What Age Do You Tell Kids Santa Isnt Real????

Tombstone · Post by **Tombstone** » Wed Nov 03, 2004 8:59 am

chris221273 wrote: Hi all

What age do u think is right for a child to be told Santa isnt real?????

My ex to my utter disgust told my daughter last year (when she was only 6yrs old) that he wasnt real, because her current partner isnt much into xmas.......or come to think of it anything exciting!!!!

It took me and a friend many months to convince her that he was real and was looking forward to surprising her with lots of things from 'Santa' only to find out my ex has once again told her he isnt real on the run up to Christmas.

So..........when is the right time?

I think before they start secondary school is fine...maybe a bit younger if they are bright/mature for there age.

But 6 yrs old!!!!!!!

Any replys much appreciated.

Thanks in Advance.

Chris.

Wow. That's too bad. I don't think you need to explicitly tell a child Santa is not "real". As they grow older, they will figure it out on their own - or they will have this same argument with their friends.

On a conceptual basis, however, Santa is real.

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Wed Nov 03, 2004 9:10 am

Tombstone wrote: I don't think you need to explicitly tell a child Santa is not "real". As they grow older, they will figure it out on their own - or they will have this same argument with their friends.

I agree with the above.

illuminati · Post by **illuminati** » Wed Nov 03, 2004 9:47 am

Chris,

Are you an athiest or do you have any religious views? I would teach the concepts as mentioned here about Santa Claus. What he stands for. What the tradition is. You can wrap this up into pretty much any religion.

Tombstone wrote: Wow. That's too bad. I don't think you need to explicitly tell a child Santa is not "real". As they grow older, they will figure it out on their own - or they will have this same argument with their friends.

On a conceptual basis, however, Santa is real.

greydeadhead · Post by **greydeadhead** » Wed Nov 03, 2004 12:31 pm

I do agree.. usually they will find out by themselves. I do know that when my daughter stopped believing in Santa and all the other childhood myths.. I experienced a sense of loss.. like another link to a more innocent age had been broken..

capt_buzzard · Post by **capt_buzzard** » Wed Nov 03, 2004 1:40 pm

illuminati wrote: Chris,

Are you an athiest or do you have any religious views? I would teach the concepts as mentioned here about Santa Claus. What he stands for. What the tradition is. You can wrap this up into pretty much any religion.

What has Religion got to do with Santa? :-2

jasmund · Post by **jasmund** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 4:36 pm

I agree with greydeadhead, my son was in second grade and the 6th graders came to his table and told all of them Santa wasnt real, so, when he asked me and my husband with those huge brown eyes , that said "Have you the two people I trust the most, in my whole short life, and love with my whole heart been lying to me my entire 7 years on this earth" well let me tell you I wanted to get my hands on the 6th grader who told my sons lunch table.

So we said, well honey, if its n ot santa or the elves putting the gifts under the tree then, who do you, think did it, "he started crying and said you guys, cause i have been so naughty Santa never came to my house !"

Now, we were in deeper than at the beginning of this thing, so my husband told him the truth, and we told him for us, the meaning is jesus, and he can beleive in santa as long as he wanted. He then told us wipping his face on my husbands shoulder , thats ok I still have the EasterBunny and ToothFairy, at least they are real. We didnt say a word.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 4:42 pm

What age do u think is right for a child to be told Santa isnt real?????

Santa's not real? *Runs off sobbing*

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 5:18 pm

I recommend you hire some homeless guy and two midgets to dress up as Santa and elves, go to your ex's house and beat the crap outa step da'. Then give everybody lollypops. :-4

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 8:24 pm

What no SANTA..!! :-3 This can't be true..

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 6:35 am

The discussion of bumping old threads brought me to this one,I do not have children, but I agree with the folks who said to wait and let them figure it out on thier own.

