Great Answering Machine Messages

LottomagicZ4941 · Post by **LottomagicZ4941** » Wed Feb 23, 2005 12:15 pm

My sister's message is "If you can pronounce our name leave a message. If you can't don't bother"

The below is from http://com4.runboard.com/bsoapinup.fletschat.t91

Great Answering Machine Messages

These are supposedly actual answering machine announcements.

1. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

4. Hi. Now you say something.

5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?

7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!

8. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

10. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.

11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

12. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message. "

So what does your answering machiene say?

Lotto

http://www.flalottomagic.net/cgi-local/ ... elcome-344

MagicZ4941A

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Feb 23, 2005 12:17 pm

I would like mine to say, I track all you telemarketers and sales person, and shoot every 3rd one, number 2 just hung up the phone.

Actually I hate answereing machines so have long ago turned mine off. I prefer call display ahahahahaha

Paula · Post by **Paula** » Wed Feb 23, 2005 12:20 pm

Have had in the past Mr. Rogers, welcome to our neighborhood. The phone company takes our calls, we have to answer during the day, people don't want to leave a message with a machine, sometimes you may not have the right number!

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Wed Feb 23, 2005 12:29 pm

I years ago used to just have "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap"! (Thank

you, Joan Jett!!)

Then it was: "Olsiewski's Meat Market, you stab 'em we slab 'em, at

the sound of the tone leave your name, number, and the size of your

beef and we'll get back to ya"... would you believe there were people

who called me who didn't get it was a joke and thought they called

the wrong number?!?!?!?!?

:yh_shame

Enigma · Post by **Enigma** » Wed Feb 23, 2005 8:41 pm

LottomagicZ4941 wrote: My sister's message is "If you can pronounce our name leave a message. If you can't don't bother"

The below is from http://com4.runboard.com/bsoapinup.fletschat.t91

Great Answering Machine Messages

These are supposedly actual answering machine announcements.

1. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

4. Hi. Now you say something.

5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?

7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!

8. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

10. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.

11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

12. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message. "

So what does your answering machiene say?

Lotto

http://www.flalottomagic.net/cgi-local/ ... elcome-344

MagicZ4941AI think I will try some of these. :wah:

koan · Post by **koan** » Wed Feb 23, 2005 10:15 pm

Might have to use at least one of these too. I'm terrible with answering machines.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Wed Feb 23, 2005 10:42 pm

EXCELLENT MESSAGES..!! Might have to use one ..

cars · Post by **cars** » Thu Feb 24, 2005 2:30 am

"HI, WE CAN'T COME TO THE PHONE RIGHT NOW, LEAVE A MESSAGE AFTER THE BEEP"

It's short and sweet, but callers (Including burgalars looking for empty house) don't know if you are in fact home or not. Also, the use of "We" is good for the women who are on their own. Again, caller does not know how many in the household:-2

Cars :driving:

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Sat Mar 05, 2005 7:01 am

cars wrote: "HI, WE CAN'T COME TO THE PHONE RIGHT NOW, LEAVE A MESSAGE AFTER THE BEEP"

It's short and sweet, but callers (Including burgalars looking for empty house) don't know if you are in fact home or not. Also, the use of "We" is good for the women who are on their own. Again, caller does not know how many in the household:-2

Cars :driving:

Truly, this is the best recording. Are they home or not?

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sun Apr 03, 2005 6:38 pm

my phone machine says this..."you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law"...oddly enough, nobody leaves me messages!

:yh_bigsmi :yh_laugh

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sun Apr 03, 2005 6:43 pm

LADYCOP,

EXCELLENT..!! THAT WILL STOP ANYONE FROM LEAVING A MESSAGE..!!

my phone machine says this..."you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law"...oddly enough, nobody leaves me messages!

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sun Apr 03, 2005 6:45 pm

CARLA wrote: LADYCOP,

EXCELLENT..!! THAT WILL STOP ANYONE FROM LEAVING A MESSAGE..!!

yep...everyone except my Sgt. and the Sheriff! LOL

koan · Post by **koan** » Mon Apr 04, 2005 12:15 am

lc,

:yh_rotfl

That's the one I'm using now. I hate messages!

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Mon Apr 04, 2005 2:51 am

hello & welcome to the psychiatric hotline

if you are paranoid we know who you are & what you want

if you are dillusional press 9 & we will connect you to the mother ship

if you suffer from short term memory loss press 8

& if you suffer from short term memory loss press 8

my friends loved this one & actually tried pressing 8 & 9 thinking it would do something :wah: