Hot Cross Puns

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Thu Sep 07, 2006 3:19 pm

There is a dog in Nashville that just loves to be scrubed three times a day. His owners aren't absolutely sure of his breed - but they think he's a shampoodle :p

daBunnyWendy7 · Post by **daBunnyWendy7** » Thu Sep 07, 2006 3:39 pm

A boy in Wisconson reportedly lost his pet lizard yesterday evening. "I was only giving her a BAth, snif,snuffle." he bemoaned.

Loco(motion) tried to climb out but slipped down the drain!Poor dear!( typhlosaurus)

Moral of the story...

DON'T WASH your SKINK in t SINK.

Wendybunny

Erinna1112 · Post by **Erinna1112** » Thu Sep 07, 2006 3:59 pm

Did you hear the one about the guy who got his entire left side cut off??

He's all right now.

And you know, of course, why a chicken coop has two doors?

Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Fri Sep 08, 2006 6:23 am

Erinna1112 wrote: Did you hear the one about the guy who got his entire left side cut off??

He's all right now.

And you know, of course, why a chicken coop has two doors?

Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

A noted biologist, who had been studying little green frogs in a swamp, was stumped. The frog population, despite efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate. A chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution: The frogs, due to a chemical change in the swamp water, simply couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce successfully. The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive to assist the frogs' togetherness, which included one part sodium. It seems the little green frogs needed some monosodium glue to mate.

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Fri Sep 08, 2006 7:02 am

Wendybird wrote: Terrorists have been trying out a new bomb. Instead of killing people it throws them against a wall and they are stuck forever.

They call it the 'No More Nails' bomb.

(sick I know but made me giggle)

hope nobody is offended

:wah:

Once there was this bus which happened to be from Sesamee Street. On the bus were some very strange people with very strange things to do. First there were two identical twins whose names were both Pattie. They were very big and muscular, especially for women. Next there was a man named Ross. He was a extrodinary guy so he was dubbed "Special Ross". After that there was a hefty, overweight man named Leonard. Since his cheeks were so puffy people decided to nickname him "Leonard Cheeks". Finally, all the people on the bus had bunions at which they feverously picked and scratched.

What do we call this bus filled with strange people? Of course; we call them: "Two all-beef Patties, Special Ross, Leonard Cheeks, pickin' bunions, on a Sesamee Street bus!"

zinkyusa · Post by **zinkyusa** » Fri Sep 08, 2006 7:05 am

CC has nice puns:wah:

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Fri Sep 08, 2006 7:11 am

zinkyusa wrote: CC has nice puns:wah:

Zinky! :sneaky:

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Fri Sep 08, 2006 7:20 am

Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch she took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor.

Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said,

"Don't worry. Someday your prints will come".

I know i know, everybody's heard that one!

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Fri Sep 08, 2006 10:56 am

these are great! :wah: :wah:

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Fri Sep 08, 2006 11:21 am

[/IMG]

For BR!

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Fri Sep 08, 2006 1:36 pm

My Father was a brick layer before he was sent to prison; to this day he still isn't a free mason. :p

Erinna1112 · Post by **Erinna1112** » Fri Sep 08, 2006 7:02 pm

So, you see, there's this scientist - let's call him Ralph. Ralph has bred a species of dolphins which will live forever, as long as they are fed a particular kind of sea bird.

So one day Ralph looks in his birdie bin, and discovers that he's all out of dolphin food. He picks up his bird gun and goes a-hunting. After shooting down a brace or so, he makes his way to where they have fallen. Having no retriever, you see, he must fetch his own kill. Tsk.

Along his way, Ralph happens upon a pair of big jungle cats asleep in his path. He ponders, and after a moment, steps very carefully over them, managing to get to the other side without waking them. He fetches his birds, and heads back to his laboratory.

Encountering the same big cats across his pathway, he once again manages to step over them quietly, carrying the birds.

Ralph is promptly arrested...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

for.....

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.

.

.

.

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.

.

Transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

:-2 :-3

:wah:

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Sat Sep 09, 2006 2:14 am

Erinna1112 wrote: So, you see, there's this scientist - let's call him Ralph. Ralph has bred a species of dolphins which will live forever, as long as they are fed a particular kind of sea bird.

