One of those days

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Fri Jan 27, 2006 4:20 pm

IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m really under pressure at work at the moment. By my reckoning, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m 2 days behind where I expected to be this time last week due to lots of stuff creeping in. Today has only served to heighten my stress about this.

The shape of things to come came in my first exchange of the day when I was informed that my Daughters illness that had kept her off school yesterday had failed to improve overnight.

I then set off to see my own Doctor about joint pains in my foot. A surefire indicator that IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m getting old. I had to have a blood test . The nurse popped the needle in and asked me if IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d felt a prick. I confessed that actually, I had felt a little stupid.

I then drove into work trying to figure out how I could claw back lost time.

IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d been in my office a mere 10 minutes when I got a call to say my 72 year old Mom was in severe pain . Something to do with her teeth maybe?

My Mom is totally dependant on me. I sort all of her affairs out, do her shopping, cut her nails etc. I make a 12 mile detour every morning before going to work, and Saturdays, to check on her as sheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s had multiple T.I.AÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s which are mini-strokes. Recovery from them is swift but irreparable cumulative damage is done each time. The result in her case is impaired balance which impacts on her walking, and also short-term memory loss resulting in the same conversations every day.

I had no choice but to leave work to check it out.

I took her to her Dentist who didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t want to see her as they were full. I finally persuaded them to take pity and when a series of painful spasms contorted her face they decided to act . IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m 45 years old and today was the first time IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d heard her scream and seen her cry.

The mini-strokes have increased her pain threshold. She recently had a severe scald to her arm and didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t even flinch when it was dressed, so I knew this was hurting big-time.

The pain was so intense that she couldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t even open her mouth for inspection for over 5 minutes. An examination and X-ray revealed no obvious cause and we speculated that it may be neuralgia.

The Dentist injected anaesthetic into her gum to ease the immediate problem and prescribed some antibiotics. I asked what I should do when the anaesthetic wore off. He said it might have calmed down by then, but I didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t share his optimism. He said it was probably Medical, not Dental, so if the pain persisted, I would be justified in taking her to the A&E (ER)

I picked the antibiotics up from the Pharmacy and took her home. Up to this point she had been unable to drink, so being reassured by the injection she decided to take the tablets. As she did this the intense pain resurfaced and she spat a mouthful of water all over the table, which took me by surprise.

I decided to follow advice and take her to the Hospital. I phoned work and stated my predicament and priority.

The strength and frequency of these spasms then dramatically increased in the car. I dropped her at the entrance and then spent ages trying to park the car. By the time I got back, an Ambulanceman had taken pity on her and fetched a wheelchair. I took her inside to the Reception and was astonished to hear that they didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t want to see her. I explained that I was acting on her Dentists advice and they said that he was out of order in giving such advice.

I asked what I was supposed to do. The Dentist said go to the Hospital. The Hospital said go to the Dentist. To appease me, they said that we could wait for hours but the likely outcome was that we would be sent away as the didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t do jaws and teeth.

After a consultation with my Brother, it was decided to take her to the Dental training Hospital in the city.

As I drove there, my Engine Management warning light came on to confirm that this was indeed a sh*t day.

Again I dropped her off and it took so long to park the car that my Brother arrived before me. We took her in and explained the situation. Whilst being sympathetic they said that they had an allocation of tickets they handed out and there were none left. They suggested contacting my Moms Doctor and by following procedure, they could see her next week. They also suggested going to her Doctor and getting a liquid antibiotic. They reiterated this several times despite the fact that my Mom was in visible pain and distress. I said antibiotics did not relieve pain, but they werenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t listening. My softly softly approach to get a foot in the door was over so I had to step it up a gear.

I said that sheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d been to the Dentist and then turned away from the Hospital and now they werenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t interested. I pointed out that I had nowhere else to go, short of taking her to the Vets to be put down. This seemed to punch through and they reluctantly agreed to see her. From that point on they treated her sympathetically and well. Full X-rays revealed little and the diagnosis was Trigeminal Neuralgia, the pain of which was likened to an electric shock.

