How to read/get noticed by a shy guy?

swedeace · Post by **swedeace** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 7:04 pm

Hi everyone!

I REALLY need some advice and hope someone (or a lot of people) can really help me on this one. It's kinda long....

Well, here goes....

I work in a computer lab facility at a college, and I just began noticing this student. I've been noticing him all semester and only began *wanting* to get him to notice me and approach him last week. I see him once a week on Fridays, and I have attempted to talk with him BOTH Fridays (this past and the one before it).

I am quiet and reserved myself, and he seems like it too because he doesn't really talk with his classmates and just concentrates on his lectures and assignments. From that, I gather he is quiet.

I discreetly found out his name and a little about his personality through his computer teacher, and she's described him as being "so quiet and shy and does really great graphics work." I just can't help but to keep looking at him through the door's window and just wander inside the computer classroom and straighten up and "fix" computers next to him.

Finally, last Friday I decided to try and converse with him. I guess I asked close-ended sentences because he chuckled a bit and just answered basically "yes" and "no" answers. Argh!

This past Friday, I tried smiling, greeting him as he arrived to class, and chit-chatting right before he left class, but again - he was responding little and chuckling. I get the impression all that chuckling was done out of nervousness. From that, he DOES seem quiet and shy....

I understand dates are to be quiet mutual (the attraction thing), but what if I'd like to attempt to go up to him and ask if he'd like to have lunch or have juice/coffee next Friday? I hope he isn't taken, but it's difficult to find out in the computer labs until I *actually* talk with him during that supposed outing. And I do not want to wait until he comes to me because, 1) that is a probability it would NEVER happen if I just sit and wait, 2) next Friday is THE end of the semester and am not sure if he'll take summer classes *bites nails out of nervousness*, 3) What if he's not interested in me, 4) he's already taken, or 4) he's TOO darn shy, in general! I asked what classes he's taking in the summer, and he said, "Oh, I haven't decided yet." Does that mean he really hasn't or just said that because he's shy, or

I talked about this with a couple of co-worker friends, and they've told me, "Just go and ask him! What do you have to lose?" That is getting me pumped.....

So, what do I do? Shall I ask him out next Friday? It's my absolute LAST day... that is, if he's NOT taking summer classes. But I don't know...

Any advice?

QUESTION: Any other girls have "asking out guys" stories to share? OR, does any guy have "girls asked me out" stories to share? I want to read more to get more ideas.... Thanks!!!

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 7:18 pm

I have a saying that I use quite a bit, and it really applies here: "Regret what you do, not what you WISH you'd done." How are you going to feel next Saturday if you haven't asked him out? You're going to be kicking yourself in the tush for not having the guts to talk to him! He is a person. Just like you. You being gutsy enough to go and ask him out for coffee will impress him, trust me. Guys, jump in here and support me on this. Men DO appreciate a woman who sees what she wants and has the confidence to go after it. What is the absolute worst thing that could happen? He says "No, thanks." Are those two words going to kill you? Nope. He sounds almost painfully shy. I think you're reading it right when you think his chuckling and one-word answers are from shyness. To get him past that, ask about something you know interests him. It's a computer class, right? Ask him a question about that. I don't care if you're a computer genius. Get him talking about something he can relate to, an area where he's comfortable.

Oh...by the way...the last guy I approached, I'm marrying.

Good luck, and you MUST come back Saturday and tell us how it went! (I just KNOW you're going to talk to him.) :yh_bigsmi

David813 · Post by **David813** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 7:18 pm

swedeace wrote: Hi everyone!

I REALLY need some advice and hope someone (or a lot of people) can really help me on this one. It's kinda long....

Well, here goes....

I work in a computer lab facility at a college, and I just began noticing this student. I've been noticing him all semester and only began *wanting* to get him to notice me and approach him last week. I see him once a week on Fridays, and I have attempted to talk with him BOTH Fridays (this past and the one before it).

I am quiet and reserved myself, and he seems like it too because he doesn't really talk with his classmates and just concentrates on his lectures and assignments. From that, I gather he is quiet.

