...I have a situation, just wanted to see what people think about it/constructive advice that they may have for me. The situation is as follows:
I met a man, four years ago whom I consider a friend that I have a strong connection with.. We met at a club that we both belong to. At the time we became acquainted he was married. Let me make this clear now, we did NOT nor have we since his divorce had a romantic (physical not even a kiss) relationship.
However, over the past four years we have had a very open, honest friendship. I have never felt the need to be anything or anyone other than myself with him. And he has been very kind and supportive of me. These qualties are some I value strongly as most men do not treat me this way.
With that said, over the last four years he has flirted with me, had serious dicussions (sharing things in his life in detail), and introduced me to some of his friends and family friends in a complementary manner. And once on a Friday evening he asked me where I was going and what I was doing/with who? He was flirtiing heavily with me at this point and I became uncomfortable like a school girl....relizing that I had feelings for him but was very uneasy with the situation because he was married at the time.
So...I smiled and said I was going to play another round and drove off. He then drove up the road honking and waiving at me. Phew... We kept our friendship going after that (on a plutonic level). Then 2 summers ago some of our mutual friends got married. So, I showed up to their party alone and much to my surprise so did he. (NO wife, child nobody)
When I went to say hello to him, we talked and then he introduced me to one of his father's friends by saying my name and then, this is (my name), Isn't she beautiful? I smiled at his friend and said nice to meet you and found myself fleeing the scene because I felt like kissing him. I couldn't, he was married.
Well, last spring I saw him having lunch with a friend and noticed that he was NOT wearing a wedding ring. Again, he introduced me to another one of his life long friends, this time kissing my hand,and I got uncomfortaable wondering what was going on. Obviously, I could not ask him about his marrital status in front of his friend. So the wheels started turning in my head as I had lunch with my friend at the next table over.
Well I have not seen him in a year so last month I called him to see how he was, out of concern. This is the first time we have ever spoken on the phone. I had to leave a message at his work and he called me back the second he got in the door of his work.
I asked how he was and he said, " better than I have been." My divorce was final two weeks ago and I have custody of my daughter. We then talked for 45 minutes about everything. He went through a very rough marriage that ended in divorce. I do not feel sharing any more of what he shared with me regarding that.
So, I spoke with him 3 weeks ago and invited him to lunch. He wanted to go but had to wait to see what day would be okay around his work schedule during the week. He has full time care of his daughter and at the moment can't leave her with anyone on the weekends.
At this point I have not heard from him. I know that he is overwhelmed and very busy. I also know that he cares for me on some level. Perhaps he is even scared by that given his previous experiences with women.
All I know is that I feel a strong bond/connection with him and I want us to at least be friends. I miss him. I told him that and he said , " I miss it too."
I feel a little insecure about the situation because I am 32 and he is late 40's or 50. So there is an age difference here too. I know that he needs time, but just wanted to get some feedback/advice on this situation. FYI he and I enjoy many of the same activites and I like his personality style too.
Age Difference - What do you think?
Age Difference - What do you think?
easy for me to say. but i think you need to be patient, be guided by him. . ....and welcome to FG! 
Age Difference - What do you think?
Well here is my view Age is no concern if two people love each other then why not be together.. age means nothing.
Live life to the max as you only get to do it once!! make your dreams come true :-4
Age Difference - What do you think?
...thanks for your input. My inclanation is to agree with both of your opinions. You are very kind in offering your advice. I have read some of your reponses to other people's postings and appreciate your input.
Age Difference - What do you think?
Go really, really slow, and remember the whole "rebound" thing CAN rear
its' ugly head! You might want to reconsider being his first relationship
after the divorce. Whether he wanted the divorce or not, he still has to
be reeling a little.
As far as the age thing, I wouldn't even really consider it if it were
me.
Good luck, please do let us know what happens!!
:)
its' ugly head! You might want to reconsider being his first relationship
after the divorce. Whether he wanted the divorce or not, he still has to
be reeling a little.
As far as the age thing, I wouldn't even really consider it if it were
me.
Good luck, please do let us know what happens!!
:)
Age Difference - What do you think?
Hi,
sounds like he is having a hard time adjusting to new relationships. He just went through a divorse, he is probably not ready for a new one. But youre right, he seems to care for you to some degree. If you're having a hard time with the age issue, he seems to be having the same insecurities. Your a young women, he is going into advance age, almost twenty years difference. There is alot of issues involving that much span in years. Twenty years is alot to cover, music preferences, language, taste in everything, etc..
