Spousal Abuse

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sat Sep 04, 2004 9:50 pm

I was watching a Lifetime movie called "Dead Before Dawn". With terrorism being a major headline all over the world, what about terriorism in people's own homes? I put up with domestic violence for 3 1/2 years. 20+ years later, I am still grateful to get out alive. My friend finally had enough from her boyfriend and called the police. She says she is done with him, but I have to wonder if she is :-1

Less than a mile down the road, a husband shot his wife to death. If only she had left him, their children would have both parents alive even though not together. Now dad is in prison and mom in her grave. His actions, not only affected his life, and the lives of their children, but many more people. The families went through more than one kind of hell.

To the abused I say this: Get out now. It won't get better. He/she won't change.

To the abuser I say: Get help. Do what it takes whether it be leaving, going to counselling, anger management, just do it.

I find nothing more disgusting than a man who has to prove his manhood by beating on a woman. To me, that is not a real man.

I'm now married almost 18 years and not once have I ever had to have any fear of him. If this message can get through to one person, the 3 1/2 years I went through it is worth it.

anastrophe · Post by **anastrophe** » Sat Sep 04, 2004 10:31 pm

Peg wrote:

I put up with domestic violence for 3 1/2 years. 20+ years later, I am still grateful to get out alive.I'm now married almost 18 years and not once have I ever had to have any fear of him. maybe if i can get my wife to join up here, she can post about her experiences in a past relationship, similar to your own.

I find nothing more disgusting than a man who has to prove his manhood by beating on a woman. To me, that is not a real man.

it's important to keep in mind that spousal abuse is not limited to male harming female, not by any stretch. There's a great deal of abuse that goes the other direction, female on male, and it is horribly underreported (exactly that issue of 'manhood' behind it, there's a lot of shame for those men who are abused) and underdiagnosed by those in community service who should know better ('a woman can't possibly abuse a man').

nothing is more disgusting than anyone who harms another innocent person, period.

capt_buzzard · Post by **capt_buzzard** » Sun Sep 05, 2004 1:53 am

Peg wrote: I was watching a Lifetime movie called "Dead Before Dawn". With terrorism being a major headline all over the world, what about terriorism in people's own homes? I put up with domestic violence for 3 1/2 years. 20+ years later, I am still grateful to get out alive. My friend finally had enough from her boyfriend and called the police. She says she is done with him, but I have to wonder if she is :-1

Less than a mile down the road, a husband shot his wife to death. If only she had left him, their children would have both parents alive even though not together. Now dad is in prison and mom in her grave. His actions, not only affected his life, and the lives of their children, but many more people. The families went through more than one kind of hell.

To the abused I say this: Get out now. It won't get better. He/she won't change.

To the abuser I say: Get help. Do what it takes whether it be leaving, going to counselling, anger management, just do it.

I find nothing more disgusting than a man who has to prove his manhood by beating on a woman. To me, that is not a real man.

I'm now married almost 18 years and not once have I ever had to have any fear of him. If this message can get through to one person, the 3 1/2 years I went through it is worth it.

Beat you . I married 20 years last April

Good,you are spot on.

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Sun Sep 05, 2004 12:33 pm

I have been through it. For almost 14 years. I guess a lack of self-esteem kept

me there. It was mostly emotional and psychological abuse. Bad. Bad. Scary bad.

The physical started toward the end. Alcohol was involved at times.

After I left, my abuser did get counseling. I guess the fact of my leaving woke

him up. I think he had a lot of problems that needed investigation... not the

least of which was a tour of duty in Viet Nam. I'm not excusing it by any

stretch. But he did get help.

I haven't seen him in several years, but I have been able to forgive him. We

talk on the phone occasionally, or exchange emails and Christmas cards. He

knows my husband and has been to dinner in our home. He is really a worthy

human being. I realize this is an unusual situation. I don't think anyone should

strive for this. Get out and away and he/she won't change is still the way to go.

It is really a great feeling to know that you are safe in your own home. I have

that now. I had to kiss a lotta frogs, but I found my handsome prince.

Val

capt_buzzard · Post by **capt_buzzard** » Sun Sep 05, 2004 12:34 pm

Bring back the stocks and put them on the town county square. Leave them there for 3 days and nights. Let the town's women throw stuff at them. Cowards the lot of them.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sun Sep 05, 2004 1:49 pm

I totally agree with anastophe. Men are abused a lot more than most people would think but it goes unreported because of shame. I think alcohol plays a large role in domestic violence. I never could understand why a person would drink something that they know will cause them to hurt the one they say they love most. I know whiskey makes me mean, so I don't touch it.

Domestic violence shelters are needed and also more funding. Ohio is supposed to be zero tolerance, but most of the time if the police do actually file charges, the judge gives them a slap on the hand and sends them back to do it again.