Monkey

General humor & jokes. Share funny photos and jokes. Must be "R" rated or below.
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

A sword would certainly do the trick

But she better grab it quick

Careful ma'am

The blade'll jam

An' all you'll get is a nasty prick
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

4rum wrote: A sword would certainly do the trick

But she better grab it quick

Careful ma'am

The blade'll jam

An' all you'll get is a nasty prick


Yeooooooowza!! :yh_ooooo :yh_ooooo :yh_ooooo
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

And so her sheath was sorely smitten

Like vaunted glove or furry mitten

Yet by luck

It never stuck

Just snugly to the hilt it's fittin'
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

It sounds like your sword needs a mitten,

I guess I better start knittin'

For if it gets cold,

It won't look so bold,

So when will you come for a fittin'?

:sneaky:
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Hmmmm... not a knit I need

Leather's more my speed

With laces and latches

Adjustable catches

So entry they won't impede
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

4rum wrote: Hmmmm... not a knit I need

Leather's more my speed

With laces and latches

Adjustable catches

So entry they won't impede


YOU are the shining star,

You out pervert me by far,

You're always so witty,

And often quite gritty,

But mostly just downright bizaar!!

:-5
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Agreed but at least I'm consistant

Consistant and consistantly persistant

Not Monday hot

Come Tuesday not

ALWAYS the same never distant
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

I'm persistenly inconsistent

Frustratingly also resistent

At times I comply

Then I deny

I'm lucky I'm still in existence!!

:-4
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

I guess that's a womans prerogative

Didn't mean it to sound derrogative

But then again

No slack cut for men

But at least you're lucent and cognitive
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Down at the lake, monkey's in swimmin'

Got a keg of beer an' some bowlegged wimmin'

Gettin' excited

You're all invited

To a pik-a-nik lunch with all the trimmin'
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

4rum wrote: I guess that's a womans prerogative

Didn't mean it to sound derrogative

But then again

No slack cut for men

But at least you're lucent and cognitive


What kind of slack is desired?

I'll give you all that's required.

A nice piece of rope,

Round neck of one dope,

A wee leap until all is expired!!

:D how's that for lucent and cognitive??

heh heh

Attached files
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

I've loaded a basket with chicken

His fingers he'll surely be lickin'

Next to his beer

He holds chicken dear

'Dem bones he'll soon be pickin'
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Now the beer is starting to flow fast

As 'round frosty mugs are passed

But some of the flowing

Is from everyone 'going'

They're sure killing a lot of grass! :yh_monkey
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Some monkeys be killing the grass,

While others be passing some gas.

One for all,

And so they fall,

the beer put 'em all on their ass!
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Though 'round the kegs they're millin'

The monkey's have started a'grillin'

A bar-b-que

Will now ensue

And welcome to all that's willin'
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

This chicken is really the best,

I can hardly wait for the rest,

Dessert on the grill,

Smores fit the bill,

Grilled Alaska will be the test.
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Drunken little monkies are choosing

Mates to join in their boozing

Giggles and smiles

Can be heard for miles

Soon undies they'll all be losing
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

There's undies all strewn on the ground,

Their owners behinds must be found,

But here's a new game,

Try matching the dame,

To which panties she should be bound.

:D
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

And now off they go to the bushes

With 'hurry along' little pushes

With waggeling winkies

An' tingeling tinkies

And monkey bump sweet little tushes
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

The game with the panties is done,

But there is left over just one,

They're silky and black,

Who'll take them back?

Will monkey take them for fun?
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Samantha will go take a shower,

The nozzle has ooOOOoo lots of power,

She'll sit in the tub,

And hope for a rub,

For someone to come and to Wow her!!

:-6
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Now the monkies are off on a tear

Making monkey shines everywhere

They piddle in troups

Diddle in groups

Running free without a care
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Who's sitting there in the buff?

Who's life is getting tuff?

Where oh where

Is one to dare,

When too much isn't enuff?

:-4
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Monkies indulge to excess

When it's smoke or drink I confess

But even they know

When not to show

Sometimes more is less
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

4rum wrote: Monkies indulge to excess

When it's smoke or drink I confess

But even they know

When not to show

Sometimes more is less


:confused:

Attached files
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Miss Monkey came out of the bushes,

She's laughing at all the bare tushes,

They're round and they jiggle,

They give her a giggle,

The tushes in bushes for wushes!