That might not be anything for some folks, but it could be a mountain of a hurdle with others. His infatuation with you maybe at some levels purely physical. It may be yours as well. But, after that, there is an ocean of issues to cover.
Good luck,
vilssss
sounds like he is having a hard time adjusting to new relationships. He just went through a divorse, he is probably not ready for a new one. But youre right, he seems to care for you to some degree. If you're having a hard time with the age issue, he seems to be having the same insecurities. Your a young women, he is going into advance age, almost twenty years difference. There is alot of issues involving that much span in years. Twenty years is alot to cover, music preferences, language, taste in everything, etc..
That might not be anything for some folks, but it could be a mountain of a hurdle with others. His infatuation with you maybe at some levels purely physical. It may be yours as well. But, after that, there is an ocean of issues to cover.
Good luck,
vilssss
Age Difference - What do you think?
I don`t think the age difference is that important if you really truly feel the same for each other. in fact I`ve known couples with even bigger age differences than that who were blissfully happy, and conversely known couples of similar ages who were unhappy. The important thing is that you KNOW each other well and that you share similar beliefs, hobbies, pastimes, views, etc, and that you are COMFORTABLE with him. Now do you believe you are 100% comfortable with him, or do you think you should get to know him just a little bit better before rushing in? Good luck by the way!
Age Difference - What do you think?
Dang it...I always end up being the bad guy in threads like these, but I refuse to be less than realistic.
1. NEVER get involved with people that are on the rebound after a divorce. First of alll, they are feeling lost, or worse yet, rejected. People in that frame of mind will latch on to anything that looks like it will float, just like a drowning man will do.
You're asking for a superficial relationship. Sure the feelings are intense, but they won't last. After the shock of the divorce wears off, you'll see that there was never a basis for a real relationship at all.
2. And that brings me to the age differential....don't take my word for it, look it up in any human development or psychology textbook.....the greater the age difference, the more likely the marriage won't work. Why? Simple, it's called a "cohort". A cohort is a group of people, all the same age, who grew up together and were shaped together. When you grew up, you were shaped by the political atmosphere, the economic realities, and the pop culture influences. In short you are a product of YOUR times.
He is a product of his. Do you know what that means?
You won't be able to talk about the same movies or TV. You won't like the same music, clothes, furnishings, posters, radio stations, home products, etc., etc., etc....... An infinite progression of small things that will slowly work their way in between yourselves.
3. Age - soon he will be to the point that he will no longer find extreme physical activity enjoyable, if not already. No more skiing, no more swimming, no more tennis or bowling. It's not his fault, it will become more and more painful for him. (As it will us all). But you'll still be in the prime of life. Do you honestly think that you won't begin to feel resentment for having to sit on the couch and kep him company when you'd really like to be out at the lake? Or worse yet, do you think that he won't hate you for going there anyway and leaving him to his own devices at the house?
Sorry to burst your bubble....but this relationship is DOOMED FROM THE START!
Do yourself a huge, huge favor.....stay friends with this person, invite him over for drinks on New Year's, maybe even go on a double date occasionally but...
FOR GOD'S SAKE WOMAN! GO OUT AND FIND SOMEONE YOUR OWN AGE!!
1. NEVER get involved with people that are on the rebound after a divorce. First of alll, they are feeling lost, or worse yet, rejected. People in that frame of mind will latch on to anything that looks like it will float, just like a drowning man will do.
You're asking for a superficial relationship. Sure the feelings are intense, but they won't last. After the shock of the divorce wears off, you'll see that there was never a basis for a real relationship at all.
2. And that brings me to the age differential....don't take my word for it, look it up in any human development or psychology textbook.....the greater the age difference, the more likely the marriage won't work. Why? Simple, it's called a "cohort". A cohort is a group of people, all the same age, who grew up together and were shaped together. When you grew up, you were shaped by the political atmosphere, the economic realities, and the pop culture influences. In short you are a product of YOUR times.
He is a product of his. Do you know what that means?
You won't be able to talk about the same movies or TV. You won't like the same music, clothes, furnishings, posters, radio stations, home products, etc., etc., etc....... An infinite progression of small things that will slowly work their way in between yourselves.
