he has completely filtered out fonts and colors.
Indeed I AM happy yhose of us with desire for a monochromatic and uniform ducks in a row complete whitewashing, per se, CAN achieve that for their own computer-viewing comfort.I AM ALL FOR the fuzzy bunny slippers f your choice.
My latest addition to the bunnyslipper collection is a pair of Vorpal bunnies w little"sticky-out" teeth and they are big and fluffy! Perhaps Your slippers are plaid or plain navy?. here ARE other options
LOL I endeavor to be an entertaining and generous new friend which FOR me means sharing the fun and humor of varied fonts,sizing of posts AND images. Whaever the tension is here regarding free expression(of course,always considering rated R )I would like to end that personal discussion in terms of others following my posts for the sake of censuring my more femine, effusive,flowery communication Styles. I DO and WILL always consider others'NEEDS but WILL be Creative and flowery at time to the point of Your amusement, perhaps? If so,I am happy to make you chuckle.Ever Yours in our Garden of Flowers , grass, insects, bees,ANd Rodentia.:rolleyes:
daBunny. Are you prejudging me? I only asked a question without any opinions attached. In fact, the large black bold type you use I find hard to read, especially when you string words together to make up a long word. That's all. I am not even offering criticism, just asking a question.
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nvalleyvee
- Posts: 5191
- Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
Bez wrote: BDS loves his kids....I read his post as a 'tongue in cheek' story of the 'joys' of fatherhood.... made me smile...
Sorry................I was trying to be funny too but BTS isn't here anymore...........He has 5 and I have one.
I really need to remember the smiley stuff.................SORRY AGAIN
THank Goodness the people who know me just ignore me...........
Sorry................I was trying to be funny too but BTS isn't here anymore...........He has 5 and I have one.
I really need to remember the smiley stuff.................SORRY AGAIN
THank Goodness the people who know me just ignore me...........
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
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Babies_Mama00
- Posts: 190
- Joined: Wed Sep 06, 2006 7:31 pm
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
bigdumbswede wrote: I have six children. As Bill Cosby once said,"the reason I have six children is because I didn't want seven." My wife wanted a large family and loved babies. She never had any fertility problems and there have been times that I wish she had. But she was one of those women that all she had to do was hang her pants on the bedpost and we were back in the Pampers and the carseat business. Then my wife passed away suddenly and turned the reins over to me. Captain Von Trapp had Julie Andrews to help him, whereas I found myself flying by the seat of my pants.
My wife was an expert and I took over without any sort of real orientation period. But fortunately, I learn fast. Mostly simple stuff. Lego toys strewn on the stairs really hurt at night when you step on them in the dark. Make the offending child stay up until midnight, if necessary, to pick them up. They'll only it do it once. Or torch them in the fireplace, do it, don't just threaten.
Someone is always going to wake you on a Sunday morning with a sticky hand and say,"Daaaa-ad, I spilled the orange juice." Usually they don't just spill a half gallon of Minute Maid, they pull the whole refrigerator rack out and dump everything off onto the floor.
When one of the othe kids farts in the back seat, lean forward. I failed to do this once and I heard, "oh, God, Dad, his fart STINKS sooo much I think that I'm going to barf!" Then an eight year old hurled down the back of my shirt, right down my neck.
If you find it necessary to smack a twelve year old in the backseat when they're mouthing off, tap the brakes. That brings them into position so that you don't have to turn around to smack the offending offspring, so as not to drive off the road and kill everybody else in the car.
It was providence that I went into emergency medicine. I wasn't a neglectful parent, but s**t just happens when you got a s**tload of kids. Never hang moose horns above a sofa that's good for jumping on when Dad's outside cleaning the rain gutters. If two kids jump on the sofa simultaneously, one flies up higher on the other kid's downward motion, just like on a trampoline. Invariably you will hear wailing. One kid knocked the moose horns off the wall and effectively speared his brother in the head. One must learn to drive one-handed while holding a diseased tee-shirt on the child's scalp. The other child cannot be counted upon to help hold pressure on the wound, even though he's the perpetrator.
Water balloons placed in the freezer long enough become solid objects and if they thrown out of an upstairs window, they act like cannon balls and knock younger siblings unconscious.
My youngest son, Erik, now 19, the apple of my eye, the baby, usually does the dumbest things. Last winter he threw big party at my house while I was in Florida. My mistake for thinking that I could leave my sons safely ensconced at their colleges. No. They know where the spare key is and they invited two dozen of their friends and had a big party at my house. My sister called to tell me that the cops raided my house. They puked in my car and they rented out the bedrooms apparently. Now I know to change the locks. I'm waiting for some irate parents to call and threaten me with litigation. I was incredibly angry with Erik.