I discreetly found out his name and a little about his personality through his computer teacher, and she's described him as being "so quiet and shy and does really great graphics work." I just can't help but to keep looking at him through the door's window and just wander inside the computer classroom and straighten up and "fix" computers next to him.

Finally, last Friday I decided to try and converse with him. I guess I asked close-ended sentences because he chuckled a bit and just answered basically "yes" and "no" answers. Argh!

This past Friday, I tried smiling, greeting him as he arrived to class, and chit-chatting right before he left class, but again - he was responding little and chuckling. I get the impression all that chuckling was done out of nervousness. From that, he DOES seem quiet and shy....

I understand dates are to be quiet mutual (the attraction thing), but what if I'd like to attempt to go up to him and ask if he'd like to have lunch or have juice/coffee next Friday? I hope he isn't taken, but it's difficult to find out in the computer labs until I *actually* talk with him during that supposed outing. And I do not want to wait until he comes to me because, 1) that is a probability it would NEVER happen if I just sit and wait, 2) next Friday is THE end of the semester and am not sure if he'll take summer classes *bites nails out of nervousness*, 3) What if he's not interested in me, 4) he's already taken, or 4) he's TOO darn shy, in general! I asked what classes he's taking in the summer, and he said, "Oh, I haven't decided yet." Does that mean he really hasn't or just said that because he's shy, or

I talked about this with a couple of co-worker friends, and they've told me, "Just go and ask him! What do you have to lose?" That is getting me pumped.....

So, what do I do? Shall I ask him out next Friday? It's my absolute LAST day... that is, if he's NOT taking summer classes. But I don't know...

Any advice?

QUESTION: Any other girls have "asking out guys" stories to share? OR, does any guy have "girls asked me out" stories to share? I want to read more to get more ideas.... Thanks!!! Hmmm. I would suggest catching him out of class, like on his way out to his car/bus/etc. and strike up a casual conversation. If he still acts the same stick with it and stay friendly. Mention the place you want to go and tell him you visit there often, and that you hope he pops in sometime. Give him some time. He may be like me and is thrown off by the attention.

David813 · Post by **David813** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 7:20 pm

(Also check your nose in a mirror. Just in case!:-2 )

devist8me · Post by **devist8me** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 7:28 pm

Well, I was going to respond but Babyrider said it all already and she's right on everything she said.

Good luck and keep us updated.

David813 · Post by **David813** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 7:30 pm

devist8me wrote: Well, I was going to respond but Babyrider said it all already and she's right on everything she said.

Good luck and keep us updated.But David 813 was WRONG on everything HE said!:-1

David813 · Post by **David813** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 7:37 pm

David813 wrote: But David 813 was WRONG on everything HE said!:-1 Just Kidding!!!!;)

devist8me · Post by **devist8me** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 8:33 pm

David813 wrote: But David 813 was WRONG on everything HE said!:-1
Ok, ok....the mirror is a good idea too. :yh_wink :yh_wink

greydeadhead · Post by **greydeadhead** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 5:19 am

You ain't gonna get the golden egg by sitting back. Ask him out!!!!.. If he says no so what.. but nothing ventured.. etc etc etc.. besides he might be flattered that you are interested in him..

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 7:42 am

Sounds like you've got a challenge. I've initiated a few dates in my time. With shy guys you have to be careful not to scare them away. Since you are shy too it is best to not suddenly become someone different though, obviously, you have to make the first move. You could try pointing out that you are really shy yourself "but" you keep wanting to ask him out for coffee/whatever so here you are...putting yourself out on a limb. If you work a little laugh or joke into it then you will make his giggling appropriate and it will be easier to walk away if he says no. On the other hand, if you try to plan exactly what to say it rarely goes that way and you could get left speechless. Do you know if he even lives in the area?

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 8:06 am

greydeadhead wrote: You ain't gonna get the golden egg by sitting back. Ask him out!!!!.. If he says no so what.. but nothing ventured.. etc etc etc.. besides he might be flattered that you are interested in him..

All great advice so go for it and while you are at it, ask if he is taking summer courses.

And if you get rejected keep your head high and be proud of yourself for trying.

I am certain there are a few more girl asks guy out stories out there.

