Cyber-sex. Cheating or not?

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 9:31 am

Ok. Chatting with a stranger on line and playing out sex acts. Is this cheating? I had stumbled into "certain" chat rooms when I first began my blind fumbling around the internet, before I found our beloved FG, (Thank heaven!!!) and saw some of the most vile conversations going on. Now, personally, I don't see how people can derive pleasure from this sort of activity, and is this different from being unfaithful?

I hope this subject isn't too risque for our Garden, and I assume the mods will delete it if it is. But I'd sure like some of your views on this!

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 9:49 am

Babyrider this is only my opinion, but.......if someone is having any type sexual interplay with someone other than their partner they are stealing emotional energy from what should belong to their partner. it's a mine field and dangerous. it's a threat to an existing love relationship in that when one devotes a focus onto a cyber-lover they are not focused on their own real lover. it would be just as hurtful to that lover as "real" cheating, and in my opinion it IS real cheating. if i love my man, why in hell do i need to play around and get some peverse "pleasure" elsewhere? never. and further....if someone is doing that then they are really saying their own lover is not enough for them and should rethink what they are in the relationship for.

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 10:02 am

lady cop wrote: Babyrider this is only my opinion, but.......if someone is having any type sexual interplay with someone other than their partner they are stealing emotional energy from what should belong to their partner. it's a mine field and dangerous. it's a threat to an existing love relationship in that when one devotes a focus onto a cyber-lover they are not focused on their own real lover. it would be just as hurtful to that lover as "real" cheating, and in my opinion it IS real cheating. if i love my man, why in hell do i need to play around and get some peverse "pleasure" elsewhere? never. and further....if someone is doing that then they are really saying their own lover is not enough for them and should rethink what they are in the relationship for.

My take on this, .... simply think about how you would feel if your partner did that to you? Would you feel cheated? Then it is cheating, would you feel it is ok because there is nothing physical or emotional then it is alright.

Each relationship has individual thresholds. Believe me BR there is a lot of "crack cases" out there on the net and some pretty disgusting things going on between folks. Some people are ok with that stuff in their relationship and I have heard some folks even say it increases the pleasure in their own relationships.

I spose to each his own, but to me I think it is cheating. Plain and simplely I want my partner to be mine 100% as that is what I give him.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 10:15 am

my man lives across the Atlantic ocean! but i am totally faithful to him in mind, body and deed, we email, we talk on the phone several times a day and night, he flies over here whenever he can, and i will ultimately move to England....i have no problem keeping all my feelings reserved for him and him alone. and long-distance relationships are hard, you miss each other a lot. but he is worth my loyalty. one day in England we will both be happy we kept the faith. i don't comprehend how one does not break faith when engaged in internet cheating. what goes on in the world of the mind is more potent than just typing a load of porn.....note, i just saw the above post, this thread is not about porn to me, or the use of it, it's about the actual act of having online sex. porn is another subject in my opinion.

Tombstone · Post by **Tombstone** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 10:32 am

BabyRider wrote: Ok. Chatting with a stranger on line and playing out sex acts. Is this cheating? I had stumbled into "certain" chat rooms when I first began my blind fumbling around the internet, before I found our beloved FG, (Thank heaven!!!) and saw some of the most vile conversations going on. Now, personally, I don't see how people can derive pleasure from this sort of activity, and is this different from being unfaithful?

I hope this subject isn't too risque for our Garden, and I assume the mods will delete it if it is. But I'd sure like some of your views on this!

It's interesting how the chat rooms have evolved. The participants now have a easy step-up from fantasy to reality. Here is the latest evolution of this:

England's Ebay for Sex

Some couples accept the online fantasy stuff. I personally don't think these type of relationships last very long though. When you have one person in a couple that is always on the hunt for outside fulfillment, it makes it impossible to nurture a relationship.

