Forum predators

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Wed Nov 08, 2006 3:14 pm

Its a big ask i know but have you fallen for one?

When i first started out online i was lonely, depressed & i suppose looking for someone to validate me, make me feel special, little was i to know that there were so many guys out there ready to make me feel that way, flirting with me in pm's, e-mailing me & msn, not to mention the phone calls. I did fall for one, i really believed he was 'genuine' we had an online romance that was so wonderful i thought it could only be perfect in real life, when the real life time came to meet, oh boy was that a different story, every excuse in the *********g book, how dare he do that to me? its only after a very long time that im able to talk about it as it was soooooo painfull & so i understand if no-one wants to contribute to this thread, i guess now that im stronger & in a 'genuine' loving relationship that i can now kinda call these creeps out !!

If you have had this experience, im not suggesting for a second to name names, please dont, all im saying is share your experience with us all, make those that dont know aware of the pitfalls, male & female, if you have had an online romance that has worked out then a thread appropriate to that subject would be the best place to post it, this one's for those that havent had that pleasure

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Wed Nov 08, 2006 3:26 pm

I know that there have been many very happy 'internet romances' that have ended up with lasting relationships and marriage.

I am far too wary, nervous and suspicious even to search out the websites, let alone sign up although I have thought about it many times.

It would be nice to hear from folks that have had GOOD experiences...... specially experiences from the more 'mature' amongst us ...if you get my meaning

Sorry to hear about your disappointment Butter', but glad that's all behind you now.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Wed Nov 08, 2006 3:34 pm

oh jeez it was such a long time ago bez its not even a bat your eyelid thing now, im hoping that the lovey dovey type internet meeting thing is placed in another thread & this one is left for the negative, if you see where im going, all too often we hear all good stuff & not the other side, good opportunity to get out all those feelings we are forced to stuff down, let it out i say, free yourself from it

weinbeck · Post by **weinbeck** » Wed Nov 08, 2006 3:59 pm

buttercup;453592 wrote: oh jeez it was such a long time ago bez its not even a bat your eyelid thing now, im hoping that the lovey dovey type internet meeting thing is placed in another thread & this one is left for the negative, if you see where im going, all too often we hear all good stuff & not the other side, good opportunity to get out all those feelings we are forced to stuff down, let it out i say, free yourself from it

I used to have several penfriends, and it is very easy to get involved in a long distance romance. Problems arise when people (usually blokes) start "guilding the lilly" so to speak, telling the recipient they are everything under the sun after excusing about a dozen or so letters. It's a really dumb thing to do actually, because it then gives the other person the wrong impression of them, and when they do meet, they usually fall flat on their faces, and make themselves look bloody fools. Maybe I'm different, but I've always played a very straight bat. What's the point of doing it any other way. I'm a shade under 5'8" and work in London. What would be the point of telling somebody I was 6'2" earning £90,000.00 per year as a broker? They only make themselves look stupid. People who do that are shallow, and lacking self-confidence.

I really hope you do find someone, not so much to settle down with, but to be a genuine, sincere and truthful friend.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Wed Nov 08, 2006 4:11 pm

Awww bless you weinbeck, i have, im very happy with my present partner which is probably why i can raise this contriversial subject, its not an easy one to answer for a lot of people as it might be new or raw to them but i think its definately something worth raising & hopefully if any members are raw from it at the moment its a thread that can be bumped at a later time, thank you very much for your input / contribution, very generous of you :-4

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Wed Nov 08, 2006 4:59 pm

i am sorry bc that you went through all that. :-4 :yh_hugs :yh_hugs :yh_hugs

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Wed Nov 08, 2006 5:17 pm

snooze-u should write a book. it would be a best seller!!!

you have to have a good sense of humour to go through all that and STILL chat on the internet anywhere.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Wed Nov 08, 2006 5:21 pm

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Wed Nov 08, 2006 5:23 pm

SnoozeControl;453683 wrote: I saved some of his PMs and emails ... here's an example of what I went through with this guy for MONTHS!

I hope you reported this ********* - for the safety of others as well as for yourself.

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Wed Nov 08, 2006 5:41 pm

snooze, if he ever shows himself to you again, let us know. we can give him a new definition of stalking.....

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Wed Nov 08, 2006 5:46 pm

I Kissed no frogs before I found BTS. This includes the married pretending to be single....the single pretending to want a relationship - all about getting laid. I guess I was very careful..OH AND I WAS 48..........there is very little offering from men to a woman my age........:yh_rotfl .

I am sorry you got hurt......I am very sorry you got hurt.....

We put ourselves out in cyberspace to meet like minded people and if we can make an intimate connection.........all the better.

rainbowsmiles · Post by **rainbowsmiles** » Wed Nov 08, 2006 5:49 pm

I've had so-called internet friends that I met on a forum and talked to over 2 years (even mailed stuff to one another, etc...) turn out to be total fakes. They had made up entire lives and lifestyles and even used false names (one of them was even playing multiple roles on one forum and emailing me as 3 different people). I think that was the most disturbing thing to ever happen to me over the internet. Now I'm more cautious. I had been warned by a family member to be careful online because she met a guy online and they chatted for months when he decided to go visit her. When he knocked on the door he wasn't even the person in the photo he had sent her (he had given her a fake). He wasn't even the age he had claimed to be.

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Wed Nov 08, 2006 5:58 pm

soory you got took keith....:yh_hugs :yh_hugs

skeeter2 · Post by **skeeter2** » Thu Nov 09, 2006 3:19 am

SnoozeControl;453667 wrote: I've met a TON of weirdos online, but not that many from forums... I used to frequent MSN chatrooms when they were still free, and I still can't believe the way people would build themselves up to be the best looking, the sexiest (that was a big one), the best built, etc... and when you'd finally see a photo, you had to laugh. As Clancy mentioned in another, earlier thread, I was online friends with a young woman that I eventually found to be a middle aged man. Why?!? I still don't understand.

The worst had to be someone I was actually interested in meeting that lived in New Zealand, and the guy went completely insane on me... he accused me of cheating on him (which still cracks me up... what does that mean, anyway?) and he went to various Islamic forums to pose as me, post personal information and to say he hopes the US military kills them all after 9/11. The worst one was when he pretended to be me and sent my address out to some penpal site for prisoners... yeah, guys in fcuking prison! I got some nice photos out of that, and one guy that I answered to explain the situation said he'd gladly find the guy and break his neck. I had to turn down that lovely offer though.

I am not really computer literate...got into one of the places that would fix me up with a pen pal...I am nearly 80 and they found my "perfect match" he was 35 and "in business for himself...shining trucks"....I just cracked up...someone that young wanting a relationship...give me a break. !!!!....I deleted them all and put them in the junk drawer... I am sorry you got taken with someone you were getting really interested in...the mind can play many tricks when you start imagining who the person can be, I would imagine, but I stopped before getting that far...I am a "wee" bit old for that..ha...and very wary.

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Thu Nov 09, 2006 6:26 am

skeeter2;453888 wrote: I am not really computer literate...got into one of the places that would fix me up with a pen pal...I am nearly 80 and they found my "perfect match" he was 35 and "in business for himself...shining trucks"....I just cracked up...someone that young wanting a relationship...give me a break. !!!!....I deleted them all and put them in the junk drawer... I am sorry you got taken with someone you were getting really interested in...the mind can play many tricks when you start imagining who the person can be, I would imagine, but I stopped before getting that far...I am a "wee" bit old for that..ha...and very wary.

He just wanted a sugar momma, maybe!:D

I havent experienced this either.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:43 am

Wow

These stories are kind of fascinating

And I'm just gullible enough to fall for this stuff

But I haven't yet, thankfully

It's scary, isn't it? :-6

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Thu Nov 09, 2006 2:05 pm

SnoozeControl;453667 wrote: I've met a TON of weirdos online, but not that many from forums... I used to frequent MSN chatrooms when they were still free, and I still can't believe the way people would build themselves up to be the best looking, the sexiest (that was a big one), the best built, etc... and when you'd finally see a photo, you had to laugh. As Clancy mentioned in another, earlier thread, I was online friends with a young woman that I eventually found to be a middle aged man. Why?!? I still don't understand.

