Bring it on.........

Indian Princess · Post by **Indian Princess** » Sat Mar 10, 2007 8:35 am

Ok, yup,bring it on, I am asking for free advice:

My son is 15 and everything is my fault, not his, his grades are not the best,very disrespectful, calls his dad over every little tantrum, dad always sides with him,

I am alone in this thing, my sons attitude towards me is the same as his dads, the second he doesnt get his way wham! insults start flying. I am so sick of this.

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Sat Mar 10, 2007 8:48 am

Indian Princess;573257 wrote: My son is 15 and everything is my fault, not his, his grades are not the best,very disrespectful, calls his dad over every little tantrum, dad always sides with him,

I am alone in this thing, my sons attitude towards me is the same as his dads, the second he doesnt get his way wham! insults start flying. I am so sick of this.

Have a careful and considered conversation with his dad, and convey your

thoughts as above, trying not to let your or his feelings run high. Ask him

whether he can help. Try to come to some sort of agreement, without

involving your boy in the discussions. You could always ask the school about

his "grades" (I assume they're exam. results) and see whether you can do

anything to help - you could usefully tell him (carefully etc.) about that!

If all else fails, you'll have to batten down the hatches and ride it out!

sharedfastlane · Post by **sharedfastlane** » Sat Mar 10, 2007 10:38 am

My son is 15 and everything is my fault, not his, his grades are not the best,very disrespectful, calls his dad over every little tantrum, dad always sides with him,

I am alone in this thing, my sons attitude towards me is the same as his dads, the second he doesnt get his way wham! insults start flying. I am so sick of this

I so feel for you. You should have an advocate in this, someone to step in and say " that's enough" I adored my boys, usually, when they were little then when puberty hit I was not prepared for the avalanche of anger that would spring up. At first I genuinely thought it was a put on to make me laugh and that they would laugh, but no they were happy to exhibit this level of anger at me. Anger is hard to vent safely. Could you try the " I love you and want our relationship to work during this tough period of your life but I feel as if I can't find the you I love anymore when you say........it's very hurtful. I realise you are having a difficult time . Can we agree what to say and not say On both sides?" I don't have the skill of avoiding confrontation but that would be something to watch out for.

Often my boys would come to me when it was an hour or so before bedtime and expect me to negotiate money talks or upcoming parties and whether they could go but I would ask for a day's respite or a better time to talk as I couldn't find enough brain cells to not let things disintigrate. I used to panic as I looked at their angry faces thinking the little cherubs (huh) I used to know were vanished but not so. They were just going through a huge change. The good you have planted is still in there. There are many parenting sites to encourage you. I usually google a sentence in under the Groups section of Google and often find a like minded group. Very often reading of other peoples' pain and struggles makes you feel we are all in it together. But not to stay too long in the sad areas or it pulls you down. does me anyhoo.

You are so important in this family. Stand your ground and stand on your dignity. If at all possible apply humour where you can. When, in friendlier moments my boys would mimic me I would die laughing. :wah:

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Mar 10, 2007 10:44 am

Its biological. Has nothing whatsoever to do with you. If he were someone elses child/monster hed be having the same tantrums. It will pass. Laugh at him when he has a tirade, he wont know what to do. Well he might scream and threaten to kill the cat but chances are he wont. His hormones are whacked and hes horny and confused and doesnt know where his place in the world is yet. He depends on you yet he wants his freedom. Hes in turmoil. If he doesnt turn to drugs or alcohol consider yourself lucky. If he turns to Satanic worship slap him. Hard. Hang in there, its going to be quite a ride.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Sat Mar 10, 2007 10:45 am

Oh geesh, you know I want to help you on this one.

I know what you are going through, and please know that I will be happy to listen anytime.

Best advice, try to turn it around to love, instead of first instinct, which is to slap him upside his head (yes, from experience). Tell him you are sorry that this is the way it is, but we have to make the best of crappy situations, it's called Life!

Unfortunately, it sounds to me that Dad isn't helping you. Therefore, you are fighting the Giant and his whole army. :-5

I will add you to the prayer list!:)

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sat Mar 10, 2007 10:53 am

thanks guys i'm having terrible trouble with my nearly 12 year old daughter who has totally changed from doll playing kid to kid playing doll in 2 weeks , her mom does everything possible to cause trouble from mini skirts to caked on make up ,its like a alien take over in two weeks ,having read your wise replies to Pocahontas ,i will change my approach thank you :-4

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Mar 10, 2007 1:07 pm

I have 2 sons. Raised them on my own from the time they were 5 and 9. Made every sacrifice. They were the lights of my life. My naive attitude was very simple. If I love you, you will love me. If I treat you with respect, you will show me respect. And if Im a really fun and cool mom you will think I am great to be around. WRONG. They are 22 and 26 now. The 26 year old pretty much laughs at everything I say. He criticizes most everything I do. The younger one talks to me so disrespectfully that if you heard him you would be apalled. Then when he knows I am at my wits end with him he writes me a note telling me that he really loves me and to please bear with his awful behavior. The bottom line is if your having a problem now, do whatever you need to do to fix it. Counseling, help from the dad whatever. It has been my experience that it will only get worse. My heart is completely broken. For the second time in 5 years I am making plans to leave town. I still love them of course, but I have to cut the ties and let them fly totally without me in the picture. There are many books written on the subject of boys relationships with their moms. I read them. You might want to read them. i dont care what the psychologists give as explanations for this behavior, it is still unacceptable to me.

Indian Princess · Post by **Indian Princess** » Sun Mar 11, 2007 8:51 pm

Thanks guys, alot! Nomad we dont have a cat so I am safe on that one ha. ha.

As for the dad, you can forget it. Teaches your moms not important. Almost as if when my son is really angry , dad agrees no matter what so he can be buddies with his son. If I dont go insane in the next month, please congratulate me.

Thanks alot you guys.:-5

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Sun Mar 11, 2007 11:41 pm

just think af..three more years and you can happily shove him out the nest.........

and believe me i love my kids more than life itself but i see how their dads attitude has affected out relationship and i have mourned.., got mad, got over, and now just want it done......