3. Age - soon he will be to the point that he will no longer find extreme physical activity enjoyable, if not already. No more skiing, no more swimming, no more tennis or bowling. It's not his fault, it will become more and more painful for him. (As it will us all). But you'll still be in the prime of life. Do you honestly think that you won't begin to feel resentment for having to sit on the couch and kep him company when you'd really like to be out at the lake? Or worse yet, do you think that he won't hate you for going there anyway and leaving him to his own devices at the house?
Sorry to burst your bubble....but this relationship is DOOMED FROM THE START!
Do yourself a huge, huge favor.....stay friends with this person, invite him over for drinks on New Year's, maybe even go on a double date occasionally but...
FOR GOD'S SAKE WOMAN! GO OUT AND FIND SOMEONE YOUR OWN AGE!!
All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players...Shakespeare
Age Difference - What do you think?
Extreme age differences between husband and wife may lead to infidelity†says author and infidelity expert, Ruth Houston, who was recently quoted in an article in the current issue of First for Women magazine. Houston’s comments were included in the sidebar of an article in the May issue of First entitled “The Surprising Way Women Are Turning Back the Clock,†which discusses the pros and cons of marriages and relationships in which the woman is considerably older or younger than the man.
Disparity in Sex Drives
“The biggest danger†says Houston, author of Is He Cheating on You? (ISBN: 0972055347, $29.95, Lifestyle Publications) “is that in marriages where there is an age difference of 15 to 20 years or more, at some point, there is likely to be a disparity in the sex drives of the two people involved. This disparity could be a contributing factor to infidelity if it drives one party to seek sexual fulfillment outside the primary relationship.â€
Unable to Relate Due to Generation Gap
Houston points out that lifestyle differences, differences in moral values, even differences in seemingly minor things such as tastes in music, reading, or entertainment may eventually cause the couple to be unable to relate to each other because of a “generation gap.†If one party begins to seek out members of his or her peer group because they have more things in common with each other, it can lead to problems -- especially if that person is a member of the opposite sex.
A Higher Risk of Infidelity
While conceding some marriages and relationships between older women and younger men do succeed, Houston states that they start out with a strike against them. She warns, “A woman should think long and hard before entering into a relationship with a man who is considerably younger than herself. The greater the age difference, the greater the risk of infidelity.“
Disparity in Sex Drives
“The biggest danger†says Houston, author of Is He Cheating on You? (ISBN: 0972055347, $29.95, Lifestyle Publications) “is that in marriages where there is an age difference of 15 to 20 years or more, at some point, there is likely to be a disparity in the sex drives of the two people involved. This disparity could be a contributing factor to infidelity if it drives one party to seek sexual fulfillment outside the primary relationship.â€
Unable to Relate Due to Generation Gap
Houston points out that lifestyle differences, differences in moral values, even differences in seemingly minor things such as tastes in music, reading, or entertainment may eventually cause the couple to be unable to relate to each other because of a “generation gap.†If one party begins to seek out members of his or her peer group because they have more things in common with each other, it can lead to problems -- especially if that person is a member of the opposite sex.
A Higher Risk of Infidelity
While conceding some marriages and relationships between older women and younger men do succeed, Houston states that they start out with a strike against them. She warns, “A woman should think long and hard before entering into a relationship with a man who is considerably younger than herself. The greater the age difference, the greater the risk of infidelity.“
All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players...Shakespeare
Age Difference - What do you think?
Jives wrote: Dang it...I always end up being the bad guy in threads like these, but I refuse to be less than realistic.
1. NEVER get involved with people that are on the rebound after a divorce. First of alll, they are feeling lost, or worse yet, rejected. People in that frame of mind will latch on to anything that looks like it will float, just like a drowning man will do.
You're asking for a superficial relationship. Sure the feelings are intense, but they won't last. After the shock of the divorce wears off, you'll see that there was never a basis for a real relationship at all.
2. And that brings me to the age differential....don't take my word for it, look it up in any human development or psychology textbook.....the greater the age difference, the more likely the marriage won't work. Why? Simple, it's called a "cohort". A cohort is a group of people, all the same age, who grew up together and were shaped together. When you grew up, you were shaped by the political atmosphere, the economic realities, and the pop culture influences. In short you are a product of YOUR times.
He is a product of his. Do you know what that means?
You won't be able to talk about the same movies or TV. You won't like the same music, clothes, furnishings, posters, radio stations, home products, etc., etc., etc....... An infinite progression of small things that will slowly work their way in between yourselves.
