Tellable Holidays Ltd.

[retepsnikrep]

Had your holiday? Told your friends?

‘Everything was fine.’ Yawn.

‘Nice and quiet and we hired a car and had a nice day touring the island..’ Oh dear, boring! Better pretend you haven’t had a holiday or have been to Margate or something.

With TELLABLE holidays you will have no fears about telling your holiday stories. You chose how fascinating you will be. We have Eyeopener holidays, and for the real raconteur, Jawdropper holidays.

The Eyeopener is perhaps the best place to start if you are not an experienced holiday teller. This beginners holiday introduces you to artificial queues, if necessary, at the check-ins, false tannoy information about constant changes in the boarding gate. Also temporarily lost luggage and a TELLABLE drunk on the plane, funny but not dangerous.

The hotel is a minimum of 2 stars above what was paid for and you are guaranteed to be moved twice in the first day, you will of course finish up in the honeymoon suite. You may use the adjacent hotels swimming pool and will happen to be there on the centenary of their company when all food and drink are free.(Book 'Centenary' £18.) In your hotel you share your table with a meek couple who will have paid at least double your cost for their holiday, they have a small room over the disco.

The Jawdropper holiday naturally includes these benefits with many other recountable activities. Where terrain is suitable stranding on the mountain is a typical Jawdropper feature, so bring some warm clothes and a survival blanket. The rebellion in the town will be after siesta, don’t be impatient. All hostages are released in time for return to the hotel for dinner. Give them the ransom money your tour guide gave you, do not exceed the amount.

The crashing rocks which seal the enchanted grotto are very shocking, a real Jawdropper. The hero rescuer finding the way to the surface by the unknown passage could be you. Hold the handrail, it can be slippery.

The ‘You’ve Been Framed.’ day is one of our most popular. Hire your camera early and practice with the ‘being hit in the testicles with the swing ball’, ‘bumped into the pool by waiters’ and ‘falling down dancing’. Then on to the ‘handbag eaten by donkey’. We have a camel at most locations to bite and spit and fall off of. All instructions are in the handout. The ‘collapsing balcony rails’ are not for beginners, and a look alike can be jerked over the rocks by the speedboat if you wish.

The next day is a quiet day when the waiters and cooks strike, and give each guest a Mafia black feud cake. Hand it in for a refund. Use your tokens in the bistro next door. The fire in the evening is always a favourite, it is not as easy as it looks to slide down knotted sheets.

Remember to belt up in the harness for the return to the airport. Don’t worry, our driver will roll the minibus down the hillside on the way. ‘as if nothing else could go wrong!’

The TELLABLE ‘character at the airport will give you each a packet of white powder to bring home. I’m afraid it’s only flour in our standard Jawdropper holiday but hide it carefully. Sheepish lessons are extra, in case our customs might miss you out.

Don’t worry if you haven’t got an audience when you get home. We rent listeners, all of whom have led a sheltered life and think a traffic jam at Heathrow is a horror story. Imagine the hands over the eyes, the rocking back in disbelief, the sympathetic horror, or the hysterical, ‘it never did!’ reaction. Ten minute breaks every hour are mandatory for our holiday listeners, and if they have to do aghasting an extra charge will apply.

Regards Peter :-6