flirting .. male v female

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Mar 03, 2005 9:13 am

i know when A. they ask me if i'll search them, and B. they ask me to handcuff them.

........i NEVER search the ones who want me to, i just get some big ugly mean-looking partner to do it. heh heh .......oh, and C. when they tell me how cute i am when i'm about to arrest them. yeah, that works!

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Thu Mar 03, 2005 9:19 am

Hmmmmmm....well....(why am I slightly shy about this?!) There is a man at work, a contractor. Very nice, handsome, charming, well mannered, east coast, talented accountant, and competitive in sports. (sigh). He's perfectly yummy. LOL. And he seems to flirt with me, though I often can't tell...mostly because I'm at work and I use a different aspect of my personality there. I don't think about men/women relationships at work. Ok, usually I don't.

We chat a lot, go to coffee on occasion, and I treated him to lunch one day as a thank you for helping me with an emergency audit. We sat at lunch, and our conversation was classic "first date" stuff...which totally confused me, so I launched back into work stuff. He had to have known I was confused from the grin on his face and the look he gave me.

This man is off limits. He's been dating a woman from his church for three years, and they are supposed to get married when he son graduates from college. So, I'm thinking his behavior is more charm and mutual respect/admiration than flirting. <~~~~~ Here's the part where everyone should jump in and agree with me. LOL. Cause it's starting to get to me...Me! The unflappable, cold hearted one.

Honestly, people here on the west coast behave differently than I'm accustomed to. It throws me off and I have to figure out what things mean. Like, my happily married boss sometimes puts his hand in my hair and toys with it - as you would with your child's hair, or someone you love. Freaked me out the first time it happened, but I realized he wasn't paying any attention to what he was doing. What I would consider flirting often isn't flirting for west coast standards.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Mar 03, 2005 9:35 am

Hey AK... :yh_hugs

If the contracter/stud muffin guy is really an upstanding fellow, then I'd say yes, his attentions are respect/admiration. You couldn't admire someone who is being smarmy. The boss thing bugs me though. Most likely because I have had bosses come on to me and have had to threaten them with severe injuries. But the West coast thing could be the difference.

When I hooked Matt, I flirted shamelessly with him. He was in my bar with a group of friends (and a date) and I saw him and my jaw dropped right into my lap. Big beast of a man, all in leather with this huge smile that lit up the room. I still get the butterflies in my stomach thinking about the first time I saw him. It was more like a bunch of ostriches stomping around than butterflies, but you get the drift. He came up to the bar to get drinks, (I had just finished my shift and was talking to a friend) and I looked at him, caught his eye, gave him the once over from his shoes to the top of his head, real slow, and said "Well...hello." And just stared at him. He caught on right away. A person in a coma would have caught on, I was that obvious. I'm not shy, and I know what I like. He came up to see me several times and finally took me for a ride on the scoot, and the rest is history. We are in the process of planning our wedding. LOVE YOU BABY!!!!

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Thu Mar 03, 2005 9:36 am

Yep! I'd like it much better if he'd just take out his club, and drag me off to the cave by my hair. :wah:

The thing is, if you work with them, you can't just come out and ask. You know? It can totally ruin a solid working relationship. A lot of us carefully build friendships and keep in contact with each other to help with future job opportunities. I'm sure everyone does that. So, you don't want to risk it by being blunt.

In my case, I guess I could wait and see what the office gossips say. What has happened with yours, Petal?

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Mar 03, 2005 9:42 am

petal wrote: Does flirting work in the defence of a criminal?... i bet they got some real smooth talking.

:-6 not sure what you mean about defense, but males really do try to flatter and flirt with a female officer, and it is stupid...i usually have a stock reply..."see this uniform? do you really think i'd be interested in a _____ like you??" they just THINK they're smooth! ........and as an aside, a female officer has to be especially careful about her demeanor around male suspects, i keep it very professional. male officers have the same issue with female suspects.

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Thu Mar 03, 2005 9:48 am

Love you too, sweet one

((((((((((((( BR )))))))))))))I love your story. Blunt and to the point has it's advantages.

I bet he still grins ear to ear when he thinks on that. Ostriches in the belly...I would like ostriches, too! LOL!! I wonder if I could use that line...

"I'm sorry. I'm waiting for a man who puts ostriches in my belly." LMAO

The contractor is a really good guy. We have these bizarre half-conversations. He comes by my cubicle, and starts talking about something personal. I totally get it, and we jump into each other's sentences, which I normally think is rude but somehow works for this particular friendship.