If the ignitor switch is mysteriously missing out of your gas barbeuce grill, know that one of your sons has assembled a potato gun out of PVC pipe. Along with a shot of AquaNet airspray in the firing chambver, potatoes or onions fired out of homemade potato launcher become deadly projectiles, especially when fired at another fraternity house. This is, indeed, an arrestable offense.
Last winter this same son attended a big frat party. Apparently one of the girls in attendance decided to remove Erik's shoes and toss them out a window as a joke. Naturally, the most logical thing to do would be to borrow someone else's shoes to get home. Did my son with the 150 I.Q. decide to do this? Of course not. Once he was out on the roof in the middle of a snowstorm one of his buddies decided to lock the window. He stood out on the roof for awhile in the cold in a t-shirt, pair of sweatpants and his socks until hypothermia began to set in. He crawled up over the ridge cap and almost made it down to the porch roof below, but then slipped and slid all the way down and landed on the central air unit below. His fraternity brothers presented him to me at the hospital and while I applied an immobilizer to his severly sprained right ankle, now twice its normal size and looked at all his friends and said, "Erik, remember the time you stuck an empty Pepsi bottle on your weenie and Grandma had to bring you to the ER so that I could get it off for you?" If looks could kill, my children would have been orphans that night.
I still have two more children at home and I'm hoping that I can maintain my sanity for a few more years.
Dear god now you have scared me...I am pregnant with my first child and I have been told it is a boy. I am not terrified I do not want to have to deal with my son if they are like that!! And judging by his father...hes going to be a holy terror. Id love to hear more stories about your children, they sound like a blast and it seems to me you have a TON of stories.
My wife was an expert and I took over without any sort of real orientation period. But fortunately, I learn fast. Mostly simple stuff. Lego toys strewn on the stairs really hurt at night when you step on them in the dark. Make the offending child stay up until midnight, if necessary, to pick them up. They'll only it do it once. Or torch them in the fireplace, do it, don't just threaten.
Someone is always going to wake you on a Sunday morning with a sticky hand and say,"Daaaa-ad, I spilled the orange juice." Usually they don't just spill a half gallon of Minute Maid, they pull the whole refrigerator rack out and dump everything off onto the floor.
When one of the othe kids farts in the back seat, lean forward. I failed to do this once and I heard, "oh, God, Dad, his fart STINKS sooo much I think that I'm going to barf!" Then an eight year old hurled down the back of my shirt, right down my neck.
If you find it necessary to smack a twelve year old in the backseat when they're mouthing off, tap the brakes. That brings them into position so that you don't have to turn around to smack the offending offspring, so as not to drive off the road and kill everybody else in the car.
It was providence that I went into emergency medicine. I wasn't a neglectful parent, but s**t just happens when you got a s**tload of kids. Never hang moose horns above a sofa that's good for jumping on when Dad's outside cleaning the rain gutters. If two kids jump on the sofa simultaneously, one flies up higher on the other kid's downward motion, just like on a trampoline. Invariably you will hear wailing. One kid knocked the moose horns off the wall and effectively speared his brother in the head. One must learn to drive one-handed while holding a diseased tee-shirt on the child's scalp. The other child cannot be counted upon to help hold pressure on the wound, even though he's the perpetrator.
Water balloons placed in the freezer long enough become solid objects and if they thrown out of an upstairs window, they act like cannon balls and knock younger siblings unconscious.
My youngest son, Erik, now 19, the apple of my eye, the baby, usually does the dumbest things. Last winter he threw big party at my house while I was in Florida. My mistake for thinking that I could leave my sons safely ensconced at their colleges. No. They know where the spare key is and they invited two dozen of their friends and had a big party at my house. My sister called to tell me that the cops raided my house. They puked in my car and they rented out the bedrooms apparently. Now I know to change the locks. I'm waiting for some irate parents to call and threaten me with litigation. I was incredibly angry with Erik.
If the ignitor switch is mysteriously missing out of your gas barbeuce grill, know that one of your sons has assembled a potato gun out of PVC pipe. Along with a shot of AquaNet airspray in the firing chambver, potatoes or onions fired out of homemade potato launcher become deadly projectiles, especially when fired at another fraternity house. This is, indeed, an arrestable offense.
Last winter this same son attended a big frat party. Apparently one of the girls in attendance decided to remove Erik's shoes and toss them out a window as a joke. Naturally, the most logical thing to do would be to borrow someone else's shoes to get home. Did my son with the 150 I.Q. decide to do this? Of course not. Once he was out on the roof in the middle of a snowstorm one of his buddies decided to lock the window. He stood out on the roof for awhile in the cold in a t-shirt, pair of sweatpants and his socks until hypothermia began to set in. He crawled up over the ridge cap and almost made it down to the porch roof below, but then slipped and slid all the way down and landed on the central air unit below. His fraternity brothers presented him to me at the hospital and while I applied an immobilizer to his severly sprained right ankle, now twice its normal size and looked at all his friends and said, "Erik, remember the time you stuck an empty Pepsi bottle on your weenie and Grandma had to bring you to the ER so that I could get it off for you?" If looks could kill, my children would have been orphans that night.
