Oh my!

Okay, I could only guess a few of them...let me take a stab here....
Clancy wrote: Have a go at this, I wrote this in Arn's profile comments....it's a mixture of both slang, and rhyming slang. Can you decipher this?
"Paul ? .... yer I know paul, awright. We 'wos out, sataday night, on the pull, when some 'plonka comes over, givin it the big 'un
a bit 'a this, and a bit 'a that, 'fore I knows it, bish bash bosh, (punches were thrown?) claret spilt, dahn the ready rub (blood all over the pub?)
Next fing I see's the OB (a cop? A bobby?) dashin' in, 'ands behind me back, collar felt, "Your nicked my son" (got handcuffed, grabbed by the shirt and you're under arrest?)
Standin' in the dock, "Do you solemnly swear to tell the whole truth , and nuffin; but the truth"? (You went to court?)
Yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir, won't 'appen again sir, as god is me witness. sir
The old beak wif' the syrup gives it a caution , next time we're custodial in Her Maj's B&B (old woman? Does beak=bird?) (The lady judge gave you a warning and if you do it again, you're headed for jail- or maybe the dungeon?) (Dungeon=Tower of London?)
Same night dahn the Dog & Duck , some twat wif an afro knocks Pauls pint over, "Oi' you wanka, 'ave some of this, bish bash bosh , stone me, 'he's at it again. (Down at another pub, another fight happened over spilled beer)
Paul? yer I know Paul, diamond geeza , top bloke, salt of the earth"
.
I don't know Clancy, I think I'm a fool here, but it's a good time just the same. :wah: What is three bags full anyway?? This is fun- how badly did I do?