The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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Q: I have a question about t a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
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Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in *Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
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*Kings Cross is the red-light district in Sydney
Take care,
Gordon
Is it true about Australia?
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gordonartist
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Betty Boop
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Is it true about Australia?
:yh_rotfl
Is it true about Australia?
I am rolling round the floor laughing..
I got taken as the 'show and tell' object by a friend's eleven year old son to his middle American middle school class. It was great fun. The kids there were awesome. Polite and attentive. Some of them had heard of Australia too. I gave a little talk on how kids their age would live Down Under. They were amazed to hear we had computers. Their main questions concerned the Australian army, and deadly creatures they thought beset us at every step. Grin. Afterwards the whole class wrote me individual thankyou letters, and I sent each of them a postcard of the deadliest, most scariest, most underwear-soilingest critter of the bush I could find. :sneaky:
When I first discovered the internet, I met a very sweet woman from St Louis,MO who was a graphic designer. She had heard of Australia but didn't realise that we were'nt all living in bark huts in the outback. She told me she was very surprised to find some of us were actually educated.......
I got taken as the 'show and tell' object by a friend's eleven year old son to his middle American middle school class. It was great fun. The kids there were awesome. Polite and attentive. Some of them had heard of Australia too. I gave a little talk on how kids their age would live Down Under. They were amazed to hear we had computers. Their main questions concerned the Australian army, and deadly creatures they thought beset us at every step. Grin. Afterwards the whole class wrote me individual thankyou letters, and I sent each of them a postcard of the deadliest, most scariest, most underwear-soilingest critter of the bush I could find. :sneaky:
When I first discovered the internet, I met a very sweet woman from St Louis,MO who was a graphic designer. She had heard of Australia but didn't realise that we were'nt all living in bark huts in the outback. She told me she was very surprised to find some of us were actually educated.......
"Life is too short to ski with ugly men"
Is it true about Australia?
Grin. Austrian coffee's actually bloody good, Diuretic. And Magenta - I have kangaroos in my street in Canberra too. Especially in drought time, when they come in from the bush (about a block away) for garden water (of course there's not a lot of that around right now either.. grin).
"Life is too short to ski with ugly men"
Is it true about Australia?
When I went ot Oz on my hols we didn't see a single wild kangaroo despite driving bloody miles and miles. So when we got to Canberra brother-in-law took us out roo spotting - found hundreds of the little darlings!! But the best bit was when we stayed in cabins in the woods we had wild(ish) possums coming up to the veranda and taking food from our hands and letting us stroke them - what a buzz (better than squirrels that we have here):)
Originally Posted by spot
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
Is it true about Australia?
I'm a big fan of squirrels, Imladris.. love the little critters. I have a family of aussie possums in my roof in Canberra.. and geesch. Sometimes, in warm weather, round about 3am they either decide to throw a disco party, or else they are practising for the next Olympic Games. GRRRRRRRR
(I do sometimes leave out bread for them, soaked in milk, the mummy possums run out and you can just see their red eyes in the dark, and often a smaller set of red eyes from a baby presumably clinging to their back)
(I do sometimes leave out bread for them, soaked in milk, the mummy possums run out and you can just see their red eyes in the dark, and often a smaller set of red eyes from a baby presumably clinging to their back)
"Life is too short to ski with ugly men"
Is it true about Australia?
One of the strangest things for us was whilst driving round seeing the flocks of tropical birds hanging around like we have pigeons or seagulls and waking up to a very different dawn chorus!
Originally Posted by spot
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
Is it true about Australia?
Upion arrving in London so many Brits that I met kept asking me if we have to check for redback spiders under our toilet seats all the time - it cracked me up and its quite funny that they seriously have no idea how BIG the country is - too funny man. 
Is it true about Australia?
Very funny. Being Irish, something being more than 30 miles away seems like a long way to me. In Australia, its slightly different. This reminds me of a thing I saw once about Australian car insurance forms that are filled out after accidents, here is a sample, unfortunatly they are not all from Australia, but you catch my drift.
The following are actual statements found in insurance forms where car
drivers attempted to summarize the details of the accidents in the fewest
words. These instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that even
incompetent writing may be highly entertaining.
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't
have.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
I thought my window was down, but found out it was up when I put my head
through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I
hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and
headed over the embankment.
In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached
an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the
other car.
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an
accident.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint
gave way causing me to have an accident.
As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where
no sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the
accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that
I had a fractured skull.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road
when I struck him.
The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my
car.
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big
mouth.
I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch
by some cows.
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its
way, when it struck my car.
:wah:
My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
The following are actual statements found in insurance forms where car
drivers attempted to summarize the details of the accidents in the fewest
words. These instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that even
incompetent writing may be highly entertaining.
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't
have.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
I thought my window was down, but found out it was up when I put my head
through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I
hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and
headed over the embankment.
In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached
an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the
other car.
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an
accident.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint
gave way causing me to have an accident.
As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where
no sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the
accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that
I had a fractured skull.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road
when I struck him.
The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my
car.
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big
mouth.
I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch
by some cows.
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its
way, when it struck my car.
:wah:
My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Is it true about Australia?
I keep meaning to visit my relatives in WA, It's only my fear of Drop Bears, that's stopping me!.....
My dog's a cross between a Shihtzu and a Bulldog... It's a Bullsh!t..
Is it true about Australia?
EEK! I thought the Cane Toads had eaten all the Square Bears!!!!!:-3
My dog's a cross between a Shihtzu and a Bulldog... It's a Bullsh!t..
Is it true about Australia?
Drop bears are scary alright, but it's really this little critter you've gotta watch out for. :-3
Is it true about Australia?
Magenta flame;504817 wrote: Hello Amie, don't think we've met!
Why hallo thar!
Why hallo thar!
Is it true about Australia?
mrsK;504815 wrote: Welcome back good to see you again:-6
Hey How's your world? I've been hiding. Well no, in Melbourne but home now!
Hey How's your world? I've been hiding. Well no, in Melbourne but home now!
Is it true about Australia?
Diuretic;504848 wrote: I love wombats - hate it when they're womsplatts 
Me too really. Best Aussie animal ever.
Me too really. Best Aussie animal ever.
Is it true about Australia?
mrsK;504819 wrote: Not yet they are working on it;)
Where abouts in WA are your rellies? there is a cyclone over there atm.
They're all scattered in and around Perth, I better check up on them, haven't spoken to any of em for about three weeks...
Where abouts in WA are your rellies? there is a cyclone over there atm.
They're all scattered in and around Perth, I better check up on them, haven't spoken to any of em for about three weeks...
My dog's a cross between a Shihtzu and a Bulldog... It's a Bullsh!t..