Paula · Post by **Paula** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 11:16 am

I guess if your eyes are here, they could be anywhere? Next thing Forum Rapists? You do feel with a persons post what they are up to? Complementing and repetitive reminders of sweetness expressed, tells me something. It doesn't happen often, but it makes me wonder?

Beth · Post by **Beth** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 11:52 am

I'm not really sure about this subject. I know my husband would feel cheated on, but not sure I would.

Post by **kensloft** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 3:44 am

If you are fantasizing about doing it, it is going to happen, eventually.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 8:09 am

This is pretty much the response I expected from you guys. I'd like to clarify that this is NOT going on in my house, by me or Matt. We had a conversation about the topic, and I wanted more insight.

LC, I love your opinion of "stealing energy that belongs to your lover". I think that puts it perfectly.

And StelZ, I agree that fantasy can be fun, but also that the porn thing is a separate subject altogether.

Minks, what you said is my rule for most things like this...If I wouldn't like HIM doing it, then it's not right for me either, and vice versa. It usually works.

What shocked me was that when I was chatting in a room titled "Dogs and dog breeders" I would get instant messages suggesting sex. Hey, there's rooms for that!!! Get out of my innocent dog chat, and find yourself a perversion room!! Really ticked me off, and that's how the subject came up. Needless to say, I don't bother with the chat rooms anymore. Who needs that aggravation when I've got the Garden to come to??!! :yh_bigsmi

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 8:19 am

Der Wulf posts at "dogs and dog breeders"??

:yh_rotfl :yh_youkid

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 8:26 am

lady cop wrote: Der Wulf posts at "dogs and dog breeders"??

:yh_rotfl :yh_youkid
Oh, that is absolutely priceless... :yh_rotfl

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 9:21 am

Are we picking on Der Wulf? I can't tell...? He's my buddy, ya know, so I'd have to kick some a** over that.

I think cyber sex is cheating. I also think it's pointless, but that's another topic. LOL.

I like what LC said as well, about saving your energy for your lover. To me, that's what relationships are all about - sharing things together, including fantasies (healthy, normal ones anyway.)

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 9:28 am

A Karenina wrote: Are we picking on Der Wulf? I can't tell...? He's my buddy, ya know, so I'd have to kick some a** over that.

Heck no, we're not picking on DerWulf!! Maybe a couple of good-natured jabs...:yh_giggle DerWulf, you are loved!! :yh_hugs

LottomagicZ4941 · Post by **LottomagicZ4941** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 9:57 am

Never got phone sex either.

One of my buddies in high school use to answer his phone, "phone sex".

Then one day his mom called him.

I was there when it happened and it was quite funny:)

Lotto

http://www.flalottomagic.net/cgi-local/ ... elcome-344

MagicZ4941A

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 10:32 am

StelZ wrote: and ... its a risk-free way to experience it

Considering some of the responses here, pissing off your significant other isn't exactly "risk-free."

Der Wulf · Post by **Der Wulf** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 10:49 am

lady cop wrote: Der Wulf posts at "dogs and dog breeders"??
Make that FORMERLY POSTED, twas the unsolicited pic of a dog sled team-- shaved, and in mesh stockings, that did it, ..Der Wulf was afraid to re-open his eyes for a week

:yh_hypno :yh_sigh

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 10:58 am

i see you're undercover again eh? well I can see you!! you can't hide from supermod :sneaky: ... heh heh

Der Wulf · Post by **Der Wulf** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 11:17 am

Now that we have disposed of the cruel and scurrilous accusations against my pure and devout self, - I have a questian for those of you who have some expertise in this cybersex stuff.

Are the devotee's of this activity so desperate that they are er ah satiated by scrolling text, or is some ah er self manipulation involved, if so, would this not more properly be termed masturbation ??

Either way, prior planning must be required, does this not suggest a defect in the spousal relationship?

:yh_think

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 11:23 am

Der Wulf wrote:

Either way, prior planning must be required, does this not suggest a defect in the spousal relationship?

:yh_think i would assume so, just like real-world activities of this nature.

