My self pity thread

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 11:08 am

My parther of 3 years and I have parted ways. I feel bent and broken and incredibly hurt. I cried in anger, hurt, confusion, sadness etc. He cried in sorrow and regret.

I know somewhere there is that poem about if you love someone, let it free, he did just that and the old cliches all come back

"it's for the best"

"its all me, you've done nothing wrong"

"time will heal"

I don't take hurt well, my heart hurts terribly but my hurt heals better than others who have suffered greater hurt here in our FG.

I just want to sit in my flower garden and have some flowers grow up around me.

I can't control the dam tears I am 40+ and behaving like a child.

Thanks for just listening.

M

zinkyusa · Post by **zinkyusa** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 11:13 am

minks wrote: My parther of 3 years and I have parted ways. I feel bent and broken and incredibly hurt. I cried in anger, hurt, confusion, sadness etc. He cried in sorrow and regret.

I know somewhere there is that poem about if you love someone, let it free, he did just that and the old cliches all come back

"it's for the best"

"its all me, you've done nothing wrong"

"time will heal"

I don't take hurt well, my heart hurts terribly but my hurt heals better than others who have suffered greater hurt here in our FG.

I just want to sit in my flower garden and have some flowers grow up around me.

I can't control the dam tears I am 40+ and behaving like a child.

Thanks for just listening.

M

So sorry minks, here is a hug:yh_hugs

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 11:16 am

Minxsy

You aren't acting like a child

You are acting like an adult who was in love, and maybe *not* with the right person.

Sit in your flower garden, enjoy the beauty around you, and feel what you need to feel :-6

We will *always* be here for our Minxsy :-4

And you can count on that :-6

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 11:18 am

:yh_hugs :yh_hugs :yh_hugs :yh_hugs

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 11:19 am

helefra wrote: "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all".

Hfra

I fully agree with that sentiment

In order to realize the highs in life, the passionate peaks and feelings, you *must* open yourself up to the lows as well.

I'm sure you have some wonderful and endearing memories to store away in your heart. Falling in love is a risk but it's a fabulous, wonderful risk. :-4

And I hope you'll get to experience the rich rewards of it as well. You truly deserve it :-6

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 11:24 am

aww hon, I'm so sorry to hear that!

sending you lots of love and hugs...:-4

Casey Morgan · Post by **Casey Morgan** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 11:24 am

You are not acting like a child. You are acting like a person who has just experienced a loss, the loss of a love. Let it out Minks. As horrible as it feels right now that's how you begin to heal.

I know those old cliches. Yes there's truth in them. But the comfort and healing they provide come later. Right now I think what's more applicable is the exchange between J and K in Men In Black.

J: They say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

K: Try it some time!

I don't know what your flower garden is like but you've got some friends here in this garden. Friends you know are there for you. Lean on your friends Minks.

:yh_flower

edit: It took me a while to type my reply, and there weren't any replies when I started. So even though it looks like I'm referring to earlier replies I'm really not.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 11:25 am

And Minxsy :-6

Maybe you should print out this thread

That way, when you are feeling down, you can read this and see how WONDERFUL all of us think you are.

Because . . . you truly are :-4

And print out my PMs too

naty2005 · Post by **naty2005** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 11:27 am

cry all you want. their is no age limit. Then when the crying is over smell your roses and keep going. much love.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 11:28 am

My thoughts are with you Minxsy

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 11:33 am

Minks.

I am so sad to hear about your unhappiness.

I would hold you if I were with you. Instead, please accept these. May they help to ease your pain.

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 11:35 am

This news breaks my heart for you, Minks.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 11:51 am

After a while you learn.......

the subtle difference between holding a hand,

and chaining a soul.

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning,

and company doesn't mean security.

And you begin to learn

That kisses aren't contracts,

and presents aren't promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats,

with your head up and your eyes ahead.

With the grace of a woman,

not the grief of a child.

And you learn

To build all your roads on today,

because tomorrows ground is to uncertain for plans,

And futures have a way of falling down in mid flight.

After a while you learn

that even sunshine burns if you ask to much,

so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,

instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers.

And you learn

that you really can endure

that you reeally are strong

and that you really do have worth

And you learn

And you learn

With every goodbye

You learn .................

