15 year old son having girl trouble

Karen_A_Martin · Post by **Karen_A_Martin** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 9:03 am

Hello folks, my name is Karen. My 15 year old son is girl crazy, but is just beginning to learn the steps involved in dating a young woman, and is understandly quite awkward at this stage. He went to a dance a few nights ago, and apparently was able to establish a nice rapport with one of the girls there. She also happens to be a girl he's very interested in. Well, I guess he mistook her frendliness for romantic interest, and decided to plant a kiss on her. She was taken aback and became quite upset. She exclaimed, "Michael, I thought you were my friend!", and then she gave him a stinging slap on his cheek.

Well, he's confessed that he probably read a bit too much into her words, and he was acting more on his over-active teen hormones than on common sense. It turns out that she's a very pretty, petite girl who happens to be quite "well endowed", though only 15 years old. He feels really bad for a whole slew of reasons. He feels ashamed that he got his face slapped by a girl, and now lacks confidence about his touch with the ladies. He feels even worse that he made her so upset. He's also disappointed that she didn't see him as more than a friend, but would hate to lose her as a friend.

I gave him some consolation and support, but would like to hear what advice you would offer him as well. I was also teasing him that he shouldn't feel too bad...he achieved two rites of passage into manhood, in quick succession - kissing a woman, and getting slapped by a woman

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 9:08 am

Karen_A_Martin;569628 wrote: Hello folks, my name is Karen. My 15 year old son is girl crazy, but is just beginning to learn the steps involved in dating a young woman, and is understandly quite awkward at this stage. He went to a dance a few nights ago, and apparently was able to establish a nice rapport with one of the girls there. She also happens to be a girl he's very interested in. Well, I guess he mistook her frendliness for romantic interest, and decided to plant a kiss on her. She was taken aback and became quite upset. She exclaimed, "Michael, I thought you were my friend!", and then she gave him a stinging slap on his cheek.

Well, he's confessed that he probably read a bit too much into her words, and he was acting more on his over-active teen hormones than on common sense. It turns out that she's a very pretty, petite girl who happens to be quite "well endowed", though only 15 years old. He feels really bad for a whole slew of reasons. He feels ashamed that he got his face slapped by a girl, and now lacks confidence about his touch with the ladies. He feels even worse that he made her so upset. He's also disappointed that she didn't see him as more than a friend, but would hate to lose her as a friend.

I gave him some consolation and support, but would like to hear what advice you would offer him as well. I was also teasing him that he shouldn't feel too bad...he achieved two rites of passage into manhood, in quick succession - kissing a woman, and getting slapped by a woman

Awwww, bless him:-4

I would've done the same as you..."Welcome to Man-hood", and don't ask me to explain women to ya, cause I ARE one, and I don't understand me half the time.

I have 3 boys Karen, so I understand. My oldest one is 18, he was 17 before he could get brave enough to kiss a girl...and waited for about a month and half before his girlfriend felt comfortable enough to kiss him.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 9:09 am

Karen_A_Martin;569628 wrote: Hello folks, my name is Karen. My 15 year old son is girl crazy, but is just beginning to learn the steps involved in dating a young woman, and is understandly quite awkward at this stage. He went to a dance a few nights ago, and apparently was able to establish a nice rapport with one of the girls there. She also happens to be a girl he's very interested in. Well, I guess he mistook her frendliness for romantic interest, and decided to plant a kiss on her. She was taken aback and became quite upset. She exclaimed, "Michael, I thought you were my friend!", and then she gave him a stinging slap on his cheek.

Well, he's confessed that he probably read a bit too much into her words, and he was acting more on his over-active teen hormones than on common sense. It turns out that she's a very pretty, petite girl who happens to be quite "well endowed", though only 15 years old. He feels really bad for a whole slew of reasons. He feels ashamed that he got his face slapped by a girl, and now lacks confidence about his touch with the ladies. He feels even worse that he made her so upset. He's also disappointed that she didn't see him as more than a friend, but would hate to lose her as a friend.

I gave him some consolation and support, but would like to hear what advice you would offer him as well. I was also teasing him that he shouldn't feel too bad...he achieved two rites of passage into manhood, in quick succession - kissing a woman, and getting slapped by a woman

And the Odyssey begins. Tell him welcome to life. If he can learn too laugh at these things it will go alot easier, but it will obviously take time. Wait till he gets slapped for not kissing a girl. Just tell him to try and be a gentlman and always let the girl make the first move. I was once actually asked why I was'nt moving faster when dating at a younger age. I was like hell I dont know when too do what.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 9:24 am

YZGI;569633 wrote: I was like hell I dont know when too do what.

well that never changes!

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 9:27 am

sunny104;569639 wrote: well that never changes!

Thats why we like the sexy teacher outfits. Yes teacher, whatever you say. And we love the homework you give us.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 9:29 am

YZGI;569641 wrote: Thats why we like the sexy teacher outfits. Yes teacher, whatever you say. And we love the homework you give us.

back to the cave!

