How does Santa Know?

Secret_Santa_2006 · Post by **Secret_Santa_2006** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 7:43 am

How does Santa Know?

He knows when you are sleeping,

he knows when you're awake,

he know when you've been bad or good,

so be good for goodness sake

Have you ever wondered how Santa know these things? Santa was the first to use networks of tiny hidden surveillance cameras, carefully hidden in the little toys and presents delivered at Christmas. If you feel like someone else besides Santa may be watching, check out the KJB Hidden Camera Detector.

How Santa really knows!

You'd better watch out,

you'd better not cry,

you'd better not pout;

I'm telling you why.

Santa Claus is tapping your phone.

He's bugging your room,

he's reading your mail,

he's keeping a file

and running a tail.

Santa Claus is tapping your phone.

He hears you in the bedroom,

Surveills you out of doors,

and if that doesn't get the goods,

he'll use provocateurs.

Santa Claus is tapping your phone.

So, you mustn't assume

that you are secure.

On Christmas Eve,

he'll kick in your door.

Santa Claus is tapping your phone. :wah:

HO! HO! HO!

Secret_Santa_2006 · Post by **Secret_Santa_2006** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 7:47 am

Is it really Santa?

Here's a clue, if he is taking rather than giving it's probably not the real Santa.

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "what are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant. "That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing the shopping?" "Before the store opened", replied the prisoner. :wah:

Secret_Santa_2006 · Post by **Secret_Santa_2006** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 7:49 am

All I need to know about life I learned from a Snowman

It's okay to be a bit bottom heavy.

Hold your ground even when the heat is on.

Wearing white is always appropriate.

Winter is the best of the four seasons.

It takes a few rolls to make a good midsection.

There is nothing better than a foul weather friend.

The key to life is to be a jolly, happy soul.

You know you've made it when they write a song about you.

There is no stopping you when you're on a roll.

It's embarrassing when you look down and can't see your feet.

And last but not least, Accessorize! Accessorize! Accessorize!

Secret_Santa_2006 · Post by **Secret_Santa_2006** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 7:58 am

How to tell when you've overdone the Christmas drinkies...

Someone uses your tongue for a coaster.

You start kissing the portraits on the wall.

You see your underwear hanging from the chandelier.

You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.

You strike a match and light your nose.

You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.

You hear someone say, "Call a priest!"

You hear a duck quacking and it's you.

You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.

You refill your glass from the fish bowl.

You tell everyone you have to go home... and the party is at your place.

You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.

You yawn at the biggest bore in the room... and realize you're in front of the hall mirror.

You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.

You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.

You're at the dinner table and you ask the hostess to pass a bedpan.

You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.

You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.

You realize you're the only one under the coffee table.

Take care when drinking this Christmas!