Hope this helps a little

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 12:12 pm

This is hard, one of the hardest things. Our hearts are fragile and we protect them as best we can but we cant hide from the pain of lost love. The pain you feel is only because of the love you felt. To live is to suffer, yet we yearn for the thing that gives us so much heartache and there is no cure but time. When your time comes to love another, this pain you feel now will provide you with the wisdom and strength to love in a way you didnt quite know this time around. When your wounds are healed, you will have changed in some small way and this will be something to nurture. As painful as this experience is for you now, one day you will draw on it for insight and it will have become another piece of the foundation you stand on in your quest through life.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 12:15 pm

Nomad wrote: This is hard, one of the hardest things. Our hearts are fragile and we protect them as best we can but we cant hide from the pain of lost love. The pain you feel is only because of the love you felt. To live is to suffer, yet we yearn for the thing that gives us so much heartache and there is no cure but time. When your time comes to love another, this pain you feel now will provide you with the wisdom and strength to love in a way you didnt quite know this time around. When your wounds are healed, you will have changed in some small way and this will be something to nurture. As painful as this experience is for you now, one day you will draw on it for a insight and it will have become another piece of the foundation you stand on in your quest through life.

Oh that's lovely, Nomad

Your eloquence is surpassed only by your wonderful heart :-4

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 12:18 pm

Sorry you're hurting sweety X

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 12:27 pm

I wish there was something we could do or say to take the pain away. :-1 Just know that we are all here for you.:-4

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 12:43 pm

Oh, Honey! :-1 Want to go out for Margaritas and have some GIRL TIME? We can trash-talk men and get some RETAIL THERAPY! :sneaky:

theia · Post by **theia** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 12:57 pm

Oh, Minks, I am so, so sorry that you're hurting...

:yh_hugs

Post by **Betty Boop** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 1:19 pm

Oh Minks I'm so sorry, hugs to ya girl! :-4 :-4

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 2:00 pm

I recommend the Patsy Cline Heartaches CD. Play it until self indulgence can be had no more. It seems there is always something better that comes along so this might end up being a good thing. Anything is possible.

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 2:13 pm

Thank you gang pity the man he is suffering the most

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 2:14 pm

Lots of hugs and love for you, Minks.......................

:-4

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 2:16 pm

minks wrote: Thank you gang pity the man he is suffering the most

I'm sure it's painful for him to realize that he can't change to make this relationship work:(

I pity him

But I love you :guitarist

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 2:23 pm

Oh you guys thank you each and every one of you, there is no worse feeling than loosing your footing. _((*^&$%&* I want to be the support of everyone and asking for support is soooo unfamiliar to me.

Gawd you all made me cry, good cry's but still crys.

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 2:38 pm

Hamster wrote: Minks we all love you so much......We are all here for you...

Take the support for once-you've earned it..:-4

thanks hammy, can you give me a brain eraser so I can erase the image of the man in tears that makes me hurt the most

My rock crumbled.

Ocnbrz · Post by **Ocnbrz** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 2:40 pm

I'm sorry your hurting so Minks

:yh_hugs

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 2:47 pm

Hamster wrote: *Hammy sends brain eraser....and a tissue*

:-4 :-4

aww Hammy you da best

((((HUGGS)))) feels better already

again thanks you all, I just needed a little pity mud to wallow in.

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 3:08 pm

flopstock wrote: Ya know what sucks the most? The person you call to make it all better... they are gone. And that is so frickin' sad. That feeling of aloneness.:-1

But you're not sweetie. There are enough of us here, going through the sameness of your sorrow and anger and grief, that you don't even need to explain yourself.

There are most certainly enough of us here who know just how special a person you truely are. I know it's hard to believe at the moment, but this is his loss, not yours.

I am positive I will never find someone to love me as much as I would love them. That seems so unfair, somehow.

But if you could remind me from time to time, that I am wrong about that... I will surely return the favor, my friend.:-4

you are loved girl.. I love you:D

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 3:13 pm

Hamster wrote: Wallow away...we all need it sometimes....ask Betty what I was like when I split with my ex of 10 yrs .....

here hammy hold my aching heart for a few months will ya I don't wanna feel that pain. Aww I know we have all been there done that, and it gets better.... and you guys are wonderful truly wonderful, I can't say enough.