I have got to get over this, and fast! I would really love his expertise on a project, but at this point I'm hesitant to spend too much time with him. I look at him and think that his eyes are so blue when I should be thinking about pivot tables in Excel. Argh!

My boss...in the midwest, I'd have been all over it. But here it's different. Mild, blurred boundaries. Hard to explain. My boss and I had many conversations about his marriage and various personal events at work for years. I started working for him last May, and we're still trying to set up our relationship appropriately with this change in status. We're also dead tired, and that erases normal behavior faster than anything I know.

(Side note - I know I keep complaining about the past month. It wasn't normal work, or the accounting standards we all know. It's a completely new stuff...like trying to translate Beowulf from German into English word by word. Ack!)

Thanks for looking out for me.

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Thu Mar 03, 2005 9:51 am

petal wrote: well here goes i dated him for 6 months and ended it as i seen him more as a friend and work mate than a lover, he took it well, but it was strange when it ended as we still worked together and it put a strange feeling between us, we did try though but some things are just not meant to be.
So he was definitely flirting. How are things between you now? Is time helping to make those awkward feelings go away?

Oatneal · Post by **Oatneal** » Thu Mar 03, 2005 4:30 pm

Flirting is definitely a way of life for me. I've always been an outgoing guy...who has gotten along better with females...so it's natural for me to flirt to get to know someone better.

But it sure gets tougher the further along in life you get. Especially when you're married. I have a great marriage with two beautiful children...but I still flirt with people around me, cause it's just my style. My wife is completely okay with it, because my intentions are always harmless.

But nowadays...whenever I flirt with someone new...I must be either a) acting creepy or something. b) pushing too hard to make a new friend. or c) losing my charm. or d) all of the above. Because the reactions I get aren't nearly the same as they used to be. People are very cautious. And others around me are quick to judge a married guy who is chatting up an attractive girl. Rumors spread faster than wild fire...and in the end, the person I'm just trying to get to know better, is suddenly freaked out, or embarassed, or pissed off, etc, etc.

Makes me want to avoid females at all costs.

Oh well. I guess that's life.

Oatneal

Post by **kensloft** » Fri Mar 04, 2005 1:35 am

Flirting? Boys flirt? Boys don't usually call it flirting. It is more of putting on your moves to catch the prey. Poor fools. Need I say more?

LottomagicZ4941 · Post by **LottomagicZ4941** » Fri Mar 04, 2005 1:34 pm

I have always found women to be more flirty.

It can be a hard habit to break.

When the wife and I first met I was so in love that I let I love yous slip out to supervisors at work. Was just in such an I love you mode. Fortunatally they were amused.

Back in college when I was in flirt mode I had a girlfriend thereaton to scrach my eyes out. Not sure if that was befoe or after we started or ended dateing.

Also one waiter was getting flirty with my wife so his tip was to tone down the honey or what ever term of enderement he was tossing at my wife.

Lotto

http://www.flalottomagic.net/cgi-local/ ... elcome-344

MagicZ4941A

Oatneal · Post by **Oatneal** » Fri Mar 04, 2005 4:06 pm

Hey Petal!

Well...I honestly think flirting is perfectly harmless...and it does a wonderful job of giving an emotional boost to yourself. When you flirt with someone, and they flirt back, it makes you feel pretty good/attractive. Soooo...I don't think flirting is more acceptable for females over males. Both sexes can get away with it equally. The only thing that makes a difference is the way people perceive your intentions. I could make the same flirtatious (sp?) comment to 100 different people, and all of them would react differently.

But nowadays...I find I have to be very careful....or else somebody is gonna take anything I say the wrong way.

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Mar 04, 2005 4:20 pm

Flirting

Tis healthy as long as it remains harmless. Some get so uptight about it, they blow it all to hell and ruin the fun.

Tis meant to be innocent and not perceived as being preyed upon.

My ex was the worlds largest flirt funny the one I noticed him flirt with the most (looking back) is the bimbo he now lives with K sayrah sayrah.

But I enjoy the innocence of flirting, both with others and my guy. I see it as an extension of being social.

Der Wulf · Post by **Der Wulf** » Fri Mar 04, 2005 6:01 pm

Life without flirting? Too much like art without color, I've been happily married for over 40 years, my wife knew it came with the package, and sometimes she goads me on [she knows I'm harmless]

I flirt with my daughter, and grandaughters. I like women, the way their mind's work, the way their eyes light up when you treat them as equals in every way but acknowledge their difference.

Yeah, I've run into the man haters etc, I either ignore them or treat them like the man they want to be.

