Jesse sweetie, this is normal. It's called survivors guilt. A lot of bereaved people suffer from this in varying degrees, and for those who have witnessed a violent death it is even worse.
You are not going mad, you are not wrong to feel this way.
I know you have had some counselling in the past but I really think it would be worth trying again. If you want to please feel free to PM me any time, I'm willing to listen.
why do i feel so guilty
why do i feel so guilty
Originally Posted by spot
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
why do i feel so guilty
I imagine it's because of the relationship you had with S. You and M are that much older than him, so there would be an ingrained need to protect S.
You need to come to terms with the fact that you did all you could (and your own injuries/scars prove that!) and there was nothing more that you could have done to change the outcome.
Your guilt stems from the fact that you couldn't save him, and feel you should have given your life for his. This wasn't possible, it wasn't in your control and it wasn't your choice to make.
One thing you do have control over is this...............
You can make the most of your life from now on. Sam doesn't have his anymore, but you still have yours, and you owe it to him and the others you have lost in your family, to make the most of it and live every day to the full. Knowing someone else lost their life, should make you value your own and those around you even more!
I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm here if you need to talk.
You need to come to terms with the fact that you did all you could (and your own injuries/scars prove that!) and there was nothing more that you could have done to change the outcome.
Your guilt stems from the fact that you couldn't save him, and feel you should have given your life for his. This wasn't possible, it wasn't in your control and it wasn't your choice to make.
One thing you do have control over is this...............
You can make the most of your life from now on. Sam doesn't have his anymore, but you still have yours, and you owe it to him and the others you have lost in your family, to make the most of it and live every day to the full. Knowing someone else lost their life, should make you value your own and those around you even more!
I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm here if you need to talk.
why do i feel so guilty
elvira has very wise words jess....believe that your life is just as important...you are important to me and everybody else you touch....
you just have to believe it within your own heart....:-4
you just have to believe it within your own heart....:-4
why do i feel so guilty
Jess, have you tried talking to Joyce about how your feeling??
I am nobody..nobody is perfect...therefore I must be Perfect!
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Patsy Warnick
- Posts: 4567
- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:53 am
why do i feel so guilty
Jesse
I wish I could fix that feeling . As others have said, its a normal feeling especially since you witnessed this. This tragedy was out of your control - I too feel some guilt,regarding my nephew. I have found comfort in food - which is terrible,and I'm trying to turn that around.
You need to make this a positive result - as making the most with your life.
Get involved with youths to turn them around - become a counselor, your a caring sensitive person and I would suggest to continue seeing a counselor and of course we are always here to talk and help in anyway.
You can PM me anytime - I'll listen and try to help - therapy for the both of us.
We care Jesse
Patsy
I wish I could fix that feeling . As others have said, its a normal feeling especially since you witnessed this. This tragedy was out of your control - I too feel some guilt,regarding my nephew. I have found comfort in food - which is terrible,and I'm trying to turn that around.
You need to make this a positive result - as making the most with your life.
Get involved with youths to turn them around - become a counselor, your a caring sensitive person and I would suggest to continue seeing a counselor and of course we are always here to talk and help in anyway.
You can PM me anytime - I'll listen and try to help - therapy for the both of us.
We care Jesse
Patsy
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RedGlitter
- Posts: 15777
- Joined: Thu Dec 22, 2005 3:51 am
why do i feel so guilty
Imladris is right- it is Survivor's Guilt. It's probably worse for you because it happened to your brother, whom you have a special bond with, rather than if it had happened to say, a friend.
This is probably compounded with the other guilt people normally feel after the death of a loved one. If it's any help, I'm feeling guilty about my mom. Have been for a few months now. Things I wish I'd said, or didn't say, did or didn't do. You probably are feeling the same about Sam as well as all the other feelings of sorrow, anger, numbness, etc.
You had mentioned on here awhile ago about how does someone know if they're going mad. You are not going mad. There's nothing wrong with you. All this stuff is normal.
With an expected death, it's a little bit easier than it is when it happens out of the blue. When death happens with no expectation, the guilt is worse and if violence is a factor, that's yet more guilt and more trauma.
I might be getting too personal here but are you a person of faith? If you are is it helping at all? Or are you angry at your God because of the way Sam passed on? If you are, that's something that you might want to work out between yourself and God. One of the most normal reactions to death that people have is having anger or hatred towards God. And they may stop believing altogether.
Things you can be sure of:
Love is eternal. Sam loves you now just as much as he did when he was here. Death doesn't change that.
You are not responsible for Sam's passing. It's not a matter of you stopping the attack. It happened and it was beyond your control. What you ARE responsible for is surviving. You are loved and cared for and people depend on you. It will take a lot of time and a lot of tears for you to get to where you can stop blaming yourself or thinking you should have been the one, but you have to do it. You're already on the right track because you're talking about it. That's Number One: talk it out. Don't let it bottle up inside you even if it hurts to talk about it. We are your friends and we will listen.
I think Jesse, one of the best ways you can honor Sam is by being there for his children. Family is everything. They are going to need you as they grow up. They need you now as well. Show your love for Sam by being there for them.
I'm long winded, aren't I? Well I'm writing like I'd talk with you. We care very much about you. :-4
This is probably compounded with the other guilt people normally feel after the death of a loved one. If it's any help, I'm feeling guilty about my mom. Have been for a few months now. Things I wish I'd said, or didn't say, did or didn't do. You probably are feeling the same about Sam as well as all the other feelings of sorrow, anger, numbness, etc.
You had mentioned on here awhile ago about how does someone know if they're going mad. You are not going mad. There's nothing wrong with you. All this stuff is normal.
With an expected death, it's a little bit easier than it is when it happens out of the blue. When death happens with no expectation, the guilt is worse and if violence is a factor, that's yet more guilt and more trauma.
I might be getting too personal here but are you a person of faith? If you are is it helping at all? Or are you angry at your God because of the way Sam passed on? If you are, that's something that you might want to work out between yourself and God. One of the most normal reactions to death that people have is having anger or hatred towards God. And they may stop believing altogether.
Things you can be sure of:
Love is eternal. Sam loves you now just as much as he did when he was here. Death doesn't change that.
You are not responsible for Sam's passing. It's not a matter of you stopping the attack. It happened and it was beyond your control. What you ARE responsible for is surviving. You are loved and cared for and people depend on you. It will take a lot of time and a lot of tears for you to get to where you can stop blaming yourself or thinking you should have been the one, but you have to do it. You're already on the right track because you're talking about it. That's Number One: talk it out. Don't let it bottle up inside you even if it hurts to talk about it. We are your friends and we will listen.
I think Jesse, one of the best ways you can honor Sam is by being there for his children. Family is everything. They are going to need you as they grow up. They need you now as well. Show your love for Sam by being there for them.
I'm long winded, aren't I? Well I'm writing like I'd talk with you. We care very much about you. :-4