I didn't exactly ask my guy out for the first date, but I am the one who initiated the greeting. I sent him an "I am interested" message on a dating site. And happy to report we are fast approaching 1 blissful year next month.

Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained.

Good luck.

hotsauce · Post by **hotsauce** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 4:48 pm

I slipped my husband a note after talking to him several weeks in class. I thought he was the cutest boy!! Wow! It took soooo much courage to ask him out. He wasn't shy. He had gotten out of a relationship and didn't want to jump right into another. Anyway...I just wrote...

"Are you every going to ask me out...or what?!"

The rest, as they say, is history!

swedeace · Post by **swedeace** » Wed Apr 20, 2005 7:08 pm

I want to thank you all for your insightful information AND for your warm welcomes! I don't think I've ever received the same warm welcome and welcoming messages in any other advice-seeking forum as I have in this one. It makes me WANT to come back here.

I have SO many replies, so please bare with me as this is such a highly important topic for me.

BabyRider wrote: How are you going to feel next Saturday if you haven't asked him out? You're going to be kicking yourself in the tush for not having the guts to talk to him! He is a person. Just like you.
Yeah, I suppose I would begin feeing the "I should've" guilt riding up inside of me, and I do not want to regret it. It's the very last thing I want to do, believe me. I know it seems otherwise only because of my holding back. Although, I really, really, really, really... want to definitely, for sure and really ask him.

You being gutsy enough to go and ask him out for coffee will impress him, trust me. Guys, jump in here and support me on this. Men DO appreciate a woman who sees what she wants and has the confidence to go after it.
You really think he'd be appreciative? That helps SO much! I just hope he himself does. I mean, the last guy I asked out I had NO idea he was gay, but he was SO nice about it. He said he was honored and everything, so that helped break the mold for that situation. I just hope that *if* this guy isn't interested, he will be polite or at least nice about the situation. Speaking of the guy... I've been thinking... Do you think he might be wondering why - all of a sudden - a female lab tech, me, is trying to talk with him considering I've never approached him beforehand and am not really approaching the other students individually? It's difficult to tell if he's sorta picking up on it or is just being oblivious or something.

What is the absolute worst thing that could happen? He says "No, thanks." Are those two words going to kill you? Nope.
I hold back because I am a go-getter on what I know I want, and since I have been wanting to get a chance to go to lunch/have coffee with this guy to get to know him, that is strongly in my heart. Therefore, I am so afraid of his rejection, and I will feel like I have failed. I am in my late 20s, and I have NEVER dated. *blush, blush* Needless to say, I have only decided I felt ready to explore the area recently and just want to experience the whole dating faÃƒ§ade. I understand all this waiting and trying is all part of life, but I feel I am quite picky as far as dating goes. And this guy I would just like to get to know. Who knows - it may or may not work out, but at least just an outing like this would help a little, I guess. I'd like to move up closer to dating or close to dating, at least.

He sounds almost painfully shy. I think you're reading it right when you think his chuckling and one-word answers are from shyness. To get him past that, ask about something you know interests him. It's a computer class, right? Ask him a question about that. I don't care if you're a computer genius. Get him talking about something he can relate to, an area where he's comfortable.
Okay! That sounds WONDERFUL! I actually tried not last Friday but the one before that - April 8th when I asked about his Adobe Illustrator class, and gave shy and short answers. Puh.... Maybe I should try more such as what his major is and how he got interested, shouldn't I? One thing that makes it difficult is that he usually comes about 15-20 minutes AFTER his class begins, so when I see him walking the hallway going into his class, he is usually focused on JUST getting TO class since it's already started. Who knows - maybe this Friday the instructor won't lecture, so that might give me a chance to just go up to him and chit-chat... this is a few hours before I actually approach him about the outing.

Good luck, and you MUST come back Saturday and tell us how it went! (I just KNOW you're going to talk to him.) :yh_bigsmi
Awww... thank you SO much for wanting to know more AND for the confidence-booster!!! You guys are great, and I am already feeling soooo welcome here! *hugs*

David813 wrote: (Also check your nose in a mirror. Just in case!:-2 )
You are SO right! Hahaha...watch me burst out laughing that day thinking about your post...hehe... well, at least, it'll help me out by laughing.

koan wrote: Sounds like you've got a challenge. I've initiated a few dates in my time.
Oh, cool! Do you mind if I ask how your situations went? Were they shy? How did you approach them, and what were their answers? I'm just interested to read different people's perspectives.