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 12:10 pm

Der Wulf wrote: Now that we have disposed of the cruel and scurrilous accusations against my pure and devout self, - I have a questian for those of you who have some expertise in this cybersex stuff.

Are the devotee's of this activity so desperate that they are er ah satiated by scrolling text, or is some ah er self manipulation involved, if so, would this not more properly be termed masturbation ??

Either way, prior planning must be required, does this not suggest a defect in the spousal relationship?

:yh_think
cheating comes from the heart. Cyber or otherwise. technicalities, aside. It involves another person. If that other person is not your beloved, then it's cheating.

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 1:11 pm

BabyRider wrote: This is pretty much the response I expected from you guys. I'd like to clarify that this is NOT going on in my house, by me or Matt. We had a conversation about the topic, and I wanted more insight.

LC, I love your opinion of "stealing energy that belongs to your lover". I think that puts it perfectly.

And StelZ, I agree that fantasy can be fun, but also that the porn thing is a separate subject altogether.

Minks, what you said is my rule for most things like this...If I wouldn't like HIM doing it, then it's not right for me either, and vice versa. It usually works.

What shocked me was that when I was chatting in a room titled "Dogs and dog breeders" I would get instant messages suggesting sex. Hey, there's rooms for that!!! Get out of my innocent dog chat, and find yourself a perversion room!! Really ticked me off, and that's how the subject came up. Needless to say, I don't bother with the chat rooms anymore. Who needs that aggravation when I've got the Garden to come to??!! :yh_bigsmi

OMG this takes me back a few years to when the net was first up and running and my cousin in her excitement went on to the internet looking up information on raising a kitten as she was considering buying one and way back then you got reams of verbage and very few pictures that is how sites came up in your search so she innocently typed in "kittens" Ok you pervie men stop laughing out there and yep you guessed what she got on sites, Kittens galore in all shapes and forms, it was bloody awful. Not even sure if we saw an actual feline/cat/kitten/cute furry critter with blinkey eyes and tiny claws.

Sooo you see nothing on "the net" should surprise us.

chicagolosina · Post by **chicagolosina** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 1:34 pm

I don't see the point of that whole thing either. Seems boring to me, phone sex too, seems kind of silly. I guess if people like that sort of thing, go for it...but if you have a S/O, in my opinion, it's cheating.

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 1:36 pm

Der Wulf wrote: Now that we have disposed of the cruel and scurrilous accusations against my pure and devout self, - I have a questian for those of you who have some expertise in this cybersex stuff.

Are the devotee's of this activity so desperate that they are er ah satiated by scrolling text, or is some ah er self manipulation involved, if so, would this not more properly be termed masturbation ??

Either way, prior planning must be required, does this not suggest a defect in the spousal relationship?

:yh_think
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hold up there DW, it can be more than just text people out there there is web cams these days.

And it does not always mean the marital relationship is floundering, keep in mind there are many people who have marriages that allow the freedom do go ahead and do such things as cybersex with others as they do not deem this as cheating. So before we cut them down at the knees and blast marriage remember if it is mutual it is not cheating.

Post by **kensloft** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 9:01 pm

minks wrote: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hold up there DW, it can be more than just text people out there there is web cams these days.

And it does not always mean the marital relationship is floundering, keep in mind there are many people who have marriages that allow the freedom do go ahead and do such things as cybersex with others as they do not deem this as cheating. So before we cut them down at the knees and blast marriage remember if it is mutual it is not cheating.
Now, you are going to blame the Canadian dudes?

David813 · Post by **David813** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 9:58 pm

I think phone/cyber sex is nasty and perverted. If I were to discover my significant other was participating in that kind of activity I would absolutely consider it cheating. There is obviously a need/problem that needs attention for someone to behave this way. Make it illegal? NO WAY! Regulate it's use regarding minors? YES.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 10:18 pm

If one partner is doing it behind the other one's back, they obviously either feel it is wrong, or know it would upset their partner, so therefore they should not be doing it in the first place.

koan · Post by **koan** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 10:31 pm

I think cybersex is great if your doing it with your SO. Otherwise bad. Unless you're single.

