Passing Away

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 7:54 pm

I really hate that saying. Is it an attempt to be polite, sensitive and caring, or is it a fear of death and dying and everything connected with it?

Passed away where? Valhalla? Heaven? Purgatory? Across the street? Passed away to the morgue? What's wrong with saying he died, he's (or she) is dead.

I am 72 and will die at some point in the future. I will croak, bite the bullet, push up dasies, run out of gas, but I sure as hell won't PASS AWAY OR GO TO SLEEP.

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 7:56 pm

I prefer going to sleep.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:01 pm

crazygal;577679 wrote: I prefer going to sleep.

Interesting-------so all those obits we read in the paper are telling us that those that have died have gone to sleep.

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:04 pm

I think everyone words it differently. Personally I think passing away is OK.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:05 pm

I had "crossed over" put on my mom's memorials. I refused to use passed away or that awful "deceased." So ugly. I don't believe in death and feel you just cross over to the next realm. Worked for us.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:06 pm

I hate " passed away", and all abbreviations of it."DOA"

On a Dr's form it was printed DOA - for date of accident.

I requested to have DOA changed to DOI - date of incident, they refused.

I said, I'm not DOA - your patients aren't DOA - HELLO

Patsy

crazygal · Post by **crazygal** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:09 pm

Oh RG deceased is really awful, I don't like that either.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:24 pm

Patsy Warnick;577689 wrote: I hate " passed away", and all abbreviations of it."DOA"

On a Dr's form it was printed DOA - for date of accident.

I requested to have DOA changed to DOI - date of incident, they refused.

I said, I'm not DOA - your patients aren't DOA - HELLO

Patsy

Years ago when I worked in the San Francisco Coroners Office, we stamped DOA on all incoming bodies. It stood for DEAD ON ARRIVAL.

BTW---As a golfer, I like your location.

Indian Princess · Post by **Indian Princess** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:27 pm

thats one way to look at it

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:49 pm

DOA - I know it means dead on arrival

thats why it irritated me at a DRS Office - DOA for date of accident could be better print as DOI date of incident...

Whats BTW ??

I live on a Golf Course - didn't think I'd like it, but I wonder out to my back yard with a cup of coffee & still in PJs - I love living on the Golf Course

Beautiful Green - and I don't even have to mow it...

BTW? all the abbreviations in this high tec world..

Patsy

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:59 pm

Patsy Warnick;577714 wrote: DOA - I know it means dead on arrival

thats why it irritated me at a DRS Office - DOA for date of accident could be better print as DOI date of incident...

Whats BTW ??

I live on a Golf Course - didn't think I'd like it, but I wonder out to my back yard with a cup of coffee & still in PJs - I love living on the Golf Course

Beautiful Green - and I don't even have to mow it...

BTW? all the abbreviations in this high tec world..

Patsy

BTW---------By the way-----------I live on a golf course as well when I am in California.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 9:08 pm

BTW - I knew that.. just couldn't think. Its the heat I'm telling ya 99 degrees today.

Lon - where abouts in CA - your quite the traveler, how cool..

my husband is from San Francisco - what Golf Course? Do you like it? Do you Golf?

How cool.

Patsy

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 10:11 pm

I prefer 'died', but then I say 'toilet' not little girls' room.

Of course, I support bereaved relatives saying whatever they feel is easier for them. They are the ones left behind, who are trying to cope with the loss of their loved one. The deceased, dead, passed, passed over, sleeping person is hopefully the other side of this world's pain and suffering, hopefully at peace, hopefully in some kind of heaven.

Tater Tazz · Post by **Tater Tazz** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 3:21 am

I personnally like to think , vacation. They have gone on vacation.

kumininexile · Post by **kumininexile** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 3:29 am

AussiePam;577731 wrote: I prefer 'died', but then I say 'toilet' not little girls' room.

I just tell everybody that I'm, "going to drain my lizard in the reptile room."

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 4:09 am

Passed away... has always made me cringe. I heard the term, all of my life, as it was constantly used by my relatives. Having been in and out of funeral homes, for all of my life.. Ive chatted often to funeral directors. Their explanations to me regarding phrases and rituals have been that all terminology is used to insure a slow and quiet acceptance for those left behind. Psychologists have always warned not to use the word sleep, when referring to death, in the presence of children. This often creates a fear of sleeping. Makes sense to me. Im with Pam. Dead is Dead. Same as calling body parts by their proper names. Not yuyu huhu tushie etc......

Joe · Post by **Joe** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 4:18 am

Passing away is OK to me as a phrase. The person has passed away from their earthly life so it's accurate & inoffencive. OK, it avoids saying directly that a person has died, but it doesn't duck the issue or try & present it as something it isn't.

A different phrase that really gripes me , & one that arose in another thread (in an otherwise sensitive & considerate way) is the one, 'we're going to have to "let" you go.

That phrase totally ducks the issue & seems to want to suggest sacking someone like you're doing them a favour!! It's MUCH easier for the employer to say that, but it's much harder for the person on the receiving end to hear it. Sometimes it's better to be honest in what you're saying, you may not want to be as harsh as saying 'you're sacked', but to "let" someone go is like, say, a policeman stopping you for speeding & saying 'we're going to have to "let" you pay a speeding fine.