They gave her a series of injections which would numb the pain for a few days. Unfortunately, when she got home this hadnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t worked and she had gone the whole day without a drink. It was a major effort but after talking to her Doctor, I persuaded her that drinking was essential to avoid dehydration and a major headache, and that swallowing pain-killers would take the edge off the pain but not get rid of it.

SheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s now in bed but I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t know what tomorrow will bring. It was tough to watch as she's a sweet old thing who never complains and is the only truly altruistic person I know.

Faithful to the pattern of the day, I was unable to have my Daughter tonight. She was diagnosed today with severe Tonsilitis and prescribed a high dosage of antibiotics. The Doctor said if she couldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t keep them down, sheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d have to go into Hospital. She threw up the first lot, but despite feeling sick, managed to keep the rest down.

I was nervous driving home, expecting to hear that something else had gone wrong. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m glad todayÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s over even though worse things happen at sea

Yeah - It's been one of those days

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Fri Jan 27, 2006 4:31 pm

Hope that getting it off your chest has in some way helped...let it all out so to speak. My Mum lived with me for 15 years and had cataracts removed, 2 hip replacements, 1 heart attack and umpteen broken bones...knees, elbows etc.

Your daughter will be just fine after a couple of days and so will your Mum when the doctors get to grips with her pain.

it's good that it's the weekend (or are you working ? ) is the car OK ?

Can only get better...let us know tomorrow how things are :-4 and

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Fri Jan 27, 2006 4:33 pm

Bless you and big hugs to you Unc.

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Fri Jan 27, 2006 6:02 pm

Dear God, Uncle, you'd think we were still in the 18th century. Why are 'people?' so quick to pass the problem elsewhere than to take on the task of helping someone in dire need. Reading your account made me so angry.

God bless your mum and your daughter, I truly hope they are better tomorrow. And God bless you, Uncle, for your love.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Fri Jan 27, 2006 6:11 pm

Unc. i wish i could (((hug))) you :-4

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Fri Jan 27, 2006 6:18 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: I'd like to do more than that to him *wink wink, nudge nudge*slut :p

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Fri Jan 27, 2006 6:21 pm

UK thats one very tough day. You did well by your mother and yourself. When things get bad for me I try to think of the big picture, this will pass, and a new day will come. I realize thats of no help to you now though. When we conquer we build our strength of resolution, our firmness of purpose. We grow, thats the big picture. Well done, now take a rest.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Fri Jan 27, 2006 8:44 pm

Uncle Kram, Your an angel for sure. Boy what a day you had, your a good son and father.. Hopefully you will get some rest and all will look better tomorrow..

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 2:35 am

Morning Unc. How are things today ? I'm sure they look better after a nights sleep. We're all thinking of you here. Take care xxx

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 3:46 am

It's funny really. I kind of wrote this post to get things off my chest and focus my thoughts so I didn't have them whizzing round in my head. When I started, I didn't even think I'd submit it, but having done so, I am touched by all of your comments. They are heartwarming and uplifting.

I confess to being a little naive in expecting things to be ok with the sun shining brightly when I woke up.

When I spoke to my Mom this morning, she sounded very croaky and is clearly still suffering. Although I sorted out her many tablets, she had not taken any more pain-killers. She had mistakenly thought that her antibiotics were pain-killers. My daughter has improved and I'll be picking her up shortly then it's over to my Moms for the day to administer some T.L.C.

Thanks for the love

Unc.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 7:32 am

It's hard when a lot of bad things happen at once, so sorry to hear you had such a rough day!:-1

Hugs and prayers and good wishes to you and your mom and daughter!

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 7:53 am

Uncle Kram wrote: It's funny really. I kind of wrote this post to get things off my chest and focus my thoughts so I didn't have them whizzing round in my head. When I started, I didn't even think I'd submit it, but having done so, I am touched by all of your comments. They are heartwarming and uplifting.

I confess to being a little naive in expecting things to be ok with the sun shining brightly when I woke up.