3. Age - soon he will be to the point that he will no longer find extreme physical activity enjoyable, if not already. No more skiing, no more swimming, no more tennis or bowling. It's not his fault, it will become more and more painful for him. (As it will us all). But you'll still be in the prime of life. Do you honestly think that you won't begin to feel resentment for having to sit on the couch and kep him company when you'd really like to be out at the lake? Or worse yet, do you think that he won't hate you for going there anyway and leaving him to his own devices at the house?
Sorry to burst your bubble....but this relationship is DOOMED FROM THE START!
Do yourself a huge, huge favor.....stay friends with this person, invite him over for drinks on New Year's, maybe even go on a double date occasionally but...
FOR GOD'S SAKE WOMAN! GO OUT AND FIND SOMEONE YOUR OWN AGE!!
hmmm Jives has a good point i totally have to agree here, i did not think of the age difference quite like that but now i look at it yes i say move on but stay friends
1. NEVER get involved with people that are on the rebound after a divorce. First of alll, they are feeling lost, or worse yet, rejected. People in that frame of mind will latch on to anything that looks like it will float, just like a drowning man will do.
You're asking for a superficial relationship. Sure the feelings are intense, but they won't last. After the shock of the divorce wears off, you'll see that there was never a basis for a real relationship at all.
2. And that brings me to the age differential....don't take my word for it, look it up in any human development or psychology textbook.....the greater the age difference, the more likely the marriage won't work. Why? Simple, it's called a "cohort". A cohort is a group of people, all the same age, who grew up together and were shaped together. When you grew up, you were shaped by the political atmosphere, the economic realities, and the pop culture influences. In short you are a product of YOUR times.
He is a product of his. Do you know what that means?
You won't be able to talk about the same movies or TV. You won't like the same music, clothes, furnishings, posters, radio stations, home products, etc., etc., etc....... An infinite progression of small things that will slowly work their way in between yourselves.
3. Age - soon he will be to the point that he will no longer find extreme physical activity enjoyable, if not already. No more skiing, no more swimming, no more tennis or bowling. It's not his fault, it will become more and more painful for him. (As it will us all). But you'll still be in the prime of life. Do you honestly think that you won't begin to feel resentment for having to sit on the couch and kep him company when you'd really like to be out at the lake? Or worse yet, do you think that he won't hate you for going there anyway and leaving him to his own devices at the house?
Sorry to burst your bubble....but this relationship is DOOMED FROM THE START!
Do yourself a huge, huge favor.....stay friends with this person, invite him over for drinks on New Year's, maybe even go on a double date occasionally but...
FOR GOD'S SAKE WOMAN! GO OUT AND FIND SOMEONE YOUR OWN AGE!!
hmmm Jives has a good point i totally have to agree here, i did not think of the age difference quite like that but now i look at it yes i say move on but stay friends
Live life to the max as you only get to do it once!! make your dreams come true :-4
Age Difference - What do you think?
flopstock wrote: :yh_rotfl
I'm sorry, but this one about killed me.. :wah: :wah:
It maybe funny, but after reading what Jives quoted from Dr Houston, I don't feel so bad because it's true. Ok, I could have used another word, but who cares, that's what came to my head so I wrote it down.......... lol.
My apologies go out to Wwone2 if flopstock tried to make light of this situation.
I'm sorry, but this one about killed me.. :wah: :wah:
It maybe funny, but after reading what Jives quoted from Dr Houston, I don't feel so bad because it's true. Ok, I could have used another word, but who cares, that's what came to my head so I wrote it down.......... lol.
My apologies go out to Wwone2 if flopstock tried to make light of this situation.
Age Difference - What do you think?
It may be just me but I think the bigger issue is not the age gap but the fact that he was hitting on you while he was still married.
If he was chasing you while married what is to stop him chasing someone else when with you.
If he was chasing you while married what is to stop him chasing someone else when with you.
Age Difference - What do you think?
My dad was 13 years older than my mom. They were happily married for over 40 years until his death.
Age Difference - What do you think?
and Peg makes a good point, generally the greater the age difference, the harder it is to stay married, but not always. Everyone's different.
Of course, since they were married 40 years, that implies that they were both very young when they met, and I think that helps.
Of course, since they were married 40 years, that implies that they were both very young when they met, and I think that helps.
All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players...Shakespeare
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princess_daniella
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Mon Jun 13, 2005 6:31 am
Age Difference - What do you think?
age gaps in relationships do work, a good friend of mines hubby was 19yr older than her and they have been married for 10 yr and my partner is 20+ yr older than me and we have been together for 10 months... not long granted but we get on fantastic.