If someone doesn't want to do what you want to make them do you're not "letting" them do it, you're forcing them against their will.

OK, that's my phrase gripe over!!

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 4:26 am

Joe, I got a chuckle out of that letting go phrase. It is funny. But again, it is so heart wretching because often people will continue to suffer because they love people here so much. The only thing I ever think of when I imagine dying, is not wanting to say good bye to my childrens faces. It gets me very choked up.

Ciao, Bella! · Post by **Ciao, Bella!** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 4:27 am

Patsy Warnick;577689 wrote: I hate " passed away", and all abbreviations of it."DOA"

On a Dr's form it was printed DOA - for date of accident.

I requested to have DOA changed to DOI - date of incident, they refused.

I said, I'm not DOA - your patients aren't DOA - HELLO

Patsy

I always thought DOA meant "Dead On Arrival", according to friends who are current/former EMTs.

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 4:34 am

Lon;577677 wrote: I really hate that saying. Is it an attempt to be polite, sensitive and caring, or is it a fear of death and dying and everything connected with it?

Passed away where? Valhalla? Heaven? Purgatory? Across the street? Passed away to the morgue? What's wrong with saying he died, he's (or she) is dead.

I am 72 and will die at some point in the future. I will croak, bite the bullet, push up dasies, run out of gas, but I sure as hell won't PASS AWAY OR GO TO SLEEP.

Lol @ Lon. :wah: I like 'kicked the bucket' or 'popped his clogs' as a fun euphemism. Wikipedia says "A euphemism is an expression intended by the speaker to be less offensive, disturbing, or troubling to the listener than the word or phrase it replaces."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euphamism

I much prefer a fun euphemism in general discussion or 'passed away' or 'crossed over' for a serious discussion. 'Dead' produces visions of rotting away, be it autumn leaves or dead bodies. 'Deceased' produces visions of a body on a mortician's table looking like a slab of dead meat. Sorry to be so graphic. :p

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 5:37 am

We pass from this life to the next.

The good things await us.

I think we contemplate this more as we grow older, but it depends on your viewpoint. It is a thought I have never worried about, since I believe in God and an afterlife. Age has not increased my thoughts on this, since I am secure in what awaits.

Musiclover89 · Post by **Musiclover89** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 6:59 am

An Intresting subject i am not Scared of Death because i know its going to happen at one stage in my life so i accept Death as a gateway if you like to another world a better world

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 7:00 am

I prefer "fluffing adrift"

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 7:03 am

When my mom died over three years ago, I simply could not use the word "dead". I found "passed away" much less difficult for me to use. It helped to ease me into the reality of the situation.

Even now, almost 3 1/2 years later, I still hate using the word "dead". It's just a personal preference, I guess.

dubs · Post by **dubs** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 7:17 am

Being as I'm from Shakespeares County! I fully intend to "Shuffle off" this mortal coil........eventually.......

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 7:56 am

Fell Off the Perch is good

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 8:03 am

Leaping into the abyss has a jazzy ring to it.

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 8:30 am

I hate when adults tell kids someone is "asleep"...just makes kids afraid of sleeping.

Anyway...I will just go with logged off.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 8:31 am

Marie5656;577906 wrote: I hate when adults tell kids someone is "asleep"...just makes kids afraid of sleeping.

Anyway...I will just go with logged off.

:wah: :wah: You win !

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 8:38 am

Nomad;577908 wrote: :wah: :wah: You win !

So..what do I win??

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 8:56 am

When I did my Police training we were always told to tell it how it is, if you are telling a relative that so and so has died then using a euphamism doesn't help them understand (bearing in mind that for the Police to tell you means that it was unexpected). Some people just don't get passed away, gone to sleep, whatever.

Since working in the funeral industry I have found that the relatives seem to guide you to a degree about what to say but by the time we see them they know that the person has died so it's different again.

Personally - I intend to kick the bucket, croak or pass my sell by date!

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 9:21 am

Marie5656;577911 wrote: So..what do I win??

A prime spot at Forrest Lawns

:wah:

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 10:16 am

Uncle Fester;577918 wrote: A prime spot at Forrest Lawns

:wah:

10.0 ! :-6

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sun Mar 18, 2007 7:23 am

crazygal;577679 wrote: I prefer going to sleep.

I have a problem with that, particulalry telling children that a pet, grandparent etc has 'gone to sleep'. It's actually a lie and could be quite scary for some kids....they may worry that if THEY go to sleep they'll never wake up.Far better to be straight and honest however hard it seems.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Mar 18, 2007 7:31 am

Bez;578219 wrote: I have a problem with that, particulalry telling children that a pet, grandparent etc has 'gone to sleep'. It's actually a lie and could be quite scary for some kids....they may worry that if THEY go to sleep they'll never wake up.Far better to be straight and honest however hard it seems.

So were settled on croaked then ? Or as Pinky poo says...snuffed ?