In business, I hafta be careful, but once they realize that I respect them, things usually lighten up. I think that the key is trust, most gals have a pretty good BS detector. I had a favorite engineer, female, from one of our customers, the first time we met, there was no nonsense, she had a problem, I needed to fix it. We spent a couple hours in intense technical detail, together we found a solution. Relaxing over a cup of coffee, making small talk about the difficulties in solving the problem, I made a crack about our relaxing being like "afterglow", she stopped in mid sip and regarded me with those beautiful brown eyes, then said " before I came here today, I was told that you were an incourgable flirt, one person told me you were a sexist pig. We just spent two hours during which you totally accepted me as a competent engineer, I was feeling a little miffed, figured you werent interested because I was pregnant, now you wriggle your eyebrows, and make a sex joke, what are you? I replied that I was just hopelessly in love with smart, beautiful ladies, and besides she had the best pair of brains I'd seen all day she raised her eybrows, grinned and said thats all? Told her I'd think about it.

She gathered her stuff, we shook hands, and exchanged thank you's.

As she started out the door, I said "oh yeah, nice ass too" She never broke stride, but I heard the giggle.

She called me the next morning, said she had really been feeling fat, ugly, and miserable, but that I had made her day. We've been good friends every since.:yh_kiss

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Fri Mar 04, 2005 7:41 pm

Der Wulf wrote: As she started out the door, I said "oh yeah, nice ass too" She never broke stride, but I heard the giggle.

She called me the next morning, said she had really been feeling fat, ugly, and miserable, but that I had made her day. We've been good friends ever since.:yh_kiss
Smart women don't want to be treated as sex objects...but still want to know that we could be sex objects, if we wanted to. Der Wulf, one flirty wink from me to you.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Mar 05, 2005 9:31 am

i understand everyones point of view, and i think much has to do with your personality and MO.......but i don't flirt for two reasons, doing so among my male peers would be decidedly unprofessional and reduce my credibility as a fellow officer ( i have had to take younger newer male and female deputies aside and caution them), and also i would consider it an insult to the man i love. and so would he! flirting to me implies availability. one other item, at least in my work life...we have STRINGENT sexual harassment regs and they are taken very seriously. (we recently had two male deputies fired, and we don't get fired without an IA investigation, serious business.)

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Sat Mar 05, 2005 9:54 am

lady cop wrote: i understand everyone's point of view, and i think much has to do with your personality and MO.......but i don't flirt for two reasons, doing so among my male peers would be decidedly unprofessional and reduce my credibility as a fellow officer ( i have had to take younger newer male and female deputies aside and warn them), and also i would consider it an insult to the man i love. and so would he. flirting to me implies availability. one other item, at least in my work life...we have STRINGENT sexual harassment regs and they are taken very seriously.
Great point! I can't tell you how many people have been hit with harrassment charges at my job because of flirting.

I'm lucky where I'm at right now. I've been in the department for 5 years, and they watched me go through the darkest days of my life. They've seen me disappear into the washroom to cry, compose myself, and then resume work. They've seen me physically flinch from loud or angry voices. There are a couple of people who know most of my story. There are lots of rumors as well. My past protects me in a lot of ways. I'm more under control these days, but those early years aren't forgotten.

I laugh a lot. I'm very friendly with males and females at work. But I'm very consious of the line, and I try very hard to make sure no one thinks the worst of me. A divorced woman flirting at work looks really bad - especially since most of my coworkers are married.

As for the cute contractor, we talk a lot about sports, our marriages, our kids, our jobs, and so on. We laugh a ton, but I don't flirt. I don't know whether he's flirting or not. When it seems like he is, I usually get that "deer in the headlight" expression. But worst case, if he was, we'd get away with it. He is a contractor, not an employee, and we're both divorced.

Until this past year, we've been mainly females in the office. Suddenly we have lots of new people, half of whom are males. The dynamics are interesting. We are pretty social, and often meet up outside of work.

Point is, LC is right. Flirting at work is dangerous stuff, and I had better remember that.