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pink princess
- Posts: 1117
- Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2005 3:18 am
Age Difference - What do you think?
jpcme wrote: It may be just me but I think the bigger issue is not the age gap but the fact that he was hitting on you while he was still married.
If he was chasing you while married what is to stop him chasing someone else when with you.
maybe he was chasing...... but he didnt do anything.....
If he was chasing you while married what is to stop him chasing someone else when with you.
maybe he was chasing...... but he didnt do anything.....
life is what you make it
my boyfriend just proposed to me (05/05/05) and im blissfully happy!! :-4 im engaged!! i have a fiance!! :-4
um..... well thats a bit out of date! im married now! and married life is the best thing in the entire world! with my husband by side my life is complete
:-4
my boyfriend just proposed to me (05/05/05) and im blissfully happy!! :-4 im engaged!! i have a fiance!! :-4
um..... well thats a bit out of date! im married now! and married life is the best thing in the entire world! with my husband by side my life is complete
:-4
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pink princess
- Posts: 1117
- Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2005 3:18 am
Age Difference - What do you think?
Jives wrote:
Of course, since they were married 40 years, that implies that they were both very young when they met, and I think that helps.
i agree with that, my previous partner was 8 years older than me and my fiance is 9 yrs older...... but then im young and hes not that old!!....... if he were much older though i dont think it would have worked.....
thing is we meet on a different level to talking about music and telly of our era, we could be from different planets and still understand each other..... but then i think were just exceptionally lucky
Of course, since they were married 40 years, that implies that they were both very young when they met, and I think that helps.
i agree with that, my previous partner was 8 years older than me and my fiance is 9 yrs older...... but then im young and hes not that old!!....... if he were much older though i dont think it would have worked.....
thing is we meet on a different level to talking about music and telly of our era, we could be from different planets and still understand each other..... but then i think were just exceptionally lucky
life is what you make it
my boyfriend just proposed to me (05/05/05) and im blissfully happy!! :-4 im engaged!! i have a fiance!! :-4
um..... well thats a bit out of date! im married now! and married life is the best thing in the entire world! with my husband by side my life is complete
:-4
my boyfriend just proposed to me (05/05/05) and im blissfully happy!! :-4 im engaged!! i have a fiance!! :-4
um..... well thats a bit out of date! im married now! and married life is the best thing in the entire world! with my husband by side my life is complete
:-4
Age Difference - What do you think?
My mother was 21 and my dad was 34 when they met.
Age Difference - What do you think?
pink princess wrote: maybe he was chasing...... but he didnt do anything.....
Was just a thought. Maybe the fact that he did not do anything had more to do with Wwone2 not wanting anything to happen due to him being married. Or could be I'm just bitter from previous experiences.
Was just a thought. Maybe the fact that he did not do anything had more to do with Wwone2 not wanting anything to happen due to him being married. Or could be I'm just bitter from previous experiences.
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nvalleyvee
- Posts: 5191
- Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am
Age Difference - What do you think?
You didn't say whether or not you had children or if you want to have children. He has had his - maybe he doesn't want a second family. I think this is something critical to think about.
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
Age Difference - What do you think?
Given the ages you spoke of I think that is a non issue, your both mature adults. I feel more the mystery is how come suddenly he is not so available as your friend. I was sensing him being rather aloof. Was that just me? I dunno, I would take it slow, but I would also be worried about his lack of interest in your frienship, if it was such a good bond, how come you were so slow in finding out about his divorce, and why the gap in communication if you were such good friends.
Sorry hun, hate to be a killjoy but I am suspicious of everyone.
Sorry hun, hate to be a killjoy but I am suspicious of everyone.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
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pink princess
- Posts: 1117
- Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2005 3:18 am
Age Difference - What do you think?
minks wrote: but I would also be worried about his lack of interest in your frienship, if it was such a good bond, how come you were so slow in finding out about his divorce, and why the gap in communication if you were such good friends.
this struck me too..........
this struck me too..........
life is what you make it
my boyfriend just proposed to me (05/05/05) and im blissfully happy!! :-4 im engaged!! i have a fiance!! :-4
um..... well thats a bit out of date! im married now! and married life is the best thing in the entire world! with my husband by side my life is complete
:-4
my boyfriend just proposed to me (05/05/05) and im blissfully happy!! :-4 im engaged!! i have a fiance!! :-4
um..... well thats a bit out of date! im married now! and married life is the best thing in the entire world! with my husband by side my life is complete
:-4
Age Difference - What do you think?