When I spoke to my Mom this morning, she sounded very croaky and is clearly still suffering. Although I sorted out her many tablets, she had not taken any more pain-killers. She had mistakenly thought that her antibiotics were pain-killers. My daughter has improved and I'll be picking her up shortly then it's over to my Moms for the day to administer some T.L.C.

Thanks for the love

Unc.

if your mum's taking several different pills, you might want to put each days supply in a container of some sort and mark them with the days of the week, that way with a bit of luck, she will only take her daily dose and you will be able to see if she 's taken too many or not enough. Glad your daughters better....Mum will be OK I'm sure.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 4:23 pm

Todays been pretty rough as a helpless spectator. The intense pain continued despite pain-killers. All I could do was encourage her to drink and lie down with a warm wheatbag (yeah I know!) on her face. There was a modicum of improvement mid-afternoon which allowed her to drink a cup of water after which the pain returned. I got my hands on some extra-strong pain-killers which eventually did the business late evening. This allowed her to take more liquid and some cereal, so things have become more tolerable for now. Me and my brother are really gonna have to get our heads together tomorrow. I've got a good relationship with her Doctor so I'll get him on board on Monday. The whole thing is unpredictable. It could be over soon or just run and run.

My Daughter is playing practical jokes on me again so she's back to normal at least, even though her throat looks pretty grim.

Thanks again for your support

Unc

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 4:38 pm

Sorry to hear about your Mom Uncle Kram. When it rains it pours doesn't it.

I had an abcess in my tooth a few months ago and I thought I would go mad. The antiobiotics took ages to work. What I found helped was taking 2 paracetamol and 2 Neurofen at the same time.

I hope everything gets better soon :yh_hugs

cars · Post by **cars** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 8:34 am

Sorry to hear about all the troubles at work & at home UNC. You're very patient, & levelheaded. I most likely would have kicked it up to a roar after the third turndown for help. Hope your mom is getting at least a little better by now.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 9:01 am

UK you deserve an award for your efforts. Wow I would have been frantic and depressed by now with the horrific reactions from the medical profession. It was a bit of relief to see the ever so slight improvement of your ma. I can only offer encouragement and tell you every baby step (drinking a bit of water, eating a bit of cereal, a little relief from pain) in the improvement direction is better than a step backwards.

And Hey, if ya wanna just vent and blow of steam over the entire affair, FG is the place to do so.

Hang in there UK.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 11:23 am

Thanks guys for your kind words.

It was a fairly harrowing experience watching her suffering on Saturday and again on Sunday. She looked like she'd aged 10 years and was a little bewildered and frightened.

Her own Doctor who is a Diamond Geezer said she looked pretty rough this morning. He told us to continue with the pain-killers and prescribed an anti convulsant. I'm not sure exactly what it does but I think it supresses pain receptors in the head. Whatever it does, it's encouraging to have a learned ally on board and I think he kinda likes my Mom as she's a bit of a character.

I've just come home to grab some clothes and eat, then I'm off to stop at my Moms tonight and possibly tomorrow too. The Doc said the new tablets will probably send her to sleep for about 12 hours and she'll be very drowsy and tired for a few days. As she can't walk in a straight line at the best of times, someone needs to be there incase she has to pop to the toilet in the night or needs anything else. I've blown work out tomorrow - I've got some love to repay

Thanks again

Unc

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 11:33 am

OK Unc...just take care of yourself and keep in touch when you can...we'll be thinking about you...:yh_hugs

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 11:56 am

Hope that your mom will feel much better soon. The company will certainly help as it is horrible to be alone when you're not feeling so good.

Say a big hi to her from Jenny in Eire.

Lots of hugs for you :-4

timtom · Post by **timtom** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 1:56 pm

I have one of them days all the time with two boys each day is the same i need a forum for sanity to chill out:)

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 4:51 pm

As you may have seen from some earlier posts, I'm back at home tonight after spending the last 2 nights and yesterday at my Moms. Her pain has reduced but not gone. The anti-convulsant really knocked her out and she didn't wake until the afternoon. She was drowsy the rest of the day and kept falling asleep while eating. She wasn't too steady on her feet either.