So one day Ralph looks in his birdie bin, and discovers that he's all out of dolphin food. He picks up his bird gun and goes a-hunting. After shooting down a brace or so, he makes his way to where they have fallen. Having no retriever, you see, he must fetch his own kill. Tsk.

Along his way, Ralph happens upon a pair of big jungle cats asleep in his path. He ponders, and after a moment, steps very carefully over them, managing to get to the other side without waking them. He fetches his birds, and heads back to his laboratory.

Encountering the same big cats across his pathway, he once again manages to step over them quietly, carrying the birds.

Ralph is promptly arrested...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

for.....

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

:-2 :-3

:wah:

Oh FUNNNNY!!

Why dosen'y any one else play?

Evry body knows a really good or REALLY BAD pun!

Play!!!!

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Sun Sep 10, 2006 7:59 pm

"You're wife never stops talking. How on earth can you put up with it?" marvled a henpecked husband's luncheon guest. " I know," sighed the resigned husband. "I've given that woman the best ears of my life"

Ba da pum

daBunnyWendy7 · Post by **daBunnyWendy7** » Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:06 pm

CheshireCat wrote: "You're wife never stops talking. How on earth can you put up with it?" marvled a henpecked husband's luncheon guest. " I know," sighed the resigned husband. "I've given that woman the best ears of my life"

Ba da pum

Si PUN... Dit *woof* *meow*

"ok ...no tearing up the FURnature..."

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:19 pm

daBunnyWendy7 wrote:

Si PUN... Dit *woof* *meow*

"ok ...no tearing up the FURnature..."

Huh?

Glad you liked it, I think.......................

weber · Post by **weber** » Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:21 pm

hehehehehe these are cute:D

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."

"Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.

"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall".

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:28 pm

miriam wrote: hehehehehe these are cute:D

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."

"Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.

"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall".

:wah: Thanks for playing miriam!

I love this stuff! :p

weber · Post by **weber** » Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:30 pm

I like 'em too so here come anada one

Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:36 pm

miriam wrote: I like 'em too so here come anada one

Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

:wah: Beautiful!

" I would like to reaffirm my belief in Buddha," said Hop Lee May, "but on the other hand there is a great deal to be said for margarine"

Hope I didn't offend. :-6

weber · Post by **weber** » Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:40 pm

Sometimes a play on words can be fun.

I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.:guitarist

Oh what a headache.......two of me:D

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:47 pm

miriam wrote: Sometimes a play on words can be fun.

I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.:guitarist

Oh what a headache.......two of me:D

Oh HOW FUNNNNY! :wah:

I was just checking the thread for BR and then I come here and see this! THANK YOU!

Sign observed outside the farmhouse of the Reverend Silas Beazle: " All Those Wishing a Free Chicken for the Holiday, Apply Within. Our Coop Runneth Over" :p

daBunnyWendy7 · Post by **daBunnyWendy7** » Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:51 pm

miriam wrote: hehehehehe these are cute:D

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."

"Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.

"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall".

hey here's 1 4 the road.

This blonde was weaving wildly ALL OVER the road.when a police officer

stopped her and asked why she was diving so erratically, her reply was"oh, officer! This tree was swerving in front of me!I couldn't get away,no matter how wide I swerved to miss it!"

"Well,....was it a pine tree, " he asked?

"WOW,you've seen it, too? " she gasped.

*sigh* He pulls down her pine air freshener from her rearview mirror and tosses it into the seat next to her."Have a safe frip!," said the traffic cop. :rolleyes:

CheshireCat · Post by **CheshireCat** » Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:56 pm

daBunnyWendy7 wrote: hey here's 1 4 the road.

This blonde was weaving wildly ALL OVER the road.when a police officer

stopped her and asked why she was diving so erratically, her reply was"oh, officer! This tree was swerving in front of me!I couldn't get away,no matter how wide I swerved to miss it!"

"Well,....was it a pine tree, " he asked?

"WOW,you've seen it, too? " she gasped.

*sigh* He pulls down her pine air freshener from her rearview mirror and tosses it into the seat next to her."Have a safe frip!," said the traffic cop. :rolleyes:

Groan! :wah:

Not really a pun :-6