Well, to answer some of your questions here I go:
1. There was a lapse in our communication because I stopped attending the club that we know each other from and he did not have a way of contacting me. Though, he asked a friend where I was and why I was not going out there etc.
repeatedly. I am the one who stopped communications at the time.
2. When our friendship began he was already dealing with a very rocky marriage.
3. There are many more details to our friendship than I am going to discuss on the internet.
4. It is safe to say that we enjoy many of the same activities, both have morals and have a strong attraction to one another both personality wise and physically.
Others who know us have commented on it.
5. I am a very mature 32 year old due to life circumstances at a young age.
1. There was a lapse in our communication because I stopped attending the club that we know each other from and he did not have a way of contacting me. Though, he asked a friend where I was and why I was not going out there etc.
repeatedly. I am the one who stopped communications at the time.
2. When our friendship began he was already dealing with a very rocky marriage.
3. There are many more details to our friendship than I am going to discuss on the internet.
4. It is safe to say that we enjoy many of the same activities, both have morals and have a strong attraction to one another both personality wise and physically.
Others who know us have commented on it.
5. I am a very mature 32 year old due to life circumstances at a young age.
Age Difference - What do you think?
thanks that makes it clearer. I stand by the take it slow however. If this is as great a friendship as you state then savor and build.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
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pink princess
- Posts: 1117
- Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2005 3:18 am
Age Difference - What do you think?
i think just see what happens, if its meant to be itll be if not it wont.....
however you both need to express your true feelings otherwise you may both hide them forever..... or at least the next few years and it may turn out to be such a wonderful relationship you regret wasting all that time.....
likewise it may turn out to be a disaster in which case your only dragging the disaster out!!
anything could happen to either one of you at any time..... get in and say how you feel while you can, lifes way too short, and like i said at the top if its meant it will be
however you both need to express your true feelings otherwise you may both hide them forever..... or at least the next few years and it may turn out to be such a wonderful relationship you regret wasting all that time.....
likewise it may turn out to be a disaster in which case your only dragging the disaster out!!
anything could happen to either one of you at any time..... get in and say how you feel while you can, lifes way too short, and like i said at the top if its meant it will be
life is what you make it
my boyfriend just proposed to me (05/05/05) and im blissfully happy!! :-4 im engaged!! i have a fiance!! :-4
um..... well thats a bit out of date! im married now! and married life is the best thing in the entire world! with my husband by side my life is complete
:-4
my boyfriend just proposed to me (05/05/05) and im blissfully happy!! :-4 im engaged!! i have a fiance!! :-4
um..... well thats a bit out of date! im married now! and married life is the best thing in the entire world! with my husband by side my life is complete
:-4
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daBunnyWendy7
- Posts: 457
- Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2006 5:55 pm
Age Difference - What do you think?
I recently remarried and m new hubby is over 10 yrs Younger.We are happy and all that matters is how you treat ea other.How you communicate.Now to give an intelligent relevant reply more than this I wll have to read back through this thread.I am new to the garden.I read your original post and the last.Congratulations.
Wendy:-6
Wendy:-6
Wendybunny
Everyone can make the world a better place!
Everyone can make the world a better place!
Age Difference - What do you think?
I would be very, very cautious. I've dated men considerably older (I was 23 and a few were 35-37) and we had tons of things to talk about and do together. As a matter of fact, I found them more interesting and more similar to me than those my own age and I found that we generally enjoyed the same things.
BUT ... now I realize that life goes in stages. They had failed marriages, kids, houses of their own, they were settled in their ways, and I had my own plans. I know that they wouldn't have easily left a senior position to accomodate my moving cross-country in a few years for a tenure-track job. I know that their children came first, and while I can fully empathize with that, I don't think it's terribly fair on the younger partner (unless that person also has children, who will obviously come first). The way I felt is that they had the chance to come first for their spouse when they initially got together and when there were no children involved. Now why shouldn't I get the same thing? I'm sure it sounds selfish, but I much prefer starting out with someone my own age: we're both at the same stage, we have a clean slate, and we do put each other first. That works best for me. It might not for someone else.