After I'd given her her medicine this morning, I went to work and my brother took over. The sleeping continued and we've now been told the dose was too high so we had to leave it out tonight. My brother took her to the bathroom before bedtime and she fell over. He hurt his back picking her up and getting her into bed. Clearly there are limitations to what we can do despite having the will.

Social Services are showing up in the morning to assess the situation. Maybe someone will have to come in or she might need to stay somewhere for a while until she's better.

Had 2 meetings at work this morning about 2 forthcoming projects, and I have to say, that my mind was not fully engaged in the design process.

Anyway that's the latest for those of you who have been kind enough to ask.

Unc xxx

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 3:31 am

Yesterday, I went to the Safari park in Kidderminster with my Son, his gf and her Mom and Nephew who I stayed with in Norway.

About 5pm, my Aunt phoned and said she couldn't get hold of my Mom. We had to dash over which took an hour and found her collapsed on the floor in darkness. She'd probably been like that for a few hours. I called an ambulance while my Son lay on the floor talking to her. We finally picked her up and put her on the toilet where I watched her have another mini-stroke. I've seen it before as she's had lots so I recognised it straight away and the helium-ballon voice was a giveaway. The hospital confirmed this later. Recovery from a mini stroke is fairly quick in her case, but each one kills off a bit more of the brain. She has had an anti-convulsant drug to deal with a recurrence of trigeminal neuralgia in her face (which this thread was originally about) which is extremely painful, but it has left her unsteady and confused. Last night she thought it was 1983, that she lived at my Aunts address and she was 53 and then 83 (she's 73). They decided to keep her in and stop her taking the anti-convulsant. I didn't get home until about 3am and I was totally knackered. Gotta see what they intend to do later. Apparently she's more chipper today so they may let her out . Not sure what's happening. She might need to have some respite care particularly as I'm going away on Friday for a week. Makes me feel a bit guilty, but my Brother can step up to the plate I'm sure

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 3:37 am

Not much help I know but I'm thinking of you.

:yh_hugs

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Mon Oct 16, 2006 3:40 am

You need some help hunny . Can your doctor see to that, respite or something.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 5:00 am

Unc my friend :-4

You are truly in my thoughts

A big hug from me to you :yh_hugs

And do keep us posted

You know how much we care :-6

ACCADUE · Post by **ACCADUE** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 7:11 am

I know how you feel: I have experienced it years ago with my husband's mom.

She needs help, you do need help. Don't tote all on your shoulders, you should share this with other people. Otherwise, in few days, you will be sick and tired and nervous and this will transmit over your mother.

My best wishes

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 7:14 am

ACCADUE wrote: She needs help, you do need help. Don't tote all on your shoulders, you should share this with other people. Otherwise, in few days, you will be sick and tired and nervous and this will transmit over your mother.

My best wishes

Accadue is right, Unc :-6

You need to take care of you as well.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 9:44 am

sending you a big, squishy hug. :yh_hugs :-4

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 9:58 am

((((HUG))))HOPE YOUR DAY GETS BETTER SOON. :-4

911 · Post by **911** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 2:01 pm

Poor baby, I hope your mother is feeling better. I don't know what respite is, I assume it's like home health care. I hope they come through for you.

Enjoy your vacation. You're a good son and taking a breather is the only way you can continue to be one. The happier you are, the happier she will be.

Give her a big kiss for me and a big hug for you!

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 3:05 pm

Here's praying for a swift recovery for her.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 3:25 pm

There has been quite an improvement today. At 2am this morning, my Mom could barely walk even supported by 2 nurses, but tonight, she was able to walk to the toilet herself. The friction burns from the carpet on her nose, chin and elbows are quite bad but will heal of course. I have spoken to an occupational therapist a couple of times and they are asking if she is able to continue to cook and live alone. As this episode appears to be attributable to the anti-convulsant side affects, I hope that she is able to carry on for the time being. She is normally a little confused but not in a way that she's a danger to herself. The confusion level went off the scale of the confusometer with this drug.