I still have two more children at home and I'm hoping that I can maintain my sanity for a few more years.
Dear god now you have scared me...I am pregnant with my first child and I have been told it is a boy. I am not terrified I do not want to have to deal with my son if they are like that!! And judging by his father...hes going to be a holy terror. Id love to hear more stories about your children, they sound like a blast and it seems to me you have a TON of stories.
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nvalleyvee
- Posts: 5191
- Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
My hubby love has 5 kids invested in the Mormon Church. The 15 year old........youngest.............has started smoking pot.....taking his mother's car without permission and may even be doing some meth...........
I say we all did stupid stuff when we were younger but meth is serious.........very serious.
More help?
I say we all did stupid stuff when we were younger but meth is serious.........very serious.
More help?
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
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Patsy Warnick
- Posts: 4567
- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:53 am
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
NVV,
When it comes to Meth, unfortunately I think we may loose a whole generation to it. I recently lost a nephew (thread "Tweaker bites the dust"). Although this thread leads to other issues/discussions, he did use meth. I don't understand the hold this drug has on a individual, or why one turns to this drug. All I can suggest is don't give up on your relative who's using meth. Perhaps one needs more one on one attention, positive reinforcement (stroking), I don't know.
I don't have children myself, and I mothered my nephews, took them everywhere, bought school clothes, attended activities. But, when my nephew's parents divorced , that was a turning point in his life. Communication is big - keep the kid occupied, don't give up.
Patsy
When it comes to Meth, unfortunately I think we may loose a whole generation to it. I recently lost a nephew (thread "Tweaker bites the dust"). Although this thread leads to other issues/discussions, he did use meth. I don't understand the hold this drug has on a individual, or why one turns to this drug. All I can suggest is don't give up on your relative who's using meth. Perhaps one needs more one on one attention, positive reinforcement (stroking), I don't know.
I don't have children myself, and I mothered my nephews, took them everywhere, bought school clothes, attended activities. But, when my nephew's parents divorced , that was a turning point in his life. Communication is big - keep the kid occupied, don't give up.
Patsy
Fatherhood--A 28 year sentence with no hope of parole
daBunny. I didn't have time this morning to read your entire reply to my question. However, I have now had the opportunity to read it all through.
I can see where you're coming from and I understand your intentions. I'd just like to make some points and a possible suggestion.
Firstly, big black bold type is tantamount to shouting in my ear. When people shout in my ear, I rarely hear a word they are saying. Thankfully, this doesn't happen anymore as I no longer go to noisy parties or pubs.
Secondly, in the year I have been here, I have not come across anyone complaining about not being able to read the bog standard text. I may be wrong, I don't have the time or inclination to read every single post on the forum. But there hasn't been a general inclination towards posting in a larger font.
Thirdly, posts with typos and alternative spellings are harder to read as it means I have to keep rereading the text. Notwithstanding, I don't complain.
I would like to suggest you experiment more with colours as well as size. You could extend your font range also by using Word and pasting your work into the forum. Note, with Word, you can create and add your own fonts and really establish your personal style.
By the way, if you have posted an introduction thread, please point me to it and I will gladly add my welcome. There have been so many newbies arrive here lately, I can't keep up in the limited time I have to enjoin with the forum.:-6
I can see where you're coming from and I understand your intentions. I'd just like to make some points and a possible suggestion.
Firstly, big black bold type is tantamount to shouting in my ear. When people shout in my ear, I rarely hear a word they are saying. Thankfully, this doesn't happen anymore as I no longer go to noisy parties or pubs.
Secondly, in the year I have been here, I have not come across anyone complaining about not being able to read the bog standard text. I may be wrong, I don't have the time or inclination to read every single post on the forum. But there hasn't been a general inclination towards posting in a larger font.
Thirdly, posts with typos and alternative spellings are harder to read as it means I have to keep rereading the text. Notwithstanding, I don't complain.
I would like to suggest you experiment more with colours as well as size. You could extend your font range also by using Word and pasting your work into the forum. Note, with Word, you can create and add your own fonts and really establish your personal style.
By the way, if you have posted an introduction thread, please point me to it and I will gladly add my welcome. There have been so many newbies arrive here lately, I can't keep up in the limited time I have to enjoin with the forum.:-6