Geesh, I can remember one Christmas I surprised my parents with Christmas stockings filled with gifts from Santa!! They loved it. The next year, I had one waiting for me, too. We did it for a few years. It was fun. By the way..I was in my 20's at the time. I felt we needed the perk..my mom had just found out that year she had cancer. We needed the good feelings that the stockings brought. She was only with us for a few more holidays, so there are good memories there.

zinkyusa · Post by **zinkyusa** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 6:36 am

When their toys start getting expensive!!:eek:

mntcombs · Post by **mntcombs** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 3:30 am

Gonna be long... sorry!

I registered just now so I could respond to this post. I have been all bent out of shape the last couple of days because a friend of mine (who has never let his kids experience Santa) whose kids (ages 9 and 14, yes 14) told my 8 year old that Santa wasn't real. Makes me so mad. I overheard the conversation and of course said, "Let's go". We were at Basketball practice at the time and it was time to go anyway. I called my friends and asked them to tell their kids that this is for me to tell and not them. I have watched these kids grow up and have seen them first hand sad because of the attention or whatever it is that they miss from not being allowed to "believe" in Santa. Their dad says it's pegan and says in the Bible not to believe in myths, fairytales, and such. He says if you tell them Santa is real, and God is real, then tell them Santa isn't real, that they won't believe God is real either. I told him he's crazy. You can put it in perspective and they will understand. We talk about Santa once a year, we talk about God ALL YEAR! Come on. I grew up believing in Santa and God and I have never had a moment where I got it all mixed up. I AM a Christian and I know the Bible does say that we shouldn't believe in myths, fairytales and such. Lord, forgive me if I'm misleading, but wasn't St. Nick (where Santa started) all about giving. It's a fun thing for parents and their kids. God gave us the most precious gift ever, Jesus! I think it's ok for kids to learn about giving, even if it's from Santa.

When my son asked why his friends didn't believe in Santa the other day, I was in a real pickle. I never want to lie to him, but I am not ready for the fun to be gone either. At least not a week before Christmas. He is all wrapped up in it this year. He thourouly believes Santa is going to bring him a Nintendo Wii. And of course... he is. Anyway, I simply told him that Santa only comes to those that believe in him. If you don't believe, he won't come. I told him since his friends have never believed in Santa, he has never came for them. Therefore he isn't real for them. I went on to tell him (because I DON'T want him confused about Jesus) that Jesus was different. He's always there. He's real in everyone's lives, wheather they believe in him or not.

My 12 year old daughter helped me out a little (this is the first "real" year that she "really" doesn't believe). She told him that she believes in Santa. My son then asked, "What if one kid believes and another in the same family doesn't?" I told him that Santa would come for the one that believes he'll come and not the other one. My daughter promptly followed to her brother with, " YOU don't believe, and I WILL and let's see if that's true." Needless to say, he wouldn't go for that deal.

My daughter had been asking questions for the last couple of years. The kids all talk at school and sadly eventually run into kids like my friends children (WHO TELL!) I had always thought that when they were old enough to ask, I'd tell them. When they were old enough to flat out ask, i didn't want to ever lie to a direct question. Last year my daughter asked point blank, "Are you the Tooth Fairy?" I couldn't lie to that direct question. I hum-hawed around a little and then finally told the truth. She said, "I KNEW IT!!" I told her she couldn't tell anyone, that it was a fun thing that parents do with their kids, and the same goes for Santa. I thought she was going to cry on that. She looked up and said "Not Santa" We just dropped it at that point. I know that she already knew though. She just didn't want to hear it. She had all but asked for the past couple of years. At the time she was in the 5th grade, and kids were starting to make fun of each other about it. I didn't want her to go through that either. It's hard when that time comes.

In closing, don't tell till they ask. Make sure that they know the "REAL" reason for Christmas, and that they don't have any question that Jesus is REAL. We must not forget CHRISTmas is about CHRIST, not Santa. After all, someday they will outgrow Santa, but we will never outgrow Christ.

