Betrayal

auntdenise · Post by **auntdenise** » Thu Mar 24, 2005 7:10 pm

I'm new to this kind of forum, but I have already found so much comfort here that I thought I would try to start a discussion myself, free therapy so to speak. My situation is this......a little over a year ago my little sister was having marriage difficulties and needed a safe haven for a while so I opened my doors to her. Within three months I find that my husband and her are in a relationship and moving towards a future that didn't include me! Anyhow, I ran and am starting over, but I have spent many sleepless nights consumed by anger and rage, and thoughts on how to get even. (Though none were ever really options) In my healing I have read everything I could get my hands on about betrayal and the trappings of it. I am begining to understand that all the emotions that I have dealt with are normal for my situation but I am always willing to listen to the words of other enlightened spirits. Anyone have any?:yh_sweat

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Fri Mar 25, 2005 12:01 am

what a bitter betrayal, sister and husband. of course you have fantasies of revenge and hatred. of course you know from your readings that those thoughts will only consume and destroy you. you left, you are starting a new life. you will be OK. but the pain must be overwhelming. somehow you will get through and prevail, you will find happiness again, i promise you. letting go of the rage has to be the hardest part. focus on this...one day you will be happy. you have released the disloyal and immoral. you will now be free to meet the good. FREE. see yourself as FREE. the world is open to you, you have choices again. all the best to you!

Der Wulf · Post by **Der Wulf** » Fri Mar 25, 2005 12:21 am

The best revenge will be the delightful person you make of yourself as you rise above their betrayal.

greydeadhead · Post by **greydeadhead** » Fri Mar 25, 2005 4:37 am

First of all sorry to hear about your situation.. I can understand why you ran. Revenge is not the anwser though it might bring you some momentary satisfaction... you would only be lowering yourself to thier level and obviously you are way above that.

Everything you are feeling is normal. Don't let yourself get eaten up by it. You have already taken a huge step by realizing and accepting what you feel is normal. Now move past it.. As LC says.. you are now free to make your own choices.. chose the high road.. and you well be happier for it..

have a great day and be well...

auntdenise · Post by **auntdenise** » Fri Mar 25, 2005 3:49 pm

So many kind people and wise words! Something greater than me lead me to this site......Thanks

Post by **kensloft** » Fri Mar 25, 2005 4:31 pm

auntdenise wrote: So many kind people and wise words! Something greater than me lead me to this site......Thanks
You got that straight.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Sat Mar 26, 2005 6:54 am

Der Wulf wrote: The best revenge will be the delightful person you make of yourself as you rise above their betrayal.

Sorry for your pain. This advice, however, is the best. You cannot live their lives, you can only live your own. Please don't let bitterness and hurt (though justified) ruin yours.

ice maiden · Post by **ice maiden** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 12:59 pm

you have been very brave to run good advice above :-4

auntdenise · Post by **auntdenise** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 4:54 pm

There are no children involved and that made it easy for me to do what I knew I had to, and that was get out and far away before my anger did turn into something ugly. I had always assumed that my sister would find me and beg forgiveness for her errors and we would start the mending process. But now it's clear to me how misguided I was,... because she hasn't tried and the romance continues. I can see that I am growing into something new and exciting and my future is limitless. My sorrow lies in the detruction of my family. We are a large family and have always been very close and the wedge that this has driven may be irreversable at this point. I am far enough away that I don't worry that I may run into them by chance, and I have no idea if I will ever have another Christmas at home, I don't know that I can face that yet. (Though I believe that he would not be welcome there, facing her will be just as difficult, especially if she looks good!!) Anyhow, the situation seems to be in my lap to mend and I just don't think I care anymore. Life does really just go on.

auntdenise · Post by **auntdenise** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 3:43 pm

Good advise. Actually, I have felt tremendous amounts of guilt all along for not seeing what was going on sooner, maybe before it was too late . One of my first steps to understanding and healing was when I realised that I did see it, but made excuses to explain it away, .. instead of facing the truth and bringing it out into the open, as I wish I had done. I was mad at myself for running away and making it easy on them. Today, I understand the error of this thinking, and know that running away was the best thing for ME. I couldn't have stopped it if I saw it coming with both eyes!! People are who they are and we have only to watch and learn from their mistakes. I am a better person today for it.