With shy guys you have to be careful not to scare them away. Since you are shy too it is best to not suddenly become someone different though, obviously, you have to make the first move.
That's true. I don't want to scare him away, yet I am really hoping he'd be touched and be appreciative that, at least, I am interested in him. That is, if he's not already taken. Since he's so shy AND quiet, it's difficult to tell what's going on outside of the building.

If you work a little laugh or joke into it then you will make his giggling appropriate and it will be easier to walk away if he says no.
Do you mean giggle or laugh a little when he laughs nervously?

On the other hand, if you try to plan exactly what to say it rarely goes that way and you could get left speechless.
Yeah, I've heard this so many times, but it's funny because I feel like I want to prepare myself for possible things. I don't know. It's difficult for me just to "let it flow." I feel that will mess me up even more than being a little prepared. Who knows?

Do you know if he even lives in the area?
Yes, he does. I'm almost sure because most college students do.

minks wrote: All great advice so go for it and while you are at it, ask if he is taking summer courses.
Thanks! About his summer courses, I did ask him what he will be taking next semester, and he told me, "Oh, I haven't decided yet." So I do not even know if he really hasn't thought about his classes, or if he is just shy or just does not want to tell me (maybe he's getting to realize I have been approaching him lately?). It's difficult to tell. I don't know...

BabyRider, minks, and hotsauce: Thanks so much for your success stories of approaching guys and are happily together! I mean, I do not necessarily expect the same to happen to me, but it DOES give me more hope that, at least, there may be a teeny-tiny opportunity and ray of hope that this guy might be interested in lunching with me. *wishes*

Anyway, if I don't write before Friday, then I WILL update you all on Saturday!!!! Wish me SO much luck, please!

koan · Post by **koan** » Wed Apr 20, 2005 8:09 pm

I'm, um, not very shy. I don't think my approach would work for you. I've given lots of advice to shy people though but it only works half the time. You have to go with your intuition and be true to your personality. (of course, that only works half the time)

swedeace · Post by **swedeace** » Fri Apr 22, 2005 8:33 pm

I have to update you all on what has happened, but I will have to write it up and then post it. Hint: It *is* "going" well for me but not there yet.

More later.... So thank you all for the advice!!! :yh_kiss

Be back soon....

swedeace · Post by **swedeace** » Sun Apr 24, 2005 1:20 pm

I ended up taking all the advice I read in this forum as well as what friends have told me and what IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve read in Ã¢â‚¬Å“flirting tipsÃ¢â‚¬ resources and combined them all to make my final decision on how to approach my crush. I used nearly every tip except for the Ã¢â‚¬Å“leave him alone because heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not interested in youÃ¢â‚¬ advice presented in a couple of forums.

I waited for his arrival to class to try and chit-chat a little before he actually walked into his class, as I had planned. The nice thing is we techs can be lingering around the hallways where it wouldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t be too obvious or anything and not look like weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re waiting for people. I thought about approaching him casually in two different occasions before actually asking him out for coffee. This way, it gives some ease into making him feel a little comfortable instead of me just Ã¢â‚¬Å“jumping inÃ¢â‚¬ and scaring him away with such an approachable request. This is where I took those peopleÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s advice of Ã¢â‚¬Å“approach him a little more so he knows me a little more.Ã¢â‚¬

The second approach was during his class after his teacher had students present their final projects. After, the teacher was going around the classroom and grading assignments while students were leaving. It gave me time to continue sitting next to my crush and just install dummy programs and scan the computer for Ã¢â‚¬Å“errors.Ã¢â‚¬ I noticed he kept looking at my computer screen but would not ask anything until we talked more later. I kept walking in and out as though I was looking for CDs and floppies. I finally complimented his final project, and from there, we began talking more and more about computers, classes, cooking, languages, games, and so on. I could feel he was getting more comfortable around me since he asked what my hobbies are and I reciprocated. He was so amazed I understood advanced computer terminology, and that pepped my self-confidence up by SO much!