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 3:47 am

I can't remember when my kids found out Santa wasn't "real". I never said anything specific - although I may have grinned conspiratorially sometimes. It was always some kind of a game that we all gradually learnt the rules of and enjoyed. We snuck the pressies into the stockings. They pretended to be asleep, so as not to catch us. I don't think they ever confused this bit of play with other Christmas stories.

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 4:11 am

I agree mrsK. I don't think my kids ever really cared, as long as there were pressies. They knew the score - how can they avoid it when other kids talk about it - but played the game, as much to humour us as anything else. Grin. We never lied to them, just turned the question.. well, what do YOU think?

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 4:17 am

I get unhappy when I hear stuff about pagans as if we're bad people, even though so many pagan traditions and icons were turned into christian property by the church.

But since this is about Santa specifically, I'll give you my take on that.

Mntcombs, welcome. How nice that you are posting with us at FG.

I hope to see more of you.

Okay, when I was in kindergarten, another kid told me there was no Easter Bunny. I came home and asked Mom and Dad and they confirmed this. I was surprised but it didn't hurt me and I never thought to ask about Santa and the others. I seems to me that I believed in Santa till I was maybe about 11 or 12. Even then, I was starting to have doubts but I had enough belief still to be unsure and to still wait up to hear reindeer on the roof. I still remember the magic that being a kid brought.

I don't remember how I found there was no Santa so it must not have been too traumatic for me. I really cannot remember how I found out or when exactly but I do know I never felt "lied to." It was all just part of growing up and I was happy to be doing that.

While I can see how angry you feel about an adult friend of yours telling your kid there's no Santa and you feel they overstepped their place, we all find out somehow and apparently this is the way your child has found out. Now it's up to you to decide how you're going to carry on. The way I see it, Santa or no Santa, Chsristmas is a magical time of year. I would explain my own reasons but I don't want to push my religious beliefs onto anyone so I'll just stick with the beauty and magic of Christmas trees and family traditions, sparkly things, pretty music. I know not everyone celebrates for various reasons. I am not christian but I see it as a "world party" almost; a celebration of the sleeping earth and God's hibernating animals, kindness toward others, an occasion to celebrate my own God even though I do that privately. I think you can still convey to your child what Christmas means in your family. I think you can still keep the magic going. Kids have very adaptable imaginations and I Think it's still important to keep that imagination going by celebrating what Santa stands for. It sounds like you have a good handle on the Jesus aspect of Christmas and in making sure your child knows the difference between Jesus and Santa Claus. I doubt you'll have any problems with that part.

As to the proper age to tell children about the facts, I would tell mine by 13 or sooner if they asked. I wouldn't do it in a bummer kind of way but just matter of factly and I would still keep the magic going. Magic is necessary even if you are an adult. I would never want to see a child grow into an adult without that sense of wonder.

Post by **spot** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 4:47 am

Telling anyone, of any age, something to be a fact which is either untrue or a matter of belief is not in accordance with what is right or reasonable. "I believe that" is a different statement to "It is true that". Foisting a religious belief on credulous children as a matter of fact rather than faith is unconscionable in its own right but telling them that Santa and his elves and flying reindeer are physical realities is a plain abuse of trust. Just because it's socially acceptable doesn't make it a good thing to do and the sooner it becomes unacceptable the better.

The entire charade of the gift-bringer is less than two hundred years old, it's not as though it's a cultural inheritance like morris dancing. It's lying to describe christmas gifts in terms of an external worldwide agency and it destroys trust. What child can be expected to interpret belief and allegory from literal truth, or to understand in later years why the two should have been deliberately confused in his formative understanding of the world?

Is the lesson of Father Christmas that "You can’t trust adults to tell you the truth"? Why can't you? Personally, I think you can. I think an assumption that people are fundamentally honest is a good one to teach. Father Christmas destroys that assumption eventually and nothing is ever going to change the fact that the child has been repeatedly lied to about something that was made - by others, deliberately - important at the time. Or is Father Christmas yet another of those disgusting examples of being consciously cruel in order to teach a harsh lesson at an early age, like that foul "Bill Gates' Advice To Children" urban myth we fought about the other day?

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 5:04 am

Hi Spot,

I'd like to understand, really I would, how creating some wonder in a child's life is a bad thing, but so far I am unable to see where your and other's belief in this is coming from.

To me it seems as normal as letting kids run around playing "cowboys and indians." Do we tell a 9 year old that white people gave smallpoxed blankets to the tribes? Or do we just let them play?

I think if my family had chosen not to "make magic" for me by letting me believe in Santa, the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Jack Frost...that I would have missed out on a very rewarding and important chunk of life. Something I really enjoyed. I never once thought my family lied to me. Still don't. Now I'm 40 and my memories of getting up to find Santa had eaten the cookies I left for him and all the other stuff that goes with that, are memories I treasure. That's part of what it means to me- making memories for children who will too soon be faced with the hard adult world.

I don't mean to sound like I'm arguing or anything like that, obviously this is a personal choice for all. I just don't understand where a child would lose trust in adults for creating myth for him.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 5:10 am

I don't have kids, so, unlike Spot, I won't condemn parents for having a fun game at Christmastime. I don't remember specifically when I found out about Santa. I was the youngest, so my sister probably told me as soon as she found out.

I would imagine the softest blow to their little psyches would be to acknowledge it when the kid asks with that knowing look in their eye. Not the "please tell me Santa's real" look of a 5-year-old, but the "you've been yanking my chain, haven't you?" look. Then you can laugh and say "Okay you caught me" and explain the tradition of parents lavishing kids with extra love and calling it Santa.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 5:13 am

Mntcombs - thanks for bringing this up and welcome.

My step-daughters gradually came to realise the truth without either their dad or I telling them and that is the way that I am letting my daughter go on with it.

Last year she was adamant that he still existed and we had to follow all the family traditions. This year (she has just turned 12) some of them seem to be forgotten - writing a letter to him for instance. I'm not going to prod her into remembering them I think it's best to let her guide me, not the other way around.

For her the belief has go on longer than for some of her friends because a few years ago we took a trip to Lapland where she met 'him' in person. It was the most wonderful, magical experience of her life (and mine), I shall never forget my little chatterbox being struck dumb when she saw him (welling up just remembering!). She completely and utterly believed for a long time after that because she had proof.

I think the magic of Christmas is in part this childlike innocence and belief and it makes it so special for them. What a shame to force them to grow up faster than they are ready to by spoiling this belief.

But if you do believe in God then it is the best time of year to celebrate that too and the nativity is an equally magical and special story for children.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 5:24 am

Pinky;492916 wrote: Spot just likes playing Devil's Advocate

It does get a thread moving again though doesn't it?

*hehe*

Yes, it does and that's a good thing.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 5:25 am

i will never forget the sheer joy, nor will my boys, of one special Christmas Eve. i had asked my Dad to put on a santa suit...there was a beautiful crunchy snow cover in the lovely wooded area where we lived. i had some sleigh bells which i gave my Dad. so my boys, late at night in their beds, with visions of sugarplums dancing in their heads, woke up to the sound of bells jingling...ran to the window and saw santa outside. it was nothing less than magical. and now a precious memory.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 5:33 am

addendum to my post....they subsequently grew up to be serial killers because i lied to them. :rolleyes:

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 5:35 am

lady cop;492943 wrote: addendum to my post....they subsequently grew up to be serial killers because i lied to them. :rolleyes:
:wah:

koan · Post by **koan** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 6:15 am

My younger brother is Muslim. Their kids have obviously never had Santa Claus as part of their lives, though they do experience Christmas to the extent that both of the extended families have them over for Christmas holidays.

Their kids are delightful. Santa's presence or absence has not created any difference in their imaginations or their enjoyment of the world. The only drama about the existence of Santa Claus occurs because he isn't real. Without that illusion there is no drama nor a missing piece of the childhood experience. As far as I'm concerned, if you choose to introduce the myth then you choose to someday deal with having to tell your kids you lied. Either way it won't make or break the kid's life experience. Arguments between family members about whether the kids should be told or not would likely just be a different argument if Santa never entered the picture. Parents should discuss how they are raising their kids and work out their game plans in advance. The argument has nothing to do with Santa, it has to do with communication between adults.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 8:07 am

Santa is alive and well and spends his summers in San Diego..:-6

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 8:16 am

When my 2 1/2 yr old grandson sees the presents under our tree he looks up and says where did Santa go? He also thinks Elmo and Big Bird are real. Now I fear he will turn out like LC's kids.:-3 :wah:

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 8:22 am

They are real in a puppet sort of way..

[QUOTE]He also thinks Elmo and Big Bird are real. Now I fear he will turn out like LC's kids. [/QUOTE]

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 8:24 am

CARLA;493002 wrote: They are real in a puppet sort of way..

Thank goodness he knows Barney was killed, slaughtered, torn to bits. I mean uh we dont watch Barney ar our house.:wah:

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 8:29 am

Learning the "real" truth about Santa was devastating to me, because the adults in my life went to so much trouble to convince me he was a genuine person! So, when my daughter was little, I explained that "Santa is someone who loves you." That solved several problems...not the least of which is the day the kid realizes he/she's been the dupe of a huge deception!

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 9:55 am

Christmas was a magical time when my kids were young and I went to great lengths to maintain the magic. I never saw it as lying or being deceitful, just creating an enjoyable illusion. I'd leave the half eaten mince pie and an empty glass in the kitchen where my kids letters had been. I'd have one last read of the letters before stashing them away for them to see when they were older. My son was quite old compared to his peers when the dream died. He came to me one day and said someone had told him that it was me who brought all of his presents and not Santa. I laughed and said "well if that's the case, who brings mine?". He was an intelligent kid , so I was surprised that he was credulous enough to go with it for one more year. He then used to join in making it a magical time for his sister who is 8½ years younger, and will no doubt re-enact the charade with his own kids one day. Christmas is as magical as you want to make it.

rachelg · Post by **rachelg** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 10:00 am

No one ever told me he wasn't real:-3 He still come to see me and I am 46 years old!:)

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 10:03 am

Well it was a long time since I found out that Santa wasn't real, which I worked out myself, as my parents continued to use the same reasons and hiding spots and eventually I knew the truth. Funnily enough I wasn't too bothered, a little sad perhaps, but as long as I still got presents I wasn't grumbling!

Post by **Betty Boop** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 10:09 am

My oaf of an ex told my nine year old boy last year that there is no Father Christmas. My lad is actually quite immature and I will never fathom out why he felt the need to tell him this.

This christmas eve is going to be special, it will be the first time my two will have poured a tipple and left a mince pie for Father Christmas, they have some reindeer food for Rudolph and want to leave it all in the fireplace. I'll make sure there are snowy footprints left behind for them to see the next morning.

I'm so looking forward to a Christmas without Bah Humbug!

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 10:16 am

Betty Boop;493055 wrote: My oaf of an ex told my nine year old boy last year that there is no Father Christmas. My lad is actually quite immature and I will never fathom out why he felt the need to tell him this.

This christmas eve is going to be special, it will be the first time my two will have poured a tipple and left a mince pie for Father Christmas, they have some reindeer food for Rudolph and want to leave it all in the fireplace. I'll make sure there are snowy footprints left behind for them to see the next morning.

I'm so looking forward to a Christmas without Bah Humbug!
Sounds like you'll ALL be having a great Christmas morning. It really is worth the effort before the bubble bursts.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 10:17 am

Hamster;493061 wrote: I am touched to be a part of that Betty. I know how it "used to be" in the house at Christmas.

(plus we can have fun making footprints together!

)

I think you're only one of about two who know just 'how bad' :-1