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 9:29 am

Oh crap another thread spin out. Sorry. Just tell him it gets better with age. By the time he figure out you were lying he is grown up and its his problem.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 9:37 am

I dunno about anyone else but I'd be pretty pissed off if anyone hit either of my children.

My advice to my son would be that she probably isn't worth his time anyway!

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 9:46 am

sunny104;569649 wrote: I dunno about anyone else but I'd be pretty pissed off if anyone hit either of my children.

My advice to my son would be that she probably isn't worth his time anyway!

Good point Sunny, I didn't think about that, because unfortunately I think of some prude-ish girls that think its all about them, guess we come to accept it...Not that its right...just come to accept that with life.

Good thing he didn't slap her back....a true gentleman would walk away and then egg her house later...:p

Karen_A_Martin · Post by **Karen_A_Martin** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 9:54 am

Well, in her defense, she probably felt somewhat violated at the moment. It was a bit more than just a quick peck on the lips. While I wouldn't have reacted that way, we're talking about a 15 year old girl.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 9:57 am

WonderWendy3;569661 wrote: Good point Sunny, I didn't think about that, because unfortunately I think of some prude-ish girls that think its all about them, guess we come to accept it...Not that its right...just come to accept that with life.

Good thing he didn't slap her back....a true gentleman would walk away and then egg her house later...:p

yep, cuz if a guy slapped a girl people would be outraged. To me it's all the one, especially if it's one of my kids (I have one of each....)

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 9:57 am

On another note. It never would have crossed my mind to tell my Mother this had happened. I would have been afraid of another few slaps if I had.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 10:01 am

YZGI;569673 wrote: On another note. It never would have crossed my mind to tell my Mother this had happened. I would have been afraid of another few slaps if I had.

:wah: :wah: bless him

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 10:15 am

sunny104;569649 wrote: I dunno about anyone else but I'd be pretty pissed off if anyone hit either of my children.

My advice to my son would be that she probably isn't worth his time anyway!

That's not ccompletely fair. Girls are still taught today to slap the guy if he gets pushy. You don't know how this girl was raised.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 10:48 am

RedGlitter;569691 wrote: That's not ccompletely fair. Girls are still taught today to slap the guy if he gets pushy. You don't know how this girl was raised.

*I* don't care how she was raised! If someone hit one of my children I'd be pissed off. It wouldn't be "fair" for one of my children to be slapped either.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 11:24 am

I think it needs to be taken into account how parents raise their kids. A fifteen year old girl is still very much her parents daughter. I am sorry the poster's son was slapped but I am more old fashioned than most and more realistic than some and I'd say to him to wear it as a badge of honor, not any kind of shame. That may be a double standard but that is how it is.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 11:31 am

Karen_A_Martin;569628 wrote:

Well, he's confessed that he probably read a bit too much into her words, and he was acting more on his over-active teen hormones than on common sense. It turns out that she's a very pretty, petite girl who happens to be quite "well endowed", though only 15 years old. He feels really bad for a whole slew of reasons. He feels ashamed that he got his face slapped by a girl, and now lacks confidence about his touch with the ladies. He feels even worse that he made her so upset. He's also disappointed that she didn't see him as more than a friend, but would hate to lose her as a friend.

I gave him some consolation and support, but would like to hear what advice you would offer him as well. I was also teasing him that he shouldn't feel too bad...he achieved two rites of passage into manhood, in quick succession - kissing a woman, and getting slapped by a woman

Hi Karen,

Welcome to FG.

If this girl is so well endowed, she's probably used to guys leering at her or coming onto her so maybe she's a little embarrassed about being in that situation which she cannot help. Maybe she reacted as she did because of that. I doubt she slapped him just because he tried to kiss her; she probably had some emotional bagge going on. I am speaking from experience on that one. And I'm speaking from experience how girls are often raised to slap pushy boys. Although I would not consider an attempt at a kiss to be pushy, as I said to Sunny, you can't always know what kind of drivel fathers and mothers will pound into a girl at that age to keep "accidents' from happening.

I would tell your son to gather his pride as he did nothing wrong, and go talk to the girl. Have him apologize for having upset her and let her know he meant no harm to her. To let her know he would hate to lose her friendship over this. She may not buy it and if she doesn't, then I think that'd be a sad loss for her but then again, she may welcome a chance to talk with him.

Let us know how it ends up.

Karen_A_Martin · Post by **Karen_A_Martin** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 12:31 pm

Wow, so much interesting feedback here. First, I think both Glitter's and Sunny's points of view are perfectly legitimate. Certainly, a parent has a right to object to their child receiving a slap, regardless of the circumstances or gender differences. But, this becomes a deeper discussion about societal norms and double standards, and it's not entirely fair to label the girl her as abusive, or a waste of time. She did show restraint, and was careful not to really hurt him...just a quick flick of the wrist that stung a little. I think the embarrassment factor was much greater than the pain.

Rather than judging one person or the other, let's just look at the situation in its entirety. One fifteen year old boy with raging hormones and one fifteen year old girl, who is very much a product of her emotions. I also know first hand how difficult it can be to be objectified as the girl with the "big boobs". I was a full d-cup at age 15, and received lots of unwanted attention from boys. It's very difficult to be objectified like that. Maybe she saw Michael as different from the rest, a boy who was a friend she could trust, and felt terribly betrayed when he kissed her.

But, maybe there's a silver lining to all of this. Rather than being angry with the girl for slapping him, as many boys that age would, he felt a deep sense of shame for having offended her, and he was much more concerned about her feelings than his sore cheek. That shows a great deal of maturity, and downright, old-fashioned chivalry. Like Glitter, I too am old fashioned, and I must say that as a mother I'm beaming with pride in his reaction to this incident.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 12:35 pm

Karen_A_Martin;569831 wrote: Wow, so much interesting feedback here. First, I think both Glitter's and Sunny's points of view are perfectly legitimate. Certainly, a parent has a right to object to their child receiving a slap, regardless of the circumstances or gender differences. But, this becomes a deeper discussion about societal norms and double standards, and it's not entirely fair to label the girl her as abusive, or a waste of time. She did show restraint, and was careful not to really hurt him...just a quick flick of the wrist that stung a little. I think the embarrassment factor was much greater than the pain.

Rather than judging one person or the other, let's just look at the situation in its entirety. One fifteen year old boy with raging hormones and one fifteen year old girl, who is very much a product of her emotions. I also know first hand how difficult it can be to be objectified as the girl with the "big boobs". I was a full d-cup at age 15, and received lots of unwanted attention from boys. It's very difficult to be objectified like that. Maybe she saw Michael as different from the rest, a boy who was a friend she could trust, and felt terribly betrayed when he kissed her.

But, maybe there's a silver lining to all of this. Rather than being angry with the girl for slapping him, as many boys that age would, he felt a deep sense of shame for having offended her, and he was much more concerned about her feelings than his sore cheek. That shows a great deal of maturity, and downright, old-fashioned chivalry. Like Glitter, I too am old fashioned, and I must say that as a mother I'm beaming with pride in his reaction to this incident.

Quite right too, proud of his sensitivity and proud that your son will talk to you when most just grunt!

I can't offer any advice different to the others but I think you are handling this very well.

And welcome to fg.

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 12:45 pm

Tell your son it's ok to feel he made a mistake, tell him it's an awkward situation for an awkward age for both him and the girl. Tell him he did nothing wrong, but maybe advise him to talk to the girl and let her know he didn't mean any harm and then suggest to your son, he ask next time. Just a polite "can I kiss you" and if the girl says no, there should be no slapping involved and he can walk away with his pride.

Your poor son, I truly hope he can understand he is not a bad person, and this was merely a misunderstanding.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 6:49 pm

Karen ....empty pm box please!!

Karen_A_Martin · Post by **Karen_A_Martin** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 7:20 pm

Oops, sorry....I just emptied it

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Tue Mar 06, 2007 8:09 pm

Karen

You should be proud with the fact your son can talk open with you, I think thats wonderful. And Welcome to FG..

Far Rider - I agree & understand what your saying - Its a faster road now in most cases but doesn't have to be. Some Young girls dress revealing / cheap etc.. Different world now.

I'm wondering if the young girl went home and told her mother? I wouldn't want my 15 yr old daughter trading spit with anyone. And being developed - my daughter would be in a turtle neck until she graduated from school...(kidding)

I wouldn't appreciate the girl slapping my son - I think I'd get to know her mother real quick. I don't think the boys action warrants a slap, and push away with a explanation - but you don't come out swinging. Did she kiss back?

Karen - I would want to know this girl/her family. Maybe your son is telling you this incident - due to the girl was leading him on - flirting - etc..Maybe your son wants more out of you

No one would slap my kid with out me confronting them & their family..

Patsy

Karen_A_Martin · Post by **Karen_A_Martin** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 12:27 am

>

Yikes, that's really extreme. I mean, geesh, my husband is lousy kisser but I never called the cops on him; though I guess getting kissed by him might qualify as a crime. Just joking

Don't mean to make light of your situation, just thought I'd inject some humor.

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 12:38 am

ok, i can;t resist this...if one of my boys kissed a girl , they would probably end up at motel six......:wah: :p but they are grown...

K.Snyder · Post by **K.Snyder** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 2:13 am

Karen_A_Martin;569670 wrote: Well, in her defense, she probably felt somewhat violated at the moment. It was a bit more than just a quick peck on the lips. While I wouldn't have reacted that way, we're talking about a 15 year old girl.

I think this is what you have to look at...

I think he should have done something first to at least see if she held the same interests...such as just a kiss on the cheek or something...

He has to learn to know when the right time is to kiss a girl...It will just take time...

My advice would be to just tell him to be himself...Nothing goes further than integrity...Have him talk with her.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Wed Mar 07, 2007 2:25 am

tell your son do what i do , imagine they really dont fancy you ,and if they do there really is not stopping them from kissing you , ok i'm not imagining much :rolleyes: :rolleyes: