Galbally's Advice Column for FG.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:00 pm

Hamster wrote: Now that's just rude !!! :wah:

Oh well, what can I do, I'm being led astray.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:02 pm

Pinky wrote: I think the poor guy has been trying NOT to visualise them all day, lol!

I didn't realize that I had to, though in a somewhat related latter, my lovely dog frodo is having her frisky time (if you know what I mean) so I did have a kinda wild time down the river trying to protect her from the men dogs. :rolleyes:

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:03 pm

Hamster wrote: Maybe if he put his head between your knees..I mean..um er..his knees he would feel better?

I am a counceller, not a gynecologist. We really are reaching new heights here.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:05 pm

Pinky wrote:

Jeez, I laughed that loudly that the neighbour just knocked on the door! Oops:-3

What did they thnk was happening?, that you were being attacked by a door-to-door comedian?

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:08 pm

Hamster wrote: oops..sorry!! Had to post it though!!

Yes, now everyone is picturing me with my head under Pinky's skirt. I'll never get that job as archbishop of canterbury now. Well that and the fact that I'm a catholic I suppose, it was a bit of a speculative application.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:28 pm

Galbally wrote: Yes, now everyone is picturing me with my head under Pinky's skirt. I'll never get that job as archbishop of canterbury now. Well that and the fact that I'm a catholic I suppose, it was a bit of a speculative application.

Dr. G

Thanks for being such a good sport

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:32 pm

cherandbuster wrote: Dr. G

Thanks for being such a good sport

Well, its important to know when you have been beaten by worthy opponents! :wah:

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:54 pm

Pinky wrote: OMG!!! I'm nearly on the floor here reading all these replies!!!

Dr G, I am seriously trying to behave, but the girls keep having a bad influence on me! What should I do other than locking myself in the cupboard so I can't read their replies?:D

I think a liedown in a dark room might be useful for you, but then you will probably start imagining all sorts of things. I certainly seem to have you 3 going, well, I take that as a compliment. I can't help it if women want to go shoe shopping with me, discuss their underwear, lock me in an attic, tie me to a chair, examine their special areas, and ruin my career as an Anglican Bishop can I?

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:55 pm

Pinky wrote: :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

If Hamster did decide to whack you with that shovel, would that be bashing the bishop.........sorry! I couldn't resist that one!

I'm not sure, I'll email the Queen, she's the head of the Church of England, she'll know what to do.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:57 pm

Hamster wrote: Sorry Dr G....It was one of those posts that just HAD to be done...

Yes, I would have done the same thing.

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:59 pm

does somebody need to get a room around here?:D

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 2:00 pm

Pinky wrote: Of course not...you are a total professional and remain innocent and blameless for what is currently happening within your practice.

Great, do you mind is I use you as a material witness in my malpractice tribunal? I mean, I think I will be alright as I've bribed everyone, and none of my patients have actually died yet (I hope), but it might be useful. Though during my trial you will have to stop reffering to me as Dr. Luurrve, and take off the police uniform and the googles.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 2:02 pm

guppy wrote: does somebody need to get a room around here?:D

Yes, I'd like a padded one with a sea-view please. Oh and can I have a copy of the complete works of shakespeare, a miles davis CD, and enough food to last a few years?

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 2:04 pm

Hamster wrote: International man of mystery eh??? (and shoes...:-3 )

Oh completely, I live in a castle as well you know (and I have my own ditch).

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 2:06 pm

guppy wrote: does somebody need to get a room around here?:D

Oh Gupster

As you've found out

People need to get rooms * a lot* around here! :rolleyes: :-4

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 16, 2006 2:13 pm

I think I need a lie down. Another ordinary day at the surgery.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 7:23 am

Pinky wrote: Hi Dr G!

Back again:rolleyes:

I need to ask your advice...on my impending visit to Hamster's house, I'm going to be expected to behave like a lady infront of her flat inspector.

What can I do to get into practice?

Also, she's hinted that she wants me to do her eye make-up like I do mine. How do we avoid ending up looking like a pair of genetically modified pandas?

Any help will be appreciated!

You are most welcome, do not worry. I am over my hot flushes.

Behaving like a lady, well first their is the accent. I think that in My Fair Lady, they made Elsiza say everything with a plumb in her mouth so whe would sound like the Duchess of Kent, that my be worth a try, though for gawds sake girl don't swallow the plumb. Also you should try practicing walking around like you are trying to keep a marble in your bum, its not sexual now, its just to do that kinda hoighty-toighty walk they do. If you smoke, you should get one of those long cigarette holder things, oh and you must act at being terrible bemused by the way all the peasants behave, and perhaps the little wave the queen gives once in a while would be good too. Perhaps as well you should bring some Jodphurs and a riding crop, just to give the whole Horsey impression, oh and a captain's hat for when you are in the Marina with the boaty people, because posh people love boats dont they? You should also practice phrases like "Jolly Good Show", "Balderdash my good woman", and "where's my manservant?". That will do for now.

As for the eye make up, the most important thing is to remember not to get drunk before you start doing yourself up. :rolleyes:

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 7:33 am

Pinky wrote: Thanks for that! Jolly good show! (does that sound ok?) Where's your...oops, I mean MY manservant?:o

I will go crop and jodphur shopping tomorrow!:D

Spiffing my dear, you will be as posh as the Marquis of Queensbury in short order.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 7:46 am

Pinky wrote: Dr G, I'm taking your advice on walking around doing the marble thing...unfortuntely it keeps falling out and clanking onto the floor!

Do you think I need a bigger marble or should I use a tennis ball instead?

What ho! Spiffing stuff! (sorry, just having a practice!)

Well whatever produces the desired results, as long as you remember this is not for pleasure, but to walk around like Prince Charles. Oh you should also read some F. Scott Fitzgerald or Evelyn Waugh just to get you into the mood, you should also of course remove the tennis ball before you sit down. :wah:

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 7:48 am

Hamster wrote: Absolutely top hole my dear!! :wah:

Oh no, this is starting to degenerate again. Hamster, its your duty as an Englishwoman to help your friend increase her Poshness (and not posh as in Victoria Beckham, but more Camilla Parker Bowles-Windsor or whatever she is called now). I can assure you that talk of holes and tennis balls does not add to the illusion of studied sophistication.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 7:54 am

Pinky wrote: Crikey, thanks for reminding me! I'm starting to get the hang of it now...oh, maybe not, there it goes again! I will take your advice on the reading materials. Would it help to watch some old Ealing comedies too?

Well not really the Comedies, if you look at "Brief Encounter" and act like the girl in that you will get top marks. She says things like "Its terribly, terribly awful my darling to have to return to ones life after meeting such an enchanting person". Not bad for a girl stuck in a coffee shop in a train station Crewe, talking to some posh bloke in a hat for half an hour, its all about attitude.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 7:55 am

Pinky wrote: Yah sweetie, Polo doesn't involve holes!:D

By george, I think you're starting to crack it! :wah:

Though thats a bit more Sloan Square than Balmoral, but its getting there.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 8:01 am

Wendybird wrote: Huh?

Polo involves hoops wendy, hoops. Oh and horses, and a ball. Its crap, but its a good way to meet rich people.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 8:05 am

Pinky wrote: Ah, ok! I'm starting to get the picture!

So, for example - if some young man comes and talks to me whilst out and about, instead of saying 'Oi Gobsh1te - get your hand off my tush before I break your fingers' it might instead be preferable to say something along the lines of 'Oh my dear man, what lovely smooth hands you have! You honour my night with your charming attentions'. Would this work?

It all depends on the man, being Irish, I am used to the "Oi, face-ache are you gonna get up off your hole and get some coal for the fire, and I a want a proper shag later as well, ye mouldy bollix" type approach. However, should you meet a Naval Officer, or someone involved in the game of Croquet, or perhaps an off-duty Chaffeur, that would certainly be the right approach.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Oct 17, 2006 8:13 am

Pinky wrote: :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

But can I still whack them with a shovel if they don't stop honouring me with their attentions? Or maybe I could ask them to hold my tennis ball...it may distract them long enough for me to disappear rather fast!

Which do you think is the better option?

Oh the tennis ball, but you will need quick reflexes. :wah: