Christmas Pasts

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 5:54 am

I got up at 5 am today to get dinner ready. As I prepare, Ive felt quite like crying. Not in a bad way, in a nostalgic way. Thinking of all the mornings, in all the kitchens. Of all the Christmases past. !972 found me with my then Itallian husband singing music, preparing lasagna, together, and probably turkey.... expecting a houseful of family. 1979 in the kitchen, probably drinking manhattans... cooking leg of lamb.. with the Irish husband, our little boy tearing opened his gifts. 1996 in a cabin, by a river, on 112 acres in the woods of Virginia. Wood burning in the stove... having breakfast.. snow outside, awaiting the arrival of visitors from New York.. with my lifelong friend and lover... who is now married to a bingo player. This Christmas, I am making dinner for my Dad, who is divorced from my mom... my good friend a physician who is divorced from her husband. Her children are with their dad today. My young son, who is divorced from his beautiful wife. We will go visit his son this morning. And me, who has loved and lost, over and over again.... I wonder why? I wonder what the big plan is? Andrea Boticelli is playing...... Im choked to tears... I am grateful that I am remembering all of those long gone... with love. Remembering the warmth, the laughs. and the truly good times. I wonder what is coming next?? And that afterall is the wonder of the start of a New Year. Each new day brings surprises and gifts, we never dreamed were possible.

theia · Post by **theia** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 6:00 am

weeder;496411 wrote: I got up at 5 am today to get dinner ready. As I prepare, Ive felt quite like crying. Not in a bad way, in a nostalgic way. Thinking of all the mornings, in all the kitchens. Of all the Christmases past. !972 found me with my then Itallian husband singing music, preparing lasagna, together, and probably turkey.... expecting a houseful of family. 1979 in the kitchen, probably drinking manhattans... cooking leg of lamb.. with the Irish husband, our little boy tearing opened his gifts. 1996 in a cabin, by a river, on 112 acres in the woods of Virginia. Wood burning in the stove... having breakfast.. snow outside, awaiting the arrival of visitors from New York.. with my lifelong friend and lover... who is now married to a bingo player. This Christmas, I am making dinner for my Dad, who is divorced from my mom... my good friend a physician who is divorced from her husband. Her children are with their dad today. My young son, who is divorced from his beautiful wife. We will go visit his son this morning. And me, who has loved and lost, over and over again.... I wonder why? I wonder what the big plan is? Andrea Boticelli is playing...... Im choked to tears... I am grateful that I am remembering all of those long gone... with love. Remembering the warmth, the laughs. and the truly good times. I wonder what is coming next?? And that afterall is the wonder of the start of a New Year. Each new day brings surprises and gifts, we never dreamed were possible.

Lovely post, Weeder...nostalgia is strange, a sort of exquisitely beautiful pain...I've been there today, too

with my love, Jackie

cars · Post by **cars** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 6:50 am

Christmas, it brings good times, & bad times! As you said what's past is past, so we can only look to the present, today & be happy for today!

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 6:52 am

It is because... it is not possible to feel pleasure, if we cannott feel pain.

Today is not so much about giving ( except for children) but more of a forced ocassion to reflect. On what we have, on what weve lost. You Hammy, are experiencing the painful but liberating feeling of setting those who you love free. I have done that many times in my life, am facing having to do it again this year. Heartfelt joy is as much about missing as having.. maybe more so.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 7:02 am

Nice post, Weeder.

Hammy, I would say Christmas does this to us because it is a milestone marker...it allows us to gauge how far we've come.

Last night my dad and I set up our little 32 inch tree that I paid ten dollars for. :wah: It was hilarious. I told him we'll laugh about it in the years to come- thereby we made another memory already.

We miss my mom and things I had planned for us have not gone as planned but we're rolling with it anyway. What's important is that I have my dad with me, thank God.

Blessings to you all.

:-4

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 8:39 am

theia;496416 wrote: Lovely post, Weeder...nostalgia is strange, a sort of exquisitely beautiful pain...I've been there today, too

with my love, Jackie

Beautiful description

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 8:47 am

Nomad;496522 wrote: Beautiful description

I agree :-6

Four years ago today, at 11:40 a.m., hubby and I got a phone call from Florida. His mother had had a heart attack and died on Christmas morning.

Every year, as we celebrate the holiday with his family, a feeling of melancholy accompanies the celebrating. I try to remind everyone how lucky we were to have Sylvia in our lives for as long as we did. But still . . . the feeling of sadness is always present.

Celebrate life and living and loving today :-4