Paula · Post by **Paula** » Sat Mar 05, 2005 11:29 am

is there same sex flirtation? wonder?flirts get themselves in trouble, the person they are flirting with could perceive the intentions wrong & then big problems start? I think its a bad thing that leads to needless headaches....i say don't do it! :yh_beatup

capt_buzzard · Post by **capt_buzzard** » Sat Mar 05, 2005 3:21 pm

I will always a bit of a flirt. It makes my day go by. And don't those Women love it. Go on, be honest for once.:p

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sat Mar 05, 2005 4:09 pm

capt_buzzard wrote: I will always a bit of a flirt. It makes my day go by. And don't those Women love it. Go on, be honest for once.:p
O Go on.... I admit it

Post by **kensloft** » Sat Mar 05, 2005 10:46 pm

Paula wrote: is there same sex flirtation? wonder?flirts get themselves in trouble, the person they are flirting with could perceive the intentions wrong & then big problems start? I think its a bad thing that leads to needless headaches....i say don't do it! :yh_beatup
flirt

n 1: a seductive woman who uses her sex appeal to exploit men [syn: coquette, vamp, vamper, minx, tease, prickteaser] 2: playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest [syn: flirting, flirtation, coquetry, dalliance, toying] v 1: talk or behave amorously, without serious intentions; "The guys always try to chat up the new secretaries"; "My husband never flirts with other women" [syn: chat up, dally, butterfly, coquet, coquette, romance, philander, mash] 2: behave carelessly or indifferently; "Play about with a young girl's affection" [syn: dally, toy, play]

Is what you are doing really without sexual intentions?

Paula · Post by **Paula** » Sun Mar 06, 2005 8:48 am

kens-loft, are you a writer for Webster Dictionary? i thought so...are you sure you belong here? definition please, and all of it! :yh_think

Post by **kensloft** » Sun Mar 06, 2005 9:33 am

Paula wrote: kens-loft, are you a writer for Webster Dictionary? i thought so...are you sure you belong here? definition please, and all of it! :yh_think
Maybe I should hunt down the Oxford definitions?

Paula · Post by **Paula** » Sun Mar 06, 2005 9:52 am

Hunt, okay...please name all dictionaries. Then list females names that relate to plants? Daisy, etc... :yh_clap

Post by **kensloft** » Sun Mar 06, 2005 8:19 pm

Sounds good to me.

busybee · Post by **busybee** » Mon Mar 07, 2005 12:18 pm

petal wrote: hey all

i would like to thankyou all for your participation but i thought as there is so many different veiws why dont we step up a gear (for fun) and have the final say down to a yes/no poll what do you all think?

petal

:yh_idea

And what's the question you have in mind. I reckon flirting is a good way of people letting others know they're interested, and lets face it, it can be fun. Us lassies all like to receive compliments from others, u know i even tell my lassie pals when they look good and visa versa- OMG, u think we flirt with each other? lol

:yh_giggle

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Mon Mar 07, 2005 2:30 pm

Wellll...I always try to compliment people throughout the day. Just to be nice. And I'll certainly admit to "chatting up" the secretary...after all she runs the school!

But I don't think that's "flirting".

Der Wulf · Post by **Der Wulf** » Mon Mar 07, 2005 2:57 pm

busybee wrote: And what's the question you have in mind. I reckon flirting is a good way of people letting others know they're interested, and lets face it, it can be fun. Us lassies all like to receive compliments from others, u know i even tell my lassie pals when they look good and visa versa- OMG, u think we flirt with each other? lol

:yh_giggle
The difference between a compliment and a flirt is that a flirt always has a sexual context, the difference between a flirt and a clumsy "come on" or "line" is that a proper flirt involves respect. To acknowledge the sensuality of a person is IMO a compliment of the highest degree, that it stimulates the most important sex organ , is a blessing unique to humans.

Paula · Post by **Paula** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 10:24 am

It doesn;t matter, we are adults & i see no sexual harassment here at all. this is why i don't flirt, i'm in trouble before i get there and then when i open my mouth, more trouble, then the scavngers pick on me. I say Don't worry be Happy, much easier.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 8:51 am

slushpuppy wrote: If I had to say yes or no, I'd say no if you're in a committed relationship because you are giving out the signals that you're available. And thats not fair either to your partner or the person with whom you are flirting.

Thank you very much for saying that!!! Now, when the ol' man comes home, I can show him I'm NOT the only one who thinks that. The big flirting jerk. :yh_bigsmi

Post by **kensloft** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 3:45 pm

slushpuppy wrote: Wow, is this thread still going? If I had to say yes or no, I'd say no if you're in a committed relationship because you are giving out the signals that you're available. And thats not fair either to your partner or the person with whom you are flirting. Theres nothing wrong with a sincere compliment though!

br

Thank you very much for saying that!!! Now, when the ol' man comes home, I can show him I'm NOT the only one who thinks that. The big flirting jerk.
Now I know why I like you!

Lil~Basco · Post by **Lil~Basco** » Tue Feb 07, 2006 5:35 pm

*Bump*

Interesting thread!