:-5
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Where could that Monkey be now?

Is he out of commision some how?

Things are too dull,

When Monkey is null,

Come out and give us a wow!

:D
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Monkeys 'n monkeys n' monkeys galore

Some in the bed, more on the floor

It's not what you think

Too much to drink

They're passed out, so QUIETLY CLOSE THE DOOR!!!:eek:
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

There's moaning and groaning and sighs

The Monkeys are full of sad cries,

There's aches in their heads,

And messed monkey beds,

Cavorting -- no one denies.
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

The monkies have a new scheme,

They're starting a basketball team,

Miss monkey will cheer,

The rest will drink beer,

It's a drinking and dribbling regime!

Come Play!

Attached files
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Some games takes lots of balls

Some... hardly any at all

In order to play

The rules need to say

Who makes the ball breaking calls
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Oh please let ME make the calls!!

I'll be happy to check out the balls,

I'll carefully peek,

And give 'em a tweek,

Got any as big as baseballs?

Attached files
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Once when Ol' Monkey went drinking

He drank way too much without thinking

Next morning his head

Was too big for his bed

With no 'hair of the dog' for it's shrinking
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Monkeys should NOT have computers

Computers are porno polluters

Monkeys viewing online

Click all the porn they find

They LOVE all those cyber sized hooters! :yh_monkey
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Miss Monkey has got a web cam,

She set the thing up just for Sam,

The view from the top,

Will make those eyes pop,

All hooter and tooters -- no spam!
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

PORNO twenty four seven

Monkey's in hooter heaven

Tooters an' juggs

Toys an' plugs

Sure has his motor revvin' :yh_monkey
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Miss Monkey is seeing a shrink,

He don't know what he should think,

She's really a case,

Wears feathers and lace,

She just asked him out for a drink.

:D
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

The Doc says she is just fine,

He admires her knowledge of wine,

He says of her mind,

"You need to unwind,"

"What say you, your place or mine?"
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Miss Monkey thwopped Doc on the head,

She said, "I thought you were wed,"

He said "No I'm not,

I'm just hot to trot,"

So let's go to dinner instead!"
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Ol' Monkey was eatin' some 'nanners

(Ya know... monkeys ain't got good manners)

While copping a feeling

He was dropping his peelings

Failed when he tried to enchant'er
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Miss Monkey was suddenly shy,

The Doc could not figure why,

He was handsome and rich,

So what's with this witch,

Her kind he could certainly buy.

:cool:
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

Ol' Monkey said with a grin

Hold your breath, while I stick this in

Wriggle your butt

Suck in your gut

Your pants might stay up with this pin :yh_monkey
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

That Monkey has me in stitches,

Thinking of pins in his britches,

His tummy I'll rub,

I'll pet his wee nub,

Got anything else that itches??

:rolleyes:

Attached files
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Miss Monkey will just not be bought,

No matter what anyone thought,

The Doc's quite a find,

But he must be kind,

If Miss Monkey is to be caught!!

:p
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

That Monkey was hid in the bushes,

Spying on cute little tushes,

Miss Monkey went by,

She unzipped his fly,

That ape loves the buttons she pushes!!

Attached files
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Sammie would love some ice cream,

With peanuts and hot fudge supreme,

Give me a cherry,

So I will be merry,

Add sprinkles, it will be a dream.

:-6
4rum
Posts: 506
Joined: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:27 am

Monkey

Post by 4rum »

My monkey was put on viagra

His phallus resembled Niagra

But now the ol' geezer

No longer needs tweezers

He's frisky and ready to shag'ya :yh_monkey
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Yipee 4rum is back at it again!!



There's someone who'd gladly be shagged,

And also probably bagged,

I don't know her name,

It's all in the game,

To Niagra she'd gladly be dragged.

:-6
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

The Doc sent Miss Monkey a bill,

Miss Monkey is ready to kill,

Don't charge for a date,

You'll just seal your fate,

The Doc should set up his will.

:lips:
Samantha
Posts: 705
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:55 am

Monkey

Post by Samantha »

Samantha just put on her nighty,

She's certainly quit a sighty,

All dressed in teal,

She'll make you a deal,

She'll wait in the garden. . . alrighty?

:D
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