Olympic Ideals

[retepsnikrep]

There is a problem with the Olympic Games. Namely, Stimulants and performance enhancing substances, and the detection thereof. Water is a stimulant if you’ve been lost in the Sahara for a couple of days, and food is a performance enhancing substance, try not eating. Drugs occur naturally, that’s where we get most of them from anyway, so if you eat chilis or avocados or a handful of steroids it’s much the same. Ok. Let’s have a free games, take what you like, do what you like. Wrestlers with a centre of gravity about eighteen inches off the floor. Fencers with arm lengthening operations, insertion of another radius and ulna. But there will have to be Olympics for other groups, and that will bring back the old protests.

See the following news items for our first Specialist Olympic Games:-

In the Vegan relay one competitor tested positive for rennet.

An existentialist was heard to say ‘where am I’ so he was on the bus back home.

In the Petulance, Disaffection and Professional Foul Games, the post-foul rolling event became a farce when an English Premier League star writhed from mid afternoon till it got dark. The professional lip-readers for the mouthed obscenity section had to be regularly relieved due to stress. Due to a close finish the winner had to be decided by a spit-out.

The Bad Luck Olympics, which includes the Clumsy and Inept, have placed restrictions on spectators at the javelin and shot events since the previous tragedies.

The Suburbanites refuse to live in an Olympic Village.

In orienteering, the sexual cross-dressers team were disqualified. The men pretending to be women, insisted that the women pretending to be men should keep asking the way.

Stop press from the Free Olympics.

One hundred meters record set at 1.6 seconds. Ho Tarse of Japan with implants of hydrogen and oxygen and vented shorts, touched the ground only three times on his record breaking run.

No offence intended

Peter