If you really like this man and you want to give it a try, there's nothing wrong with that. But before you commit yourself emotionally, you should give yourself an observation period, which will hopefully reveal what his intentions are, what his state of mind is, whether he is a ready for a serious commitment so soon after a divorce, etc. I'm sure you're very mature (I think most people do wake up before they are 30), but, although I don't know you, I'd hate to see your wings cut by someone who has already burned a great deal of his candle. If you were in your 40s and he was in his 50s, I wouldn't have had reservations: by that age, most people have crossed out a lot of things on their lists and are in similar life-stages. But you still have your best decade ahead of you, so think hard and make an informed decision.
BUT ... now I realize that life goes in stages. They had failed marriages, kids, houses of their own, they were settled in their ways, and I had my own plans. I know that they wouldn't have easily left a senior position to accomodate my moving cross-country in a few years for a tenure-track job. I know that their children came first, and while I can fully empathize with that, I don't think it's terribly fair on the younger partner (unless that person also has children, who will obviously come first). The way I felt is that they had the chance to come first for their spouse when they initially got together and when there were no children involved. Now why shouldn't I get the same thing? I'm sure it sounds selfish, but I much prefer starting out with someone my own age: we're both at the same stage, we have a clean slate, and we do put each other first. That works best for me. It might not for someone else.
If you really like this man and you want to give it a try, there's nothing wrong with that. But before you commit yourself emotionally, you should give yourself an observation period, which will hopefully reveal what his intentions are, what his state of mind is, whether he is a ready for a serious commitment so soon after a divorce, etc. I'm sure you're very mature (I think most people do wake up before they are 30), but, although I don't know you, I'd hate to see your wings cut by someone who has already burned a great deal of his candle. If you were in your 40s and he was in his 50s, I wouldn't have had reservations: by that age, most people have crossed out a lot of things on their lists and are in similar life-stages. But you still have your best decade ahead of you, so think hard and make an informed decision.
The power of MEOW
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MoreThanALover
- Posts: 560
- Joined: Wed Aug 02, 2006 11:48 pm
Age Difference - What do you think?
I have nothing intellectual to say, only because it is way passed my bed time and I can't think of anything smart.(had to ask my mom how to spell intellectual) If you feel this way, age should not matter. I have to say I am jealous!
Age Difference - What do you think?
Wwone2 wrote: ...I have a situation, just wanted to see what people think about it/constructive advice that they may have for me. ... I feel a little insecure about the situation because I am 32 and he is late 40's or 50. So there is an age difference here too.
Wwone2,
About the age difference, I want to introduce a dose of reality. But first, you've known him for how many years, and you don't know his age? Sorry, but it makes me wonder how close you two really are.
Let's say he's 20 years older than you. If you look at how long his father, uncles, and other male relatives have lived, you might get a better idea of how long he might live. Subtract 20 from that age, and that's about when you might become a widow, and who knows if you'll be able to remarry after that. Also, would you be able to commit your husband to a nursing home when you're 60 and have 20 or so more good years ahead of you?
If you're willing to live with these, then the age difference doesn't really matter.
I hope things work out for the best for you.
Wwone2,
About the age difference, I want to introduce a dose of reality. But first, you've known him for how many years, and you don't know his age? Sorry, but it makes me wonder how close you two really are.
Let's say he's 20 years older than you. If you look at how long his father, uncles, and other male relatives have lived, you might get a better idea of how long he might live. Subtract 20 from that age, and that's about when you might become a widow, and who knows if you'll be able to remarry after that. Also, would you be able to commit your husband to a nursing home when you're 60 and have 20 or so more good years ahead of you?
If you're willing to live with these, then the age difference doesn't really matter.
I hope things work out for the best for you.
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DesignerGal
- Posts: 2554
- Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2005 11:20 am
Age Difference - What do you think?
This post is over a year old. I dont think you'll get an answer from this person.
HBIC
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flyingspaghetti
- Posts: 18
- Joined: Sat Jun 10, 2006 11:03 pm
Age Difference - What do you think?
It seems like most of the guys I have been crushing on in the past couple of years have all been between two to five years younger than me. 
Age Difference - What do you think?
flyingspaghetti wrote: It seems like most of the guys I have been crushing on in the past couple of years have all been between two to five years younger than me.
What a coincidence. All the women I was crushing on last fall were from two to four years older than me. Sure I didn't date you then? (just kidding) :-6
What a coincidence. All the women I was crushing on last fall were from two to four years older than me. Sure I didn't date you then? (just kidding) :-6
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flyingspaghetti
- Posts: 18
- Joined: Sat Jun 10, 2006 11:03 pm
Age Difference - What do you think?
seekerw wrote: What a coincidence. All the women I was crushing on last fall were from two to four years older than me. Sure I didn't date you then? (just kidding) :-6
Hehe...