The worst had to be someone I was actually interested in meeting that lived in New Zealand, and the guy went completely insane on me... he accused me of cheating on him (which still cracks me up... what does that mean, anyway?) and he went to various Islamic forums to pose as me, post personal information and to say he hopes the US military kills them all after 9/11. The worst one was when he pretended to be me and sent my address out to some penpal site for prisoners... yeah, guys in fcuking prison! I got some nice photos out of that, and one guy that I answered to explain the situation said he'd gladly find the guy and break his neck. I had to turn down that lovely offer though.

were you ever on the grapevine?

Thanks for contributing you encounters snooze, it certainly will help others be aware of just what can happen

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Thu Nov 09, 2006 2:09 pm

Keith W;453721 wrote: I just want to say that men can get sucked in to

I was

But thats another story

absolutely keith & i applaud you for saying so

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Fri Nov 10, 2006 2:10 pm

i just want to say i got sucked into an old trap. i started talking to a man who told me how unhappy he was in his marriage. how lonely. we talked and talked for weeks. he called me three or more times a day. im'd me almost everynight. talked of love and the whole nine yards. met him. got played and he dumped me. it is one of the most hurtful things i have ever been through. i wish i had known better. be careful of men on these forums who play these games. i am not a dummy. just a woman who believed what i was hearing. and it cost me dearly. i was hurt, embarrassed and humiliated.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Fri Nov 10, 2006 2:45 pm

i think its happened to many of us snooze but not easy for a lot of people to talk about it for many reasons, doubt i'd have shared my experience this time last year or the year before but im glad ive got it out my system now , if the thread helps just one person be more aware or less gullible than i, well thats a good thing :-6

well done all you that came out & shared your experiences, kinda liberating in a way dont you think?

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Fri Nov 10, 2006 2:48 pm

buttercup;455394 wrote: i think its happened to many of us snooze but not easy for a lot of people to talk about it for many reasons, doubt i'd have shared my experience this time last year or the year before but im glad ive got it out my system now , if the thread helps just one person be more aware or less gullible than i, well thats a good thing :-6

well done all you that came out & shared your experiences, kinda liberating in a way dont you think?

yes, very liberating.

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Fri Nov 10, 2006 4:55 pm

Pinky;455458 wrote: I've learnt a lesson in taking stuff said with a pinch of salt...Guppy, I wish I could take away what you've dealt with. Just know that you are a beautiful, sparky woman and unfortunately that's what this person was drawn to...he must have known in his heart of hearts that you are way out of his league.

Men and trying to boost their egoes huh? It sucks.

You're worth more than that, and there will be someone out there who will treat you as the goddess up the pedestal that you deserve to be.

thank you pinky. i really am grateful for your kind words. :-4

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Nov 11, 2006 8:31 am

guppy;455339 wrote: i just want to say i got sucked into an old trap. i started talking to a man who told me how unhappy he was in his marriage. how lonely. we talked and talked for weeks. he called me three or more times a day. im'd me almost everynight. talked of love and the whole nine yards. met him. got played and he dumped me. it is one of the most hurtful things i have ever been through. i wish i had known better. be careful of men on these forums who play these games. i am not a dummy. just a woman who believed what i was hearing. and it cost me dearly. i was hurt, embarrassed and humiliated.

That rips my heart out for you Guppy. I know the feelings... But then how wonderful is it to be someone who still does believe? Wants to trust, and has the capacity and room in their heart to love someone?

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Nov 11, 2006 9:39 am

That is so sad, dear guppy. We all know you for the wonderful person you are, someone will appreciate you one day, who is worthy of you.:-4

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sat Nov 11, 2006 12:41 pm

weeder;455805 wrote: But then how wonderful is it to be someone who still does believe? Wants to trust, and has the capacity and room in their heart to love someone?

Great point, Weeder

It's finding the balance between being hopeful and trusting but not being taken advantage of or becoming cynical.

And that's really hard. :-6