I was out in the hallway when he was wrapping up his books to leave, and as he walked through the hall beside us to let me know he was leaving. As my co-worker walked away, I knew it would be now or never. I asked him, Ã¢â‚¬Å“Would you like to have coffee sometime?Ã¢â‚¬ He looked at me, paused for a second, chuckled a bit, and proceeded with Ã¢â‚¬Å“yeah.Ã¢â‚¬ So then I wrote him my phone number and email address and handed it to him. I mentioned that Ã¢â‚¬Å“we could talk more about languages and computers.Ã¢â‚¬ We proceeded to greet each other there and then.

With the lengthy conversations and our interests flaring, I was utmost confident our interests were mutual. He knows I initiated to talk with him, I have initiated an open invitation to coffee, so I would mix Ã¢â‚¬Å“datingÃ¢â‚¬ initiations a little by leaving the rest to him Ã¢â‚¬“ to decide to see if he would want to get to know me more as a person. So, the advice about Ã¢â‚¬Å“not coming on strong if heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s shyÃ¢â‚¬ and Ã¢â‚¬Å“donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t allowÃ¢â‚¬ myself to always be the initiator comes to play here. TheyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re mixed, so I am just waiting now.

The end result? My main concern was wanting to, at least, have a chit-chat moment to get a feel of who he is and what kind of person he is. With this, it has helped me and him get to know each other become more than strangers and move into Ã¢â‚¬Å“familiar faces,Ã¢â‚¬ so we asked and answered questions and BOTH become comfortable with each other. I could tell by our conversation flow we were both enjoying each otherÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s company.

I have left the cards open to him by initiating a conversation and moving into asking if heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d like to have coffee as he was leaving. This got the ball rolling, and hopefully he takes the hint that I am interested in him. Now is the waiting game of his interest in me. Now, the waiting game beginsÃ¢â‚¬¦.

To all who have participated in suggesting advice, THANK YOU!

swedeace · Post by **swedeace** » Sun Apr 24, 2005 4:40 pm

Thanks, Tinseltoes!

Oh, and I failed to mention something else....

Being a somewhat shy person myself, I found it SO terrifying and incredibly difficult to go UP to my crush and begin initiating conversation. That is usually SO not me! What helps is knowing there IS a chance and having the motivation in doing so. I did it! I did it on the last day because I felt I had that adrenaline rush being pumped inside of me. I did it!

babygirl · Post by **babygirl** » Sun Apr 24, 2005 4:45 pm

Wow swedeace i have just been reading through the thread and you go girl!!!!!!!

It took me ages to pluck up the courage to talk to my now boyfriend i always saw him in the pub's and we smiled at each other all the time, then one night i was in a night club and he was there i walked over to him (being quite tipsy) and kissed him!!!!!! he kissed me back then i did'nt see him for ages after that then i was in the chip shop and saw him so i asked him out for a drink he said yes and we went there and then. He was quiet all night so i got paranoid he did'nt like me when he grabbed me spun me around and kissed me. We have been together ever since its been nearly 3 years now :-4

You go girl and get your guy!!!!!! good luck keep us updated

swedeace · Post by **swedeace** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 5:26 pm

Thanks so much, Chocobo! Great story of yours - truly inspirational in that all things are possible... who knows? If he calls me, I don't even know how it'll work out, but I'd just like to give it a try. He's gorgeous, smart, AND nice to talk with! :-4

Believe me, it was no easy task for me to make that move, but I felt I have waited for too long of a time and just had to find out for myself. What helps is to just get enough adrenaline going inside of your body to just "go for it." I know it seems SO scary in doing so, and I could tell he began opening up and feeling more comfortable with me after we conversed. I think we conversed for a total of about 45 minutes or so. It raised my self-esteem and self-confidence knowing that *I* as a human being actually made someone else feel comfortable in talking with *me*. It's usually the other way around - people come to me and I start getting more open. But me with him felt just SO awesome, so I definitely encourage that with everyone. I was starting to feel the glow that he was interested in me and what I had to say, considering he did not ignore me and had a smile written across his face.

I have taken all the resources and people's advice and kinda mixed it all up. Granted, I had no script beforehand, so as we talked, I had to go along with the memorized info from the people/resources and applied them there.

I'm not quite out of the woods yet because I am still waiting for his call or email to me. I have taken my strong interest in him showing him that I like him by initiative in going up to him and talking with him and even inviting him to coffee, so I want him to now show me if he will reciprocate his interest in me. I am *almost* confident he will because of the direction of flow of conversation, and he even asked me what my hobbies are and was impressed I knew so much about computers!! *wishes* Please wish me luck on this!!! I will definitely keep everyone updated!!

swedeace · Post by **swedeace** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 4:28 am

Where are all those people who were wanting to know updates about my approach? Not many have been posting?

I am still playing the waiting game, unfortunately.... I had a dream I received his phone call and we began talking, but I woke up suddenly. It felt so real. What makes this so depressing is this would be my first EVER date. Considering my age, this is why I am so antsy.

He's still shy, but even if he's shy and enjoyed our conversation (right before he left, I and a co-worker noted his body language waiting to greet me as though to see who'd make the first move. Who knows!). I could just feel he was feeling more comfortable and just had a glow of our commonalities, so this is what's making me more and more anxious for his call. Yeah, I will remember to do that next time - to ask a specific question. Should the time arise, I wonder if he would say anything, or do I just bring it up? That would be me doing the initiating again. I've read that guys like it when girls make the move, give their numbers, and have the guy call for a date. I dunno....

I've done it twice, so I DO feel awesome about it. But if this one doesn't call, then I will feel pathetic. The first guy was gay, so that's understandable, but this guy who seemed interested in me? I'd just take it personally....

I did not get his phone number. I didn't because I knew he was shy, and I showed him that *I* am interested in him and took all the initiative, and if I would've asked for his number, I just KNOW we'd both be playing phone tag to see who'd call first, you know. I wouldn't want that. I wanted him to prove to me if he really was interested in me and what we were talking about. I dunno. I just pray I will hear from him.

I don't know why, but since Monday night I can feel myself behaving a little depressed. He has not called yet, so I am having negative feelings over the whole thing. Why? I don't know, but I just feel like hiding in a corner and crying to release my feelings. I just hope he will call me. *sniff*

john8pies · Post by **john8pies** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 4:39 am

Just a tip, from a "shy" (ahem!) guy. You sound you`ve done everything right, taking a note of his interests, complimenting him etc , BUT he only answered YES or NO to your questions. Try asking open not closed questions, in other words, not "Do you like Oscar Wilde / The Beatles / English soccer / Glenys Paltrow? " (or in my case, it would have to be, do you like pies, for example!!!) (or whatever - because these are the type of questions to which he can reply YES or NO) but instead try, "What do you think of...." or "What are your favourite....." type of questions, then when he replies, you can say, "Oh, why?" to further the conversation, or `That`s amazing, I like them too` or whatever. Good luck!

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Thu Apr 28, 2005 8:16 am

No disrespect Swede, he has'nt called you & he may not call you!

My advice to you would be exactly the same in the previous threads that you've posted about a very similar situation.....

If he does'nt call, get over it & move on.

You've already shown more initative than i have ever done, just by giving 2 guys your phone number!

Get out their & meet more people, dont fall into old ways by getting depressed that some guy may not want to know you.

Its a wide, wide world out their.

So many guys, so little time and it just would'nt do to pine away after some guy that has'nt called you.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Apr 30, 2005 6:34 am

swedeace wrote: Where are all those people who were wanting to know updates about my approach? Not many have been posting:( But if this one doesn't call, then I will feel pathetic. *sniff* wait for one to pursue you. i believe in being proactive, i have an aggressive personality. but you are somehow picking the wrong targets and then getting hurt....all based on your own fantasies of the guys who are in your radar. quit telling yourself it's shyness. he's just not interested. stop rationalizing and realize that desperation is not attractive. i suspect you are young, you say you have never had a date...now tell us why you REALLY think that is. even the statement above that i quoted shows desperation because nobody here was commenting. time to get honest with yourself. only then can you get to the root of your perceived problem.

swedeace · Post by **swedeace** » Mon May 02, 2005 4:55 pm

lady cop wrote: i suspect you are young, you say you have never had a date...now tell us why you REALLY think that is. even the statement above that i quoted shows desperation because nobody here was commenting. time to get honest with yourself. only then can you get to the root of your perceived problem.Hmmm... Not too young, actually. I'm in my late 20s. It's not that I haven't tried before or anything. Dating has never bothered me for the longest time, but then all of a sudden I recently began actually pursuing it. I don't eye every single guy I come across. It has been just the luck of the draw after observing them by eye sight. This is actually my first time actually trying not counting the previous guy who was gay. I halted with him in romance. I have read communication books on how to generally communicate with people, in a romantic sense or not it's mostly the same type of communication. I, therefore, applied it with this last guy I asked out. We talked, we took turns, he asked me questions, he smiled, we applied enough eye contact (not staring or not looking away), we both listened to what the other had to say, etc. I just am at a dead-end, it seems.....

swedeace · Post by **swedeace** » Tue May 03, 2005 6:53 pm

I GOT an email from the guy today!!! AHHH!!!!

I mean, that is just SO sweet of him to do!!! He was sorry for having kept me a while, and he had a sense of humor telling me I can curse him out and even place Voodoo on him - how funny! He mentioned to me he's not into dating now (he also said he's not gay or taken right now) because of stuff he's going through (the personal stuff I picked up on during our convo - I was right!), but it's just not in the cards for him at the moment. He's interested in being friends, and said he's enjoyed talking with me!!!

I'm not in the least sad or anything, and I admire he, at least, tried to contact me!!! Wow!!! I had that feeling, too, when I was opening up my email I just had a gut feeling to find an email from him! Much to my surprise, I did!! But anyway... I just wanted to share my news with everyone.... Friends is fine, too. Friends are special.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Tue May 03, 2005 7:45 pm

You'd better ask him if he has a girlfriend first - some "shy guys" are just taken elsewhere. That question opens up a whole world of convo if he's not taken.

swedeace · Post by **swedeace** » Tue May 03, 2005 7:51 pm

nvalleyvee wrote: You'd better ask him if he has a girlfriend first - some "shy guys" are just taken elsewhere. That question opens up a whole world of convo if he's not taken.He already told me in the email. He said he is "not taken" and he is "not gay." But I believe just being there for him first, since he is not ready to date. I would respect him, beforehand. Maybe down the line more can be pursued, but since he is busy with personal things, then I keep the quote in mind, "to make a friend, you must be a friend." A friend of mine advised me that being a friend to listen and be there for him is a jewel.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Tue May 03, 2005 8:01 pm

Well then darlin - maybe he's just not interested - haven't you heard the drill on "maybe he's just not into you"

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue May 03, 2005 8:09 pm

this is almost sad. what he did was email the old death knell~~~"i just want to be friends". a polite brush off.

swedeace · Post by **swedeace** » Wed May 04, 2005 4:35 am

What is everyone talking about? :-2

He actually did not say "I just want to be friends" in that manner. He mentioned, "I liked talking with you and hope we can do it more." He also mentioned, "If you want to talk about anything, you know you can come to me" and "I'm always interested in what you have to say" and asked me a question about my favorite group (he used his listening skills to remember our convo!) in that sense.....

Post by **Betty Boop** » Wed May 04, 2005 4:43 am

He said he is 'not taken', what the hell does that mean? - he's not married or something? If he hasn't currently got a girlfreind then why didn't he just say 'i'm not with anyone at the moment.

Carry on and be freinds but don't get your hopes up.

swedeace · Post by **swedeace** » Wed May 04, 2005 4:49 am

Betty Boop wrote: He said he is 'not taken', what the hell does that mean? - he's not married or something? If he hasn't currently got a girlfreind then why didn't he just say 'i'm not with anyone at the moment.Oooops.. my bad....I read the email wrong. He said, "I'm not seeing anybody." I jumped the gun and wrote it wrong. Sorry... The overall tone of the email was very sincere and very gentleman-like.

Carry on and be freinds but don't get your hopes up.You are so right. I was calling up a friend last night right after reading his email, and she told me, "Yes, be a friend to him. He really needs that, it seems."