My brother was at the hospital when I arrived, and as he was unaware that the hospital had told me they were keeping her in a second night enabling an assessment tomorrow, he told my Mom she was going home. She appeared to be her normal self and seemed quite happy. Unfortunately, when I told her they were keeping her in, she uncharacteristically went nuts at me. The last time this occurred, The Beatles were in their formative years. She said she was going home and I explained that people were coming to see her in the morning. My brother asked a nurse if she would be able to go home and she said that she needed to stay another night but would check with someone more senior. My Mom pointed at me and said " If I have to stay in here, I'll never forgive you" and then swore a bit.

Again she was told she'd have to stay. If she self-discharged against their advice, they would be unable to give her any medication, and the whole care process would collapse. I can understand her frustration as she thinks she's ok, but when she spoke to my son on my phone and he mentioned "hospital" she said she wasn't in hospital. When he asked her where she was she couldn't answer. When I said she was in hospital, she again became aggressive and said I was winding her up, so clearly there's some way to go. This aside though, I think she'll be back soon to what is normal for her. When I left her, she was drawing and seemed to accept she was staying.

Bubblegum · Post by **Bubblegum** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 4:22 pm

I am really sorry to read that your Mum is still suffering after all this time

but she must be bursting with pride having raised such caring sons. I’m sure it’s because she loves you so much that she felt comfortable enough to shout and swear at you in frustration like she did.

The NHS is reassuring in it’s presence but too often it seems to fail us when it is really needed but it does sound like some progress has been made since your original post.

I wish you and your family all the very best and I sincerely hope all goes well with your Mums assessment and that she is able to continue to live independently; hopefully with more suitable medication.

Why do bad things always seem to happen to such nice people

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 1:51 pm

Well my Mom was allowed home last night after an assessment and seemed to manage ok considering her ordeal. I think being in her natural habitat will be beneficial to her. She has lost a lot of sleep and been on a hammer-blow drug, plus she's had the mini-stroke to contend with so we can't just expect a magic wand to put everything as it was.

When I went round this morning, she was fine which was good to see. I visit her every morning before work, but today I think the stress took its toll. Just before I headed off, I just fell fast asleep in her chair for about 45 minutes and was only awoken by my son phoning me.

As it turned out, it was lucky I hadn't gone in to work because when I went to see whay my Mom was up to, I could see her bending over in the bathroom as the door was slightly ajar. I opened the door and was shocked by what I saw. The toilet, carpet, sink, towel and my Mom were all covered in yellow and very mucous diarrhoea. She was all flustered and I didn't know where to start. I told her not to worry or be embarrassed and just to keep still while I sorted things out. I had a major clear-up on my hands and plenty of scrubbing and sluicing. In the end I said to her that she needed to get into the shower. My Mom has always been very private and not one to show her bits so I said that if she turned away from me, I'd take the nightgown off and she could step into the shower. I told her I'd seen lots of bums so not to worry. A measure of her predicament and her total trust in me was that in the end she just resigned herself to the fact that it really didn't matter what I saw. passing through that embarrassment barrier made things easier. After her shower, she had diarrhoea again but this time I had put her on the toilet first. I tried to cover her up and give her some dignity, but she just took the towel off. At the time all I really noticed was what she was doing on the toilet, but looking back it was a scenario I never envisaged. It is amazing that when it comes to dignity, love between the carer and the cared for prevails.

The doctor thinks that a change of diet at the hospital, and the post mini-stroke effects brought about todays event. This is now being controlled by tablets. Judging by the colour and consistency, I see this as a stomach upset and not incontinence, so hopefully, a recovery is on its way. I'm crossing anything that can be crossed.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 1:57 pm

:-4 You are a good man, Uncle. You take such good care of your mother through all these difficult things for you to do. It is hard to see a loved one be so ill physically, and I am praying she will get better soon.

Yes, you never imagined such things could happen, but you met the difficult time with strength and enfurance, to help your mother through this. You will be blessed for your kindness and good heart.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 1:58 pm

Sending prayers for mom! :-4

And lots of love and hugs to you!!! :-4

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 2:05 pm

More power to you Sir - and much respect.