Bothwell Spotted!

[Philadelphia Eagle]

8.30pm Eastern/5.30pm Pacifiic Fox News Alert!

We've just heard that the notorious English kidnapper who goes under the name of Bothwell has been spotted trying to enter the United States illegally by disguising himself as a Mexican,

He was seen mixing with a group of illegal immigrants crossing the Arizona/Mexico border but, because of his greater height and fairer complexion, was picked out by a member of the Border Patrol assisted by one of the Minutemen.

"I'm not a hero really" said the Patrolman "I was just diong my job"

Unfortunately Bothwell escaped and ran back over the border to Mexico. His preent whereabouts are unknown.

It is expected, however, that Bothwell will try again. "We are dealing with a determined individual" said a spokesman. "He is armed and dangerous and the public must not approach him under any circumstances"

In a separate development, Lady Cop - the object of his attention - is reported to be resting quietly somewhere in Florida. Her exact location is being kept secret for security reasons.

Meanwhile - a red alert has been issued and all US ports and airports are reported to be on standby.

"The American public can be assured that no effort will be spared in catching this dangerous person" said a Pentagon official "We expect to have him located very shortly"

More as we get it.

Fox News Incident Desk

[CARLA]

Good work..Philadelphia Eagle.. Bothwell is dertermined and British.. keep your eyes and ears open..

[Der Wulf]

On hearing the report of an attempted invasion by the notorious Bothwell, I had the southern border of my state posted with notices that the area was infested with rattle snakes, scorpians, and tarantulas. Latest intellegence indicates that Bothwell has fled the southwest, rapidly.

[Bothwell]

A report has just come in from Sean Hannity of Fox news (unfair AND unbalanced). Mr Hannity was shooting a sequence with the minutemen in Texas when a 5' 10" Armadillo was spotted trundling across the border, the minutemen gave pursuit but lost the Armadillo in the undergrowth. Minuteman Dwight "shoot em all and let God sort em out" Dweeble said " I have never seen anything like it, the'Dillo was huge and appeared to be mumbling in a strange language, although I did not catch much of what it said I did hear it say For Queen and Country so I figgured he was some kind of faggot"

This observation gained some credence later when the 'dillo was spotted 50 miles north of the border being chased by possibly the only Gay 'dillo in Texas. The genuine animal was obviously overcome by the sight of such a large male of the same species and was seen to be advancing on the suspect creature with what could only be described as lust in it's eyes.

The Giant 'dillo is supposed to be heading East towards Florida where it is thought to have a mate. Elmer Loony of the Texas College for the Study of Armadillo Sexuality and Poodle Strangling said this event whilst unusual was by no means unique, he was taken back to his secure unit shortly after making these remarks.

Law Enforcement officials in Florida say that they are equipped to deal with any 'Dillo related emergency that may arise and are on full alert, Dunkin Donuts are bracing themselves for the influx of special LE units. Head of customer services for the north Florida area Benedict Le Pope (no relation) stated that they were aware of the needs of the police but had heard "the guys from Wildlife Fish and Game can really tuck it away", to this end he had speeded up the acne removal programme of his trainees to allow him full use of his human resources.

Any person spotting the giant 'dillo should not approach it. It must be considered dangerous and there have been reports of it eating other roadkill to stay alive. It can however be calmed by feeding it excessive liquid in the form of Guinness stout and large donner kebabs (extra cillie sauce). In the case of an emergency a double magarita administered intraveneously will stun the animal.

Residents in the North Florida area have been warned to stay indoors until the emergency services have dealt with what is fast becoming known as Dillogate. Vice President Dick Cheney is taking a personal interest and is being briefed hourly by the FBI. The intelligence services are 100% convinced that this is a complex plot to destabilise America and that it could be a "Suicide" 'Dillo. George W Bush has ordered all Armadillos apprehended on his Crawford ranch to be detained under the Patriot act until such time as their country of origin could be determined or were sufficienlty trained so they could pledge the Oath of allegiance.

Anyone with information should call this number 1-800-Dillo

[Philadelphia Eagle]

Superb response - Bothwell!

I could hardly read it for laughing!

[Der Wulf]

I bow to the dildo er ah dillo.

[Bothwell]

Breaking news.



Fox has an update on Dillogate. The suspect is now supposed to have made it into Florida. It is thought that he has shed the armadillo suit in favour of his traditional dress of Blue Saville row pinstripe suit, sensible walking shoes and a deerstalker. The suit was found in a Jacksonville suburb with a live male Armadillo still attached. A spokesman for Wildlife, Fish and Game stated that the animal appeared to be "emotionally and physically attached to the costume"



State police believe that the suspect has made it as far south as Daytona, they recieved a report earlier today that a gentleman answering the description had narrowly escaped being beaten to death when on walking into a biker bar he had enquired of the barmaid Cindy Cupps (46 FF) " Could I have a schooner of your driest sherry" Miss Cupps stated that she had never been so insulted in her life a fact that drew guffaws from the patrons of the bar in question. Miss Cupps wishes to stress that she is available for personal appearances and has a degree in both Massage and Hamster Maintainence from the University of Rekyjavik.



Local police chief Albert Desalvo (no relation) believed that the suspect was now headed for the Florida keys "He was seen buying some very vivid T shirts and a couple of Jimmy Buffet Cd's at the local Wal Mart, the staff realised he was stranger because he only weighed about 180lbs". The police have put out an APB with the following details. Be on the lookout for a 5' 10" Englishman wearing shorts, a "welcome to the Keys" t Shirt and a large stuffed Parrot on his head" As Chief Desalvo said "We know the clothes could account for half the men in Florida right now but it's all we have to go on"

[BabyRider]

From Daytona's Channel 6 news:

The local "biker" bar, Hell on Wheels, received an unwelcome group of out-of-state "Red Devils" Friday afternoon. Flying their colors and about 180 strong, the "Red Devils", a notorious biker gang from Detroit, rode in on the unsuspecting bar after receiving word that an unnamed friend had been attacked in the bar. "We believe there is some connection to the recent giant 'dillo sightings earlier in the week" says police spokesperson Vera Plumkins. "Apparently, the Devils have a friend in Florida LE, who could be the very person the 'dillo is trying to reach."

While the entire story is not yet available, due to the massive amounts of injuries inflicted on the patrons, and the perplexing disappearance of the Devils, what we know so far is this:

An anonymous tip to the Devils prompted them to saddle up and make the ride south in defense of a man who was jumped for making an inappropriate comment to the bartender, Cindy Cupps. While the man who allegedly made the comment is nowhere to be found, Miss Cupps stated that he "talked real funny like and I didn't like it one little bit." In true biker fashion, the patrons take the protection of their favorite bartender seriously. A grave mistake for them. They could not possibly have known that they were attacking a man who had connections to a rival biker gang all the way in Detroit. When the Devils rode in, all hell broke loose. One particularly large member, who we believe calls himself "Bullet" took out four members of the rival gang in 15 seconds flat. There was even a deranged female with them, who, after taking over the bar, insisted on pouring the drinks for the brotherhood herself. It was difficult for her considering her wrist was sprained from swinging the bar stool over her head so many times. But she managed. The rest of the Devils cleaned house and left a message in no uncertain terms: Florida LE has friends EVERYWHERE. So watch your step.

Detroit officials have been contacted, but claim to have no knowledge of any biker gang running under the name "Red Devils." Repeated phone calls have brought no response.

[CARLA]

FILM AT 11..!! :wah: :wah:

BRAVO BOTHWELL.. You made me laugh again till I cried.. I'm at work so they thought I had a death in the family, or I finally went over the edge..

BR, Great follow up on the events of the day..!!

FILM AT 11..!!

[Philadelphia Eagle]

Oh my goodness what have I started!?

I'm in the hands of serious writers here!

These responses are superb!

I'm going to die laughing!

[Bothwell]

Fox update.



The latest news on the dangerous Englishman is that he has made it to Key West. Police sources say that he has somehow communicated with a "Cell" from his organisation that is located in Michigan, it appears that the individual spent some time in the pretty fishing village called Troy and whilst on a visit to the local wildlife reserve known colloquially (sic) as "The Eight Mile" indoctrinated a local biker group known as "The Red Devils".



Key West police chief Elton Versace Garland (no relation) stated that "Our suspect has gone underground with local bikers" . There have been sporadic sightings of a pale man riding an ex Post Office tricycle being towed by a member of the Ru Paul chapter of the Key West Transexual Bikers Coalition. Among the groups stated political aims are; compulsory surgery for ugly people, the serving of asparagus to be madatory at all mealtimes and bigger mirrors in mens public restrooms.



Chief Garland has received information from Daytona that the cell from Michigan are heading south to rescue their colleague. There was apparently an altercation in the same bar where the Englishman had caused a stir by insulting the barmaid (Cindy Cupps). Chief garland has major concerns over whether the foreigner actually understands the lifestyle of the gang he has hooked up with and may have been lured in when overhearing them swearing allegience to there leader. "They all gather round a picture of Elton John and swear loyalty to the Queen" said the chief, "this may have been misunderstood by the limey faggot"



Local LE are bracing themselves for the ensuing battle, APB's have been issued for the co -leaders of the Northern Horde, descriptions are sketchy but one is apparently a female who was last seen swinging a barstool and offering to remove the expensive plastic surgery of Cindy Cupps (44ff) without benefit of anesthetic.



Meanwhile back in Northern Florida the intended target of the Englishman remained serene, tackled by reporters at her oceanfront estate she replied " I am sure he will make it" as she regarded her perfectly manicured blood red nails, adding "he bloody well better do if he knows what is good for him". The reporters were then ushered from the estate by several flunkeys dressed as local deputies. One reporter from Florida Custom Truck and Livebait magazine said "they sure looked like real cops to me and that pepper spray hurt like hell"

[lady cop]

oh good grief!!! ~~~Bothwell, i am seriously worried about that fever of yours, go back to bed!!! :yh_laugh :yh_rotfl :yh_bigsmi