Post by **kensloft** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 11:05 pm

koan wrote: I think cybersex is great if your doing it with your SO. Otherwise bad. Unless you're single.
Methinks you are right!

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Wed Mar 09, 2005 11:52 pm

BabyRider wrote: Heck no, we're not picking on DerWulf!! Maybe a couple of good-natured jabs...:yh_giggle DerWulf, you are loved!! :yh_hugsWhere is my sense of humor lately? I thought I put it around here somewhere... (sheepish grin)

I'm so glad, though embarrassed that I didn't get the joke. It would've sucked to take up for my buddy against my buddies...kinda like fighting myself...which is not at all in the same realm as talking to myself, cause I do that frequently.

Bullet · Post by **Bullet** » Thu Mar 10, 2005 7:50 am

WWBCD? :wah:

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Mar 10, 2005 8:20 am

Bullet wrote: WWBCD? :wah:
Ummm...HUH???!! Guess I'm not getting the web lingo here... :yh_think

Bullet · Post by **Bullet** » Thu Mar 10, 2005 10:03 am

What Would Bill Clinton DO? It's not funny if I have to explain. I guess you had to be there. But since I'm in my own little world, I guess you could'nt eh? LOL

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Thu Mar 10, 2005 10:04 am

Yes I consider it cheating if your doing it behind your partner's back and for the attention of the other person. Things can go to far and some move on to physical visits.

However I have been PM'd in chatrooms suggestion sex. And well I couldn't help it; I have a sick sense of humour you know.

I really freaked the guy out with my suggestions and well he no longer approached me with PM's bout cyber sex.

Sheryl

Wild Weasil · Post by **Wild Weasil** » Thu Mar 10, 2005 10:33 am

Raven wrote: cheating comes from the heart. Cyber or otherwise. technicalities, aside. It involves another person. If that other person is not your beloved, then it's cheating.

For what its worth, I think a little harmless flirting (dress it up as fantasy if you like) is harmless enough, after all I think everyone likes to think they could be attractive to somebody else other than their spouse/partner and its good for the ego.

HOWEVER, whatever you like to call it, such dalliances cannot take the place of the real thing with someone you care for and who cares about you. People might like to kid themselves otherwise, but too much of that sort of cyber twaddle is just daft and can only lead to trouble, but thats just my opinion....

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Mar 10, 2005 12:35 pm

David813 wrote: I think phone/cyber sex is nasty and perverted. If I were to discover my significant other was participating in that kind of activity I would absolutely consider it cheating. There is obviously a need/problem that needs attention for someone to behave this way. Make it illegal? NO WAY! Regulate it's use regarding minors? YES.

I think this is exactly the general point of this thread.

If it ain't with your committed partner it is cheating

If is mutually agreed upon by both partners it is enhancement to a relationship

It seems we are all on the same page just different paragraphs.

minks · Post by **minks** » Sun Mar 13, 2005 12:33 pm

buzz wrote: yep guys i have to say i definetly seee it as a form of cheating on your partner no question about it! if i was cheated on like that i think i would be vey insulted and upset! i mean its through a machine!

But the good news is.... you can't catch any STD's this way hehehe sorry you know I could not resist that one.

chicagolosina · Post by **chicagolosina** » Sun Mar 13, 2005 8:14 pm

You are at risk for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome :driving:

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Mar 13, 2005 11:42 pm

Carpal tunnel is a risk to those who deal with their frustration in privacy as well.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Mar 14, 2005 1:04 pm

chicagolosina wrote: You are at risk for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome :driving:

Oh gawd

Carpal Tunnel Syndrom... strain from repetative action ... Oh I have a filthy mind cause I am picturing some poor guy typing with one hand and.... ahahaha well you know what with the other hand as he cypers over his web cam with his cyber floozy ahahaha