I should respond to every one of you and look like i am talking to myself. hehehehe

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 3:48 pm

"wallow in pity mud..." THAT is a great phrase! Minksie...we've ALL been up to our ears in pity mud, some more times than just once, too. I don't have to remind you that time will take care of things...you already know that.

Meanwhile, WALLOW AWAY! :wah: (Is it nice, warm mud? ummmmmmm) (Oh, hell...here comes Nomad, looking lascivious.)

Babies_Mama00 · Post by **Babies_Mama00** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 5:18 pm

Minks,

I am sure you have many people around you who love you more than anything(your daughters for 2) The way I see it is crying is the best way to get over things. God knows I cry enough when bad things happen. I know that it will take time minks but like everyone always says, what wont kill you will only make you stronger!!

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 6:26 pm

Sorry Mel..... This musnt have been the right one. But with your personality, looks and zest for living... the right one will come along. It must be sad for him to have lost someone so " alive" .

cars · Post by **cars** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 9:32 pm

So sorry to hear of your loss minks. Time heals all wounds, so cry as you must, until time heals!

:-4

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Sep 30, 2006 4:07 am

It doesn't matter if you're 20 or 90, male or female. The pain of lost love is the same and there is no shame in shedding a tear. This is a natural mechanism deployed to help you. You are sweet and caring Mel as the comments here and elsewhere about you bear testament to. His loss is the gain of some lucky guy somewhere down the line. Luv ya Mel, even with that daft pink hat

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sat Sep 30, 2006 4:37 am

i loved and lost some one once and it was one of the worst things that have happened to me, the pain was incredible , even to this day i still wince at me just bursting into an uncontrollable sobbing fit , when James brown came on the radio singing living in America for that was the country the evil witch (no offence to nice witches such as our own pinkster)took my lovely daughter and i never saw her again for 10 years , i mourned the loss of said girlfriend for years and then out of the blue i met the love of my life my suzy and i wondered what all the fuss had been about ,i just got in touch with my little girl again i saw the mum and you know what i thought what a Muppet honestly i did , and in the broader picture of things what a relief i have met some one wonderful and my ex has had 2 failed marriages and is as bitter as hell not that i'm glad or anything
this is my beautiful daughter now a happy ending how about that so if i can be happy so can you

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Sat Sep 30, 2006 4:48 am

jimbo wrote: i loved and lost some one once and it was one of the worst things that have happened to me, the pain was incredible , even to this day i still wince at me just bursting into an uncontrollable sobbing fit , when James brown came on the radio singing living in America for that was the country the evil witch (no offence to nice witches such as our own pinkster)took my lovely daughter and i never saw her again for 10 years , i mourned the loss of said girlfriend for years and then out of the blue i met the love of my life my suzy and i wondered what all the fuss had been about ,i just got in touch with my little girl again i saw the mum and you know what i thought what a Muppet honestly i did , and in the broader picture of things what a relief i have met some one wonderful and my ex has had 2 failed marriages and is as bitter as hell not that i'm glad or anything
this is my beautiful daughter now a happy ending how about that so if i can be happy so can you

I'm so glad that you and your daughter are in touch again, Jim. It must eat at you that you missed her growing up years. But now you can see what a fine young woman she has grown into and keep tabs on her as she progresses through life. God bless.:-6

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sat Sep 30, 2006 5:06 am

OpenMind wrote: I'm so glad that you and your daughter are in touch again, Jim. It must eat at you that you missed her growing up years. But now you can see what a fine young woman she has grown into and keep tabs on her as she progresses through life. God bless.:-6

yes my friend eat up consumed i dont think that puts into words how i feel about those missing years when i finally met her again and she told me how she used to cry to her mom to see her loving dad and her mom used to tell her to shut up , so she used to go to her room and sob her heart out on her own , and how she used to have a teddy bear that she used to secretly call daddy so she could have a goodnight hug from a dad

its in the past and nothing i do or say will bring those years back to me if i say anything bad about her mom i know that i'm no better than her and all i will do is hurt my daughter any way

its some thing like minks on this post i have to deal with it hurts like hell but i must try not to be bitter ,for my daughters sake i must try

i got my first letter from her in 10 years the other day and when i got to the bit when it said i cried myself to sleep with tears of joy for i had a dad again

i wept like a baby

oh crap i have tears streaming down my face now :-1 :-1