I doubt it. I've never even dated in my life. Too bad these crushes didn't reciprocate interest in me. 
Well, I am hoping that my latest crush might... :-4
Hehe...
I doubt it. I've never even dated in my life. Too bad these crushes didn't reciprocate interest in me. 
Well, I am hoping that my latest crush might... :-4Age Difference - What do you think?
flyingspaghetti wrote: Hehe... I doubt it. I've never even dated in my life. Too bad these crushes didn't reciprocate interest in me. Well, I am hoping that my latest crush might... :-4
Well, hope is what makes the world go round. May your dating situation change soon.:-6
I doubt it. I've never even dated in my life. Too bad these crushes didn't reciprocate interest in me. Well, I am hoping that my latest crush might... :-4Well, hope is what makes the world go round. May your dating situation change soon.:-6
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flyingspaghetti
- Posts: 18
- Joined: Sat Jun 10, 2006 11:03 pm
Age Difference - What do you think?
seekerw wrote: Well, hope is what makes the world go round. May your dating situation change soon.:-6
Why, thank you.
Why, thank you.
Age Difference - What do you think?
age difference don't make me laugh my girlfriend is 13 years younger than me and the only diff is she is sooo much more mature than me if it feels right go for it the only way to really fail is never to try .. i was really worried about the age thing when i met my partner its never been a problem for us
Age Difference - What do you think?
overtones wrote: Wwone2,
About the age difference, I want to introduce a dose of reality. But first, you've known him for how many years, and you don't know his age? Sorry, but it makes me wonder how close you two really are.
Let's say he's 20 years older than you. If you look at how long his father, uncles, and other male relatives have lived, you might get a better idea of how long he might live. Subtract 20 from that age, and that's about when you might become a widow, and who knows if you'll be able to remarry after that. Also, would you be able to commit your husband to a nursing home when you're 60 and have 20 or so more good years ahead of you?
If you're willing to live with these, then the age difference doesn't really matter.
I hope things work out for the best for you.
I agree with overtones. If there is a big difference, there are disadvantages but if you are willing to accept them, fine.:guitarist
About the age difference, I want to introduce a dose of reality. But first, you've known him for how many years, and you don't know his age? Sorry, but it makes me wonder how close you two really are.
Let's say he's 20 years older than you. If you look at how long his father, uncles, and other male relatives have lived, you might get a better idea of how long he might live. Subtract 20 from that age, and that's about when you might become a widow, and who knows if you'll be able to remarry after that. Also, would you be able to commit your husband to a nursing home when you're 60 and have 20 or so more good years ahead of you?
If you're willing to live with these, then the age difference doesn't really matter.
I hope things work out for the best for you.
I agree with overtones. If there is a big difference, there are disadvantages but if you are willing to accept them, fine.:guitarist
miriam:yh_flower
Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity.
.................Charles Mingus
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/enter.cfm?
Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity.
.................Charles Mingus
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/enter.cfm?
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nspencer83
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Sat Sep 23, 2006 3:54 pm
Age Difference - What do you think?
I don't think age has anything to do with a relationship because as I look at it age aint nothing but a number. My husband is 10 years older than me and still has an inner child. He doesn't even look that old and we have been happly married for four in a half years now.
But we have only knew eachother for four in a half years and two maybe three weeks.
My grandmother and his mother were best friends for many years and I was always hearing about him but I though he was a girl until I met him in the hospital when my grandmother was dying and she wanted him so we called and he came up and that was the last person she spoke to.
So we talk for hours on the phone for a week and spent the weekend with eachother and we both had a really good geeling about eachother and then one day he asked me to marry him and I said yes.
But we have only knew eachother for four in a half years and two maybe three weeks.
My grandmother and his mother were best friends for many years and I was always hearing about him but I though he was a girl until I met him in the hospital when my grandmother was dying and she wanted him so we called and he came up and that was the last person she spoke to.
So we talk for hours on the phone for a week and spent the weekend with eachother and we both had a really good geeling about eachother and then one day he asked me to marry him and I said yes.
Age Difference - What do you think?
This subject is funny because my honey and I were just talking last night about how he is older than me. But not even that much. He is almost 54 and I am 45. But I like that he is a bit older and more mature. He knows much more than I do about life and love. :-4
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